The Forces of Destiny
by SingingLotus
Summary: Always running from her past, Lauren Southwood accepts a new job in Miami. Jumping in feet first, she has no idea what to expect. So when she meets Ryan Wolfe and starts to fall for him she finds out just what destiny has in store for her.
1. Savior

"Shit," I muttered. "Shit, shit, shit."

As I looked down at my gas gauge resting on that dreaded letter _E_, I realized that this was just my luck. Today was my first day working at the Miami Dade Crime Lab, and I was late.

I guided my car to the shoulder of the empty early morning road and tried to remember why I took this job in the first place.

_I _was a lawyer, and a good one for that matter. Yet when my boss offered me a transfer to Miami Dade to work the crime labs cases I quickly said _yes_. I knew that I wouldn't have the same notoriety that I'd had at the law firm I was practicing for, but a change in venue almost seemed like a god send. I had thought that this was a great idea, a good way to get out of the media circus that came with any high powered case. After all, I didn't become a lawyer to get my face plastered on the evening news.

Now as my car was stalled on this deserted highway, I regretted this decision.

"Nice thinking Lauren," I said to myself. "This is a _great _sign."

As logical as a person that I was, I totally believed in fate and good _and_ bad signs. And this was defiantly not a good sign.

I opened the door to my car and the hot morning air hit my face. Miami was defiantly different than what I was used to in D.C. I wiped the sweat off my brow as I leaned against the side door of my beat up old Neon, and tried to think.

_Wow it's hard to think when it's this hot, how do people stand this? Ok Lauren Think, Think, Think... _

"Cell phone, Duhhh," I said to myself. "This hot air is making me crazy."

I reached into my purse and pulled out my phone and found much to my dismay that the battery was dead.

"Ugggggghhhhh," I groaned. "How could things get any worse?"

And to my astonishment, they _Didn't_! as soon as the words slipped out of my mouth a huge silver hummer pulled up right next to me. I stared in amazement as a man walked out of the giant vehicle.

"Hey," the man said. "Do you need some help?"

I was so caught up in the shock that someone stopped to help me that I didn't even look at my saviors face until he spoke. My shock escalated as I noticed the stunning man standing before me.

_Maybe Miami won't be so bad after all. _

Then my savior spoke again.

"Miss," He said in the most exquisite voice I'd ever heard. "Are you Ok?"

"Umm," I stumbled as I tried to reply. "Yes, but my car is out of gas, I think."

_Nice, now he won't think your an idiot _

He chuckled, "I can give you a hand, I have an extra gas tank."

As he went around to his gigantic car to get this extra tank I tried to pull myself together, but it really wasn't working.

_It's just a boy Lauren, oh who and I kidding he's a man, and a very sex--_

My train of thought was cut off as I heard him announce that he'd found what he was looking for. He walked back over to my now seemingly tiny car with a smile on his face.

"Knew I had this back there," He said as he held up a gas can, and still had the same smile plastered on his face. As he went to fill up my tank he looked up and me and furrowed his brow.

"I don't think I've ever seen you around before," He said with that same look still in his eyes.

"I'm not from around here," I replied intrigued by this man looking up at me. "I just accepted a job offer here so this is my first day, as a matter of fact," I looked at my watch, "I'm late." "Ohh," He said. "I see, and what is this job if you don't mind me asking?"

Usually I wouldn't give out such personal information, going into trial up against serial killers has taught me that they will use anything that can to get to you, but for some reason I felt completely safe telling him well, anything.

"I'm a lawyer," I said in a cool collected voice. "And no I don't mind you asking." I smiled up at him hoping it would prompt a longer conversation, but he was done filling up my gas tank and started to put everything back into place.

"Well then," He said seeming very satisfied. "Good as new." and again he looked at me with those hazel eyes furrowed.

"I never caught your name," He said with what I would swear was a hint of sadness in his voice, though no man would ever admit to it.

"You never asked," I said coyly feeling a little more daring that usual. I mean he was really good looking.

"Ohh well then," He said amused by our little game. "What is your name?"

I smiled and blushed hoping he wouldn't notice.

"I'm Lauren Southwood. Do I get to know your name as well?" I questioned.

"I'm Ryan Wolfe," He stuck out his hand for me to shake, and as I put my hand in his I could swear I felt a surge of electricity run through my body, and I shivered. I wondered if he felt it too?

When he looked at me again I saw a smile on his lips and then I reluctantly let go of his hand. I saw something flash in his eyes too, maybe it was reluctance too? I mentally shook the thought away, this heat was making me see things.

"It was nice to meet you," Ryan said in a very formal tone.

_Dammit I knew I held his hand too long. Nice job Lauren just scare him away. Stupid, stupid, stupid._

He walked back over to his silver hummer gas can in hand and just as he was about to get in he called over his shoulder.

"Maybe we'll see each other again." and then he looked at me for one final time and drove away.

"I doubt it," I replied a little late. "I doubt it."

Little did I know how wrong I was...


	2. First Impressions

Chapter 2

With my newly refilled gas tank I drove to my new place of employment, The Miami Dade Crime Lab. I still didn't understand why I would be transferred to a _crime lab_, I mean, they did scientific stuff. I hated science it's sooo _boring_. Now studying the constitution and different laws, _that _is exciting. I shook away the unimportant thoughts and let my mind wander as I passed the beautiful Miami scenery. As my mind drifted, only one picture came into my head, the stunning man I had met today.

_Ryan Wolfe. God even his name is beautiful._

I wondered about my perpetual savior, but I really only wanted to know one thing, would I ever see him again.

"Nope," I said aloud always the pessimist.

_You shouldn't think that way, maybe you will..._

My self conscience answered back, and I thought maybe I was being stubborn. Then I realized I was hearing voices in my head.

"I _am_ going crazy," I said to myself.

I pulled into the parking lot of the crime lab and tried to shut up the bickering voices in my head. I didn't want to look like a crazy person on my first day. I took a few deep breaths and stepped out of my little neon. I smoothed out my black ruffled shirt and ran my fingers through my long chocolate brown hair.

_You can do this._

I walked up the steps and began to feel nervous butterfly's in my stomach.

_Ok, deep breaths, you can do this, breath in, breath out..._

I walked through the double doors and waited for the bleached blonde receptionist to respond to my presence. I must have stood there waiting for at least five minutes while she blabbered away on the phone.

"Umm, excuse me," I said in the most polite tone I could muster, I was getting annoyed by this women's rudeness.

"Just a sec," She said to the person she was talking to. "What do you need?"

Her incredibly rude tone made me want to slap her, but I restrained myself.

"I'm looking for the lab of." I looked down at the piece of paper that had a name scrawled on it. "Of Horatio Cane."

She was on the phone again and instead of speaking, she pointed at the elevators and mouthed "6th floor." I got into the elevator and pressed the button of the floor I was looking for and sighed.

_I hope not everyone who works here is that rude, what did I get myself into._

The sound of the elevator doors opening disturbed my thoughts, and I walked forward into a bright and airy room. Of which I could only assume was the heart of the Miami Dade Crime Lab.

The first thing that I noticed was how _busy_ everything seemed. It was like a bee hive of activity, people rushing and moving everywhere, and the _noise_. A hum was all around and I could barely make out what anyone was saying because _everyone_ was talking.

I walked up the main desk to a women in uniform, and hoped that _this_ women was nicer than then one who greeted me downstairs.

"Hello," She greeted with a big smile. "What can I help you with?"

I was relieved that she welcomed me with a friendly demeanor and let out the breath I didn't know I was holding.

"Yes, I'm looking for Horatio Cane." I said, and before she could answer a man with a deep voice answered.

"What can I do for you Ma'am," He questioned.

I turned around to see a man with flaming red hair, whose head was turned slightly sideways looking at me with a smile on his face.

"Yes," I said in a firm voice trying to match his formal tone. "I'm Lauren Southwood, I'm a lawyer and I was told I would be representing your cases."

"Oh, yes of course," He replied. "I'm Horatio Cane, why don't we talk in my office." He looked at me with a friendly smile and led me to his office.

After my meeting with Horatio I felt a million times better that I had before. He explained to me what my job was and how I would fit in with the rest of his team.

_Wow, I'd be part of a team_

I still couldn't get over it. I would be right in the action, I would know each case inside out. I would win for sure. He explained how I would be the "go to girl" if they needed a warrant, I would talk to the judge and represent them. And the best part was, I did have to do scientific stuff! I could stick to what I was good at, no, _great _at. This could turn out to be the best job ever. For once, I was _Excited_.

Horatio and I walked in silence down a long hallway and suddenly he spoke.

"How would you like to meet the team?" He asked. "I'm sure their _very_ curious about you." He looked at me with a reassuring smile. So I nodded and said sure.

All of the excitement and happiness I was feeling completely vanished at the thought of having to talk and introduce myself to people.

_Now_ I was scared.

I was horrible at first impressions when I was just being well, me. I stumbled over my words like a bumbling fool and I always found myself completely and totally embarrassed when it was all said and done with.

It's not that I'm bad with people, it's just that I was a shy person, and even now at 25, I still couldn't over come that gawky teenage within me. This was my theory as to why I gravitated towards a law career, I didn't have to have people like me. All I had to do was make them like the victim, and think of me as the person trying to help them. There were no bad first impressions in court, you just present your case, and that's it.

As we walked on to my impending doom, I tried to plan out exactly what I would say.

_Hi nice to meet you. I'm Lauren so look forwar-- No that's lame. Maybe I should go with.. Hey, I'm Lauren lets get these bad guys-- No, that would defiantly be stupid. _

I didn't have any time to put my thoughts together because before I knew it we were standing in a room with 3 other people looking at me with curious expressions.

_Oh shit_

"Calleigh, Eric, Miss Boa Vista," Horatio said looking at each of them. "I would like you to meet out Lawyer." He pointed at me and I took this a cue that I should introduce myself.

I looked at the beautiful blonde women who's name I thought he said was Calleigh and began.

"Hi," I said my face flushing with embarrassment as I stuck out my hand to shake hers. "I'm Lauren Southwood it's nice to meet you."

I followed in suit with the good looking Cuban man, Eric, and the pretty Brunette who said her name was Natalia. They all seemed incredibly nice and that calmed my nerves considerably. I was glad all that was over. I finally made a good first impression. We were all talking about how my job came about, and they were asking how I like Miami.

"Besides the extreme heat," I said. "It's beautiful."

We all laughed and joked some more when Natalia spoke up.

"I guess the girls outnumber the guys now." She said with a smile on her face.

Confused I asked, "But isn't it just you 3 on the team or does Horatio count?"

They all looked up at me and laughed, and I felt as though I was missing out on some inside joke.

"No, you have yet to meet another member of our team," Eric said still smiling. "He's out at a scene and should be back soon."

"Oh," I replied regretting that I asked the question. "I see."

"You'll meet him soon enough, but not too soon," Eric laughed again.

"Are you guys talking about me _again_?" A voice said from behind me, a voice that I recognized but couldn't place.

"Oh always Ryan," Calleigh replied in the same sarcastic tone.

_Ryan_

And then it hit me, my savior from this morning, it couldn't be. I must be mistaken.

"Ryan, this is the lawyer Horatio has been telling us about," Calleigh told him.

She gave me a look that I assumed meant for me to turn around and introduce myself, so I turned around to meet his face.

When I looked up I was shocked to meet the same beautiful hazel eyes that bore into mine from this morning. I watched as the recognition washed over his perfect features the same way I'm sure it was on mine. And then he spoke in his stunning voice again.

"Hi," He said with the same smile he'd given me this morning, but also with a knowing look. "Nice to meet you."

I stuck out my hand to meet his for the second time today and muttered, "Lauren Southwood."

With my palm resting in his I felt the same electricity that I'd felt before, but this time our eyes met and I knew he felt it too. He smiled as our hands dropped to our sides. I looked up to meet his eyes again.

_Nice to meet you too. Again._

And that's when everything went black...


	3. I Would Never Admit It

Chapter 3

"Lauren, Lauren,"

I could hear mumbled voices calling for me, but they all droned into the same monotone haze. Everything was fuzzy, and my head felt like it weighed a hundred pounds. I opened my golden brown eyes and tried to adjust to the brightness that was burning my corneas.

As I regained my vision, I looked up to see a pair of concerned hazel eyes staring at me. These were the same eyes I saw right before...

_Right before what?? _

I couldn't remember why I was in this sudden haze and before even thinking I blurted the first thing that popped into my head.

"Whoa," I said in a voice I didn't recognize. "What happened?"

"You fainted," Ryan, who I remembered was the owner of those hazel eyes, replied in a matter of fact tone, and then he smiled and looked down at me with a hit of compassion or was it pity? I looked around the room and realized that I wasn't lying on the cold linoleum floor, but being held by a pair of strong muscular arms.

I followed the arms up to the face of the person they belonged to and instantly felt my face flush with color.

_Ok don't freak out, it's no big deal he probably caught you or something. _

I tried to tell myself this excuse but then I asked myself another question.

_Then why is he still holding on to me? _

All of my thoughts we halted when I heard Natalia ask if I was ok, I had forgotten they were all still there. I was lost in my thoughts of Ryan, once again my savior.

"I'm ok," I replied trying to sound convincing. I knew I failed when all four of them shot me a look of extreme doubt.

"Really," I said with more firmness this time. "I'll just walk it off, no big deal."

"No big deal!?" Ryan nearly shouted looking down at me with fury. "You fell head first into the floor, if I wouldn't have caught you--."

I stopped listening when I heard his say 'I caught you'.

_TOLD YOU!!_

The annoying voice in my head taunted and I was annoyed.

_Still holding me!!_

I replied back feeling like I had won. Mostly I was just pleased that he was still holding on to me like, like he _cared_.

I must be delusional. There is no way he cared, I mean we _just_ met. Things don't happen that way. _Love _doesn't happen that way. Sure I believed in love at first sight, but it can't just take one look to fall in love with someone, or even care about them that way. Did it?

_Maybe it's destiny_. The voice in my head quipped. I thought about what was just said and _Laughed_.

I was laughing so hard at the impossible thought that my own self conscience brought to the foreground. I just couldn't contain myself, I mean _destiny_? Yeah right, even _I _didn't believe in destiny.

"Are you ok," Ryan, who was still holding me, asked. "You didn't hit your head did you?" He was concerned, I could tell by the way he furrowed his brow.

"I'm sorry," I said wiping my tears of laughter away. "I just thought of something funny."

"Ok," I heard Eric snort. "Maybe this girl is crazier that we thought."

"Oh Eric be nice," I head Calleigh chastise him.

Then it hit me, it hit me like a ton of bricks, the first time in my life I make a good first impression, _I Faint! _I could never be normal, I would always be the stumbling fool, now in more ways than one! I would never be able to live this down.

"Do you think you can walk," I heard Calleigh ask in a polite voice, she was trying to make up for Eric's comment.

"I think so," I said. I felt Ryan's arms loosen around me as I stood. Once I was on my feet he let go of me completely with a very, _very _tiny look of disappointment.

"See," I said now safely on my feet. "I'm fine."

I felt slightly colder without Ryan's arms around me, and tried to shake it off. I didn't want the disappointment of him letting go show on _my _face. I hoped with everything I had that it didn't.

"Ok," I said feeling like I could control the spinning in my head. "Lets get to work."

A few hours, a lot of coffee and bagels later, I was back to normal. Well, normal for me. While my co-workers were still concerned I assured them that I just needed to eat and I would be fine. I told them I fainted because of the long night, extreme heat and lack of food, but I was lying.

I had never fainted before... Ever.

_So what the hell is wrong with me?_

I had no answer to my own question, but I knew it didn't have to do with any of the reasons I gave. It was something else. Something that I had never experienced before.

_Love, or something like it..._

I snorted at the thought, apparently I was starring in my very own cheesy movie. I had barely even talked to Ryan, how could I be _in love _with him?

_But you admit it is Ryan. _

"Well duh," I said aloud.

"Duh what?" A voice asked startling me.

I looked up to see the very person I was thinking about standing in the doorway of my newly acquired 'hole in the wall' of an office.

Flustered and confused by his sudden presence I replied, "Oh nothing, just reading over something." I smiled trying to look convincing.

"Ok," He replied looking skeptical and then went straight back to business. "Horatio told me to stop by and get you."

"What!" I asked once again confused. "Why?"

He smiled a smile that almost made me melt right where I was and said, "Well, so you can go to your first crime scene of course."

Crime scene! My thoughts seemed to go a thousand miles a minute. But no science stuff, no crazy things that I wasn't used to. I was having a mini panic attack with all this new information that Ryan had given me.

"But," I started, "I-- I don't think this is a good idea." I finally managed.

"Sure it is," Ryan smiled. "And I'll be there the whole time, I can shield you from the blood and gore." He laughed at his own little joke.

"I have seen blood and gore Mr. Wolfe," I said annoyed with his joke. "Have you ever see the crime scene of a serial killer?"

"Yes," He replied in an amused tone, he was still smiling.

"Why are you smiling," I asked infuriated by his pleasant demeanor. I didn't like it was I was the target of a joke.

"It's just," He smiled and looked at the floor. "Your cute when your mad."

"I'm not mad," I said half listening. "Wait, what?"

"I said your cute when your mad," He repeated. "And it's still true."

He was smiling again, smiling my new favorite smile.

"Well," I said glowing with happiness, though I was trying not to show it. "Thanks."

"No problem," He replied. "We'd, umm, we better go."

So I followed him out of my makeshift office and I couldn't help but think about what he'd said.

_He thinks I'm cute. No, he said I'm cute. Does he mean it, or was he trying to be funny or nice? _

I hoped he meant it, even though I would never admit it. As we drove to the crime scene together I looked at his profile from my peripheral vision and studied his features. He was absolutely gorgeous, even though I would never admit it. His eyes, his strong jaw, and I loved the way his lips curled when he smiled. I studied him the whole way there, and even though I would _never _admit it...

_I_ was falling for Ryan Wolfe. 


	4. My Only Distraction

As the Hummer came to a halting stop, it jerked me out of my thoughts. I had just admitted to myself that I, the self proclaimed pessimist, was falling for a man I just met.

I'm sure I'm insane. There is no other explanation for it.

_Well..._

"Don't even say it," I whispered praying that Ryan wouldn't hear me talking to myself. I looked over and saw him grabbing his kit from the back seat, and sighed in relief. Hearing my sigh, Ryan looked up at me.

I felt my heart skip a beat.

"Ready?" He asked with a slight smile on his lips.

"Yes," I replied a little more meekly than I had intended.

"It will be fine," He laughed as he got out of the car. I followed suit, and had to break into a jog to keep up with his fast pace.

"Hey," I called to him. "Some of us have short legs, _and_ are wearing heels!"

He turned around to face me and walked to where I was standing. For some reason, I suddenly felt nervous.

"What?" I questioned as he continued to stare at me, I was feeling _very_ self conscious.

"Just waiting for you to start walking again," He said with a slight condescending smirk. "You know so I can keep _your_ pace."

I glared at him as I started walking forward trying to get way for his haughty comments, but I realized that I had no idea where I was going.

"Umm, Ryan?" I called as I turned around franticly searching for him, only to see he wasn't behind me.

_Where is he?_

I started to backtrack hoping he would be hiding around a corner to scare me, but he was no where to be found.

I started to panic.

I had no idea where I was, I would be lost and no one would ever find me. This isn't good. As a last ditch attempt, I called out for him again.

"Ryan, where are you?"

"Right here, geeze calm down," He said coming from out of no where.

I nearly jumped three feet in the air.

"Oh my God!" I said startled by his sudden presence.

"Ryan is fine you know," He said as he walked forward to meet me. "But if you insist maybe we could go with something more like brilliant or talented."

"Haha," I replied dryly. "I thought you left me here, you shouldn't do that to people who don't know where they are."

"I would _never _leave you." He said in a voice just above a whisper.

I looked up into his hazel eyes and saw that he meant it. I smiled and as I did he caught a piece of my wind blown hair and tucked it behind my ear. I shivered at the touch of his finger tips on my neck. He started to say something but we were interrupted by the bothersome voice of Eric Delko.

"You coming or not Wolfe," He said sounding annoyed. "Or you could just stand there and talk to her all day."

"Yeah yeah I'm coming," He called over his shoulder. Then he looked at me and said "Come on, you don't want to miss your first scene."

"Yeah, that would be a shame," I laughed and followed him as we walked beyond the yellow police tape.

"Ewww!!" I yelled as Delko came after me with hands covered in blood. "Stay away from me." I warned him, and I meant it, right now I did not want to be messed with.

It was bad enough that this was my first 'live' crime scene, but that fact that it was the bloodiest thing I had ever seen in my life did _not_ make it any better. There was only one fatality, but she was decapitated! When Ryan and I walked inside I nearly ran back out. I only stayed because of the severe taunting I was receiving from Delko, _and_ Ryan. I had no idea someone could bleed so much, and I was having a hard time coping with the whole thing.

So after Delko fished out our murder weapon from one of the many pools of blood, I did not need him chasing after me.

"Oh just leave her alone," Ryan said looking up from the photo he was taking. I shot him a thankful look and hoped it would be enough to keep Eric out of my hair.

"Ok ok," Eric said laughing. "But it _is_ funny." And then he proceeded to make ridiculous noises as he waved his bloody hands in my face.

I wanted to slap him.

"I swear if you don't stop," I threatened. "I will get a restraining order on you, I have a witness." I said looking over at Ryan who seemed very amused by my threatening Delko.

"I'd do what she says Delko," Ryan said. "She looks like she means it." He shot me a glance and winked at me.

"Thank you," I mouthed and that was the end of it.

Processing the rest of the scene, which we now called the Erica Hines case because we found that to be the poor women's name, went by smoothly without any more distractions from Eric. The only distraction that I had was Ryan. I couldn't focus when he would look up and smile at me or if he stood just a _little_ closer than normal.

_What is wrong with me? _

I was thankful when we arrived back at the lab, now I could focus on the case, I had to get away from my distraction.

_My only distraction._

I said my goodbyes to Ryan and Eric as they went off to do whatever CSI's do and sat in my tiny office. I was glad to have time to think. I opened up the case file and looked at the information that I had, which was not a lot. Basically the only thing written down was the name of our victim, the murder weapon, and some estimations about time of death.

"Well this is great," I said as I threw the file to the side and sighed in agitation. I hated just sitting, I needed something to do. I sat for a moment twirling a stray piece of hair and decided that I should take a tour. After all, I never did get a formal one.

I got up from my chair and walked down the hallway back into the heart of the lab. I looked around and tried to figure out where I wanted to go first. I decided that it would be better to go to places I could see, so I wouldn't get lost. I continued to walk forward and looked into a lab where I saw a familiar face, and walked through the glass door.

"Hi," I said as I entered the room filled with all sorts of fancy machines. I didn't know what any of them were used for. The pretty brunette I recognized looked up with a surprised look on her face.

"Hi Lauren," Natalia said to me. "What brings you to DNA?"

_Ohhh that explains the fancy machines._

"Well I was bored and thought I'd pop in and say hello," I said. "So I guess hello."

She laughed "Well hello to you too. How was the scene, I heard Eric was mean. Tell me what he did." She said sounding excited to get some dirt on Delko.

So I told her what happened at the Hines scene today, and we laughed at how stupid Eric was. We talked out how the first scene can be scary, and she told me how she could relate to being the new girl and was glad to pass on the torch to me.

"Well, thanks," I said laughing. "It's quite an honor. I'd just like to thank all of the little people." I wiped away a fake tear and took a bow, which made her crack up even more.

"Ok, Ok," She said still laughing. "I have work to do."

"Oh," I said interested. "What are you working on?"

"Well most of the time when a killer uses a knife they cut themselves too, so I'm checking the blood for differences from the victim." She said.

"I see, I think this is my cue to leave," I said walking toward the door.

"I could show you," She said trying to get me to stay. "It's easy once you get the hang of it."

"I don't know," I replied hesitantly. "Science and me don't get along."

"Please," She said looking as sad as she possibility could, and I gave in.

Natalia showed me everything I needed to know about taking a DNA from pretty much any sample. At first it was confusing, but just like she said once you do it, you get the hang of it. Soon I was cutting Q tips and taking samples like a pro, and to my surprise I was having _fun_.

"And you said you weren't good at science," Natalia said. "Look at you go."

Just as the machine sputtered out the results of _my _DNA test, someone walked into the room with a hurried frenzy.

"Natalia do you have DNA result-- Lauren?" The voice I knew all to well as Ryan's said in a shocked tone. I turned to face him. "What are _you_ doing here?" He looked bewildered, and it was incredibly funny.

"I'm getting DNA results," I said as though it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"Ok," He said still stunned by the sight of me in rubber gloves and a lab coat.

"Natalia was showing me a few things about what you guys do," I said hoping to clear up his confusion.

It worked.

Composure washed over his features. "Ohh, ok, well if she's showing you DNA, would you like to learn about Trace then too, I was on my way anyway and if you wanted to come with me--?"

"Trace?," I interrupted.

"Yeah, I'll show you come on." He said. "I have to drop these results off to Delko first though."

I hung up my borrowed lab coat and waved goodbye to Natalia as I followed him out the door.

"Have fun," Natalia called after us.

After Ryan brought the results to Eric, I followed him through the maze of hallways until we were standing in front of a little room of which I assumed was 'Trace'. Ryan opened the door for me and put on his own lab coat and gave me one to borrow again.

"So, what are we doing here exactly?" I asked him still confused about what exactly 'Trace' was.

"Well," He began. "This is where we come when we need to figure out what something is. We put it under a microscope or run it through a database, pretty basic stuff."

I glared at him when he smirked at the last sentence he said.

"I have no scientific training," I retorted. "_But_ if you need to know all of the amendments to the constitution I can recite them for you."

He laughed, "Yeah I'll pass on that one."

"Your loss," I said. "27 is _really _interesting." Of course I was lying the 27th was by far the most boring of all the amendments.

"Anyways," He said looking at me from the corner of his eye. "We actually have work to do from the case this morning."

And then he started rambling on and on about how they found fibers in one of the blood pools and how it was most likely left by the killer and blah, blah, blah.

I yawned about halfway through his speech when he said, "I'm boring you aren't I?"

"What!" I said sarcastically. "No!"

"Ok fine," He said somewhat defensively. "I'll _show_ you what I'm talking about."

He grabbed a slide and put it underneath the microscope and then pulled out a piece of the fibers he was talking about and ran it through the system. I waited, wondering what this all meant.

"Here," He said getting up and walking back over to me. "Take a look."

He nodded toward the microscope and I obliged. I took a look through the tiny holes of the eye piece and found myself staring at a magnified pile of blood.

"Umm, what am I looking for?" I asked confused.

"Ohh here," He came over to me and adjusted the microscope so that I could see the faint outline of a blue fiber.

"Do you see it?" He asked.

"Kind of," I replied.

He moved closer to me and adjusted the scope so that I could clearly see blue fibers in the blood.

"Now do you see it?" He asked and I was suddenly aware of his close proximity. He was leaning over my right shoulder.

"Yes," I whispered barely able to reply.

"This is what trace is for," I hardly heard him because as he spoke I could feel his hot breath on my cheek. I suddenly couldn't think, and my body was rocked with hundreds of tiny shivers that flew up and down my spine.

"Cool huh," He said and I pealed my eyes away from the tiny blue fibers. As I pulled away he stayed in his position. I looked up at him hoping he didn't feel the heat radiating from my face.

And then the computer beeped

_Thank you computer!!_

While Ryan looked at the screen studying the information on it, I was able to regain my composure, but my heart was beating so loud I was sure he could hear it.

_Ok Lauren just breath, I'm sure he didn't notice. _

A few minutes later, when my heart rate returned to normal, I was beginning to become impatient with his silence.

"What is it?" I asked eagerly "What does it say."

"It tells me the type of material that the fiber is." He replied very nonchalant.

"And what does that mean?" I asked hoping he would give me a better answer, _and_ I was desperate to get my mind off of the feeling of his closeness, and the way his cologne smelled.

_Pull yourself together women!_

"It's a very rare silk fiber, and it can be traced easily because of that." He said shaking me out of my thoughts. He walked back to where I was sitting and crossed his arms while I spoke.

"So if we find the shirt, we find our killer?" I asked as calmly as I could trying to keep him from distracting me.

"Yeah, we got him," He said smiling for the first time since he received the new information.

And the best part was, he was smiling my favorite smile.

**A/N: Thank you too all the readers! Yay you!! To my wonderful reviewers you rock and thank you so much. I would like to encourage everyone to review because the more reviews I get the faster I will update!!**

**Lulu 3**


	5. Hell Hath No Fury

"I want a lawyer," Our main suspect in the Hines case said.

After about an hour of interrogation he finally lawyered up. Of course, none of this mattered because we were all sure that he did it. As he sat in front of Ryan and Horatio in the brightly lit room he was wearing an expensive blue silk shirt.

_What an idiot._

"I believe Mr. Adams requested a lawyer Mr. Wolfe," Horatio said with a slight smile playing out on his lips. "I think we have one don't we?"

Ryan, seeming to understand what Horatio was saying, nodded and darted out into the hallway. I knew I was the lawyer he was referring to.

"Hey Lauren," Ryan started.

I held up my hand to stop him from explaining, "I've been listening." He flashed me a smile and heart rate increased, becoming a more staccato tempo.

_How does he do that? _

I tried to focus on the task at hand as I entered the room, and once I saw the suspect I knew what I had to do.

Ryan sat back down and began, "So Mr. Adams, here is your lawyer."

"Hello," I said as politely as I could to the man I knew killed that poor women. "Lauren Southwood." We shook hands and Ryan continued on with his interrogation.

"So Mr. Adams, where were you this morning at about 5:30?" He asked leaning back in his chair, he almost seemed bored.

"Umm," My "Client" looked at me wondering if he should respond. Now the real games were about to begin.

"I suggest that you tell them what you know," I said to him in my business like tone. "It might help you later on."

To my surprise, it _worked_!

He started spilling his guts as to how he and Erica were in love but she refused to admit it. He went on and on about the one sided love affair that he'd had with her. He followed her to her house this morning and killed her when she told him to leave. He seemed almost _sad_ but at the same time you could see the sick twisted desire in his eyes.

"So killing her was how you showed her you loved her," Ryan asked sitting up in his chair, he was becoming uneasy with the whole thing.

"Now she knows how much I care," Adams replied and then they handcuffed him and led him away, but I knew I would see him again, in trial.

Ryan sighed and I looked at him and smiled, "Good job, we got him."

"Yeah we did," He looked distressed about something, but before I had the chance to ask he got up and left the room. I sat there stunned for a minute, and then Horatio spoke.

"Job well done yourself Miss Southwood," He started to walk toward the door and I got up and followed him out of the room, but I wasn't able to catch up with him because as soon as I was back in the lobby, he was so where to be found.

_Man! Everyone walks so fast around here._

I stood in the middle of the large hall for a moment lost in thought until someone crashed right into me. Before I knew it I was on the ground just sitting there like an idiot.

_Wow, twice in one day this has to be a record. _

"I'm so sorry," A voice said to me. "I wasn't watching where I was going."

"Owww," I replied still on the floor.

He laughed, "Here, let me help you," He held out his hand and I took it as he helped me to my feet.

"Thanks," I said now looking at his face. He was attractive, in an impish boy sort of way, but he was, he was-- I stumbled at the words I was thinking.

_He was no Ryan._

"I don't think we've met," He said suddenly. "I'm Jake Berkeley." He held out his hand again, this time for me to shake, and I did.

"Lauren Southwood," I replied. "And no we haven't met, I'm new."

"Ohh really," Jake said sounding intrigued. "New to Miami too?" Now he sounded hopeful.

"Umm yeah, actually," I replied with a nervous laugh, I didn't like where this was going.

"So you might need someone to show you around, I could take you out someti--," He was cut short by Ryan interrupting him. Once again coming from out of no where, but this time I wasn't scared, I was _relieved_.

_My savior once again..._

"Lauren," Ryan said only focusing on me. "I've been looking for you everywhere. Oh, hey Jake." He said finally acknowledging his presence.

"Really?" I began answering to Ryan. "I was looking for you too, and then I ran into Jake."

"Literally," Jake quipped.

Ryan only glared in his direction. Taking this as a clue, Jake excused himself saying he had work to do. I waved goodbye to him and then turned around to face Ryan.

He was still glaring at Jake.

"Hey," I asked waving my hand in front of his face. "You ok, you ran out after interrogation and I have been-."

"Would you like to go out tonight," He asked suddenly interrupting me.

I must have stared at him shocked for at least a minute, I didn't know he would be so _blunt_. He must have interpreted my silence as rejection because he stated with the "never minds" and "It was stupid to ask."

"No," I quickly jumped in, and I saw disappointment on his face.

_Crap!_

"I mean yes," I said trying to tell him what I meant. "I would love to go out with you." I smiled at him to show him that I really did want to.

_And I did._

"Great!" He said suddenly happier than I'd seen him all day. "Would you like to leave from here, or would you like to change first." He was glowing like a kid on Christmas morning.

"Umm, I'd like to change first, if you don't mind," I was sure I smelled like gross lab stuff and dried blood. "I can give you my address."

"Yeah, great," He said still glowing. So I wrote down my address and gave it to him, trying to explain the complicated way to find my apartment.

"Ok," He said. "I'll pick you up at 7:30?"

"Sure, I'll see you then." And he smiled and walked away.

Still stunned by his impromptu invitation I smiled as he left wondering about what caused him to ask so suddenly. I shrugged it off and started toward my office to take a last look over the Hines file. As soon as I did, however, my stomach growled with hunger. I looked at the time on the clock above me.

_1:30, time for lunch!_

I quickly changed my course to the break room, eager to stop the hunger pangs in my stomach. When I opened the door I saw that I was not the only one who thought it was time for lunch. I was pleasantly surprised to see Calleigh sitting at the small round table eating a sandwich.

"Hello," She greeted me with her always friendly smile. "How has your first day been?"

I was gathering the ingredients to make my PB and J when I answered, "It's been, well, great." I couldn't think of any other word to use because, besides the hunger I was experiencing at the moment, I _did_ feel great.

"That's good," She said as I sat down now finished with my concoction. "I saw you met Jake."

"Ohh yeah," I said wondering why I didn't see her in the hallway just a moment ago.

_Maybe you were too busy looking at someone else?? _

"Ryan doesn't like him does he?" I asked genuinely curious as to why he glared at him so much.

"Well," Calleigh started. "He's never had any problems with him before, not until today anyway." She threw me a slight grin.

I didn't understand.

"I don't understand," I said to her. "Before today?"

"You mean you didn't notice," She asked me slightly taken aback.

"Notice what?!" I asked feeling like I was missing something. "Please tell me before I go crazy!"

She laughed, "Ryan was jealous that Jake was hitting on you. He was hitting on you wasn't he?" She asked wanting to make sure her assumption was right.

"Well, yeah," I replied sheepishly. "Jealous? Really?"

"Hell hath no fury like Ryan Wolfe when he's jealous." Calleigh said

I laughed at her comment.

"He likes you," She said quietly as if afraid someone else might hear. "I can tell."

"Really? Huh..." I said mostly to myself. Then she looked at the clock and announced that she had to go.

"See ya later!" She called as she left me alone in the break room.

_He likes you, he likes you!!_

My self conscience taunted at me like an elementary school child. But this time I didn't care, because I liked him too. There was no reason to deny it, it was true.

I liked Ryan Wolfe, _but _now I knew he liked me too. This changed everything. I couldn't wait for tonight

7:30 could not come fast enough, and I began to stare at the clock as the seconds ticked away...


	6. A Step Forward

I studied my reflection in the mirror for about the eighth time tonight.

_Maybe this is too casual? _

I must have tired on 10 or so outfits trying to decided what was right to wear on my first date with Ryan.

_Is this even a date? _

Suddenly I felt panicked. Maybe this is not what I had thought it was? Maybe we were just two friends going out. Confusion raced through my veins, suddenly my outfit was the least of my worries. I could have easily over analyzed the situation, sure Calleigh said he liked me but what if it was not like the way I thought it was.

I sighed heavily and looked up into the mirror once again. I pushed a stray hair off of my face and accepted that my casual outfit on jeans and a floral tunic would be sufficient enough for whatever it was Ryan and I were doing. I didn't have any time to think over my decision because the doorbell to my apartment rang as I slipped on my shirt. My stomach flip flopped as I ran down my hallway to open the door. I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself down, then I opened the door.

My heart thudded loudly as I looked up to see Ryan standing in the threshold of my door. He looked, well, as great as he always did. He was wearing a gray blazer with an orange tee-shirt and jeans. As I met his eyes I blushed, I realized that he'd been looking at me in the same sort of way I'd been looking at him.

"You, umm, look great," He said clearing his throat slightly. "Are you ready?"

"Yeah," I said feeling the heat come to my face again. "Let me just grab my purse." I turned around and walked into my tiny living room. I spotted my purse sitting atop a side table, and nearly sprinted to go and get it. I walked as calmly as I could back to where Ryan was waiting and followed him out of my door.

We walked in a weird awkward silence to his car, which was smaller than the Hummer I was used to seeing him drive.

Trying to break the silence I said, "Nice car." But he only replied a small thanks.

_What did I do? Maybe Calleigh was wrong _

As we drove to wherever Ryan was taking us, I mulled over what I had done wrong since this afternoon. I couldn't think of anything. We barely spoke after he had asked me to come out with him tonight. I sighed louder than I had meant to, and Ryan looked at me with his furrowed brows.

"You ok?" He asked slightly apprehensive.

"Yeah," I replied. "_Great_." And then he went back to being silent. Every now and then I would comment on a song that I heard playing faintly on his radio, but I would never get more than a nod or a slight smile. I couldn't figure it out, earlier he'd wanted to go out with me and now he didn't? Finally I couldn't take this quiet anymore and I spoke up.

"Is there something wrong with _you_ Ryan?" I was getting angry with him because he was basically ignoring me. I mean, he _did _ask me out.

"Me?" He asked slightly shocked. "I'm fine, why?"

"Well I don't really take well to the silent treatment Ryan." I huffed at him.

"What?!" He said "Silent, I- I don't think I'm following you." We arrived at our destination and he was now facing me with a focused look in his eyes.

I couldn't think, I was totally lost in the hazel swirl of emotions. "I-- you not talking." The words faltered out of my mouth, and I felt like a complete fool.

_Nice going!_

Ryan looked at me perplexingly, and _laughed_. If it were even possible, I blushed an even deeper shade of crimson. I couldn't even meet his eyes, I was so embarrassed.

"Lauren," Ryan said to me after he was done with his laughing fit. "I wasn't ignoring you."

I looked up and saw that he meant what he was saying, which made me feel even worse for bringing it up.

"Oh," I said devoid of emotion.

"Don't be embarrassed," He said trying to soothe me. "I understand what you meant. I just, I didn't want--." He stumbled and I looked up surprised. I had never seen Ryan be anything but confident. He was always so sure of himself, and now he was questioning what he wanted to say.

"You didn't want to what?" I asked wondering what could cause this sudden change in personality.

"I, umm, I didn't want to say anything well, stupid," He smiled sheepishly and my heart thumped wildly .

He was afraid of saying something stupid? I was totally bewildered by this man sitting beside me. Before I could ask the question on the tip of my tongue, he spoke.

"We should get inside, I don't want to loose the reservation." I nodded and he walked around the car to open my door. I noticed that were at a small, quaint Italian Restaurant called _La Bella Italia._ As we walked inside and waited to be seated, I looked around at all of the beautiful decor. It was so _lavish_, but in a tasteful way. I loved it, the arches, the lighting, everything was beautiful.

We sat at a table near the back and I was still enthralled with the beauty of the small restaurant.

"Nice isn't it," Ryan said breaking me from my small trance.

"It's really pretty Ryan," I said looking at him again. I couldn't help but think that he fit right in with the beautiful surroundings. I almost completely forgot what we had been talking about in the car until Ryan brought it up again.

"I really wasn't trying to ignore you before," He said with a tinge of guilt in his voice. "I'm just not used to all of this." He gestured his hands between the two of us.

"Used to what?" I questioned eager to find out his thoughts on what our particular situation was.

"You know," He said somewhat hesitantly. "The whole _dating_ thing."

"Were dating?" I asked coyly, smiling at the prospect of his answer.

He saw my smile, and I saw one begin to form on his lips, "Well, does one date count as dating in your book?" He countered back.

I put my finger on my lips as if in deep thought, toying with him for a bit, "Yes." I said simply. "Yes it does."

Soon after we ordered our food, we began to talk about all of our interests. We had a lot in common, which surprised me in a way because I never really found anyone who agreed with me on my favorite music and movies. We each rattled off our list and found that we interrupted each other quite frequently to say how much we loved that movie, or what is your favorite part? As I was stuffing my face with the best lasagna in the world, Ryan was blabbering on about how awesome all of the _Star Wars _movies were. I groaned and set my fork down.

"Do we really have to talk about _Star Wars_?" I was pleading with him, I didn't want a nice dinner to be ruined by talk of Jedi masters and Death Stars.

He laughed at me, "Yeah, Yeah ok." He said being considerate of my wish. "But sometime we have to talk about it."

"Yeah ok," I said glad that he dropped the topic, I really wasn't huge on _Star Wars _talk.

"I'm surprised," He said suddenly. "We actually have a lot in common, which is nice." he smiled my favorite smile and I blushed.

"I noticed," I replied trying to cover up my burning face.

"You know, we never did talk about your car," He said still looking at me smiling. It was how we first met, and he was right, we had yet to talk about it.

"Well," I began. "Thanks to you I wasn't too late to work." I smiled again remembering. "Why did you stop anyway?"

"You really think that I would just leave someone stranded on the side on the road?" He said in a mock shocked voice.

"Well, no, but I'm just curious." I really did want to know, in D.C. people wouldn't stop if your car_ or _even if you were on fire!

"It's my job remember?" He said still mocking me, and then his eyes turned softer and his lips curled up into a half smile. "It was just a bonus that it was such a beautiful women that needed my help."

My pulse quickened, and I could hear my heart beating through my ears.

_How does he do this? It's not fair! _

"It was an even bigger bonus when the same women I thought I would never see again began working at the same place I do." He said still looking at me with his unfair smoldering eyes.

I laughed slightly to myself when I thought about all of the things he was saying, he did feel the same way too, maybe it was something that was meant to be?

Ryan paid for our bill and we exited the restaurant just before I heard the first low rumble of thunder in the deep blue sky. I could smell rain in the air, I loved the smell of rain.

"I'd better get you home before it starts to pour," Ryan said with a laugh. We climbed into his car and sped off as the first drops of rain hit his windshield.

By the time we be about a half a mile from my apartment, it was raining so hard that neither Ryan nor I could see anything in front of us. The windshield wipers didn't do anything to deter the pouring rain.

"Maybe we should just pull over Ryan," I said slightly alarmed. The last thing I wanted was to get into a car accident.

"Were almost there," He said with some determination in his voice. "And look, it's starting to clear up." I watched as the rain pounded less severely on the window in front of me, and now I could even see other cars and road signs.

When we arrived at my apartment, it was still raining but you could see things a little clearer now. I went to get out of my door when I saw Ryan jumping up from his seat to open the door for me. I started to protest but he was opening my door before I could get the words out.

"Ryan," I yelled through the rain. "You didn't have to do that."

"It's no big deal," He replied as he walked me to my door. Now we were both getting soaked by the heavy rain. We arrived at my door, drenched and slightly chilled from the cool rain, but both of us were happy to be under the slight awning.

"Thank you," I said as earnestly as I possibly could. "You really didn't have to-"

I was cut short by Ryan, "I wasn't just going to let you walk to your door by yourself in the rain." He said. "What kind of date would I be?"

I laughed at his comment and tried to fight off a shiver of coldness. He saw me shiver and took a step closer to me. We were so close I could feel the heat radiating from his muscular body. At that moment there was so much tension between the two of us it was unbearable. I could feel myself longing for his warm touch, wanting him to hold me.

I looked up into his eyes and saw a flicker of the same things I was sure I had in my own eyes.

Want. Need. Longing.

I decided that I needed to speak, I needed to do something to break the mounting tension.

"I had a great time tonight," I said in a small voice.

"Yeah, I did too," Ryan said in a husky voice. "I did too." He looked at me, and it was as if he only saw me.

"I Guess I'll see you tomorrow then," I said trying to finalize the conversation, but I was unsuccessful.

"Yeah, tomorrow," He said in the same husky tone.

Even though each of us had said our goodbyes, neither of us made a move from the spot that we were frozen in. It was like time was standing still, all I could see was him, and all I wanted was to be near him. I had never felt this way before. No man had ever had this affect on me before. I really wasn't sure what I should do, but at the moment nothing else mattered. So, bravely, I took a step forward...

I saw surprise wash over his strong features, but he stood where he was and looked at me with the same emotions still swirling in his hazel eyes. He was thinking, but he didn't show any signs of unease.

This time, he took a step forward...

My breath caught in my throat, our noses were almost touching now. He whispered my name and I could feel his hot breath fly across my face sending a thousand little shivers up and down my spine. I looked down trying to get a hold of myself, and he touched he hand under my chin and lifted my face to his.

My eyes studied his, as his did mine, and then our lips collided. He pulled me toward him, and I wrapped my arms around his warm body trying to take it all in. Just the way he touched me so lightly on my neck and arms sent a million tiny explosions off in my body. I was on fire, and all I wanted was to be closer to him. I ran my fingers through his soft brown hair, as he kissed me so lightly, but so passionately.

Finally we released each other and I was gasping for breath. This one tiny kiss felt like the most tender and warm kiss that I had ever experienced in my life. I saw that Ryan was just as speechless as I was about what had just happened. I didn't know what to think about what I had just experienced, but I knew that I would remember this feeling for the rest of my life. Something this wonderful, this beautiful, did not happen everyday.

We looked at each other again said our goodbyes for the last time tonight, and then he silently walked back to his car in the pouring rain.

**A/N: To all my wonderful readers thank you so so much I love you all!! I'm so happy that so many of you have responded so well to this story, I have wanted to write this all down forever! To my awesome reviewers ( you know who you are lol) thanks so much for your feed back!! This was probably my favorite chapter to write so far so I am very anxious to see how you all respond :) anyway I wanted to give this chapter a cool name but I didn't want to give away what would happen, so now that you've read it, it shall be called:**

**I Kissed a Boy and I Liked It! lol!! **

**Lulu 3**


	7. Hit Him Straight On

I loved the rain

I loved the rain... Until I moved to Miami that is.

It rained for 3 days straight, and after a while you become tired of trying to drive on unfamiliar roads when you can't see a thing. It was raining (_of course!_) again today. As I pulled up to the Miami Dade Crime Lab, I was not in the greatest of moods, this never-ending rain was bogging me down. I'd had basically the best night ever on Friday, and this stupid wetness had to ruin everything!

I stomped up the wet steps and found myself stuck in a crowded elevator on my way up to the 6th floor. I sighed loudly as people chatted nosily and I tried to ignore them.

_Could this day get any worse? _

So far, this was not my worst day in Miami...But it was pretty close. This morning my dryer decided that it would shut off right in the middle of my load. To top that, this wetness combined with the humidity did nothing to help my hair. Try as I may, my frizzy hair just couldn't be tamed.

I sighed again as the elevator doors opened to my floor. I walked silently down the long hallway and disregarded the greetings that I had received. Right now no one wanted to mess with me, cranky Lauren was not really someone you wanted to be friends with. I walked into my tiny office and sat down in my chair. I looked at the mountain of paperwork that was sitting in front of me and decided that there was no reason to delay the inevitable. I grabbed the first file off the top of the pile and began...

A few hours later, I was still holed up in my office working on the different cases I was presented with. I threw down the file I was working on and stretched out my back and neck.

_Time for a break._

I walked out of my office and went to the break room, coffee was calling out my name. I opened the door to an empty break room and started a fresh pot of coffee. As I stood watching the brown liquid drizzle into the pot, I thought about Friday night.

_Ryan... _

I thought about the kiss that we shared and wondered if I was the only one who felt the spark, the connection, between us. I closed my eyes and remembered...

_Our lips collided. He pulled me toward him, and I wrapped my arms around his warm body trying to take it all in. I was on fire, and all I wanted was to be closer to him. He kissed me so lightly, but so passionately. _

"Spacing out on us Lauren," A voice said startling me. I snapped open my eyes and in my unnerve I accidentally hit my coffee cup onto the floor shattering it into pieces.

I looked up to see Eric standing near the doorway with a huge grin on his face. "Nice," He said laughing at me. I threw him a glare and bent down to pick up the now broken cup. "Man," Eric said still smiling. "What happened to you?"

"I'm fine," I said brusquely. "Might be nice to not have someone always scaring me." I shot him another glare. He laughed at this.

"Well, maybe you shouldn't stare off into space like a crazy person." He countered back. "What were you thinking about anyway? You had a strange look on your face."

As I was about to answer, Ryan walked into room. Just the sight of him threw me off balance. I blushed crimson. He said his hellos to Eric and then looked at me.

"Hi," He said with my favorite smile playing on his lips. My heartbeat quickened at just the sound of his voice. I tried to look as nonchalant as I could but I knew it wasn't really working.

"Ok then," Eric said with a hint of confusion in his voice. "I should go." He turned to Ryan and whispered even though he knew I could hear. "Something's up with her just watch your back, I'm pretty sure she _is_ crazy." He laughed as he walked out of the room leaving Ryan and me alone for the first time since Friday.

"I have no idea what he's talking about," I said hoping he wouldn't even ask me. He looked at me with questioning eyes but just shrugged it off.

"So, uhh, how was your weekend?" Ryan asked me in a quite voice.

"Fine," I replied. "And wet." We both laughed the same nervous laugh at this comment. I looked up at Ryan to see if I could figure out what was causing him to act so strange. His body language was tense, he was rubbing a hand on the back of his neck, and then coursed his fingers through his chestnut brown hair.

"So then," I said awkwardly rocking on my heals. "How are you?" I shifted my eyes to try not to meet his gaze, but I was unsuccessful. A small smile was playing out on his lips, I could tell he was thinking very carefully about something.

"Good, good," He said rushing to get the words out. "So, umm, do you like Mexican food?"

"Umm, yes... I do," I replied wondering where this conversation was going, I was never going to figure him out. "Why?" I did my best Ryan Wolfe CSI impersonation as I looked at him through my slightly squinted eyes.

"Is something wrong with your eye?" He asked, slightly turning his head to the side to scrutinize me.

I quickly regained my normal posture, embarrassed I replied. "I'm fine."

_Yeah, that didn't work. Nice try Lauren..._

"So about food," He said trying to get back on the subject. "I was planning on cooking tonight and it might be better to have some company. I mean, it's kind of depressing to sit and eat a whole meal by myself..." He was rambling now, going on tangents of why he doesn't want to eat alone.

"Ryan, Ryan!" I nearly yelled at him. He looked up at me and mumbled a sorry. "It would be great to have dinner with you." I smiled at him trying to calm him down a little.

"Even with my cooking?" He asked with a small light in his eyes. "You still want to come?"

"Of course," I said slightly surprised. "When should I come over?"

He told me the fastest _and_ simplest way to get to his condo, he even gave me his cell phone number just in case I got lost and needed directions. Secretly, I was ecstatic about having his personal number. That was a good sign right? Right?

_Sure, Sure..._

I shook the thought from my head and floated through the rest of the day. Mostly, I was just like a ghost. I silently drifted throughout the halls of MDPD, thinking about Ryan. With my concentration elsewhere, I barely noticed Jake Berkeley running after me trying to get my attention.

He broke into a small jog as he came to my side. Inside I sighed lightly, I really didn't need him bugging me right now.

_What could he possibly want!? _

"Hey," He said trying to catch his breath. "You know, your pretty hard to catch up with." He smiled at me, and I nodded trying to be polite. I really had no interest in him; actually, he was quite annoying.

"What's up?" I asked not really looking at him, I had no intentions of giving him the wrong idea.

"Oh well," He started. "I just thought that maybe I could take you out tonight, you know like I said when we first met?" The way he was looking at me made me feel _highly _uncomfortable. I shifted my body as far away as I could without making it noticeable.

"Well, umm," I said still not looking at him. "I have plans tonight, sorry." At that moment I was anything but sorry. The thought of going out with this macho self-centered man made me cringe.

"Ohh," He said slightly let down by my rejection. "Someone else got to you first, I see."

"What!" I asked somewhat shocked at his dead on assumption. Had he seen Ryan and I togeather and put the pieces of the puzzle into place? I didn't think we were that obvious, but maybe I was wrong?

"I just thought you would see through Delko and his charm," He snorted. "But hey, you are human, and a women. Apparently he is irresistible.."

"I have no idea what you are talking about," I said sort of relieved that he _was _wrong, but his tone made me angry. Who did he think I was some idiot bimbo!

"No need to get defensive!" He said putting his hands up in the air trying to deflect my anger elsewhere.

"Oh well, _excuse me_ for getting defensive about things that are not true," I could have just killed him. I'm not an angry person, but I hate it when people make rash judgments, especially since I was _not_ dating Delko.

"Ok, ok," He said in a condescending tone that I didn't like. "Feisty one."

And then I snapped, before I knew what I was doing I charged at him. I must have looked like some crazy person, because I knew that everyone was staring. None of that mattered to me though, I was so furious I could barely see straight. The last thing I can remember is being pulled off of Jake by a pair of strong, muscular arms.

**Ryan's POV**

This had to be the best week of my life. I still didn't know how one women could have so much affect over me. I know that love is a totally illogical thing, but who knew it just completely blindsided you when you least expected it. The best thing has to be that she feels _something_ for me too. I really hoped she did anyway, I mean you don't say yes to someone twice unless you meant it. Right? As I waved all these random thoughts away, tried to focus on the case we had. I walked into DNA where Delko was working of a few samples that we retrieved from this morning's case.

"Got anything?" I asked as I walked over to the table in the center of the room.

"Nothing yet," Delko replied as he looked up from his work. "I just ran the samples through the database and got nothing. I going to run then through CODIS and see if I can get a hit."

"Ok, I guess I'll just wait," I said, after all I had nothing else to do.

"So," Delko said. "That new girl Lauren is, umm, _different_." I rolled my eyes when he said this, he always seemed to catch her at the strangest times.

"When you get to know her you'll see how great she is," I said hoping that would shut him up.

"Oh," He said interested by my comment. "And you've gotten to know her have you?"

_Crap! I said too much..._

"Well, umm," I stumbled. "That's not quite what I meant--."

"Relax Wolfe," He said interrupting me. "I know what you mean." I sighed in relief and hoped he would just leave it alone.

"So," He questioned. "How _much_ have you gotten to know her?"

"Shut up," I said to him without any humor. "You have no idea what your talking about anyway."

"Really," He said still hoping to get information out of me. "So you aren't dating then? Huh, maybe I should ask her out?"

I knew he was trying to mess with me, but the though of Lauren dating Delko made me cringe. She was too good for him. She needed someone serious.

_Someone like you?_ My internal thoughts questioned my reasoning and before I had a chance to answer Delko spoke again.

"Hold on a sec," He said looking out the glass window. "I guess Jake has beaten me to the punch." He was laughing and turned back toward me. "She doesn't look very happy does she?"

I couldn't answer him, I was too busy sending Jake death glares that I knew he couldn't see. I didn't like him, and the fact that he was hitting on the women that I-- that I--.

_Loved??_

Needless to say I wasn't very happy, I'd thought I have made it perfectly clear to Jake the last time--

"Wolfe?" Delko said shaking me from my thoughts. "You Ok? You look like your about to go on a rampage."

"I'm fine," I replied through my teeth. I was thinking of a way that I could get Lauren away from _him_. I can't ask her out again, I already did that. Maybe I could tell her I need legal advice right away? But before I could form any kind of plan, I heard Lauren _and_ Jake shouting at each other. I looked at Delko and saw that he was just as concerned and confused as I was. We walked out of DNA just as the small crowd of onlookers was beginning to form.

"What do you think they're arguing about?" Delko asked me.

"I have no clue," I said still confused. Mostly, I just wanted to get Lauren away from Jake. I inched closer to the center of the small circle, and Delko followed behind me. Now, I could pick up some of what they were saying.

"I have no idea what you are talking about," Lauren said with her hands on her hips.

_God, even what she's mad she is still so beautiful..._

"No need to get defensive!" Jake replied back to her, just the tone in his voice made me angry. How could he talk to her that way?

"Oh well, _excuse me_ for getting defensive about things that are not true," I could see the fury in her eyes, and I wanted nothing more than to take it all away and make her happy again.

"Ok, ok," Jake said in an arrogant tone. "Feisty one." As soon as those words left his mouth I wanted to punch him. I wanted to take that stupid smirk right off of his face. But before I was able to, I saw something I never thought I'd see. I saw Lauren charge right at Jake. It was as if some cannon had let loose inside of her, and she couldn't hold back. She ran right toward him and swung hitting him in the process. A collective gasp came from the small audience, and I saw Delko run to break up the fight. I stood frozen in my place. I was simply stunned.

"Wolfe!" Delko yelled. "Help me here?" I pushed my way through the throng of people and grabbed a still swinging Lauren off of Jake. Delko was pulling Jake away from Lauren, as I grabbed her slender body. I saw her look up in amazement at my face as I smiled down at her.

"Next time," I whispered into her ear, I could feel a smile tugging at my lips. "Hit him straight on." Then I kissed the top of her head as I lead her away from the crowd of people who were still confused by the spectacle they had just witnessed.

**A/N: Hello readers!! So so so so sorry for the wait, I am not the type of writer who usually waits this long before updating. I started school (BOO!!) and then I got the flu (Double Boo!!) so that totally wrecked my plan of updating. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I will put chapter 8 out ASAP!! Reviews are very very welcome!! It is really helpful to know how you all feel so, Please? Pretty please?? Thanks so much!! Lots of Love!! **

**Lulu :) **


	8. A Sense of Drowning

**A/N: Hello wonderful readers!! Sorry for the long wait, but school is crazy! To make up for my extended absence, I combined two chapters, Yay!! And just for you I added _massive_ amounts of fluff! So I hope you enjoy! xxoo Lulu**

"So, who would like to start?" Rick Stetler said looking at me with an exasperated expression. I knew I was in trouble. I guess they frown upon attacking your co-workers. Who knew? So here I was, sitting in a tiny room with Jake, Horatio and this Rick guy, who I could tell wanted to be anywhere but here.

_Ok Lauren, just bite the bullet and tell them what happened. _

"Ok," I say in a calm, collected voice. "This was completely out of line, and I understand that. It won't happen again, I promise."

Rick looked at Horatio and then to Jake, "Do you have anything to say?"

"Whatever," Jake said as he rolled his eyes. "I'm sure it won't be a problem." He looked over at me with a satisfied smirk.

_Self-centered, macho, egotistical, stupid butt head..._

"Lauren?" Rick interrupted my angry thoughts toward Jake. "Is this going to work? Can the two of you work together?"

"Yeah," I said. "Sure."

_Sure..._

"Alright then," He said in a happier tone. "Lets not waste anymore time on this. I hope I don't have to be the referee for another situation similar in nature." He stood up and Jake, Horatio and I followed him out of the room, I was glad this was all over with.

"Well," Jake said to me in the hallway. "I guess I'll see you around." He left me there fuming over his comments. Did he really think that I would _ever_ want to see him again!? I sighed and shook my head looking down at the floor. Ignoring Jake Berkeley was going to be a full time job.

"Miss Southwood," Horatio spoke looking at me with his head cocked to the side. "Are you going to be alright?"

I smiled, he was always so concerned about everyone. "I'm going to be fine, Horatio thank you."

"If you need anything.." He started.

"I'll let you know." I said finishing his sentence. He looked at me again and nodded walking away, no doubt to save someone else from a far worse situation. I walked through the halls until I reached my office, glad that I could sit and be alone for a while. I opened the door and took my high heeled shoes off when I was on the plush carpet. I set the purple pumps on a smaller chair and turned to sit in my black leather on when it suddenly spun around.

I let out a slight scream as Ryan's handsome face unexpectedly looked up at mine.

"What the hell?" I asked waiting for my pulse to stop racing. "You scared the crap out of me."

He grinned slightly, "Sorry I didn't mean to startle you." And that was all it took. I couldn't be mad at him, it was impossible. One look and I just melted before him. He stood up and walked towards me.

"Are you Ok?" He had a hint of concern in his husky voice. "You look like you've seen a ghost." He put his hand underneath my elbow and preceded to draw tiny circles with his thumb on my exposed skin.

I swallowed the lump that was building in my throat, "I'm fine." I choked out. How does he do this? I looked up at him through my eye lashes and smiled.

"I hope so," He said now running is hand up and down my left arm. "I'd hate to think I did this to you." I laughed silently to myself.

_If only you really knew what you did to me..._

"You didn't do anything wrong," I said hoping to wash away some of his guilt. "If anything, you always make me feel better."

"Really?" He said cocking his head to the side.

"Yes," I replied meekly. He moved closer to me and I shivered at his nearness. He was holding both of my arms now, and I was lost in his hazel eyes. I so desperately wanted to relive that moment I had dreamed about earlier today. I wanted to feel the spark that burned between us.

"Ryan," I whispered as he brought his hand up to cradle my face. He stroked my cheek with his smooth hands, and I could barely see straight.

"Your beautiful," He said to me in an earnest voice. He slid his hand down to my neck as he moved closer to me.

_If that was even possible..._

I sighed at the touch of his fingers on my neck. Our lips were inches apart, and I could smell his sweet breath mingle with mine. My heart was beating out of my chest, I could barely breathe. This must be what love feels like. A sense of drowning, but you want to get so lost in that sensation that you never wake up from it. I was drowning in Ryan Wolfe, but I didn't care. This was what I had always wanted. His lips were about to collide with mine and I felt an overwhelming sense that this was so _right. _I leaned into him and just as our lips were about to meet for the _second _time, the door flew open!

We quickly scrambled out of each others arms, but we were too late. Delko had seen us together. He ruined my moment! Dammit!

"Whoa," Delko said looking back and forth between us. "This is--this is unbelievable. The two of you? Wow."

"Look, Delko," Ryan was trying to explain.

"Hey," Delko said holding up his hands in protest. "Your secrets safe with me."

"Right," Ryan said sarcastically. I was panic-stricken. I didn't know what to do, I just stood there looking at the floor wishing I could rewind time. The last thing we needed was for _everyone_ to know about us.

"I won't say a word," Delko said in a sincerely. "I owe you from those tapes of, well you know..."

"Umm, yeah thanks," Ryan replied and I was confused. What tapes? I shrugged it off.

"So," Delko said with a slight smile. "I guess you do know her well." He gave Ryan a knowing look and left my office closing the door in the process.

"That was _interesting_," I said trying to uncover the hidden meaning in their conversation. "I just hope..."

"He won't say a word," Ryan said assuredly.

"I hope so," I said still skeptical of whether I could trust Delko's word or not.

Ryan looked down at his watch as I said this and then looked at me with a smile. "You wanna get out of here?" He asked in a reserved way.

"Yes," I said really wanting to be alone with Ryan no matter where we were or what we were doing. "I do."

**Yay!! Fluff!! XXOO **

We pulled up to Ryan's apartment and I took in my surroundings. It was really a lovely place with lots of greenery everywhere, but then again we _were_ in Florida. It had stopped raining and now the sun was shining making everything sparkle slightly from the water that had not yet evaporated.

"Home sweet home," Ryan said in a mocking tone and I laughed as he came around to open my door. I stole small glances at him as we made our way to his front door. I studied him just as I had done before only this time I noticed how serene he looked and how his eyes were always squinted with intensity. He opened the door and I took a step inside of my first real look into the life of Ryan Wolfe. His apartment was very simple, but I was also surprised to find that everything was so _neat_. The books were lined up by color, not one thing was out of place. It seemed sort of odd that a single man could be so well, _clean_. Pretty much every man that I'd ever met had been a complete slob.

_He really is perfect..._

The layout of Ryan's place was very simple. It was a one level and it had a little patio that lead outside off of the kitchen. I could see from the foyer that there was a back hallway which I assume is the bedroom and bathroom. It was very airy, with an open layout. The ceilings were high and had a few sky lights here and there. By far, though, my favorite thing had to be the gigantic kitchen. I may not be a cook, but just standing in his beautiful kitchen with all the stainless steel appliances and granite countertops would make me feel like the best cook in the world.

"This is--_amazing_," I said to him as I walked toward his work of art kitchen. "Do you moonlight as a gourmet chef?"

He laughed at my comment, "Umm, no. I'm sure you'll see how great my cooking skills are tonight though."

I laughed and continued to wander around his kitchen which had a dining room just off the side of it.

"I feel like I should warn you first though, just incase you want take-out," He said his voice drifting off as I was no where near him now. The dining room led to the back hallway that I couldn't quite make out when I first arrived. There were four doorways, two on the left, one on the right, and one nestled right on the very back wall. All of the doors were shut, but my curiosity was taking over. One little peak wouldn't hurt. After all, I really wanted to see what his room looked like, I mean, who wouldn't? I opened the first door on the left only to be greeted by the sight of towels and other closet like things. I continued on and found the 2nd to be a small study which was held a small desk, chair another bookcase, and a laptop computer. The only door on the right was a decent sized bathroom that was defiantly decorated for a man.

I took a deep breath and put my hand on the handle of the last room, which had to be his bedroom. Part of me was nervous, but I really couldn't figure out why. It's just a room. It's not like there is going to be anything out of the ordinary. I shook off the strange butterfly's in my stomach a slowly twisted the handle.

"Someone's nosy," Ryan said from behind me making me jump slightly. "If you wanted to see my bedroom you could have just asked." He had a slight smirk on his lips and I caught on to his innuendo.

"It's- I," I struggled for the words. Maybe that _was_ why I was so nervous? "I just wanted to see your personality more you know, it was nothing like that." I laughed an awkward laugh and looked away from his eyes. He laughed at my uneasiness but I also saw a slight look of _disappointment?_ I shook off that insane thought as he brushed passed me toward his door. I was surely imagining things, I think.

"Well," He said opening the door. "This is my room." He gestured broadly at the large room that was before me. I guess it was just a typical room for any bachelor. Well, except for the extreme cleanliness. He had a large bed up against the farthest wall with a plain comforter and matching pillows and sham. To the left there was a rather large picture window with a view of the nicely landscaped yard. Everything else was sort of the same style as the rest of his apartment. There was another bookcase filled with various knickknacks, a dresser, chair, and a closet. It was a "typical" room. What was I expecting?

"You must really be reading into this whole thing pretty intensely," Ryan said with a slight smile as he looked down at me.

"Ohh, sorry I just, I was thinking how typical it was, you know for you," I said.

"Really," He said crossing his arms. "And what were you expecting exactly?"

"I'm not really sure," I said thinking about how I wanted to answer. "I was hoping, I guess to find out more about you. Maybe some thing that I would have never really thought of, but I guess you are just as--just as--."

"Typical," He said cutting me off.

I smiled at him. "I guess you could say that, but I was going to say perfect." He laughed and walked away from the small hallway into the living room. I followed wondering what he though was so amusing.

"You wanna let me in on this little joke?" I said confused. What was I missing?

He sighed, "I'm not perfect Lauren." He had a strange sort of sadness swirling in his hazel eyes.

"I don't think that I'm following you," I said still confused, my eyes bore into his trying to unlock this secret answer he was hiding. "I know your not _perfect_, but you know what I mean."

"Yeah, I do," He said his tone not changing. "I just don't want you to think that--."

"What should I think Ryan?" I interrupted slightly hot under my collar from his strange answers. He had to be hiding something, but it's not like we all don't have secrets. I would definitely be the one person to know about secrets. After all, I was harboring a few of my own, but they were not really the same kind of thing. I would tell him sooner or later, but most likely later. I must be stubborn, because I so badly wanted to know his now. Even though I know I can't tell him mine...

"_Selfish," My subconscious challenged. "Not stubborn." _

"Are you hungry?" He asked suddenly changing the subject and breaking me from my thoughts. "I'm hungry, I should get the food started before..." He trailed off as he began to walk into the kitchen out of my earshot. I sat on his sofa feeling completely _baffled_. Why did he just walk away? I stood up and followed into the kitchen determined to get an answer to the question that I had asked.

"Ryan?" I said standing in the middle of the large kitchen, hands on my hips.

He looked up curious as to why I was annoyed, "What?" He started making the ingredients for our meal, apparently forgetting the conversation we just had.

"You just walked away without giving me an answer," I said in a rush. "Are you ever going to tell me what you were implying?" He set the wooden stirring spoon down and walked to where I was standing. He put his warm hands on my shoulders and locked his eyes with mine. My breathing became rampant. My heart accelerating.

"I will tell you later," He said honestly. "I promise." And then he brought his face to mine and kissed my lips with the sweetest, most earnest kiss I had ever received in my life. I was barely able to stutter out an 'Ok' as my whole body was still over-reacting from his close proximity. He went back to his work and I sat down on the bar stool at the breakfast nook to watch him. I was slightly jealous of his culinary skills as I could barely make cereal, but I found him to be more fascinating that anything else. He was so precise about everything, and he knew just what went where. He had a system so perfect that I even began to catch on after a while.

"Alright, we are all set," He said finally after making sure everything was just right. I helped him to carry the wonderful smelling food to his table and sat down to eat. After taking my first bite of Ryan's homemade Mexican food I decided that I should never eat anywhere else. He should cook for me always.

_You wish..._

Who could blame me? I had never tasted anything so fantastic, and I was sure to compliment him whenever necessary. The fact that he could cook just made him even more _perfect_ in my book. Our chatter over dinner was nothing but that normal everyday things: work, Miami, family, book, movies, and more of the same. Really, we already knew all of the basic details about each other, it was the more _personal _things that I had yet to find out. About halfway through our discussion of the books we love to read, I heard a thunder clap outside.

I groaned, "Stupid rain!" It truly was never ending. He seemed to take enjoyment from my hatred of the Miami rains. Smiling while I cursed the weather.

"Welcome to Miami," He said with fake enthusiasm. "You will most likely see a lot of rain." The rain was now pouring down on the roof like it was a steel drum. I tried my best to ignore it and continued on with the discussion we were having, still silently cursing the rain .

Ryan and I were now sitting on his couch watching some television program that I was not really familiar with. I was contently full from our dinner, and extremely happy that Ryan's arm was snaked around the back of the couch, just lightly touching my shoulder. Every chance that I was allowed, I nestled closer and closer to him. Just as I was very slyly moving into the nook between his chest, I felt his arm slip away from me. I looked up at his sudden movement, slightly peeved that he ruined by plan. He smiled when he saw the look on my face.

"I'll be right back," He said through a smile. "I have to use the bathroom." He walked away leaving me alone in his now seemingly larger living room. I heard a chime come from the TV. and saw that there was a weather forecast playing out on it.

"_A severe thunderstorm warning is in effect for Miami-Dade county. Winds will be at speeds up to 55 mph, and residents are cautioned to stay away from any downed power lines. You are encouraged to stay indoors, and wait for this storm to pass." _

Just great, this is what I need a huge thunderstorm to come and ruin my night. This always happens to me! Maybe I will have to see if Ryan would drive me home? As I thought about all of the possibilities of this storm I didn't even notice that the howling wind was picking up. I heard a noise from a tree branch snapping and jumped up from my seat. I walked over to the small window and looked outside to what looked like a hurricane. Thunder sounded overhead and then a flash of white. Then, a deafening crack came from outside and the lights flickered off in an instant. Everything was black, and I knew that this time I didn't faint.

The coat of darkness closed in on me, and I found it hard to breathe. I couldn't even see my hand in front of my face. I flash of white illuminated the room for a split second and I moved a half an inch. I still couldn't breathe, and I felt like my head was spinning.

"Ryan!" I chocked out a cry in hopes that he would find me or see me. I heard footsteps and then I heard Ryan finally answer me after what seemed like an eternity.

"Lauren," He said as he reached me, still frozen in the same position. He had a small flashlight in his hand and I was glad for the small amount of light. "Are you ok?" He sounded concerned, but I didn't want to alarm him. No one really knew this secret, and maybe it wouldn't be the best one to tell him. I grasped onto his arm, needing the support and shook my head 'no'. He walked me to his room and I sat down on the edge of his bed nearly hyperventilating. I could tell that he tried to find some sources of light, but it was still almost black in the room.

"Lightning hit the power for this whole street, and we don't have a back-up generator," He said and I was trying to focus on not keeling over. "What's wrong?" He said cupping my face in his warm hands.

I swallowed the lump that was in my throat, "I'm-- I'm afraid of the dark." I tried not to look him in the eyes because I knew that it was completely embarrassing. I was _almost _ashamed of myself for having such a stupid fear. I didn't want to meet his eyes. He must think I'm some kind of a child now. I shyly met his eyes and saw the nothing but- love?

"I know what you must think-," I started.

"I don't think anything of it," He said calmly. "You should have told me." I laughed humorlessly at this.

"Right, and tell you 'by the way, I sleep with a nightlight because I'm terrified of the dark.' I don't think so." I said searching his eyes for whatever he was hiding.

He sighed, "Really, I understand." He looked so earnest that I believed him. He wouldn't lie about something like that. "I'll go get some more candles and flashli--."

"NO!" I yelled grabbing him before he could leave me. "Don't leave, please."

"Ok, sure I won't leave," he said sitting back down.

"Part of the fear is being alone, who knows what could happen," I said trying to explain my outburst.

"I should have known, I'm sorry," He said still looking at me with his beautiful, earnest eyes. "Why don't you lie down?" He suggested. I had to admit, I was tired and laying down would stop the spinning in my head.

I leaned back onto the soft pillows and tried to relax. I felt Ryan move behind me and then I looked over to see that he was laying in the same position I was. I scooted closer to him not caring to try and be discrete.

I propped my head up on my hand and looked down at him, "Can I stay with you tonight?" Instead of answering he lifted himself up and kissed me tenderly. "I'm sorry was that a 'yes'?" He pulled my face toward him and held me closer as my lips molded to fit his once again. The fear vanished and the butterflies returned to my stomach. I was drowning in Ryan once again. Tiny shivers rolled up and down my arms and my head felt like I was floating on air. As we pulled away, I kept myself entangled around him. I put my head on his chest and listened to his heart pound in the same fervent rhythm as mine. My eyes drifted shut and I felt sleep approaching.

The last thing I remember before falling asleep in the arms of Ryan Wolfe was the faint sound of his voice crooning "I think I may be in love with you."

**P.S.- I was thinking of making the next chapter Ryan's view about this night, just so you could get his thoughts and whatnot. Let me know what you think because if you don't like it then I won't add it in.**


	9. Completely Clueless

_Buzz, Buzzzzz, Buzzzzz...._

I let out a small sigh as this incessant alarm like noise began to wake me from my sleep. I reached over to my right and tried to turn off my alarm, and my arm smacked into a table with an auditable _thud_.

"Ouch!," My eyes snapped open as I cried out in pain. As I started to examine the spot where there would surely be a bruise, I realized that I wasn't in my bedroom. Confused, I looked around the bed I was lying in and saw the shape of another person. I rubbed my temple and tried to remember what had happened last night.

_I know it had something to do with a storm, and darkness and..... OHH!!_

The memories came flooding back to me now, I was in Ryan's bedroom. Technically, I had slept with Ryan last night. A small grin slipped onto my face as I thought about that. I flopped back onto the pillow behind me and thought about all that had occurred last night. My memory was still a bit hazy with sleep, but I knew that it was one of the best nights of sleep I had ever had. I closed my eyes and yawned, stretching a little.

And then I felt a drop of water fall on my nose.....

I popped open my eyes and found myself staring right at Ryan.

I smiled up at him, " Morning. So, whatcha doing?

"I was trying to surprise you actually," He said sheepishly. I propped myself up on my elbows so I was on the same level with him. I was suddenly aware of the fact that Ryan was fresh out of the shower, and that he had no shirt on. Mesmerized, I stared at his smooth, tanned chest that was still gleaming with water.

Ryan cleared his throat and I broke the small trance that I had. I could see a small grin upon Ryan's lips and my cheeks flushed red with color.

"You, um, you ok?" He looked at me knowingly and I tried to hide my embarrassment.

"Yeah, uh, so," I said trying to change the subject. "What exactly was this surprise? I would like to know."

"Ohh, that," He said as he let his hand wander and come to a rest of my thigh. "It wasn't really anything."

I swallowed the lump the was gathering in my throat and tried not to focus on the warm hand that was now slightly stroking my left thigh. I looked up at him and tried to figure out what exactly he was doing, but his eyes were not giving anything away. I managed to choke out a "huh" at his comment which caused him to break into an even larger grin.

"Are you _sure _you're ok?" Ryan asked me again _clearly_ enjoying the torturous pleasure I was experiencing. "Is there anything I can do?" He began leaning closer to me and I could feel his hot breath hitting me across my reddened cheeks. My blood boiled with every touch, every slight movement.

Before I could even answer, I felt Ryan's warm lips eclipse mine. I moved into him, grabbing onto his shoulder for support. This kiss was different from all of the others. There was a sense of urgency and hunger that sent shivers rocketing through my body. As the kiss deepened, I ran my hands through the wet tresses of Ryan's hair. He broke away from the kiss and began to make a path of little lovebites down my jaw line to my neck. I closed my eyes trying to gain a hold of my composure, I was sure my heart was going to beat out of my chest . I moaned as he kissed the little place where my collarbone met my neck. I whispered his name and he looked up at me with his hazel eyes in fiery and agonized bliss.

"I, um," Ryan started, I could tell he was slightly embarrassed. "I'm sorry, I didn't--"

I cut him off as I softly pressed my lips to his. "Don't be," I said after I had broken the kiss. "I just don't want to have to explain to everyone why I have a hickey on my neck."

He laughed at my comment and then a frantic look washed over his features. He jumped up from his spot leaving me clueless as to what the heck was going on. He was searching for something by the side table that I _hadn't _hit my hand on. He pulled out his cell phone and I realized that that was the source of the buzzing I had heard earlier.

_What the hell is going on?_

"I am late, Delko is going to kill me," He said to me as if he had heard my question all along. I watched him as he dressed in a pink button down shirt, and wondered why his whole closet was color arranged. "I have to drop you off at your place is that ok?" I nodded and went over to the small chair in his room that held my belongings and only put my shoes on because I was already fully clothed. I gathered the rest of my things in my arms and followed him out the door with a haste I didn't know that I had.

**~**********~**

"Sorry," Ryan said as he began driving. "That wasn't exactly how I had wanted that to, um, happen." He looked over at me with an apologetically and I smiled at him.

"That's fine," I said looking at his profile as he drove faster than he probably should. "I thought I already told you that you shouldn't be sorry."

"You could tell me again," He retorted with a devilish glint in his eyes. I snorted and gave him my best 'yeah right' look, which only proceeded to make him laugh.

"You're such a dork," He said still laughing at me.

"Ohh, but you know you love me," I replied in the same tone he did. I kept waiting for him to laugh or say something, but when I looked over he just kept staring ahead, his mouth pressed in a straight line. I was completely confused, just a moment ago we were joking and laughing and now things were all serious.

_What is the matter with him? Is he really that worried about Delko? What could I have possibly said? _

I struggled with my self conscience and tried to understand the reason for Ryan's blatant silence. I was never going to figure him out. Before I had anymore time to speculate the reason for this sudden silence, we were parked in front of my apartment. As I turned to get out of the car, I was stopped by the sound of Ryan's voice.

"But what if I did?" He asked me so softly I wasn't sure if I'd even heard him. His eyes faltered in a way that I had never seen before.

"What if you did what?" I asked wondering what on Earth he was talking about. He didn't answer me, he simply looked away and stared at the steering wheel. "Ryan what are you talking about?" I just didn't understand his sudden hesitation. What could possibly have him this tied up?

"I really should go," He said not answering my question at all. "I'm really late, and so are you."

"Yeah, fine," I said feeling some anger rising to the surface. "Will I be able to actually _talk_ to you later?"

_Or are you just going to keep ignoring me?_

"Yeah, I'll see you at work."

I didn't reply, and I didn't even say goodbye, I just got out of the car and walked up to my door without even a glance back. At this moment, Ryan Wolfe was not one of my favorite people. My biggest pet peeve has to be when people ask a question and don't even explain themselves, it goes so far beyond annoyance and I couldn't even begin to describe it.

I didn't even care about how I looked, so I just threw on a few random things from my closet and barely bothered with make-up. The only person I really wanted to look nice for was not in the best graces with me.

The whole drive to MDPD I tried to construe the meaning of his words, but I was coming up with nothing. I was truly stumped, and for a lawyer that is a hard thing to admit. I walked through the glass doors of the crime lab before I even thought of an excuse as to why I was late. So, I tried to blend into the crowd of people that always seem to be congesting the halls. If no one saw me then no one could ask.

I almost made it all the way to my office when Calleigh caught me

"Hi Lauren," She said in her sunshine voice. "We've been lookin' for you everywhere."

"Hi," I said trying to give myself time to think of a reason why I was late. "I'm so sorry, I overslept. I hope you guys haven't been waiting too long." She smiled at me and I let out a sigh of relief.

"No we've been ok, we just wanted to run all these files past you to." She said as she and I started walking toward the heart of the lab. "Did your power go out too?"

"What? Oh, um, no," I replied trying not to let my cracking voice get the best of me. "Why?"

"Oh well Ryan was late too and he said he lost power," She said with that smile still on her face. "I thought _maybe _you lost power as well." She gave me a knowing look and I tried to cover the blush that was rushing into my face.

"Nope, not that I know of," I laughed a nervous laugh and we finally reached the break room where the rest of the team was gathered.

"If you say so," Calleigh said as she opened the door. Everyone stopped their chatter as the two of us entered the room together. My gaze immediately landed on Ryan who still seemed just as torn up as he had earlier. I smiled warmly at him because I couldn't stand this whole stupid thing and I hated to see him like this.

"Sorry I'm late guys," I said feeling like I should apologize because I knew they were waiting.

"That's ok," Natalia said. "We're just glad that you're ok. Did you loose power too?"

I sighed and started to answer her question when Calleigh responded for me. "She overslept, I guess you can never trust those alarm clocks." I looked at her questioningly and shook off her weird behavior.

_What is with everyone today? _

I followed as Calleigh went to go sit down with the rest of the team and noticed how she _deliberately_ left the seat next to Ryan open for me to sit in, even though she was closer to that one rather than the one she took next to Natalia. I slid into my seat and cocked my head in her direction, but she only shrugged and I would swear that I saw some kind of a twinkle in her eye.

Delko started in with this news that was so big that we all had to have a meeting about, but I basically tuned him out. Every now and then I would hear key words like: dangerous, serial killer, cunning, and blah, blah, blah. It was no different than any other serial killer case I had worked on in D.C.

As I sat there trying to listen to Delko drone on, I could feel Ryan's gaze lingering my way. Every time I looked up he was staring at me with an intense look in his eyes. I shifted my weight in my chair and as I did, I felt Ryan's hand slip over mine under the table. At this, I looked up surprised. He let out a little grin and traced circles on my hand for the remainder of the meeting.

**~**********~**

As I was sitting in my office trying to make up the work that I was behind on, I heard the door open slightly. I didn't look up to see who it was because I already knew.....

"Hello Rya---," I looked up to see Calleigh sitting in the chair in front of my desk. "Ohh, hey Calleigh. What's up?"

"I think you know," She said with a little grin. "Come on."

I furrowed my brow, one of the many 'Ryan' things that has been rubbing off on me, "What is with you today?"

"You were with Ryan last night weren't you?" She said almost giddy, I never would have pictured Calleigh to be a gossip kind of girl, but I guess I was wrong. I tried to figure out the right way to answer her question, but I was coming up short.

I sighed, "What do you want me to say? 'Yes I was with him', would that make you happy?"

She stared at me for a moment, "Well, were you?"

"Why does it matter?" I asked frustrated with this game of 20 questions.

"Because," She said looking for the right words. "Because he is... happy. I haven't really seen him like this ever before." She smiled at me and continued, "If your the one that's making him happy then, well, thank you."

"Thank you?" I stammer baffled by what she's saying. "I don't know what is really going on but---"

"No really," She says insisting. "He has always been a little cranky and self righteous, but something about him is different, and I think it has to be you."

"We haven't known each other for that long," I barely whisper.

"I think that's the funny thing about life and love, you never know when it is going to hit you," And with that she got up and left, leaving me alone to contemplate the words she has just given me to chew on.

**~**********~**

The best thing about working in the morning has to be the fact that when you are done with work, usually the sun is still shining.

This was not one of those days......

This new serial killer A.K.A. Crazy Sniper had the whole lab in a frenzy. I had been analyzing files for at least 2 hours and come up with nothing that we could get a warrant on or anything useable for court. Whoever this guy was, he knew how to keep out of the law. I looked down at the police file that I had already read at least 15 times and pinched the bridge of my nose. This was the worst part about the job, the stress induced headaches. I leaned back in my chair and sighed. If I'm having trouble then DNA must be having a swell time.

There was a knock at my door which surprised me because usually everyone just barges in.

"Come in," I say still leaned back in my chair, my back is killing me from leaning over so much.

"Miss Southwood," I hear Horatio's voice and I look up with slight surprise. "I just thought I should let you know that you can leave for the evening. I don't think we're going to have a lot of luck with this tonight." He smiled his crooked smile at me.

"Ohh, well thank you," I say earnestly. "I probably would have been here all night pouring over these files."

"My pleasure," He says and walks out of the room without another word.

As soon as I put all of my files away, I grab my things and head for the door. I see that the shifts are changing and all of the day people look incredibly tired. On my way to the elevator I spot Natalia and give her a little wave. She throws me a smile and I wait for the elevator doors to open. As soon as they do, I hop inside and press the main floor button. Just as the silver doors are about the close, I hear someone shouting to 'hold the elevator'. I put my purse in between the doors so they will not close and wait for the person to ride down with me.

"Thanks," The man says and as soon as I hear his voice I realize that it is Eric Delko.

_Ohh this will be interesting......._

"Lauren," He says with a smile I don't even need to see. "How are you?"

"I'm just fine," I say as polite as possible. Things are still a little weird since he saw Ryan and I together.

"How's Ryan," He asks knowing it will tick me off.

"Why don't you ask him?" I reply hoping he will see that I don't feel like discussing this with him at all.

"Oh, I have," He says causing me to look up. "I just wanted to see how you were feeling about him."

"Why?" I ask curious about what he and Ryan might have talked about. "Did he say something?"

"Why don't you ask him," He mocked.

"Oh Eric, come on, what did he say?"

"See ya later," He said totally not listening to what I had just asked him.

_Stupid Delko.........._

"What are you guys talking about?" Ryan came up behind me asking, he must have taken the stairs.

"Umm," I look at him and feel my heart quicken. "You actually. What were you talking about with Delko earlier today?"

"What?" He questioned with a slightly concerned yet confused look in his eyes.

"Well, he said that I should ask you about how you were feeling." I replied trying to squeeze some kind of an answer out of him.

"Wait, what did Delko say?" He crossed his arms and shifted his weight.

"He said I should ask you," I crossed my harms just as he had, mimicking his position. "So, what do _you_ have to say?"

He mumbled something under his breath that I couldn't quite make out, but it sounded like a few swears with Delko's name thrown in. "Nothing, really. Just guy stuff."

"Uh-huh." I said skeptically.

Feeling like that was the end of our conversation Ryan began to head for the door, and I watched as he continued to walk away without another word. My mind was spinning with the strange conversation that had just taken place. With all of the confusion gripping me tightly I blurted out one of the many thoughts I was holding in.

"Why the hell are you so bi-polar?" I basically yelled not being able to hold back the annoyed tone in my voice.

He stopped dead in his tracks and turned to face me from where he was standing five feet away.

"Because I've never been in love before." He simply said, and then he continued right out the door into the fading sunset.

A/N: I'm back!! Yay!! So I had a lot on my plate for the past well, few months. I lost my writing voice for a while, but it has come back and I swear that I will be trying to update as much as possible. Look for stuff on the weekends, mostly Saturday and Sunday. It will be there for sure! Hope this satisfies some cravings that you might have had and I hope that I still have some of you readers left!!

Lulu 3


	10. Find the Right Words

Usually if someone says that they basically love you, one would chase after whomever said those beautiful words that every woman longs to hear.

But not me.

Nope, I just stood there like a complete idiot with my mouth still hanging wide open. I didn't run after him to tell him, well anything. I just stood there. No one had ever said anything remotely like what Ryan had said to me ever before. All those years dreaming about the perfect person to come along and sweep me off my feet, and when it finally happens, _I just stand there_.

I didn't want to admit that I felt the same way, I am a strong, independent woman and I don't need a man to make me happy.

Right?

"Wrong, very wrong." I mumbled to myself as I sat on my bed replaying the scene over and over. I analyzed and over analyzed every little movement that he had made, and everything that I didn't say. I thought about what I would have done differently, like for starters, responding. But what exactly would I have said? Even after I had spent the whole night thinking about this one particular question, I still had no answer. I have no idea what I would have said, no idea at all.

_How about "wow Ryan, I think I'm falling for you too. That would have been good. _

The little annoying voice in my head throws that one at me, and I sigh because I know that it is right. I should have said that, or something very similar.

But I knew I wouldn't.

_I_ don't fall in love, _I_, the self proclaimed pessimist, would never find anything wonderful like that. _I_ didn't believe in things like love or destiny, so it would never happen.

But it did.

I knew that I had completely fallen for Ryan. I knew that I had when he looked into my eyes and told me that he would always be right there beside me. I knew that I had fallen for him when he kissed me on that rainy night and then held me close while the storm raged on.

"Arrrggghh," I sighed throwing my hands up in frustration. Why did he have to come along and do this? Why did he have to make me question everything I had always thought about love? He had to make me want to be with him every second, he just had to make me think about him all night.

And thinking about him was something that I couldn't seem to stop doing. Every piece of Ryan filled my mind, like they way his cologne smelled as clean as the morning rain, or the soft smile that would play on his lips, and the way his hazel eyes would reflect whatever he was feeling on the inside, even if he didn't want to show it on the outside.

And then that was it.

That was the end of the internal battle I was having with myself, I knew what I had to do. I had to let go of my pride and any rational thought that I had ever had. I needed to just feel. I needed to listen to what my heart was telling me.

So I did.

I jumped out of my warm nest of covers and ransacked through my purse looking for the small piece of information I knew I had hidden in the many pockets of it. When I found the little scrap of paper I was looking for, my heart began to race. I stared at the seven numbers written and knew that this was what I had to do.

Then I picked up the phone and began to dial.

~*********~

**Ryan's POV**

There is always a catch. I have found this out the hard way. Just when I think something might be going my way, _bam_, reality hits me right back in the face with such a force I never quite seem to believe. I get hired to be a CSI, and the whole team basically hates me. I gamble a little bit, and then I lose my job. I even had a nail shot into my eye when it finally seemed like everything was going alright. All of these things seem to pale in comparison to the most recent shock of reality that has been thrown my way, however.

I tell a girl that I love her, and she doesn't say a word.

Granted I walked away from the conversation as soon as the words left my mouth, but I thought maybe she would have _something_ to say after I told her. But, I had yet to hear one word for her. Just when I thought that maybe this whole thing would work out, I was left sitting here alone on a Friday night. Maybe it was too soon to say something? After all, we haven't known each other for that long, a few weeks at most. But when you feel such a strong connection to someone how do let those feelings pass? I felt like I had known her since the beginning of time, like we had met in some other life and there was still a fire that burned between us.

I'll admit it, I haven't had too many relationships. I'm always busy with work and it can be hard to find someone, especially when you are not looking. And then here she comes into my life, a force to be reckoned with. It was as if someone had said, _"You two, together now." _I felt it the first time I met her by that dusty highway, and I still feel it now. A strange sense of lightheadedness and something else that I don't quite recognize.

But I figured it out, being the good CSI that I am. That unknown feeling was love. I was head-over-heels for this girl. I was in love. Nothing had ever felt so right before in my life. All the puzzle pieces were starting to fall into place, except for one.

I had no idea if she felt the same way I did.

She was still silent, and it made me continue to question everything. I didn't quite know what to think anymore. It was not like she hadn't wanted to be with me. So, what was holding her back? I just needed to hear her voice, I needed to talk to her.

I hated this feeling, not knowing what is going to happen next. I was always so on top of things and now the tables are turned and I don't know if I can turn them back. I sighed and put my head in my hands, and I just stared at the beige carpet of my apartment. While I was looking down, I noticed a piece of stray lint ruining the picture perfect cleanliness I had.

The overpowering feeling to clean was kicking into full gear, and I knew that it wouldn't go away until I did something about it. Glancing at the clock, It read 9:00P.M it bright letters. I would give myself an hour and then no more. I pulled the vacuum out of the closet and then grabbed the Pine-Sol to do the kitchen and bathroom. In this hurried frenzy, I noticed that there was a small film of dust beginning to gather on the tables and other electronics. Sighing, I put the vacuum down and grabbed the feather duster as well.

"This could take more than an hour," I said to myself. Then I prepared to control another curse that seemed to plague my life-OCD.

Yes, it is a curse having to make sure everything is in order at all times, and keeping things color and numerically coordinated can be a hassle if someone messes with my system. Yet at the same time, cleaning can be very relaxing. I had finished doing all of the vacuuming and I was moving on to the floors when I realized that I hadn't though about Lauren yet.

"Ha," I snorted at my own thought. "At least until then I hadn't." I pulled out the bucket and began to pour the cleaning solution into it, and I just let the fresh smell fill my mind. All the uneasiness was gone. About halfway through completely scrubbing down the kitchen, I noticed a ringing that was not coming from the music I was listening to on my Ipod. I took out the ear piece and I could still hear the blasting sounds of The Bravery, but there was also something else.

At the small coffee table I grabbed my cell phone and read the caller ID, the number was unfamiliar to me, but I picked it up anyway.

After hitting the talk button, I was immediately hit with the blasting sounds of loud unidentifiable music. "Hello," I yelled into the receiver. I could hear faint sounds of someone mumbling, and then the music slowly dimmed.

"Wolfe," I heard Delko's voice on the other end, and felt slightly disappointed, he wasn't exactly the person that I wanted to hear from. "Hey, are you there?"

"Yeah, I'm here," I said to him hoping that this wasn't going to be a waste of my time.

"Well, I'm down here at Steamers and I thought you would be here." He said. "It's karaoke night, c'mon it's fun."

I laughed at they way he was trying to urge me to come down there with him, "Only if you sing is it fun." I glanced at the clock and saw that I had killed about an hour cleaning. But it wasn't too late yet. "I don't know, I'm not sure I want to listen to crappy singers tonight."

"What do you already have plans Wolfe?"

I smirked, "Nope, not really."

"Well then why not come?" He said as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. "I'll buy you a drink."

"All right," I said giving in, maybe I did need to get a out for a while. "I'll be there in 15."

With that I hung up the phone and started putting all of my cleaning supplies away. After I had changed, I got into my car and headed for the city hoping that a night out would keep my mind off of the one constant thing that always seemed to wrap it up, the women that I still had yet to talk to.

~*********~

The ring on the other side of the phone kept me biting my nails wondering if I was making the right decision. I needed to talk, and I knew that I could count on this person to help me out in that department. By the fifth ring I thought about hanging up, but as soon as the thought entered my mind, a voice on the other end answered.

"Hello?" The voice I knew all too well answered.

"Hi mom, it's Lauren." I said trying to stay strong. "Can we talk?"

"Of course," She said a slight concern coating her voice. "What going on?"

I thought for a moment about what I should tell her, and then decided that she should know everything. "Let me start from the beginning……"

So I told my mom about everything that had happened since I came to live in Miami. Work, the weather, and of course Ryan. She mostly listened, interjecting a few times here and there. But as I told her about how I was feeling and all of the things that Ryan had told me, I could tell that she wasn't going to be able to just sit back and listen anymore.

"He told you that he loved you?" She questioned making sure that she had got all of the facts right.

"Uh huh," I replied sheepishly.

"And you said nothing?"

"Well, basically."

"Lauren," She asked with a slightly sharper tone in her voice. "How long have you known this, Ryan- is that his name?"

At the sound of his name my pulse quickened, "Yeah that's his name. I've known him since I've been here."

"So not too long." She said shortly.

"Yeah, not to long." I said already seeing where this was going. She was going to tell me that I was being crazy and that I couldn't possibly know what kind of feelings I have for Ryan until I know him at least a little better. Sometimes, my mom just handed out the truth and basically said take it or leave it.

"Can I ask you something else," She said pulling me from my thoughts.

"Oh, sure," I replied waiting for her to open up on me with the totally mom talk that I desperately needed.

"Do you love him?" She asked me softly, and I was so shocked that my answer was just a slight 'huh'. "Lauren, do you love him, it really is a simple question."

"I-I think that I do," I replied telling it more to myself that to her.

"Well, then it is simple," She said very happily. "You have to tell _him _that, and if you want to be with him you should. You don't have to always be alone and strong Lauren, you deserve to be happy too. I know that with after what happened in D.C you--."

"Mom," I cut her off not wanting to talk about what happened in the past, what was done was done. "Are you sure this is what I should do?"

She sighed, "Honey, I know that you don't like putting yourself out there, but you need to. If you love this boy then you _need _to tell him."

"I know, I'm just scared." I finally said out loud what I had been feeling this whole time. I was scared of what was to come, and how things would play out, I was finally able to admit to that.

"Love is unpredictable, but you need to stop thinking about it so much," She said giving me the words of wisdom like I knew she could. "This is not courtroom strategy, it's not even logical. It's how you feel and the emotions that make you feel that way. Just let go and follow what your heart is telling you what to do."

"But, what if things aren't like--."

"Stop worrying about how things might not turn out, you have to take that step before you can even think about that level." I could hear her smile while she told me this. "You are a smart and successful young woman Lauren, just let yourself be truly happy for once."

"I'm trusting you on this one you know," I replied back with a slight laugh. "I hope your right."

"Aren't I always?" She countered.

I didn't even need to reply because we both knew the answer was yes, she was _always_ right.

"I miss you," She said to me after the long pause. "I'll have to come visit soon, you know, to work on my tan."

I laughed, "Oh yeah, that's the only reason. And I miss you too."

"Well, keep me posted, and I will have to meet the boy who swept you off your feet so quickly."

"Mom, I'm 25. I don't date boys,"

"Oh, well excuse me, the _man_ who swept you off your feet." She chuckled to herself. "Is that better?"

"Yeah, yeah," I said rolling my eyes. "I love you mom, thank you."

"I love you too, that's why I'm here, to help with all of life's little dilemmas." She said with a yawn. "Don't forget what I told you."

"I won't, bye."

I hung up the phone and starred at it for just a moment before dialing the number that I had memorized when I first received it. I decided that I should follow my mom's advice before I lost my nerve completely. When the phone kept ringing and ringing, I looked at the clock to make sure it wasn't too late. 10:24 P.M. it read and I shrugged wondering what was taking him so long to answer.

When I reached Ryan's voice mail for the second time, I hung up the phone with a huge sigh of annoyance. Where _is_ he? Just as I was about to think about going to bed and sleeping whatever this feeling was off, my phone rang. I looked down at the number and saw that it was Ryan's that was flashing. I quickly sat down and took a deep breath before answering.

"Hello?" I said very airy.

"Lauren?" The voice that I heard was not Ryan however, It was Calleigh. Not only was I very confused, I had no idea how to respond.

"Umm yeah," I said letting the confusion slip into my voice.

"Well hello!" She said in her cheerful voice. I could hear that she was somewhere that sounded like a bar, but I wasn't quite sure why she had Ryan's phone.

So, I asked.

She laughed almost hysterically when she heard the tone of my voice, "It's not like that," She continued to giggle. "Eric and I were out at steamers and he invited Ryan, and I heard his phone. I saw it was you and decided to call you back."

I let out a sigh of relief that I didn't even know I was holding in, "I see."

"So, what are you doing?" She asked.

"Well, nothing really." I said wondering where this conversation was heading.

"Why don't you meet us here?" She said still keeping slightly coy. I wasn't even sure if I wanted to see Ryan yet. "It's really a nice place, and Eric might be doing some karaoke later tonight."

I laughed as that mental picture popped into my head and thought about what my mom had told me earlier, "Sure I'll come."

"Great!" She said, and while I took down the directions she gave me, I thought about what exactly I was going to say to Ryan. I wasn't even sure if he was going to want to listen to what I had to say, so I began to form a plan to tell Ryan exactly how I felt without having to even really say it out loud. I could make him hear me, and I could make him listen. First, I just had to find the right words.


	11. If I Fell

Just off the main drag of mostly all of Miami's nightlife, was where a small club named Steamers was nestled. As the neon sign continued to blaze in front of me, I sat in my car thinking about exactly what I wanted to do. I knew that I didn't want to have to face Ryan right away, and that could be accomplished with the kind of crowd that was no doubt packing the small club.

I had found the right words, but saying them was a whole other condition. Being the coward that I could sometimes be, I needed to just forget about everything else and go for it before I decided right there to drive home. I looked down at my steering wheel one last time and shut off the ignition, setting my fate.

As soon as I stepped out of my car the blaring music of the club could be heard. "I'm really hoping your right on this one mom." I said to myself as I checked my appearance in the small entrance door. Picking an outfit to wear for this was very stressful. I mean, you always want to look good, but not too good, and I still wasn't sure which path I had chosen.

My black halter top was nothing too striking, and paired with my favorite pair of skinny leg jeans made it seem casual. I didn't really care what other people thought when they saw me. I just wanted _him_ to think about me.

Just as I had predicted, Steamers was packed with people. Some just hanging around with friends after a long day at work, and others partying till dawn. As I moved through the crowd, I tried to keep my eye out for anyone who I might have recognized. Seeing no one, I worked my way to the bar, keeping only what I had come here to do on my mind.

"And what can I get for you tonight beautiful?" I turned to see the bartender standing in front of me with a grin on his face. It was at this moment I realized why I hated coming to places like this so much. Everyone is always trying to hit on you or they just are working a very unnecessary amount of mojo to get a good tip. In this case, it was definitely the latter.

"Nothing for me thanks," I said as I watched the grin fall from his face. "But I was wondering if I could speak with whomever runs the sound or possibly the manager?"

Defeated, he said, "Yeah, let me get him for you."

"Thanks so much," I said feeling like I might actually be able to pull this whole thing off.

My heart pumped wildly with anticipation, sometimes things don't go the way that they are planned, but this seemed to be a good sign. I smiled to myself and moved along with the blaring music, feeling slightly victorious. My newly acquired mood was ruined, however, when the person next to me spun around in their chair meeting my eyes with a smirk.

"Well, I don't believe my eyes, Lauren Southwood is out at a nightclub." The annoying impish man said to me sarcastically.

"Hi Jake," I sighed, clearly showing my displeasure in having to see him. "It's a pleasure, truly." I rolled my eyes and tried to turn away, hoping that the manager would be coming soon. I never failed that when something was going my way he had to show up. Whenever I had Ryan on my mind he was there to try and make me forget.

"No, the pleasure is all mine," He said pulling me away from my thoughts, and clearly not catching the hint. "I rarely get to see you anymore," He said laced with sarcasm. "You know, since you attacked me."

I snapped my head back to him, annoyed, "What is it that you want Jake?"

That stupid smirk that I hated so much crept back onto his lips, "Why, to talk to you of course."

"Well I'm busy," I started to turn back around when I felt his hand on my exposed shoulder. I was a burning sensation, not like anything I had ever really felt. I tried to shrug away the feeling because it was so different from the soft caresses I would get when Ryan would touch me. I didn't like it.

He raised his eye brow, "With what, might I ask?"

"Look," I said taking a step back causing his hand to drop back at his side. "I just want you to leave me alone, ok?" Before he could respond, the bartender came back with someone in tow and I walked around the bar to go meet this person, glad to be away from Jake and all of he strange sensations that he had sent me.

~*********~

"Your lucky that I think you're pretty," Jack the manager of Steamers joked with me after agreeing to what I had told him my plan to tell Ryan how I felt was. "And if this guy doesn't get the hint, I'm free on Sunday." He winked at me and I laughed at him while he went off to tell the D.J. what exactly was going to happen.

Jack was a nice guy, so I dodged a bullet there. He really understood what I wanted to do, and knew that I wouldn't take no for an answer. Plus when I told him who exactly I had planned this all for, he was mildly excited. Apparently, some of my favorite CSI's were regulars to this particular club. From what Jack had told me, they all showed up almost every Sunday. He said he was glad to see Ryan (who is always so damn serious) with someone who could break his outer shell.

"_He just needs someone," Jack had told me earlier. "He may not always look lonely, but he can't fake what he's feeling on the inside. Plus, seeing everyone else pair off, how can you not be a just a little jealous?" _

_"What do you mean?" I had asked wondering just what he was implying. _

_"Oh, well," He said breaking it down for me. "I've seen the relationships come and go for them all. When the blonde and the Cuban started to become somewhat of an item, it made Ryan the third wheel." _

So, here I sat behind the small stage of Streamers running over the words Jack had said to me, hoping that I would be able to have Ryan listen to what I had to say. After all of the denial and all of the fear, I was finally ready. But the only problem was if I was already too late. What if I had missed my chance? What if Ryan had decided that I was just too late with saying how I felt and that he just needed to move past it all?

I sighed trying to shove all of my pessimistic thoughts away. I had to listen to my heart and just put myself out there.

And then I had to hope that I didn't fall flat on my face.

As soon as I heard a slight hush come over the crowded club, I knew that that was my cue. Jack's voice boomed throughout the small house of people and he told them that there was going to be a special treat tonight. Whispers and hisses of people wondering what was going on made there way to my ears and I blocked them out, trying to focus. I didn't even hear him introduce me, I just walked onto the stage and sat down with my borrowed guitar in hand.

I scanned the audience unable to see because of the glaring spotlight, but I knew that he was still there.

I brought the microphone and stand down to my level and spoke, "Please, just listen." The message was clear and simple, and it was only meant for Ryan. I just wanted him to hear what I had to say so that he would know exactly how I felt.

I took a few deep breaths and closed my eyes, feeling the nerves starting to overpower me now. I fixed my brain on one image, and then opened my eyes trying to gain some confidence. I looked down at my shaking hands and began to strum the familiar chords, and they sounded just like I had remembered them. I looked out at the audience one last time and smiled just for him as I let the words that came from my heart slip of my mouth, Silently hoping that they could find their way to him.

~*********~

**Ryan's POV**

It is a very rare moment when there is relative silence in any club in Miami. So when this happened at Steamers, my curiosity was seriously peaked. From where I was sitting at my table with Calleigh and Delko just behind the dance floor, I could see the manager, who I think I've heard being called Jack, walk onto the stage. All of the music had stopped and the dance floor full of people were all staring at him expectedly.

He didn't announce what was going on, he just said that this special treat was sure to make people sit up and listen.

"What the hell is going on?" Delko asked me as he leaned across the table to get a better view of the stage.

"I have no clu--," My breath was caught in my throat as I was about to answer because the woman my thoughts had been centered around all night appeared on the stage. Holding a guitar and seeming nervous, she looked around the audience as if expecting to see someone. The way that the light hit her made her look more beautiful than I had ever seen. So I just stared at her, almost forgetting to breath.

"Is that Lauren?" Delko pointed at the stage.

"Yeah," I breathed shallow and low. "God she's gorgeous."

I heard my company snort slightly and I looked at the Delko who just shrugged, and Calleigh just smiled as if she somehow knew why Lauren was sitting in the glow of the spotlight. At the moment I didn't care what they were up to, I turned my attention back to the stage wondering why she was here.

"Please, just listen." She said to no one in particular, but I had the strangest feeling that she was talking to me. She strummed her guitar and began to play, she looked up with a slight smile on her lips and to my amazement, she began to sing.

_If I fell in love with you  
Would you promise to be true  
And help me understand  
'cause I've been in love before  
And I found that love was more  
Than just holding hands_

As she sang the room turned dead quite. She had the voice of an angel, like smooth honey, I felt a chill sweep up and down my back and wondered why I never knew this particular fact about her. I had no idea she was so talented, and I was truly blown away. I heard the lyrics she was singing, and tried to piece them together, hoping I could construe her message.

_If I give my heart to you  
I must be sure  
From the very start  
That you would love me more than him,  
If I trust in you, oh please  
Don't run and hide  
If I love you too, oh please  
Don't hurt my pride oh no  
'cause I couldn't stand the pain  
And I would be sad if our new love was in vain_

And then it hit me. She was singing about love, and she wanted me to listen. This song was for me, for her to tell me the best way that she could that she loved me to. I stood up from where I was sitting and began to walk closer to the stage, still listening to the song she was singing for me.

_So I hope you see, that I  
Would love to love you  
And that I will cry  
When I know we are two  
'cause I couldn't stand the pain  
and I would be sad if our new love was in vain  
so I hope you see, that I  
would love to love you,  
and that I will cry when I know we are two,_

_If I fell in love with you, yeah_

I moved my way up to the front just as she was finishing that last few lines. I stood right in front of where she was sitting on the stage. And just as she delivered the last line of her heart-felt song she looked right at me, as though she knew I was already there. And she sang right to me.

_I fell in love with you_

The crowd burst in a thunderous applause, but it didn't seem to phase her. She just looked at me and it was like we were the only two people in the room. I didn't see anything but her. The manager came back onto the stage, but I tuned out whatever he happened to be saying. Lauren took a slight bow after he prompted her to do so, and then she scattered from the stage so quickly I wasn't sure if I had even blinked before she was gone.

Determined not to let her slip past me, I ran to the door that lead backstage and opened it just as she was about to try and run out. She stopped and stared at me for a moment before she turned around and bolted in the other direction, as to get away from me as quickly as possible. I sighed and ran in the same path she was heading, accepting the fact that I was always the one who was going to be chasing after her.

~*********~

He was standing right in front of me. Just as I had opened the door there he was looking just like he had from the stage, as handsome as ever. I basically flew from the stage, because I am a total coward, and I didn't want to have to face him at this exact moment.

So much for that plan.

Obviously he figured out that I was singing to him, and now he wanted to talk about it. But as he was standing not even eight inches away from me, I did the first thing that popped into my mind.

I ran.

Yep, I turned around and ran away. I could hear him calling my name, but I just kept going not really sure why I was running, or why I kept going. I knew that I was here for him and that I wanted to see him, but I just kept going. As his steps got closer and closer behind me I became nervous and just pushed the door open that was in front of me. Suddenly, I felt a blast of warm air on my skin and I looked around to see that I was outside. Apparently, the back exit was the best way to run away when your not sure what to do.

"Lauren," I heard Ryan say catching his breath behind me.

_Or maybe not._

"Why are you running away," He said taking a step closer. I could hear the confusion and yearning in his voice. "Why?" He put his hands on my shoulders and spun me around to face him, searching for answers in my unsure eyes.

I looked down, not sure what to say, and he lifted my chin up so that he could look straight into my soul. "Why Lauren?" He still had the same softness in his voice and I felt my heart leap into my throat.

"Because I love you ok?" I said feeling wetness forming in my eyes. I squirmed out of his grasp, not being able to handle all of the emotions I was feeling.

"So your going to keep walking away from me?" He followed to where I was now and I heard him sigh in frustration. "Just try to help me understand, because I don't. You sing to me the most beautiful song I have ever hear, tell me that you love me and, and cry?"

I looked up at him hating to see the torture that I was putting him through, "I know, I'm sorry. I just don't know what to do." The tears were falling faster now, and I couldn't make them stop.

He reached and wiped them away a soft smile coming to a rest on his lips, "I didn't think you would really cry."

"I don't know why you love me, and I don't know why I love you, but this whole thing that is happening is just--." I took a breath and looked at my shuffling feet. "It's a lot to handle right now, you know?"

A dark look came over his hazel eyes, "What are you trying to say Lauren?"

"I don't know," I said walking away from him. "I just don't know."

"Well, I do." He said taking my arm and pulling me into him. "I understand exactly."

I just continued to stare at him, totally amazed at the kind of man that he really was. He really did care about me, and he really did want to be with me. I was so overwhelmed by this whole night that I just wanted to fall asleep here in his arms. I took a slight step forward and leaned my head up against his chest, taking in his scent.

He stroked my hair lightly and said, " But why didn't you just tell me all of this earlier?"

"Because I'm an idiot," I retorted not even bothering to lift my head from where it was.

He laughed and pulled me away from him still holding me by the shoulders, "But you know I love you, and you love me."

"Yes, I do. And I'm sorry that it took me so long to say it." I said looking right at him, feeling the warmth radiating off of him as I did.

"I thought you said to never be sorry?" He said smirking at me.

"Oh," I replied lacing my arms behind his neck. "Did I?"

He nodded as he brought his lips closer and closer to mine making my whole body tremble with the anticipation of his kiss. When he closed his lips around mine I kissed him back with feverish passion, deepening the kiss. He ran his hands up and down my neck and I moaned feeling myself going weak in the knees. I grabbed onto his strong shoulders for support and pressed my body against his. Everything about this moment was so _right_ and I wanted it to last for ever. I wanted nothing more than to feel his warmth transferred to my body, I wanted to be wrapped up in his arms in pure agonizing pleasure. I wanted to wake up by his side, still smelling of his scent.

I knew that I wanted nothing more than just him. And he wanted me.


	12. Puzzle With A Missing Piece

Wrapped up between the white cotton sheets of a large queen bed, I silently laid watching the tanned body next to mine rise and fall. The dawn was just breaking through what remained of the evening sky. Brilliant oranges mixed with soft purples sending a pink glow through the fluffy clouds, Miami was beautiful in the early morning hours. Everything seemed to come alive with the vibrant shine of the gleaming sun. I tilted my head to the side and smiled. While I was enjoying the beautiful scene that nature was playing out for me, Ryan was still slumbering, seemingly enjoying his peaceful dreams as evident by the slight smile on his lips. Forgetting about the scene unfolding beyond the window outside of Ryan's bedroom, I was enraptured with what was right before me.

Every slight movement he made was something more for me to study and memorize. The slight rise of his bare chest whenever he would breathe I kept tucked in the back of my mind. The way his long eyelashes would flicker slightly with whatever he happened to be dreaming of made a wide smile creep onto my face. Even his thin lips that always seemed to be turned downward in deep concentration kept my fascination when they seemed locked in a grin. As the sun poured into the room it caught the slight highlights of his brown hair and gave it a sheen that made me reach out to feel the softness between my fingers. Caressing his hair lightly, I sank down lower onto the mattress beneath me and propped my head up with my left hand. Keeping these things that I had studied and learned buried in a place only I could reach them, I decided to close my eyes in pure content.

"Mmmphhh," Ryan let out this small sigh. My eyes snapped open and I retracted my hand hoping that I hadn't woken him. "Why did you stop-- that was nice." He said groggily, without opening his eyes.

I sighed loudly annoyed that my hoping didn't work, "I didn't want to wake you. So much for that." I plopped my head down on the pillow and stretched out my back and neck, as both were a little sore.

In my moment of distraction, Ryan wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close to his warm body. Nestled close to him, I closed my eyes again preparing myself for a little bit more sleep that I most likely needed. I realized, however, that it is very difficult to sleep when someone is continuously sending little kisses up and down your neck. Trying to shrug off the shivers that rocked my body every time his lips collided with my skin was not something that sleep can prevail over.

"Trying to sleep here," I mumble as he continues to keep a hold of me with his arms, weighing me down.

Laughing at me he said, "Oh really, I thought you were too busy staring at me?"

"Huh?" I broke out of his grasp starring at him with wonder. "You were awake this whole time?" I was surprised at how annoyed my tone seemed to be, and it seemly caused him to move back slightly, raising one eye brow.

"I'm--sorry," He said emotionlessly. "I didn't know that I wasn't allowed to be awake." His eyes were squinted slightly and he sat up crossing his arms over his chest, this was how I could tell that he was fuming with anger.

_Uh-oh._

"Ryan," I sighed reaching out only to have him pull away. "I didn't mean it like that, c'mon." He wasn't swayed and continued to look at me stoically. I could never win with him it seemed. Everything was always hot and cold within minutes. I sighed again and decided to lie down, if he was going to ignore me then fine, I'll ignore him too. I peered over at him from the corner of my eye and saw that he was still just sitting there. Still angry no doubt, although, that always seemed to be the way that things went. Fight and make up two seconds later.

"This is stupid," He declared dragging me away from my thoughts. "We fight about the stupidest things, it's ridiculous."

"Well," I said propping up to be at his level, "Which is it? Stupid or ridiculous?"

He broke a smile and rolled his hazel eyes while shaking his head at my comment stating "You," he said pointing his finger at me, "are a dork."

I smiled at him warmly, "But---"

"But I love you, yeah I know," He said finishing my statement for me because he already knew exactly what I was going to say. He bent down and gave me a soft peck on the lips and laid back down on his pillow re-assuming the same position he was in before. I curled up the small nook between his arm and put my head on his chest rising and falling with his breath and listening to his heart beat.

_Lub-lub, rise, lub-lub, fall, lub-lub, rise, lub-lub, fall, lub-lub, rise, lub-lub, fall. _

"What are you thinking about," He asked interrupting the soothing rhythm that was rocking me off to sleep.

"Nothing really," I yawned and tucked myself closer to the warmth that was radiating off of his body.

I felt him nod, "Ohh." This was more of a question than him answering to what I had just said. It was very open-ended, as if he had more to say, but didn't want to.

"Why," I said playing to him. "What were you thinking about?"

He answered almost immediately, "Well, just about us you know. This whole thing it feels, well, _right_, you know? It's just that the last girl I dated, oh man, it was so wrong and I'm not used to this and what about work? We really have to----"

He was still talking, but I started to tune him out. I know it makes me a horrible person, but I was so tired. He just kept rambling on and on about just random things, well not really random, they had to do with me and _us,_ but I really couldn't help it. As much as I cared about loved Ryan, he had a tendency to ramble slightly.

"Are you listening Lauren?" He asked making eye contact with me looking expectant.

"Oh, yeah," I fumbled with the words and flashed a quick smile. "Now what did you say again?"

"What are we going to tell people at work?" He repeated throwing me for a little bit of a loop, that was not what I had expected.

"Well, that certainly is a loaded question," I said still taken aback.

He snorted, "Tell me about it."

"What do you think we should do?" I asked unsure of how to handle this situation. I had never dated a co-worker before.

"I don't know," He laughed. "Why do you think I asked you?"

"Ohh,duh," I said smacking myself on the forehead and almost poking myself in the eye.

After laughing at how ridiculous I looked, Ryan stated, "I guess Delko already knows so--."

"And Calleigh," I chimed in

"She knows too?" He furrowed his brows in confusion.

"Did I forget to mention that?" I asked sheepishly.

He didn't respond.

"I guess that's a yes." I muttered.

"There going to be talking about us you know," He said after a moment of silence. "It's inevitable."

I laughed at his grim tone, "You're so overdramatic you know that?"

"It's true!" He said shooting up from his position, causing me to fall off of him and onto the bed with an audible _umph_. "Oh sorry." He helped me up to a sitting position still looking slightly frazzled. "I don't want everyone to know, it's none of their business. And I don't want to be MDPD gossip either." He ran his hands through his hair causing it to stand on end and look disheveled.

"It's not a huge deal," I said calmly. "I don't really care what they say. They're nothing to worry about." I put my hands over his and brought them away from his hair, caressing them slightly with my thumbs.

He looked down and our hands entangled together and sighed, "We both didn't work this weekend either, they are definitely talking about us."

I raised my eyebrows at him suggestively. "Should we give them something to talk about?"

"What exactly would you happen to be suggesting hmmmm?" He said pulling me close to him catching onto my obvious hint.

"I can think of a few things," I replied touching my finger to my lips. "How about, oh I know, running into work on Monday telling everyone who asks how my weekend was that I spent it basically naked and in bed with you?"

He laughed, "I'm sure that would go over just great, but, what if I gave you a hickey on your neck and you just didn't say anything about it?"

I smacked him playfully in the arm and feigned seriousness, "You would put a strange mark on my body? I am shocked Ryan!"

"Oh, I would do anything to----" He started.

"Don't even say 'you' or I swear I will never sleep with you again." I said interrupting the lame statement that he was trying to make.

He locked his lips and threw away and imaginary key and then leaned in to kiss me, "I wouldn't want to risk that one."

I Laughed as his lips met mine for a fierce kiss. I fell on top of him as he ran his hands up and down my body making my temperature rise with every single touch. I felt the tiny shivers that only he can make me have start to travel up and down my spine, and I fell into this moment of bliss wanting it to last for as long as possible.

But Ryan broke away from the kiss we were sharing and breathed, "No--would not want to miss this." Before I even had a chance to process what he had said he pulled me into another kiss that made my heart beat faster with anticipation. The kiss was heavy and slow, feeling right in the moment. I closed my eyes and moved hastily feeling for his body, memorizing every inch, his rhythms and the hold that he had over me. We kissed wildly and feverishly, moaning and shaking. Moving together, Ryan pinned he down looking down looking at my face and pushed a stray hair out of my eyes. His lips poured down upon my own and I felt myself letting go of anything that I was holding back. I trembled as we moved together. It was slow then fast, then slow, then faster, and faster, more, and we continued together inside of one another wrapped up in this one sweet moment that was our very own piece of heaven.

Yes. Please. Yours. Mine. Fervor. Together. Wait. There. Mmm. Yes. Turn. Breathe. Sweat. Lower. More. Yes. Slow. Yearning. Here. Touch. Again. Hurry. Yes. Yes. Yes.

_Now_.

~*********~

Gotta love Mondays, there is always something that seems to keep them just as lively as the rest of the week. Today started off just like any other day, I woke up running late and hurried through all of my morning routine. I forgot that my coffee cup was on top of the car and drove with it sitting right above my head all the way to MDPD, getting many strange looks from the other cars that passed my way. I arrived to a pile of paperwork and a seemingly endless amount of whispers from my fellow co-workers.

As much as I hate to admit when I'm wrong, I was completely wrong about people knowing about my relationship with Ryan. He was right and it killed me to say it. From the moment I had walked in the door it seemed as though everyone was staring, and trying to figure out what exactly was going on. I decided to focus on the pile of papers sitting in front of me, not the buzz that was forming surrounding Ryan and I.

I missed him.

I know, I'm pathetic.

We had gone only about twelve hours without each other and I already was longing to have him hold me again. I sighed trying to control the irrational thoughts that I seemed to be having. Love was making me crazy. I never pictured myself to be this dependent, or want someone as much as I did when it came to Ryan. But, alas, I was utterly bonkers.

I was attempting to read through the file on the serial sniper that was targeting Miami. It was specially sent from Horatio to me, and I wanted to give it my full attention. We were really having difficulties when it came to this case. I began reading the suggested profile of the shooter when I heard a knock on my door.

"Come in," I replied not really paying attention to whomever walked into my office, I didn't want to look away from the enticing file. When I felt as though I was being watched I peered over the file and found….

_No one_.

I scoured my eyes over my office and found that there was not a soul inside but me. I could have sworn that I heard a knock on my door, but I guess I'm imagining things. I shook off the strange feeling and refocused my concentration on the file in my hands. Just as I was about to turn the page, I heard another knock on my door. I threw down the papers on my desk and decided that whoever was playing this joke on me was going to get a scare of their own. I jumped up from my chair and hid behind the space between my door and the wall and waited for the person to enter. I stood with a nervous anticipation, rocking on my heels back and forth, when I saw a shadow move into the threshold. Before I even looked to see who it was, I jumped from my hiding spot with a loud yell and flailing limbs.

"What the hell?" I heard a man's voice shout as he backed away from me drawing his gun from his holster. It was at this moment, staring down the barrel of a gun, that I realized Frank was the person I had jumped out and scared. Or, _attempted _to scare. "That's a good way to get yourself killed you know?" he shouted at me lowering his weapon. "What were you doing?"

"Umm, well," I laughed nervously, "I was trying to--you know what, never mind." I walked back to my chair feeling like a complete idiot and hoped that none of this would get back to, well, anyone. _Ever_.

"Yeah, well," He looked at me like I was crazy and continued, "Horatio wanted me to grab you." I looked up at this, intrigued. Horatio rarely needed me at a scene.

"Why?" I blurted out, unable to control my curiosity.

"The serial sniper claimed another victim, or so we think." He said looking at his watch, "We have to get out there, so c'mon." I grabbed my jacket off my chair and flew out the door to follow Frank.

You know, for a bigger guy, he can really haul ass. I mean, I walked out the door right behind him and I lost him by the time we made it to the front lobby. He couldn't have gone that far, I stood in the middle of the lab hoping to spot him by just standing still for a moment. Scanning through the crowd, I caught sight of him getting onto an elevator and ran to catch up with him.

Scrambling through people, and not looking where I'm going is really not the best combination for someone as accident prone as I am. So it is understandable that I completely collided right into someone else. I know what your thinking, _does this _always _happen to her?_ and to that I only have one answer, _yup. _Through the haze of paperwork raining down on me, I could barely see the unfortunate person who smashed into me.

"I'm so sorry," I said grabbing at the papers that flew around me. "I'm such a klutz." I looked up and smiled warmly, handing the recovered papers to their owner. I furrowed my brow and stared at the unfamiliar face before me. "I don't think we've met you before--."

"No, we haven't." He cut me off sharply

Taken aback by his rudeness, I looked down into my lap; and I tried to keep my gaze from his cold eyes. Seeing a few stray files laying next me, I picked them up and returned them to this man, but not before I saw what he was examining.

"So your on the serial sniper case too?" I questioned as I handed him back the last of his files. He stood up quickly, grasping at the floor to center his weight and walked away before answering my question.

I sat befuddled by this strange behavior and noticed that there was a sheet of paper left behind from the chaos. As I picked it up, I noticed how familiar the details on the report were. This was from the same file that I was reading earlier today. But, I hadn't moved it from my desk since I read it. Forgetting all about Frank, I ran back to my office only to realize that someone had ransacked through it. Everything was still moderately in place, the only things missing were all of the files about the serial sniper. I looked down at the piece of paper crumpled in my hand and realized that I had just stared into the face of a cold-blooded killer.

~*********~

"I'm telling you guys, it was him," I paced up and down the break room trying to describe to everyone exactly what I had seen. "I'm positive about this."

They all stared at me skeptically. They didn't believe me.

"Are you sure you didn't hit your head when you fell?" Delko asked me raising one eyebrow and I glared at him.

"Yes I'm sure, I have his finger prints on this paper, you can run them and figure out who he is. I've never been more sure about anything in my life." I looked at them pleading and hoped that one of them would just take my word for it. "I know it's crazy, but it's the truth."

"I don't doubt that for one minute Miss. Southwood," Horatio said coming into the doorway, "but right now what I'm worried about is your safety. If you saw him, then he most likely saw you too."

I looked up, that thought not even crossing my mind. "So what do we do?" I glanced quickly at Ryan only to see concern clouding his eyes.

"We take care of you that's what we do." Horatio said firmly, calming my nerves slightly. "We're going to need someone to stay with you and keep and eye out, we already know how dangerous this man is."

Ryan looked over at me and smiled. Even from across the room I could tell that he cared about me, and that he would do anything to keep me safe.

"And I want the rest of you to find out anything we can about the sniper and how he got into our lab," Horatio said and then walked out of the room as quickly and swiftly as he came.

"I'll print that paper," Delko said and I handed it to him as he walked by me. "Calleigh still has one of the gun shells to test so maybe we'll get a hit from AFIS on that."

"So far none of the striations match, but I will keep trying. I might even be able to match it to another casing from an open case." Calleigh said answering Delko. "I know Natalia was also looking for some epithelia's on the casing too, so maybe she'll get someone where with that."

Everyone seemed to be going into full speed with whatever that could do to solve this case. I had never really seen the team like this before, and it was interesting to see how everyone had their own specific duties and areas that they worked on. I did notice that their was one person who didn't seem to be mentioned in all of this and that confused me slightly.

"What about Ryan?" I questioned, my thoughts being spilled. "What exactly are you going to do?"

Delko laughed at my question and answered me with one of his own, "I thought we already covered that one?"

I stared at him wondering where exactly he was going with this, "Did we?"

"Yeah, we did." Delko said with a slight smile in his tone still. "He's going to, how did H put it, 'take care of you'. I thought that was pretty self explanatory, but--."

"Just never mind," Ryan said as he walked over to me and put his arm around my shoulders. "We should get out of here anyway, just in case."

"And we should go too," Calleigh said throwing a look at Delko, "we have work to do." The two of them were almost out of the break room when Calleigh turned around. She looked at Ryan and me standing together, "Just be careful."

And that was all she needed to say to make me realize that I was in way over my head.

~*********~

I felt like I was on house arrest.

Here I sat, the only person who'd actually seen the sniper, and I was a prisoner in my own home. This case was off limits to me because now I was a target. He had my face lodged into his brain just like I had his. I am unsafe on the streets of Miami until we catch him. I lounged on my couch in a comfy pair of sweat pants and flipped through the afternoon television feeling bored out of my mind. Ryan had to run to the store for some food because I am a take-out queen and all of my leftovers are seriously disgusting. I didn't even have him here to talk to. I wanted to go with him, but he refused. He didn't even like the fact that he was leaving me alone for more than five minutes. If we didn't run the risk of starving to death he wouldn't have gone in the first place.

Channel surfing, I caught the afternoon news as they were doing a story about the sniper. Turning up the volume, I sat intrigued wondering what exactly was going on in the case as of now.

_"Officials say that the Miami Dade Crime Lab was infiltrated this morning with a suspect who is rumored to be the serial sniper plaguing the city." the brunette reporter said as she stood in front of the MDPD building. "at this time , we are unsure if the man can be identified. There are sources that say an eyewitness saw the suspect and will be able to give a full composite. We will keep you updated with this developing story." _

I threw down the remote and turned the station frustrated that this reporter seems to know more than she should about my situation. Only the team knows, so how does she?

I snapped my head as my front door opened to be greeted my Ryan holding onto a mess of bags. I ran up to him and caught the one that was about to fall and closed the door behind me.

"You are never going to believe this," I said following Ryan to my kitchen. "some reporter on the news knows that I saw the sniper, she just broke the story to the whole city."

He looked at me straight in the eyes and I saw a glimmer of fear, "I need to call Horatio." He went to go make his call and then turned around facing me again. "Just one thing." and with that he pulled me into a deep kiss, sliding his hands around my back and pulling me close I could hear his heart beating fast. He pulled away, ran his hands down my arms and called Horatio.

I unloaded the bags that Ryan bought at the store and put everything in its respectable place while he was on the phone. I hummed to myself and cleaned up around my kitchen as I did. Just keeping myself occupied was distracting me from what was going on.

"Horatio isn't sure about the leak," Ryan said catching my attention as he walked into the room. "He will know it's you Lauren, so we have to stay here. It isn't safe for you to go outside right now, hell, it makes me nervous that there are even windows here."

"So your saying he's going to be coming after me?" I asked slightly panicked. "we know for sure?"

He sighed and pulled me into his arms, hugging me close, "I will do whatever I can to keep you safe." He kissed me softly on the lips and stared straight into my eyes, "I promise."

I shook my head knowing that he meant exactly what he'd said. I trusted him. I needed him. I loved him.

_I love him?_

_You love him?_

Yes. Suddenly I never felt so sure about anything. I knew that I cared about Ryan, but it was never like this before and now I knew what love really was. I really felt this in my heart and I knew it was true. I was completely, head-over-heels in love with him. This was nothing like before, this was full scale and over the moon love. The kind of love that holds you close and keeps you in it's grasp forever.

Now I just had to figure out how to tell him.

"What are you thinking about?" Ryan asked with his brow furrowed, while tucking a piece of hair behind my ear.

"I love you." I said almost inaudibly.

_So much for that brilliant plan. _

He stared at me, "what did you say?"

"I. Love. You." I pronounced each word separately making sure that this time he heard exactly what I said. "I really do. I know we've been over this, mostly jokingly, but I really really love you Ryan and I just need you to know that. I feel like I am complete when I am with you and like you and me were destined to be together, meant to be together."

He continued to stare at me speechless and completely dumbfounded.

And that's when I started to go to pieces.

"Ok, now would be a really, really good time to say something, _anything_." I said breaking myself from his grasp.

"I-I just don't really know what to---how to," He fumbled the words and looked at me pleadingly. "I-I--you just caught me off guard."

"So get back on." I replied kicking myself for even saying anything in the first place. "can I just ask you one thing?"

"Yeah," He said genuinely. "of course."

"Do you feel the same way, like somehow we were meant to be together?"

"I-I--," He started to answer and his phone rang. "I have to take this, it's vital to the case." He walked away leaving me without an answer and without any reason to believe that he felt the same way too. Without _him_, I just felt like a puzzle with a missing piece.


	13. Hello, I Need You

I've recently had an epiphany, men are stupid.

A lot of people already knew this of course, but I came to realize that love makes people, men especially, even _more_ stupid. Most of the time people are irrational and crazy when they are in love, but scared too? Maybe that's just a Ryan Wolfe thing. Who knows? I never will because the guy never seems to want to talk to me about what exactly he is feeling.

I thumbed through a magazine that I wasn't really reading while having my epiphany, and tried desperately not to think about Ryan or the case. Everything seemed to be so quite and solemn in my house. I couldn't be alone still, so Horatio sent Natalia over to "watch" me. I felt like I was a kid again needing a constant babysitter. I wasn't aloud to talk about the case and I didn't want to talk about my relationship with Ryan, so really we had absolutely nothing to talk about. For two people who don't really know each other that well, this was an awkward situation.

I sighed, setting down my magazine, and decided that talking ineptly was better than sitting in silence.

"You wanna watch T.V or anything?" I offered uneasily.

She shook her head, "no I think I'm good, thanks."

_Ok, well._

I sat for a few moments uncomfortably and blurted out what was on my mind without even thinking it through. "Can you just tell me what exactly is going on in the sniper case? I can't take not knowing a single detail."

Natalia perked up at the question I threw at her and put down the book she was reading. At first, I thought she looked mad and unsure. Just as I was about to retract the dumb question, a grin crept onto her face.

"I thought you'd never ask." She said with a sigh of relief. "I wasn't really reading this dumb book anyway."

So for the next half an hour Natalia spilled every single detail of the case to me. I sat and listened while she told me about how they found a print on the paper I gave Delko. She also told me how they were unlucky with all other attempts they had with shell casings and with any DNA.

"Wasn't the print in the system?" I asked wondering if that would help them to get any kind of identification.

"Nope, we didn't get anything at all. He must not be in the system." She said half-heartedly. "He's either really smart or really lucky."

I laughed, "yeah must be, but we'll catch him. He won't get away with this forever. We know that he is targeting random people, but there has to be some kind of pattern."

"Not really so far." She said looking into her hands. "I just keep worrying that we missed something, but we have been through the information numerous times, and still nothing."

We sat pondering what we knew about the case, and then I remembered something.

"Natalia," I said and she looked up. "Why did Ryan leave here so fast after a call about the case? What was it about?"

"That," She said keeping her distance. "I can't tell you."

"What!" I yelled angrily. "Why not? What difference does it make if I know, I'm trapped here anyway."

"I just can't tell you," She said calmly. "I promised that I wouldn't."

"Who did you promise?" I questioned wondering who would try to keep something like this from me.

"I can't say." She was firm on this, and I knew that I wasn't going to be able to sway her.

"I know it was about the case," I said trying to put the puzzle together myself. "but what exactly about?" I put my finger to my lips and tried to run over all of the possibilities in my head, but nothing was really coming to me. What would they all try so hard to keep from me? Who did she promise?

_Ryan……_

"Of course!" I said aloud answering myself. Natalia gave me a quick look and then went back to "reading" her book. Of course it was Ryan. He wanted to keep me away from whatever was going on. After all, he was supposed to be looking after me. He was the one who had to keep me away from any danger that lurked in the corner. He was always my protector. It was at that moment when I put the pieces together, I knew the answer to this puzzle.

"Something bad is happening," I said quietly. "I'm right aren't I?" I locked eyes with Natalia and she nodded her head confirming what I was feeling.

I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose wondering what exactly was happening, but not wanting to ask. Whatever it was, I knew that I had to do with me. So that wasn't a good sign.

"Why didn't Ryan want me to know?" I demanded.

She sighed giving in to my questioning, "He said that he knows you too well."

I furrowed my brow, "and that means?"

She shrugged, "no idea."

"So, where is he?" I continued firing questions at her. "the sniper I mean."

"I suppose since _technically_ you figured it out I can tell you," She smiled. "Just don't let him know ok?"

I nodded eager to hear what she was going to say.

"Ok well," She said settling herself like she was about to tell some good gossip. "The sniper is on the top of a parking stricture downtown, and we know that he will fire. We're just not sure when or where though."

"Why don't they just ambush him?" I asked.

"It isn't that simple with a situation like this." She explained. "The is a boundary that we cannot cross. His weapon will only fire a certain distance and he can't shoot unless we are within limits. They've set up a section that we cannot go past, and we won't get shot at. He also can't hit anyone, but the minute he sees that line is crossed he will fire."

"I see." I said nodding my head. "So if we try and go get him someone will get hurt potentially."

"Exactly." She said. "I know right now they are trying to come up with some way to get to him without and carnage, if that's possible."

"What you need," I said a smile creeping onto my face, "is a decoy."

"Whatever it is you're thinking, no." She said looking me straight in the eye.

"Oh, come on," I said pleading. "You know that it would work, I could distract him and then it would be easy to go and catch him. He is out to get me anyway, so why not dangle what he wants right in front of him?"

"Because it is ridiculously dangerous, that's why." Natalia shook her head at me trying to shut down the plan I was already coming up with.

"We could make it safe, we could make it work," I said trying to convince her. "You know we could."

"I don't know about this Lauren." She was unsure and it showed in her voice. "You aren't trained for these kind of situations."

"So?" I said casting the thought off. "If I show up that might even be enough, I'll wear a bullet proof vest or whatever. I think if he sees me it might distract him enough."

She sighed and looked away thinking for a moment. I could see that she was still uneasy about the whole thing.

"It's the best plan we have, and you know it." I said subtly getting her to agree with me.

She stared at me for a minute and let everything sink in. "Ok, we'll see how this works."

I smiled, "I'm telling you, it will work and----."

"But," She said cutting me off. "If for one second something starts to go against the plan, you have to get out of there."

"Yes Ma'am." I saluted.

She laughed and sighed softly, "maybe Ryan does know you too well."

~*********~

We arrived to a mob scene of SWAT and cop cars downtown, and I began to feel anxious. I knew that this was a little bit over my head, but at the same time I had a feeling it would work. Natalia swerved through the crowd and parked her Hummer next to three others that were already on the scene. Through the window I could see Horatio's flaming red hair, and I could also spot Delko standing stoically next to him. There was a team of cops standing guard at where I was assuming the border was that Natalia told me about.

"You ready?" Natalia asked as she opened her door.

I swallowed the lump gathering in my throat, "Yeah."

I followed her through the throng of people to where Horatio stood and patiently waited until my presence was acknowledged. Natalia was informing Horatio of the plan I came up with and I could tell from his body language that it made him just as uneasy as it did Natalia. He nodded his head and started his way toward me.

He smiled and tilted his head slightly to the side, "are you sure about this Lauren?"

I was taken aback at his use of my first name, to him I was always Miss Southwood. I smiled at this personable gesture and nodded at him. "I think this will work Horatio." I tried to be a confident as I could be and hoped that it worked.

"All right then, if you feel that you are ready for this then we will go through with it." He said kindly. "Lets get you all set up and ready, and we will go over this plan that you came up with."

"Sure," I said glad that he was willing to try this out. "That sounds good."

"Ok, here we go," He put on his sunglasses and walked me toward his Hummer as I started to prepare myself for what was to come.

~*********~

**Ryan's POV**

The word was that we had a plan.

I worked my way through the crowd wondering what changed, and who came up with this idea. I desperately wanted to be the one to find the brilliant idea that would take this sniper down, but now we _had_ a plan. Part of me was glad that someone was able to think of something, because after an hour I was still drawing blanks. It is very hard to figure out how to catch someone when they will shoot you if you get within 30 feet of them.

I reached Delko and Calleigh who were huddled in a small circle talking quietly about something. I crossed my arms over my chest and stood to the side watching them in their heated discussion.

I cleared my throat, "So, what's happening?"

The both whipped their heads up at the sound of my voice and stared at me emotionlessly.

I furrowed my brow and switched my weight from one leg to the other, "What?"

Neither of them said anything and I shook my head thinking that maybe I interrupted a personal moment. The two of them had been having quite a lot of those lately, so it was becoming increasingly hard to tell if you should even try to talk to them when they are with each other. I was about to open my mouth again when Calleigh spoke up.

"You mean you haven't heard?" She asked surprised.

"About the plan, no I have not." I said slightly confused with their behavior. "I was hoping one of you could tell me. I want to meet the person who came up with this brilliant idea that I keep hearing about."

"I think you already know her," Delko muttered.

"_Her_." I said dazed.

"Yeah that's what I said." He said in his know-it-all voice. "and you might feel different about this idea once you find out who it is."

I was intrigued by all of this evasiveness. By the minute I was dying even more to find out who this mystery person was. I stared off and looked at all of the bustling people. Looking for no one in particular, I passed my eyes over Horatio and Natalia…

"Why is Natalia here?" I said feeling my blood pressure rise by the second. "She is supposed to be with Lauren."

"She is with Lauren." Delko said.

"What do you mean?" I questioned feeling my heart pounding faster and faster. "Is Lauren here?"

"We honestly thought you knew already." Calleigh said calmly. "She was the one who came up with this plan to get the sniper, so we figured that you must have known."

"Well you guessed wrong." I nearly shouted. I walked away without another word and made a B-line for Natalia. She had some real explaining to do about this whole thing. I walked up to her and didn't even say a word until she turned around to face me.

"Ryan," She said startled by my sudden presence.

I didn't even let her speak, I just let loose.

"What the hell is wrong with you? Why did you bring Lauren here when I asked you not too? This is really dangerous and this guy would do anything to get a shot at her because she actually saw him. You have to take her away from here, it isn't safe." I kept my anger in check, but she could tell that I was extremely pissed.

"I can't take her home." She simply said.

"Why can't you?" I asked confused.

"Lauren is creating a distraction so that we can catch the sniper. He will see her and be so focused on that, and then we can sneak a team up there and they can get him." Natalia replied calmly.

I simply stared at her. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Lauren was going to be in the middle of this whole thing, and it was her idea. The women that I loved was putting herself in the line of fire literally. I couldn't understand, I couldn't take this.

"I have to talk to her." I said feeling panic rise in me.

"No, Ryan," Natalia grabbed me before I could walk away. "She knows what she's doing. She has talked with Horatio and knows what to do. She will be ok."

"God," I shouted running my hands through my hair. "This is why I told you not to bring her here. I knew that she would want to do something like this. I told you."

"This is her choice." Natalia said firmly.

"That doesn't mean I can't try and talk her out of it." I said walking away before she could try to change my mind.

~*********~

**Lauren's POV **

I stood staring at my hands by the back of the Hummer going over and over what Horatio told me to do. I just had to stay behind the line that was all I had to do. He won't be able to get me if I do that. I will be just as safe as ever. I have nothing to worry about. Calming my nerves was the hardest part, after that, I would be just fine.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned around to be greeted by the worried face of Ryan. I looked into his troubled hazel eyes and caressed his cheek with my hand. He took my hand from his face and held it in-between his gently.

"I don't like this." He said looking down at our entwined hands.

"I know." I said evenly. "But it will work."

He glanced up at me his eyes swirling with questions, "how do you know that?"

I sighed, "I just do, you have to trust me on this." He turned my hand over in his and pulled me into a fierce hug.

"I do trust you," He whispered into my ear. "but I don't want anything to happen to you."

I buried my head into his chest, and felt his racing heart. I took in his scent and felt him hold me tighter as if he was doing the same thing. We pulled away slightly and stared at each other for a moment, silently saying a message of love. I could see Horatio coming over Ryan's shoulder, and we pulled away completely.

"I have to go," I said tenderly.

"I'll be right here the whole time, and if anything goes wrong--," He started.

"It will be ok," I cut him off and left him to join Horatio.

I stood by the red-haired man's side and watched as the team of officers guarding the invisible line fell away. The crowd of people flanked the sides of the area leaving a slight gap for me to stand so that the sniper would be able to see me clearly.

"Alright," Horatio said. "This is it, are you ready?"  
I looked around and realized that I truly was in over my head and that the possibility of drowning was great. I knew at the same time though that I would be able to go through with this. "I'm ready." Horatio nodded and I left his side for the front line of the safe boundary.

I stood right behind the invisible line that meant almost a certain death, and waited until I caught the attention of the sniper. I looked up to where I knew he was positioned and gave a little wave and a condescending smirk. I couldn't see him, but I knew he could see me and my presence was just boiling his blood. There was nothing he could do, so my taunting just angered him more. As I was distracting him, a SWAT team was making their way up the parking structure. If they caught him off guard then it was game over.

As I stood there for a few minutes, all the nerves were gone from my body. I felt comfortable and I was even more sure that this plan I concocted would work. The only thing I didn't count on was him shooting at me. I stood well behind the line of fire, but I guess that didn't matter to him. The first shot threw me completely off guard, and I jumped back at the sound of the bullet hitting the pavement. He was toying with me now, just as I had with him. After the first shot a downpour of bullets came flying at me from the parking structure. I began to unnerve and felt very flustered.

I didn't know what to do and all thoughts completely left me. I stood perfectly still hoping for the noise and bullets to stop. I looked back to search for Horatio, but he was gone from the place he was standing. I searched trying to find someone who could tell me what to do, and found no one. The bullets kept coming and flew past me into oblivion. I could hear Ryan's voice over the sound of screams that were now erupting from the crowd, and I franticly looked around for him.

Everything was falling apart and this was not something that we planned for. I paced the line trying to find him scouring every inch of the dispersing throng of people. I heard Ryan call my name as a stray bullet hit the ground at my feet. I jumped and moved backwards trying to get away. It was at this moment, when I saw Ryan running toward me, that I realized I crossed the safety line when I moved backwards.

I turned around and looked at the parking structure with fear clouding my vision. I heard Ryan call out my name and before I was able to reach him, my body recoiled and flinched back with an excruciating pain that I had never felt in my life. I fell to the ground like a crumpled flower that was losing it's petals. I felt numb and the whole world was in a fog.

Ryan pulled me into his arms and held me, stroking my hair and whispering something I couldn't quite make out over and over.

"We need help over here," He yelled to no one in particular. He looked at me with his hazel eyes glossed over and told me to hang on, help was on the way.

I stared at him feeling my sight cloud over, making it difficult to keep my eyes open.

"No," He said a few tears running down his face. "You stay with me, you stay strong. Look at me, right here." He pointed to his eyes. "Just stay with me, I need you Lauren." His voice cracked. "I need you."

He was crying freely and rocking me back and forth. He was covered in blood from my wound, but he didn't seem to notice. He kissed my hair and kept my body pressed close to his. He is so warm and I felt so cold, I press closer to him.

"You can't leave me now," He said breaking down even more now so that I could feel his heart breaking. "I love you too much for you to do that, you wouldn't do that I know you wouldn't." He kept kissing me and pulling me close trying to keep his hands covered over the bullet hole in my shoulder. "I do, though. I love you so much and I knew from the first moment I met you that I would. I could tell even then, you're the only one I'll ever needed. You can't leave me all alone, I don't have anyone else, please Lauren, just hang on a little longer."

My eyes start to close and I could hear him pleading with me to stay with him just a little longer, and I just can't. Darkness closes in around me and I see my memories flash before me. I let myself go in that darkness because it feels so safe and warm. Everything about it seems right. I fall away even farther into my mind and the darkness and the pain seems dissipate as I leave. I say my goodbyes to the bright world I once new and feel myself say hello to this new one.

~*********~

**Ryan's POV**

I could feel everything going wrong the minute she stepped up to that line. She didn't seem nervous, but I was a wreck. She gave a little wave, and I could see her smirk at the man she couldn't see. I knew she was messing with him and trying to rile him up, but part of me wished that she wouldn't. If she could just get this over with as soon as possible then we would be ok.

I needed her to get over with this as soon as possible. If not for herself, then for me. I couldn't bear watching her stand there in harms way. I just wanted to go and pull her away from it and figure out a different way to solve all of this. There had to be another way, but she was determined to go through with this, so what could I do? I watched the team make its way up the parking structure as she continued to stand on the line. I calculated that it should only take them about five minutes to get up there if nothing goes wrong. Then all they had to do was apprehend the suspect and we could all go home an put this behind us.

But of course that didn't happen.

I heard the first shot and tried to look and make sure no one was hurt. It was then that I realized her was messing with her. He fired all the bullets he had right at her even though he was unable to reach her. Scaring her was the best that he could do right now, so that's what he was going to do. I watched H slip away to go up the parking structure after the bullets started coming down at Lauren. I began to make my way through the crowd, shouting her name so that she would know I was here for her. I saw her search for someone who could help her out of this and I knew that she heard me when a light came to her eyes.

I shouted for her and a bullet hit the ground right by her feet. I pushed forward determined to get her out of there right now, but the panicking people were creating a mass chaos that was hard to navigate in. I spotted her above the crowd and saw that she jumped backward trying to get away from the bullets, but she passed the safety line as she did. I ran full speed toward her and yelled her name as I did, hoping to catch her attention. She turned around as I did. As I thought she was making her way to me, she stopped and flinched forward in an awkward manner and then fell to the ground in a crumpled fashion.

I ran to her and gathered her in my arms holding her close looking for the damage that I knew was there. "No, no, no, no, no, please don't let this be happening." I whispered. I kissed her head and found where the bullet hit her in the right shoulder.

"We need help over here," I yelled hoping to get the attention of someone.

I felt tears sting my eyes and I tried to hold them in. "Help is on the way, just hang on." I kept her close to me hoping to calm her.

She began to go into shock and I could see her start to try and close her eyes, "No," I said a few of those damn tears running down my face. "You stay with me, you stay strong. Look at me, right here." I pointed to his eyes trying to get her to keep eye contact with me. "Just stay with me, I need you Lauren." My voice cracked as I began to cry harder now. "I need you."

I kept my hands covered over her wound feeling the warm blood seep through my palm, but I just pressed harder hoping to keep her from bleeding out too much. I rocked her back and forth, keeping her as close to me as I possibly could. I needed her more now than I ever did.

"You can't leave me now," I broke down feeling the tears streaming freely, my heart just couldn't take this. "I love you too much for you to do that, you wouldn't do that I know you wouldn't." I kissed her over and over trying to remember every little detail I could about her. I covered my hand over the bullet hole and prayed that I could heal her wound with words of love. "I do, though. I love you so much and I knew from the first moment I met you that I would. I could tell even then, you're the only one I'll ever needed. You can't leave me all alone, I don't have anyone else, please Lauren, just hang on a little longer."

Her eyes started to close, and I shouted at her to stay with me, but she wouldn't open them back up. She laid there cold and pale, losing the battle I so desperately wanted her to continue fighting. The paramedics were on the scene and they told me that I had to move so they could take her, but I didn't want to leave her. I was afraid that she wouldn't be able to ever come back to me. I kissed her on the lips and stood up covered in blood, but not caring about anything but her.

I watched as they loaded her into the ambulance and drove away to the hospital. Calleigh, Delko and Natalia came over to where I was and told me that everything would be ok. The told me that they were going to the hospital and they would see me there. The talked and I nodded not really caring what they had to say. They left me all alone, and I knew I should leave too, but I couldn't. I just stood there looking down at the ground where there laid a pool of blood that belonged to the women I loved.


	14. Hear Me

**Ryan's POV**

The stark and sterile white walls of the Miami Dade intensive care unit seemed to glare at me from the spot where I was sitting outside of Lauren's room. Every second that passed seemed like hours, every moment like days. I felt completely alone even though I was far from being there. The whole rest of the team sat in the waiting room with me, each of us hoping and praying for the same outcome: Lauren waking up. At the moment, Calleigh and Natalia were off somewhere finding coffee. The both of them had insisted that it would help us to stay awake while we were waiting for her. So with the two of them gone I was left in the small room with Horatio and Delko, and none of us were in a talking mood. Horatio sat looking off into the distance from the hospital window. I knew that this had to be one of his least favorite places. His wife died within this same ICU and Eric was legally dead in the same place as well. Lauren was just another person in his life that he was unable to protect, and she ended up in one of these hospital beds as well.

Delko was a completely story.

Yes, he had been here when he was seriously wounded and his sister died here, but he wasn't in quite the same spirit Horatio was. This was the place where he was able to tell Calleigh exactly how he felt about her, and _our _friendship took a major turn for the better here. I watched both of my colleagues and wondered which one I would end up like. Would I feel pain and sadness every time I stepped into theses halls, or would I know that this was the place where everything worked out for the better?

The double doors next to the lobby flew open, and I stood craning my neck hoping that Lauren was finally being released from surgery. The bed rolled past me and into the room I was adjacent to. I sighed and ran my hands through my hair, it wasn't her. I closed my eyes while I leaned against the wall and hoped that the tension that was building would soon fade away. As I stood lost in my thoughts I could hear the chattering of my friends.

"How long has it been?" Calleigh asked.

"About forty-five minutes or so." Delko answered. "I just hope that everything in the surgery is routine and she will be back soon."

Calleigh sighed and hushed voice her voice. "Me too, I'd hate to see him any more torn up that he already is."

"Yeah," Delko replied. I could feel the two of them staring at me, but I kept my eyes closed and tried to loose myself in my thoughts. Everything would work out. It had to.

"Ryan?"

I slowly opened my eyes to see Natalia with her arm outstretched holding a cup of coffee.

I took it from her willingly, needing some kind of solace. "Thanks, I really did need this."

"How are you holding up?" She asked taking a sip of her steaming cup.

I grunted, "I've been better."

"I know." She said matter-of-factly. "I meant with this whole thing, how are you?"

I met her eyes, "I honestly don't know."

She nodded and kept her attention focused on sipping her coffee. I could tell that she didn't have any words to say, and what could she have to give me at this moment? There was nothing that anyone could really even do. Just having them in the room was enough. I walked away from Natalia and made my way to where Calleigh, Delko and Horatio were standing.

They stopped their conversation as soon as they saw me, and Calleigh smiled kindly. They were talking about me, and it was something that they didn't want me to know.

"I'm holding up fine before you ask." I said not wanting to beat around the bush.

"She'll pull through too, I know she will." Delko said trying to give me some support.

"Thanks." I said half-heartedly, not really knowing what to think anymore. "I just can't help but think this is taking too long. Something isn't right about this."

"She is in good hands," Delko said. "Try not to worry. Alexx will take care of her."  
I nodded conceding to what he said, but unable to shake the worries that were continuing to form, "I know she will, I just wish I knew what was going on, I wish I knew what was happening.

~*********~

The surgeons worked at a furious pace. Their movements were quick and concise, but the patient was quickly deteriorating despite their best efforts.

"Blood pressure is climbing, heart rate accelerating." The nurse yelled out.

The man performing the surgery glanced at the monitor and shook his head, "we can finish this off if we hurry, I know we can."

"Doctor, I don't know if we should." The nurse said cautiously. "She could go into--"

"Just hand me the scalpel," The doctor shouted.

He began to make the cut into the patients shoulder and worked to try and remove the bullet. I machine that monitored heart rate jumped and showed the heart beating in a very irregular manner. The surgeon kept on working, ignoring the warnings from the team around him.

"What are you doing?" a voice yelled from the side of the room. "She will go into ventricular arrest any minute if you don't stop."

"Alexx, I know what I'm doing." He yelled back.

"She's bleeding out," The nurse announced. "Shock escalating."

"Obviously not," Alexx replied and moved him out of the way, taking over the emergency surgery. "Her body can't handle this, we have to stabilize her."

The team worked fast and attempted to lower the heart rate, but nothing was working. All their efforts were in vain. They began to thread a catheter through to the heart, in the hope they could keep her at a good rate. Just as they were about to reach their destination, her heart rate spiked.

"She's going into Vfib, get the paddles." Alexx yelled. Someone ran and grabbed them as she told, and they worked to try and steady her heart beat.

"One, two, three, clear." She shocked the patient and had no response. "Again. One, two, three, clear." There was nothing, the rate was the same and her breathing was becoming increasingly shallow.

"Should we try again?" The nurse asked.

Alexx wiped some sweat from her brow, " Yes, this girl with pull through, one more time."

So they continued on trying to revive the dying women lying on the table in front of them. And the whole time, in the back of Alexx Woods' mind, there was a voice that told her that this was not the time for the girl lying before her to leave this Earth.

~*********~

**Ryan's POV**

I stared at the double doors to the surgery room. I kept my eyes plastered on that spot waiting until the moment I would see the familiar face I was so desperately searching for. Every time the doors would open I was disappointed with the fact that I wasn't her. We still had no news, and no clue as to what was going on in Lauren's surgery. All we could do was wait, and I hated waiting. All I wanted was to know was that she was alright. I stared at my hands as I hung my head in my lap. The weight of the world felt like it was on my shoulders. I couldn't take the force that it was pressing down upon me.

I was so focused on my thoughts that I didn't notice the figure walking towards where the whole team was sitting.

"Alexx!" I heard Calleigh call out and I looked up to see her standing before us wearing a pair of green scrubs. I stood up slowly and made my way to where she was standing. I felt my stomach drop and I sucked in a jilted breath. I looked up at her warm eyes, trying to decipher some kind of answer from her silence.

"Lauren," she began softly, "went into cardiac arrest while in surgery and lost a lot of blood form her wound. Her BP was off the charts, as was her heart rate."

I felt tears sting at the back of my eyes, and I heard Natalia gasp slightly.

She continued, "We attempted to thread a catheter to her heart, but we were unsuccessful. We had to use the paddles to try and steady her heart, and we were able to get her at a stable position."

The tears that were threatening to fall escaped the prison I tried to keep them in. They rolled freely down my face as Alexx gave us the news.

"She's alive, but just barely."

Everyone began to fall away, asking question's about when we could see her, and getting more information about her current condition. I just stood there taking in all that I was just told.

She is alive, she is here still. I can see her one more time. I didn't loose her.

I wiped the moisture off of my face and tried to pull myself together again. I took a deep breath and looked up to be greeted by the sad smile of Alexx.

"Hi Ryan, are you all right baby?" she asked leading me away from the group to a more secluded corner.

I nodded unable to speak for a moment, "yeah, I think so."

"She's a fighter, and if I didn't know any better, I'd say you were in love with this girl." She said raising one eyebrow.

"You've been away for too long Alexx," I said chuckling at her slightly. "You're out of the MDPD loop."

"So put me in the loop," She replied.

"We've been dating," I said not really wanting to reveal too much.

"And?" She asked knowing that there was more to the story.

I looked away, "I have stronger feelings for her that I've ever had for anyone. It just took me a while to say how much I cared, but I love her."

"I knew it," She said with satisfaction. "I could just tell."

"Well," I said sighing. "You always could."

"Do they all know?" She looked over at the rest of the team clamored outside of Lauren's doorway.

"Yeah, they do."

She nodded and continued to look at them all.

"Something else on your mind Alexx?"

"Oh, no.," She said smiling. "I just miss you all sometimes, and I'm sad that I missed seeing you fall in love with someone. I bet that was something to see."

"It was," I said reminiscing. "You know how irrational I can be."

"I do." She replied. "I have to get back. Take care of yourself Ryan."

"I will Alexx." I pulled her into a small hug and looked at her sincerely. "Thank you."

She smiled and walked away leaving me alone in the hallway. I made my way to Lauren's room and pushed my way to the door.

I looked at everyone who continued to stand outside the closed door, "Are you coming in?" I looked at them all expectantly and found no answer within any one. "Alright fine then."

I opened the door to the small room and made my way to the bed side. I stared down at the women laying between the sheets and blankets and almost fell to my knees. This was not the women I knew, she was fragile and seemed so small. I sank into the chair by her and pulled her hand into mine. Her soft skin was colder than usual, and her hand didn't move to intertwine with mine like it usually would. I felt my heart sink as I looked at her limp body lying before me. She was fighting to breathe and it was irregular and rough. I cupped her head in my hand and caressed her cheek softly.

"I'm here Lauren." I said quietly. "And I wouldn't even dream of leaving. I know you're in there and I know you can hear me."

~*********~

**Lauren's POV**

I opened my eyes for what seemed like the first time, and I was blinded by the bright glow of the sun. I sat up and looked around trying to figure out exactly where I was. Wildflowers were all around me and I was lying in a field of grass without a soul around. I looked at my hands and touched them to my shoulder.

_Nothing. Just normal skin. _

There was no bullet hole, no blood. I was just as I was before. I couldn't make sense of where I was. I was just alone with my thoughts, but it wasn't darkness or shadows like it was when I fell away from Ryan earlier. This was different. I was in a place inside my mind that was bright and made just for me. I had no clue what was going on, but I just decided to lie back and enjoy whatever solitude I had at this moment.

Then something hit me, "Maybe I'm dead."

"_Nope, you're not dead…yet You are in a sort of limbo, and you have a choice. You can wake up from this place, or you can stay here. Think of it as a never-ending dream."_

"But I want to wake up. I want to see everyone, I want to see Ryan."

"_If that's what you want._"

The voice answered me and the world I created fell away from me in bits and pieces. The colors faded into grays and blacks and I heard muffled sounds coming from all over. Beeping and yelling, and the sound of electricity. As soon as I was awake in this world I was away from it. Memories came flashing before my eyes, I saw myself lying in Ryan's arms covered in blood and I saw myself lying in a hospital bed with people surrounding me. As these memories came flashing before me like wildfire, I tried to remember and capture each one, but they were racing by too fast. I felt like I was moving and floating, and then in an instant, it all stopped.

_Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. _

The sound of my heart rate rang in my ears and everything was still. My body felt so heavy and I could barely move. Every part of me felt limp, and I knew I wasn't going to be healed like I was in the strange dream I'd just had. This was reality and I was lying in a hospital bed hanging on for dear life. I tried to swallow and it felt like there were a thousand knifes stabbing my throat. I was so parched. Nothing in the world sounded better than a glass of water. So I laid in the silence of my mind, and the sound of silence was the worst of all. It seemed like no one would be able to pull me out. The darkness was my friend and it was all I had to talk to. No one dared to disturb the sound of silence that was creeping inside my mind. I was alone.

~*********~

From the open space in my room I could hear the slight muffling of those who must be around me. Even with the cotton that I felt like I had in my ears, I could hear them slightly. The noise was beautiful and it was the first thing that I'd heard in what felt like forever. I tried to enhance the hearing that was coming back to me, and listen the soft conversation around me.

"How is she today?" A women with a soft voice almost like honey said.

"No change." The man with her replied in a tone so melancholy it almost made my heart break. "I don't know what else to do, she just stays like this everyday."

_How long have I been here? _

I tried to count the days in my mind, but I had no idea about the date or time. I was just stuck in a sea of darkness and I felt like I would never get out.

"They say that she should be getting better, but--."

"She will Ryan, just give it time."

_Ryan…..I know that name. _

"How do you know Calleigh?" The man named Ryan said. "What if she stays like this forever?"

"You can't keep living on what if's." Calleigh retorted. "Just have a little hope."

_I know these people, but from where? _

I went into overdrive trying to figure out exactly where I knew them from. The voices were so familiar, and they obviously cared about me or they wouldn't be here. But who where they? I searched my memories and tried to think of people who had those names that I knew, but nothing was coming to me. So I tried to think about what exactly I _did _know.

My middle name was Elizabeth, I grew up in Washington D.C., my mother was a beautiful and eccentric painter, my favorite color was purple, I was a lawyer, I moved to Miami, and….

_And?_

There had to be something I was missing, I knew there was. I just couldn't figure out what it was yet. What was I missing. I started to feel the beginnings of a headache and tried to rest for a while. It would come to me, it had to sooner or later. If these people mattered that much to me then I wouldn't forget who they were.

I couldn't. I wouldn't let myself.

"I wonder if she can hear us?" Calleigh mused as I gave up and continued listening.

"The doctor says that she can," Ryan replied quietly. "I talk to her every now and then, just in-case."

"In-case what?" Calleigh inquired

"I just," He stumbled. "I want her to know that I'm here and I will be waiting for her. I don't want her to forget one single thing, I want her to know how much I love her."

_He loves me? _

"I sure she knows all of those things." Calleigh assured. "Especially how much you care about her."

_But I don't. _I shouted in my mind unable to speak. How could I forget someone who loved me, and someone that I loved too? Do I even love him too? All the questions were piling up and making me even more confused than ever. I just wanted to remember everything and wake up. I wanted some one to hear me. I was shouting out, but no one could find me in the dark. I wanted to cry, and I wanted to scream.

_Hear me I'm crying out. I'm ready now  
Turn my world upside down  
Find me. I'm lost inside the crowd  
It's getting loud, I need you to see  
I'm screaming for you to please  
Hear me, hear me_

The lyric came into my mind and I knew that it was everything that I wanted to say. I needed someone to hear me and find me. I needed to be pulled away from the darkness that was plaguing me.

_I'm lost in my thoughts  
And baby I've fought  
For all that I've got  
Can you hear me?_

I knew that they couldn't, but the words ran through my veins. I just needed someone to listen too. I needed to wake up, and I couldn't take this torture any longer. I had to figure out when I would be able break free from this, and it had to be soon. I needed some answers, and I had a few questions to ask too.

But right now all I needed was for someone to hear me.

~*********~

**Ryan's POV**

Three days.

That's how long Lauren had been in the hospital in critical condition. I seemed as though she wasn't getting any better. With each day that passed, she seemed to be fading more and more. I had stayed by her side every moment. I didn't want to leave her alone because if I did then she might wake up or… Something worse. The nurses gave up telling me to go home because they knew I wasn't going to move from the spot I was in. I had been sitting in the same chair so long that it was perfectly molded to me. Every now and then I would go the cafeteria and try to find something to eat, but the food was so terrible I gave up on that. For someone who was slightly OCD, I was living in the same clothes. That I couldn't believe myself. I guess love really does make you do things you never thought you would. Every now and then, someone from the team would show up. Usually they would stay for about an hour or so and then head back. No one really knew Lauren like I did, so they didn't really have as much of a reason to stay. Calleigh came the most. I think she really hated to see me hurting as well as Lauren. She would stay and talk, and sometimes Delko would come with her. No very often, but he would be there. And just that was enough.

They were all busily working on the case, and now they had even more of a reason to catch this killer. When someone from your team is injured, it makes it even more personal. Right now, this was Horatio's sole mission. He was so focused on finding this guy, and he was close. When he came to visit yesterday he told me about how they had a new lead after the SWAT team lost him on the top of the building downtown. They were close, and I knew that I should stay away because I had no idea what I would do if I ever talked face to face with this monster.

I kept all my energy focused on Lauren. I had no idea what she would be like when she woke up, but I prayed that she would be the same as before. The doctors already warned me that after having her heart and breathing stop on the table in surgery, some damage could have set in. "It wasn't impossible" was what they told me. I sighed as ran my hand over hers and tried to think about something else. The last thing I needed was to dwell on the bad things.

I heard the door to Lauren's room open and I didn't look up, figuring it was a nurse checking on her like they did every hour or so.

I was surprised by the voice of Delko instead.

"Get dressed." He said as he threw a shirt and a pair of pants at me. I caught them and examined them in my hands, wondering how he got my clothes.

"Why?" I asked confused by his presence. I stared at him and then back at the clothes in my hands. "How did you get these anyway?"

"Just never mind," He said waving it off. "Go, we don't have forever."

"I'm not leaving." I said keeping my feet firmly on the ground. "Haven't we been over this?"

"Trust me," He said with his eyes on fire. "You're going to want to leave for this."

I sighed and stood up. Even if I didn't leave, I needed the fresh pair of clothes. I went to the bathroom in the corner on the room and changed quickly. As I was on my way out the door I stopped and caught my reflection in the mirror. I couldn't believe how disheveled I looked. I looked like all the life had been sucked out of me. My hair was a mess and I had a rough beard growing in. My skin was pale and my eyes dull. I turned away, not wanting to look at myself any longer. I knew that this was the effect Lauren's condition was having on me. She was the one light in my life, and without her I was losing myself. I opened the door and saw Calleigh, Natalia and Alexx in Lauren's small room talking amongst themselves.

I furrowed my brow, "What's going on?" I stared at Delko waiting for an answer.

"They," Delko pointed at the women in the room. "Are going to stay here with Lauren while we are gone."

"Where are we going?" I questioned.

"To the lab." Delko said shortly. "Horatio wants you to come."

I nodded and looked around still confused slightly.

"We knew you wouldn't leave unless there was someone her with her," Calleigh said softly.

I nodded again, and thought about this for a moment. Horatio wouldn't ask me to come if it wasn't important, and Lauren would be fine if I was gone for a while.

"Alright," I conceded. "Lets go."

The car ride was short and Delko didn't tell me what exactly this whole thing was about, but I had a slight idea. We entered the building quietly and quickly made our way to the main lobby which seemed remarkably empty for the time of day. We weaved through the people who were here and made our way to the interrogation room where Horatio and Frank were waiting.

Horatio stood to the side and nodded at me, "Mr. Wolfe, nice to see you again. I sure your wondering why I asked you here."

"I think I might already know." I said looking through the glass panel where the sat a stout man balding man.

"I thought we should wait until you were here," Horatio said following my gaze. "I figured you'd like to have a word with him."

"Yes," I said locking my gaze with the sniper. " I would."

I walked through the door with the file in my hand as Horatio followed me. I sat down and stared calmly at the man sitting in front of me.

I opened the file and read, "Norman Johnson? That's you right?" My tone was condensing and I knew that he picked up on it.

"Yes," He said tightly. "That's me. Why?"

"Oh I don't know," I said rolling my eyes and crossing my arms over my chest. "How about your wanted for murder?"

He laughed infuriating me even more, "Murder?"

"I don't think that's very funny," I retorted. "Do you Horatio?"

The red-haired man looked and me and then Norman, "No, I don't Mr. Wolfe."

"Ohh that reminds me," I said closing the file and turning back to the sniper. "I didn't introduce myself, I'm Ryan Wolfe. You should remember me, you put my girlfriend in the ICU."

He smiled a twisted evil smile, "I can't say I do." I glared at him as he tried to continue on with this little act he was pulling. "And I'm not sure I've ever met your girlfriend either."

"Oh, you don't remember her?" I feigned sadness. "Pity."

"Nope," He said. "Are we done here?" He began to stand and made a move for the door.

"SIT DOWN." I shouted at him and he lowered back into the seat. "We are very far from done." I pulled a picture out of the file in my hands and laid it on the table. "I believe this is yours?" It was a picture of the sniper rifle that he'd used on all of the attacks he made.

He stared at it for a moment, "I can't say that it is."

"Well, that's interesting." I looked a the paper that was with it in the file. "It says here that your fingerprints and DNA were found on it."

"I can't." He said keeping his distance.

"Oh, well." I said ready to fire another question. "How about the fact that we matched it to four murders and one attempter murder? Care to explain that?"

He sneered at me, "So it's only an attempted still? Shame, I always shoot to kill."

I jumped out of my seat and punched the man before me square in the jaw, I knew he was talking about Lauren. I just kept hitting him, until Horatio came between the two of us to break up the fight I started.

"You bastard," I said with Horatio holding me back. "You tried to kill her, and you don't even have a shred of remorse." I pulled myself out of the grasp I was in and sat down once again. "Why did you do it?" I asked as he took a seat again.

He didn't answer me he looked at Horatio instead, "I want to press charges, that is harassment."

"I didn't see anything," Horatio said with a smirk. "Answer the question."

"I think I remember her now," Norman said still not answering the question I'd given him. "Long brown hair, and chocolate eyes you could just get lost in." He taunted me and I felt my blood boil with every word that he spoke. "And that body, beautiful and voluptuous, mmmhh. Just gorgeous, too bad she got in my way."

I glared at him with all the fury I could muster. I took everything I had not to leap over the table and pummel him right then and there. He had no right to talk about her that way, he didn't know her, not at all.

"I'll bet she looks even better without anything on huh?" He sneered and raised his eyebrows suggestively. "And I'll bet she's just great in---."

"Shut your mouth _right now_," I slammed my fist on the table. "I swear to God I will give you another bruise to go with that one if you don't."

"Is that a threat?" He asked mockingly.

"No," I said coldly. "It's a damn promise."

"I think I'll take that lawyer now." He said leaning back in his chair still keeping his cocky demeanor.

"Please escort this man to lock up so he can call a lawyer," Horatio said to the officer in the corner of the room. Norman Johnson stood up and was walked out of the room leaving just me and Horatio. I sat for a moment trying to compose myself from the interrogation and was startled when Delko knocked on the glass of the room. I followed as Horatio walked out the door and stood in the hallway waiting for Delko to come back.

"How do you think that went," I asked not really addressing the question to anyone.

"I think," Horatio said. "That we got him."

I nodded and hoped that he was right, "I'm sorry about what happened in there."

"It's very understandable Mr. Wolfe." He started and Delko came back before he could finish.

"Wolfe," He said almost out of breath from running. "Calleigh just called me, Lauren's awake."

~*********~

**Lauren's POV**

Time to wake up.

I could feel it. This was the right time, I was ready. My body was aching and ready to be alive with movement once again. I felt strong, my muscles were no longer limp and useless. I felt as though I had been laying here for and eternity and I needed to feel vivacious. This was it. I had to make the timing right, this was an important thing for me to make my presence known in the right way. I listened to the hum of activity around me and waited until the conversation had the perfect opening for me.

"I hope it's going well," I recognized Calleigh's voice. "I wasn't really sure about this whole thing to begin with."

"Horatio was though." Said the voice of a woman I couldn't quite place.

"Will the two of you stop worrying?" Another voice chimed in, and it was someone I definitely didn't know. "Lets talk about something else. I work in a hospital and I would like to hear about something else that is going on at the lab _besides _this."

"Oh, Alexx," Calleigh said. "We miss you terribly, I really wish that you would come back."

"Yeah," Said the woman I couldn't place. "It's a good thing Lauren came or we would have had no one."

They all laughed and I heard someone sigh heavily.

"I wish she would come back," I then recognized the voice as Natalia. How could I forget Natalia? So bubbly and beautiful, she was a good person to have around. I missed Calleigh too, she was such a great friend. And then I realized that this was the perfect moment. I had to wake up now. I had to tell them that I was coming back, and that I missed them too. That I was glad they were my friends.

_This is it. Now. _

I slowly opened my eyes to the glaring light that was pouring into the room. After having only blackness it was hard to adjust my vision to seeing light. After gaining focus I moved my head and hands slightly. I took a deep breath and swallowed still feeling dryness in my throat, then I spoke.

"I had to come back," I heard how hoarse my voice sounded, but I continued. "Or you'd be stuck with all boys."

I saw Calleigh's eyes lighten and she walked toward me as if not sure what to say. I smiled at her, happy to see her face. I looked around the room and laid eyes on Natalia and a good-looking African woman that I didn't know.

"Hi." I said to all of them.

"I can't believe this." Calleigh said. "I'm so glad your awake." She came closer to my bed and gave me a very sisterly hug. "I have to call Eric and Ryan." She rushed out of the room with her cell phone in hand. As she left Natalia walked over to my bed and smiled at me warmly.

"I'm glad your back," She said and gave me a slight hug too.

"Me too." I replied to her. I brought my hand to my throat and coughed.

"Here honey," The other woman in the room came over with a bottle of water in her hand. "Drink this."

I took it graciously and took a large drink, glad to have the water running over my vocal chords. I sighed as I put the water down, feeling much better. "Thank you." I looked at the woman warmly and wondered who she was. She was wearing hospital scrubs, so she obviously worked here. But I couldn't help but wonder how she knew the rest of the team.

"My name is Alexx," She said as if she already knew what I was about to ask. "I was in surgery with you and I have been looking after you since then. I used to work at the lab as a Medical Examiner."

I nodded and could tell that I was going to like this woman. "It's good to meet you. I'm sorry it's not under a different set of circumstances."

She laughed, "I can see why he likes you, you say what's on your mind."

I looked at her quizzically, "Why who likes me?"

She stared at me for a moment, and Calleigh came back into the room with two men in tow. Alexx turned around and looked to see who it was as well, "Ryan! Eric!" I tried to place the two names recognizing one from being in my room before, and not quite sure on the other one.

"Lauren," Ryan came toward me and put my hand in his. Without thinking I intertwined my fingers in his. I stared at our hands and wondered why I had done that so subconsciously. I looked up at him and tried to place his face, but I couldn't really find it very well. "I'm so glad that you're awake, and I'm sorry I wasn't here." He brought my hand to his lips and kissed it softly. I felt a shock of electricity shoot through my veins and I sucked in a breath.

"It's ok," I said softly, still slightly uncomfortable with the affection he was giving me.

He sat down beside me and stared at me lovingly. I never would have imagined someone having so much love for me in my life. I had to remember him. If he loved me this much, I had to feel the same about him. I frustrated with myself and I couldn't think of anything that told me about a memory with this man sitting next to me.

"I thought for a while that I'd lost you," He said softly while cupping my face in his hand. "I'm glade that I didn't. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"Well," I said clearing my throat. "I'm right here now."

"I know," He said caressing my cheek. While he sat there with me, he hummed a song that sounded all too familiar to my ears.

"I know that song." I said looking into his eyes. They were a beautiful shade of hazel and they took my breath away.

"Of course you do." He laughed slightly. "You taught it to me, and you sing it much better that I do." He kept humming and then sang the last few lines out loud: _so I hope you see, that I would love to love you, and that I will cry when I know we are two,_ _If I fell in love with you, yeah, I fell in love with you._

Yes, I remember that, I sang to him. I looked up at him and closed my eyes remembering exactly who he was. _Ryan…_ I couldn't forget him, I loved him too much for that. I stared at him and felt tears sting my eyes, "Ryan."

"What it is?" He stared at me and pulled me closer to him. "Tell me?"

I just laid my head in his chest and thought about how much I cared about this man. I wrapped my arms around him and didn't let go. He kissed my hair and held me close to him keeping me safe and warm. "I couldn't remember you Ryan. I searched and searched but there was nothing there to tell me about how much I cared and loved you."

He looked at me and furrowed his brow, "But you remembered?"

"Yes," I sighed. "But the fact that forgot in the first place, I just don't know what to think about that."

"Memory loss is common." He said calmly. "And if I had to, I would make you fall in love with me all over again."

I smiled and kept my head tucked in his chest, taking in all of him. I would never let myself forget him ever again.

I lifted my head, "You know, I could never leave you." I searched his eyes and saw them soften.

"Good," He said firmly. "Because I need you to stay here with me. I don't know what I'd do without you."

A smile played out on my lips and I brought them to his and gave him a soft kiss, "I love you."

He smiled, "It's good to hear you say that."

In that moment, it was just nice to know that he could always hear me.


	15. Fire and Rain

Recovering.

This is a word that I have learned to hate in the time I spent in the hospital. The doctors _insisted _that I stay for a little while longer that necessary at the Miami-Dade hospital while I was regaining strength. In the mean time, I took this word out of my vocabulary and replaced it with other verbs that were more to my liking. My battle with this particular word that helped to keep me trapped in this sterile place kept my mind to stay occupied during the day. The team was back at work, and I knew they had a lot to do. I still couldn't shake the feeling that I was abandoned. I knew this wasn't true, but never the less, the thoughts crept into my mind every now and then. So the only people I had to talk to were the staff of doctors and nurses that came around everyday. After a while, I knew each and every one by name. I would talk to all of them, and they all took turns coming to my room. My favorite nurse, Karrie, made it her job to tell me all of the gossip at the hospital. I became a friend to each of them, and they all became fast friends with me. Everyday we would share stories and talk about boyfriends or husbands. I was amazed at the way they all took their problems so lightly. If you were fighting with your significant other, oh well, there are worse problems in the world. They all had such great points of view and I strived to learn as much about each of them as I could. The person I learned the most from was Alexx. She was one of the coolest people I had ever met. She knew so much about the team that I would never have dreamed I would know. Every new fact about someone was an insight that helped me to learn more about the people I worked with. Even though I was interested in what she had to say about everyone, I really just wanted to know more about Ryan. So today, the day they were finally releasing me, she promised me she'd spilled all the dirt.

He's going to kill me, but I like you," She winked at me. "Just don't let him know it was all me."

"Done." I said ready to know everything

"Well," She began, "as I'm sure you know Ryan can sometimes let his emotions get the better of him, and that has happened a few times. He has gotten in trouble for, lets say, getting carried away with a suspect or two. Once he even shoved another police officer, of course nothing bad happened, but his temper got in the way."

I nodded taking everything in, and encouraging her to go on.

"I'm sure you want to know if he's dated anyone?" She smiled at me coyly and continued on not even needing me to answer. "There was a reported named Erika Sikes that I'm pretty sure he dated for a while, and then there's Natalia."

"_Natalia_?" I nearly shouted. "He dated Natalia?"

"Whoa, calm down," She said grinning. "He never really dated her, they attempted to go out on a date, but in the end they didn't. He had quite the crush on her for a while though."

"Was he ever going to tell me that?" I spoke my thoughts out loud.

"Did he really have a reason to?" Alexx asked answering me. "I'm sure you haven't told him all of the people you have dated."

"That's true," I conceded. "But I don't work with them, and neither does he."

She ignored my comment and continued on, "he's afraid of heights too."

I stared at Alexx confused with this tidbit that she shared with me, "Ok?"

"Just thought you might want to know." She shrugged.

We stared at each other and began laughing. At first it was just a slight laugh, but soon it turned into hysteria. I couldn't contain myself. I would just glance at her and another laugh would bubble to the surface. The same thing went for Alexx as well. She would try to compose herself and then she would be laughing again with me. I didn't even know what was funny anymore, but I just kept smiling and laughing.

"What's going on here?" Ryan said as he walked into the crazy scene.

I looked over to him and wiped a few tears of laughter from my eyes, "nothing really."

He looked from me to Alexx and then back to me, "sure."

"Actually," Alexx said standing and walking over to Ryan. "We were talking about you." I stared at her bemused, I guess she decided to tell him anyway.

"What?" Ryan said a slight panic in his voice.

"I had to educate the girl," Alexx said taking his tone with a grain of salt. "You know she didn't even know you dated Natalia."

"I never dated Natalia," Ryan said loudly obviously taken back by what she had said. "Lauren I never dated her, honestly."

"Really," I said toying with him slightly.

"Yes really," He pleaded. "You have to believe me."

"That's not what I hear," I continued. "In fact, I heard you had a pretty big crush on her."

"What?" He looked at Alexx confused, and she just shrugged. "No!"

"Ok then," I was still not done messing with him. "What about Erika?" I raised my eyebrow and gave him a very serious stern look.

Some of the color drained from his face and he swallowed hard, "Erika? We were just friends, not even friends. I didn't even really like her."

"Uh-huh," Alexx said. "And I'm Oprah."

"Alright," He shouted and ran his hands through his hair. "Yes I dated her, but not for that long ok?" He turned to Alexx. "Happy?"

I stood up and walked over to him, "I'm not mad Ryan."

"You're not?" He sounded confused.

I laughed, "No, in fact I really could care less."

"Let me get this straight?" He said speaking slowly. "You don't really care who I dated or that I may or may not have liked Natalia at some point?"

"Nope," I retorted. "I couldn't care less."

"Could…could you tell me why exactly?" He asked baffled.

"Because they obviously didn't last long," I said calmly. "And you clearly don't have any feeling for Natalia anymore. I have nothing to worry about."

"Oh," He replied.

I laughed and gave Alexx a small wink. She knew exactly what I was talking about. There was not reason to worry. I was the one he wanted to be with, not them.

"Well," Alexx started. "As much fun as this has been, I have to get going and I think you do too."

"Thanks for everything," I said giving her a quick hug. "I will come visit; I promise."

She gave Ryan a quick hug and whispered something in his ear, and then she was gone leaving the two of us were alone.

"Well," He said filling the dead space that we were now left with. "That was interesting."

I laughed and nodded my head.

"Did you really mean what you said?" He asked quietly.

"Every word," I said earnestly.

He stood there, motionlessly, for a few moments and then held out his hand for me. I closed the gap between us as I grabbed onto his outstretched hand. I looked down and smiled.

_Perfect fit. _

"Are you ready?" He asked pulling me from my thoughts.

"Never been more ready for anything in my life," I smiled back.

"Good," He said shortly and then looked at me with a slight gleam in his eyes. "Because I have a surprise for you."

~*********~

"You called my mother?!" I exclaimed as we began to walk up to my house. The smell of turpentine was drifting through the breeze and it was completely familiar. I felt as though I was living back at home all over again. I would recognize that smell anywhere. It was one of those things that I always associated with my mom. Some people baked cookies; my mom painted.

Ryan looked at me slightly perplexed, "how did you know that?" He sighed and looked down at his shoes. "I just thought she should know what was going on. She was the one who insisted on coming here."

"Well, how did she get here?" I crossed my arms and looked at him still a little peeved about the whole thing.

"I picked her up from the airport," He replied glancing off sideways. "One of the most uncomfortable things I have ever done in my life, I can say that for sure. She knew automatically who I was, and made sure to examine me very thoroughly."

I snorted slightly, "That's just Jan."

Before I could continue, the door swung open with a great fervor revealing the women who captivated our conversation. She leaned on the door frame with her artist smock covered in paint and brown hair flowing behind her.

"Were you ever going to come inside and greet your mother?" She said looking at me, eyes slightly squinted. "Or were you just going to let me think you died at the hospital?"

I rolled my eyes slightly, "Hi mom," I gave her a small hug as she was never really that big on affection and followed her inside. "I see you made yourself at home."

"Well, I finished my book on the plane and I brought a small canvas with me so I decided to start something new," She said sitting down on my loveseat. "Miami is so beautiful, and I had so many ideas floating around my head as soon as I saw all the scenery."

"Understandable," I said nodding. I looked at Ryan who was standing off to the side and gestured for him to come and sit down. He looked uncomfortable as he walked over to where I was sitting stiffly. "So you met Ryan already."

"Yes," She nodded curtly at him.

I bit my lip. Something was weird and the stale air in the room seemed to thicken as the three of us sat there. No one said a word. My mom just sat there silently staring at me and Ryan, and Ryan tried as hard as he possibly could not to look at her at all. I was missing something, but I didn't know what it was exactly.

Suddenly, my mom stood up, "I'm going to go take a shower. I hate having the smell of paint in my hair." She started to walk away and then turned to us over her shoulder. "We can catch up later Lauren. Nice to see you again Ryan," and with that she walked away.

I heard the bathroom door close and sighed, "What happened with you two exactly?"

He was silent for a moment, "She talked mostly, and I listened."

"Figures," I muttered. "What did she say?"

"Basically," He said pinching the bridge of his nose. "She told me that if I broke your heart she would kill me, among other things."

"Lovely," I groaned. "She's giving you death threats."

"I guess I understand where she's coming from," He established. "I mean, you did almost just die. She has no clue what is going on in your life here and she must be worried about you."

"Yeah," I retorted. "But you weren't the one who picked up the gun and shot me Ryan. I need to talk to her." I leaned my head against his shoulder for support and he put his arm around me.

"As long as I don't have to be here." He grunted, and I buried my head into his chest farther. "You know the two of you look a lot alike. It was almost like you stepped off the plane earlier today."

"We get that a lot," I said into his torso. "and it never seems to get old either."

He laughed and pulled me closer to him, "I should get going. The two of you need some time together."

I nodded, "Will you come back later tonight?" I pleaded with him, and his eyes grew softer.

"Lauren.." He let his voice trail off.

"Please?" I begged. "I just want to be with you tonight."

"But with your mom here?" He asked astounded.

"Ohh, she won't know," I waved the question off. "She's a pretty deep sleeper."

He sighed, giving in, "I guess."

"Be here at about 11:30 or so," I said breathlessly. "Just before midnight, and use the patio door to my bedroom. I'll leave it unlocked. "

"Alright" He said quietly. "I'll meet you here." He gestured at the couch we were sitting on at the moment.

I nodded and leaned in and kissed him softly on the lips. I pulled away and smiled at the sensation I had whenever we kissed. I missed that feeling in the time I was at the hospital. He drew me closer to him and he deepened the kiss leaving me breathless. I wrapped my arms around his neck and shivered at the tingling that went down my spine. I was lost in the moment and completely blocked everything else out. Right here, right now, this was the only thing I was living for.

And then, someone cleared their throat from behind us and completely extracted me from the perfect moment I was in.

Ryan and I pulled away from each other embarrassed about being caught in such a position by my mother. I looked at her just standing there so evenly and saw a flash of something in her green eyes that I couldn't quite make out. Ryan wiped his hands on his pants and stood up very quickly.

"Well," He announced. "I should get going then." He began to make his way to the door.

"I'll walk you out." I said following after him. He stopped at the door and stood there for a moment waiting for me to meet him there. "So, tonight?"

He looked over my shoulder quickly and then leaned in and gave me a quick kiss, "Tonight." He confirmed with me and walked out to his car leaving me waiting until the night set in.

~*********~

It felt like years since I was really able to talk with my mom, so the time we had together was just what I needed. I had so much going on in my life that I just needed her to know and now I was finally able to tell her. It's so much better to sit down and have a conversation with her face to face. We had been talking for hours about well, _everything._ I told her all about my job at the lab, and of course about the sniper. I had insisted more than five times that I was fine, but concern was still easily seen on her face. She didn't like to see me hurt. That was how we arrived at the subject we were currently on; Ryan.

"You seem to have a lot of feelings for him," She said treading lightly.

"I do," I replied. "I took your advise, remember?"

"So I see," She laughed obviously amused with my answer. "I have to admit though I was a little skeptical."

"You skeptical?" I said sarcastically. "No."

"Yeah, yeah." She ignored me. "You just usually don't fall in love so easily, so that surprised me. Then there's the fact that you called _me_ for advice about it. You are usually so different when it comes to these kind of things."

"You mean love?" I questioned.

"Yes," She nodded after taking in what I had just said. "I mean love."

I looked at the ground, "It's different this time. I've never really felt anything like this before." I shook my head and tried to put my thoughts in order, but my mind was so scattered. "I mean, I've been in love before, but something about being with him just makes me feel so complete and right. Do you know what I mean?"

"I know what your saying." She seemed to be holding something back, but I couldn't put my finger on what it was.

"Do you not like him or something?" I threw this question at her before I even really thought about exactly what I was saying. I just couldn't shake the thought from my mind and I had to put it on the table.

"I never said that," She retorted calmly. "I don't even know him."

"Yeah," I snorted. "You just give death threats to people you barely know now right?"

"Lauren please," She rolled her eyes at me. "I just wanted to let him know that if he happened to trample on your heart I was not going to be very happy."

"Sure," I said not really buying it.

She sighed heavily, "He's nice, ok? And he obviously seems to care about you a great deal. I mean, he called me didn't he? He wanted me to know what happened and that you were ok, so that tells me something right off the bat."

"Good." I said stubbornly crossing my arms.

"And," She said narrowing her eyes. "He makes you happy, which is what I always want for you. Something tells me that if you love him as much as you do I can too."

I smiled and uncrossed my arms, "Do you really mean that?"

"I do," She said grinning at me. "He's also pretty cute so I guess it will make it a little easier."

I laughed and threw a pillow at her, "Aww, mom."

She laughed back and ignored my comment, walking to the kitchen to get another cup of coffee. I laid down on the couch and let my mind rest for a moment. I still had so much that I wanted to tell her, but I needed to sift through everything.

She sat back down and I looked at her, my eyes slightly clouded over, "I think about what happened in D.C a lot. I get scared sometimes and wonder if the same thing will happen again." She was silent, taking in all that I had said. I had a few secrets that I was still harboring from my past, and they still haunted me to this day. Relationships have never really been the best for me because the last one I happed to be in ended, well, in complete disarray.

My mom sighed tearing me from my thoughts, "You know, I saw him a few days before Ryan called me."

I froze, "You saw James?"

"I wasn't sure if I was going to tell you or not," She said still thinking about how to word each sentence. "But since you brought it up, I guess you have a right to know."

"What did he say?" I asked feeling anxious.

"He basically said that he missed you," She replied quietly. "I think he really meant it, you know how crazy he was about you. You guys dated for such a long time and I don't think he ever really got over you. After you left I think it tore him up quite a bit."

"Well yeah," I said drawing in a sharp breath.

"Are you ready to talk about it yet?" She asked still dancing lightly around the subject. She knew I was a very tender thing for me to talk about.

"I think that I should tell you," I conceded. "I need to get over him."

"Ok," She nodded. "What exactly happened then? I know that you broke up and came here, but what caused it?"

I sighed finally ready to say it out loud, "He asked me to marry him."

"He proposed to you?" I heard two voices at once say.

I looked up and saw Ryan standing behind my mom. I glanced at the clock and saw that it read 11:47 P.M. He was right on time, and he just heard me tell my mom the one secret that I have been keeping from him for so long. He turned to leave and I yelled after him trying to get him to listen. I flew out the front door and met him at his car.

He was fuming and his Hazel eyes were dark and clouded. He didn't even say a word to me, he just shook his head.

"Ryan," I pleaded with him. "Just listen to me; let me tell you what happened."

"Fine," He said rudely. "Tell me."

"Ok," I started. "James and I worked together at my law firm in D.C. When I started he sort of took me under his wing and I worked with him on a lot of cases until I was ready to try things all by myself. We became really close friends, and eventually things turned….romantic."

"And why are you telling me this?" He questioned sharply. "I really don't need to hear about the romantic relationship you had before we met."

" It just goes to the story ok," I said calmly. "I just want you to know everything. So we dated for at least a year and I was moving up fast in my firm. Even though our relationship was great I still shied away from a lot of things. I just have never been really able to throw myself into anything but my work, but I really did love James."

"Thanks just great," He snapped.

I sighed, "He proposed, as you heard, and I was taken aback by it. I told him I'd have to think about it, and I did. I just didn't know how to answer him. Part of me said yes and part of me said no. So, I just distanced myself from him. I basically shut him out and tried to pretend like nothing had happened. I ignored any feelings that I had, and just went through my days. Then I got the job offer here, and I moved away."

"So your telling me that you just left him," He said looking at me emotionlessly.

I nodded unable to really say anything.

"And that you may still have feeling for him, you need to get over him." He said running his hands through his hair. "How do I know that what your saying is true? How can I know that you actually want to be here?"

"I wouldn't be here if I didn't want to be Ryan," I said softly. "I haven't thought about James in forever. Everything just kind of went away after a while, we didn't talk and we weren't together for a quite a while when I was still in Washington."

He swallowed hard and changed his weight from leg to leg. I could tell he was thinking and I just wanted him to say something.

"But I met you and everything changed," I said staring into his eyes. "I didn't know if I was going to be able to love someone the way I love you, but I do. I care about you more than I ever have for anyone else. I was just scared, that's why it took me so long to realize how much I really _do_ care about you. It's always been different with you Ryan, I knew from the moment we met. I can't say that about anyone else."

"I--I just don't know what to think about this," He finally said after what felt like an eternity. "I think I need some space, some time to think this whole thing through."

I felt tears beginning to sting at the back of my eyes, "Think what through?"

"Us!" He yelled. "I need some time to think about this situation."

"Ok," I said quietly, a few tears running down my face.

He brought his hand to my face and wiped them away, "I don't want to hurt you, but I think that right now some time apart would be best."

"So we're breaking up?" The tears kept coming now.

"No," He said still cupping my face in his hand. "We both just need a break. You still have a lot of recovering to do, and your mom's here…" He trailed off and looked me in the eyes. "I still love you, I just want you to know that."

I nodded, biting my lip. A thunder cloud cracked over us and I could smell the oncoming rain. Our relationship seemed as tumultuous as the Miami weather. One minute was sunny and beautiful, the next was dark and rainy. Fire and rain, that's what we were. I watched as he got in his car just before the downpour started. I stood in the heavy rain as he drove away leaving my heart with a lonely void. I was drenched to the bone, but I didn't care. I just wanted to feel that fire that he would ignite within me with again; but the rain kept pouring down, and the flame that I held in my soul had burned out.


	16. On My Toes

It always seems like the days pass so slowly when you have no one to share them with, but thankfully I wasn't all alone. During the few weeks that I had off after the accident, my mom continued her stay just so I would have someone to talk to. She was always there. My rock. My shoulder to cry on. I needed her now more than ever, and she knew that. As soon as I re-entered my house soaking wet and crying she knew what happened. She also knew just how to mend my breaking heart. For hours I sat by her side curled up on the couch trying to understand exactly what happened. I racked my brain, but I couldn't seem to come up with any answer. So I listened to someone older and wiser.

Jan gave me every insight I could have hoped for. Heart break and pain was just part of the game of love, and I knew that. Something about this was different though. We didn't break up, yet, he pushed me away. I so badly wanted to explain to him how I felt. I wanted to tell him whatever he was missing. I wanted to make it right again. My mother knew that he needed time, and so did I. So I gave it too him. If he needed time to think everything over then it was his. So I just waited.

I waited for two and a half weeks.

And still there was no response, not one word since that night.

Nothing seemed right anymore. I would walk around just waiting to hear the phone ring. I became so on edge about every little thing that I was beginning to drive my mother crazy. She moved most of her art supplies outside just so she wouldn't have to see me pacing back and forth constantly. After the weeks of silence, I decided to stop waiting. There was no reason to keep my hopes up. He wasn't calling. Instead of fixating on Ryan, I threw myself into work and whatever else I could get my hands on.

I received a small package in the mail from Horatio while I was talking my time off. I could tell that I was from the lab. Even though I just wanted a break from it all, I was overly curious by the thick manila folder he sent. I set it on my coffee table and left it, resolved to just relax. Every time I walked in the room, I stared at it. I stared and stared, trying to reason with myself. There was really no reason to open it. My curiosity was killing me. After what felt like forever, I sat on the small couch and picked the folder up in my hands.

I took a deep breath and ripped open the protective seal. I pulled the contents from the package and as I did a small note fell to the ground.

I picked it up and read the neatly scrawled handwriting.

_Lauren,_

_I know you're not technically working at the moment, but I thought you might want to take a look at this file._

_We'll see you soon,_

_Horatio_

I set the note down and knitted my brow. What could be so important that he had to send it to me now? I grabbed the file and began reading. This was not ordinary case file from the lab, it was my kind of file. We had were going to trial, and they needed me. It appeared that this case had been sitting in the hands of Judge Joseph Ratner for quite a while and now it was being moved on to a new judge on the bench. This new Judge, a Mr. Collyer, was determined to try this case and start off his new assignment in Florida. Collyer lived in Washington D.C. for most of his life and was a judge there for many years until he had to put in to serve in a slightly warmer climate. I guess bronchitis is more easily managed in the sunshine state. The case seemed pretty open and shut to me. A man was accused of killing his fiancée and they had DNA evidence that linked him thoroughly to the case. Open and shut.

Except for on thing…every piece of evidence was circumstantial and there was no way to link everything to him. And to top it all off, after he was released he moved out of state. Fast. I didn't know our lab to be working on a lot of cold cases at the moment, so the trail must be hot and they must have found a solid reason to being him to court. So now I had to prove why he belonged in jail. It sounded like a challenge, and I was ready for a challenge. I needed something in my life to fill whatever emptiness was plaguing me. I threw myself into the case and leaned every detail I could. I read the arresting report at least five times, and I was beginning to picture the scene without any pictures necessary. The more I learned the better I would be. The only stumbling block was the fact that Ryan did a lot of work on this case. Every time I would see his name or notice his handwriting my heart would skip and my stomach would flip. Just the very though of him made me tense.

Horatio was smart to send me the file when he did. I focused all of my attention on it, and by the time I was ready to head back to work I knew the case so well I could cite the details in my sleep. That Monday morning was completely scattered and nerve-racking. I felt like it was my first day all over again, except this time I knew where I was going. The flashback made me think of Ryan and the first time we met, I couldn't stand that. I ran around my house looking like a chicken with my head cut off trying to get ready. My mom just sat at my small kitchen table drinking coffee and laughing at me.

"Have you see my keys?" I yelled as I rifled through my purse trying to catch sight of them.

"Nope," She answered. "Try the hook by the door."

I bolted down the stairs and found them in the exact spot she said. "You could have told me that."

She just shrugged and kept sipping her coffee. I sighed and gathered my things together, ready to start the day.

"Are you ok here by yourself?" I looked at the women sitting at my table and smiled. My mom, she sure was something.

"Oh, I don't know," She said sarcastically. "I've only lived by myself for how long now?"

"Yeah, yeah."

"Just relax and breathe," She looked me in the eyes. "Don't worry about anything except what you are doing."

I rolled my eyes. "Easier said than done Jan."

"I won't be as bad as you think," She assured.

"I'll give you the full play by play when I get home tonight."

"Is that a sports reference?"

I walked away laughing. "I'll see you later mom."

"Have a good day."

I scoffed. "I certainly hope so."

"I hope so too," She whispered back as I walked out the door ready for what was ahead of me.

~*********~

I admit it, I am a coward.

I sat in my car and watched the as people walked in and out of the Miami Dade Crime Lab. I wasn't afraid to go in, but I was afraid of who I was going to see. At the moment, I just didn't want to have to deal with anything that happened in the time I was off. I wanted to pretend that nothing happened and everything was going to go back to the way it was before. I guess a girl can dream can't she?

I sighed and made my way up the steps to the lab. I couldn't avoid my problems. I had to just face them head on. There was no way around this. As I rode the elevator to the floor my office was on, I decided that I just needed to deal with everything calmly. If he talked to me, talk back. Be friendly. I sighed, so this is what it has to come to. The door popped open plucking me away from my thoughts and I stepped in to bright lab. I made my way through the corridors silently and without anyone noticing me. I opened the door to my office and sat down in my chair, this was how I needed things to be. I just needed some normalcy. I opened the file that I brought with me everywhere and began to read over it again. I was just about to read the interrogation when I heard a slight knock on my door. I glanced up nervously and saw Horatio standing in the threshold.

I let out the breath I didn't know I was holding in. "Hi."

"Hello," He said thickly. "Welcome back."

"It's good to be back."

He fidgeted with the sunglasses in his hand and kept his eyes on me. "I see you got the file I sent you."

I nodded. "I have been reading it over and over. I just keep wondering why we haven't gotten this guy yet."

"He's smart," He said shortly. "But not smart enough. The new evidence we found ties him to the crime indefinably."

"And that's were I come in."

"Exactly. I filed the motion to arrest the day before the last and he is on his way here as we speak."

"So we have everything we need to go to trial then?" I asked wondering if I was missing anything from the file.

"We need to talk with him again," Horatio explained. "But we should be set to put him away."

I bit my lip. "A lot of this evidence is circumstantial, I need a lot more _hard_ evidence if you want to make sure he is put away."

"Natalia is working on it," He replied.

"And what exactly is _it_?"

"Motive Miss Southwood."

My eyes widened. That was basically the main reason they couldn't hold him before. They had no motive and his alibi completely checked out. If they had a new reason to doubt that, then we were in good shape. This was the kind of break that we needed.

"Can you tell me yet?" I asked.

"Not until we are 100 percent sure," Horatio said. "But you will be among the first to know."

I nodded making a note on the file to see him about motive and any other evidence I was missing.

"There is something that I need from you Miss Southwood," He said making me look up suddenly.

"Sure, what is it?"

"As soon as we have him in custody, I need to put in for a speedy trial," He explained.

"Well," I started. "Usually that is up to the defense, but I'll see what I can do."

"Thank you," He said.

And with that he walked away leaving me alone once again. I was feeling slightly restless, and I needed to move around. I took a walk to the break room eager to make a pot of coffee. The halls were pretty empty as I walked through them, and I glanced at the clock reading the time to be a little after 8 A.M. I moved gracefully and swiftly, still not wanting to run into anyone. I could already smell the coffee when I opened the door to the break room, and a smile spread across my face.

As I made my way to the pot, however, I could feel three pairs of eyes staring at me. I filled my cup slowly and methodically, and then I turned around. Sitting on the small couch in the room was Calleigh, Delko and… Ryan. At first I thought about waking straight out of the room, but I knew that it would look incredibly rude. So I did what I always do best, I stood there silently. I couldn't even look at any of them for the fear of meeting Ryan's eyes was too great. I kept my eyes trained on the cup in my hands.

Calleigh was the first to speak as she felt the nervous tension. "Lauren, we are so glad you're back."

I looked up smiling slightly, her sunshine voice was enough to make my worst day seem a little brighter. I met her kind eyes and I could tell that she understood. "Thanks."

"How was your time off?" She asked.

I could feel the shaken feeling that I had beginning to wear off. "It was good. I had a lot of time with my mom and we were able to catch up."

"That sounds nice," She said cheerfully. "We have been swamped here because of that cold case we opened again. It has been absolutely crazy."

"Yeah I heard about the case," I replied. "I'm going to try it as soon as I can."

"Really," She sounded slightly surprised. "You're jumping in so quickly?"

"I might as well," I shrugged. "I'm not dead."

She didn't laugh, and the small side conversation with Ryan and Delko came to a screeching halt. I was missing something, but I had no idea what it was. I glanced over at the guys and noticed Ryan looking at me. As soon as I caught his eyes slightly, he looked away. I sighed, confused about what exactly was going on.

"Well," I tried to break the silence. "I'm going to head back to my office." I started making my way out the door when I heard Calleigh.

"I'll join you," And she followed me out the door.

She waited until we finished the short walk back to say anything. Once we reached our destination she closed the door behind her and started in.

"Men," She proclaimed. "Are stupid."

I laughed, finding that statement to be utterly familiar. "Tell me about it."

"Oh," She scoffed. "I will." She sat down across from me and crossed her arms. "Eric and I are fighting because he is an idiot."

I raised my eyebrow. "Do explain."

"Well, somehow it's more important to side with him than it is with you." She said angrily.

"I don't think I follow," I said confused by what she was saying.

She sighed heavily. "Ryan told Eric about your fight."

I froze, stunned by what she said. "What?"

"I know, they were just talking and I guess Ryan was asking for some kind of advice and then it all came rushing out." She looked at me sympathetically. "I'm sorry."

"I just don't understand what this has to do with you and Eric?"

"Well," She started again. "Eric said he thought Ryan was right to take some time away and think this out. You almost died and were injured pretty badly. He said that making sure about everything was the right decision."

I furrowed my brow. "And his point is?"

"You didn't tell him, so it was a valid point for Ryan to make taking some time away. I think he agreed with Ryan because he has some kind of understanding for the situation."

"No he doesn't," I said feeling my temper flare. "I tried to explain everything to Ryan, and he didn't want to hear it. I told him I didn't feel anything for James anymore. I was forever ago anyway."

"That's basically what I said." She nodded. "I told him that you didn't need to tell him anything about this guy and why does it matter. I know that you care for Ryan and you wouldn't be with him if you didn't."

"That's what I said!"

"I guess it's the principle or something that matters," She said waving it off. "You kept it from him."

I groaned. "I wish he would just try to understand."

"Me too."

"Wait," I said suddenly. "You and Eric are fighting because of the fight Ryan and I had?"

"I guess so," She smiled slightly. "They've been keeping their distance from me since then. I'm so glad you're here."

I laughed slightly. "I have to talk to Ryan. I can't have other people fighting because of whatever we happen to be going through."

"It's not your fault Lauren," She said comforting me.

"Yes," I shook my head. "It is. I should have just told him to begin with. I honestly didn't think he would react this way."

"You can never predict what Ryan will do," She said. "Especially if his temper gets involved."

"I just-." I struggled to find the words. "I miss him."

She was about to answer when her phone went off. "I'm sorry, I have to go. We can talk more later."

She left me confused and anxious, so I just sat there trying to think things through. I had no idea where Ryan and I were at this point. I'd never really fought with anyone like this before. I had no idea what to say, and I had no idea how to go about talking to him. Everything was so foreign. One look and he shifted his eyes away. What did I do to make him loose that sparkle that he had before?

Before I could even begin to answer my own questions, I received an urgent text message from Horatio that simply said, "Suspects arrived." I raced down to the interrogation room leaving all other thoughts aside. I went into work mode as I stood by Horatio's side as the man was brought into the brightly lit room.

"I got your message H," a voice I knew all too well said coming from behind me.

I froze in place, not sure what to do. He and Horatio were talking quietly and I gazed into the room in front of me hoping to avoid an uncomfortable situation. The atmosphere changed so quickly when we were both together. It was like a jolt of electricity made me jump in anticipation. I knew he was just inches away from me and that was something hard to handle. I turned to the side slightly and appraised his appearance, and he seemed to be the same I remembered. A loose grin on his face, arms crossed in front of his chest and clean brightly colored clothes. The only thing out of the ordinary was a slight stubble that rested on his chin and face.

As if he sensed that I was looking at him, Ryan met my apprehensive gaze. His hazel eyes swam with a warmth that I didn't see earlier today. He locked my eyes with his and I couldn't look away. I didn't want to loose this moment. He narrowed his eyes, and I could tell that he wasn't going to break his stubborn exterior. I looked down into my hands, and stared at the floor as he and Horatio walked into the interview room. Calleigh and Delko came down the hall and joined me as I watched them with the suspect who now has been identified as Nate Richardson.

The first thing I noticed about this particular man was how different he was than the person I pictured him to be. For such a gruesome crime, I had someone more menacing in mind. He was a clean cut, and attractive. The kind of person juries had a hard time convicting. If he took the stand, this trial was going to be a little harder that I originally planned. Horatio grilled Mr. Richardson with as much control as he could, and Ryan took notes making sure he wrote down everything about the interview. Just as Horatio began asking him about the victim, Nate answered him with a laugh.

"I have a great lawyer, so if you want to charge me," Richardson said with a sneer. "Go ahead and charge me."

"So do we," Horatio growled back. "You heard him." With a slight wave the two police men in the corner arrested him and brought him to processing. As soon as he left, I began to walk back to my office. The last thing I wanted was another confusing moment with Ryan. I focused on my work and began drafting my speedy trial motion. Night fell fast, and I finished it just before 7 P.M. On my way home for the day I dropped it off to be sent to the judge for the morning. Tomorrow was our first day in court, so I would know by then if the motion had been granted or not. I slipped it in the mailbox and with a sigh headed home.

~*********~

I walked into my house ready to be ambushed by my mother, but instead of having her pounce on me she just sat on my couch reading quietly. As I set my things down on the chair next to me, she pulled off her glasses and shut her book slowly.

"So?" She asked while raising her eye brow.

"So nothing," I said sitting down with an audible _humph_.

She was intrigued now. "He didn't say anything to you?"

"No, he looked at me a few times," I answered sarcastically.

She pursed her lips and gave me a stern look. "What was he like then?"

I sighed and rolled my eyes. "He was cold and didn't talk to me, ok? There really is nothing else to say."

"Ok," She said putting her hands up as to deflect my anger elsewhere. "I'm sorry."

"Oh," I said remembering. "And we are causing other couples to fight because of this stupid fight."

She perked up slightly when I told her this. "Who?"

"Calleigh and Eric, I work with them and so does Ryan. I guess the sided with each of us respectively."

"So she understands then?"

"Completely, she tried to talk to both of them too."

"Does he know how you feel?"

"Of course he does!" I stood, throwing my hands up in frustration. "I told him everything he would want to know."

She nodded taking in all I had said. "I think you just need to talk to him."

"I'm a little busy at the moment," I scoffed. "My trial starts tomorrow, and I don't have the time to keep thinking about him all the time. Any distraction could compromise the case."

"I know," She replied having been through this with me several times before. "I'm going to be leaving tomorrow too."

"Oh."

"I can't have the neighbors watching the dog for too long," She smiled. "You know how Sasha gets."

I laughed slightly, "Yeah, she's a real peach with people."

"She my baby," She made a kissy face and I grimaced.

"I'll see you tomorrow," I said as I climbed up the small staircase to my bedroom. "Don't stay up reading forever!"

I could almost hear her roll her eyes. "Goodnight Lauren."

The sun broke through my window and woke me from my slumber before my alarm was even able to. I glanced at the clock and it read 5:39 A.M. and I groaned feeling irradiated. I threw my pillow over my head and tried to block out the source of light, but I was unsuccessful. My brain was too awake now, and I couldn't fall back asleep. I sat upright and stretched my tired limbs out. I walked groggily to shower and let the hot water and steam bring me to life. As soon as my shower was over, I felt more energy and I was ready to start my day. Today was going to be a good day, and I wanted nothing more than to kick major ass in the courtroom today. Now the team had to put all the evidence in my hands. It was my job to make sure their work wasn't in vain, and I had to put the guy away.

Jan was still asleep when I started the pot of coffee. I sat in front of the television motionlessly and watched for nothing in particular. I kept checking the clock only to find that the time was passing painfully slow. By 7:30 I was starting to feel restless and I decided that I should just leave. Court started in a few hours, so I had time to go to the lab and grab something from my office if I needed to.

The drive was short and I made it to the lab in record time, most likely because I was so keyed-up. I walked to my office with a small grin and reviewed my files for the case in the time that I had. I still had no news from the judge, so I just had to hope for the best today in court. I was about to get up and leave when I heard a small knock on my door.

"Come in," I said brightly.

The only thing I wasn't prepared for was Ryan walking awkwardly into my office. He stopped a sizeable distance from my desk and sifted his weight from leg to leg.

"Hi." It sounded like a question.

He remained silent, and didn't really look at me.

I was feeling aggravated. "Look Ryan, I have to head to court in a minute…"

"That's what I'm here about, actually," He replied holding out a piece of paper to me.

I grabbed it with a skeptical look in my eyes. "Ok then." I read it over carefully and felt anger bubble under my surface. "When did this come in?"

His eyes flashed to mine. "Just a little while ago, there was really nothing Valera could do."

"This is going to be a huge blow to the case," I mumbled. "And I just sent in that motion for a speedy trial. This is just great…" I trailed off quietly.

Ryan just stood there motionlessly, his eyes were soft, but his body was tense. "I'm- I'm sure it will work out."

I knew that was the best he could muster at the moment, but I wished there was something else he could say. My confidence was fading rapidly, and I needed to gain it back. I put my head in my hands, and tried to put my thoughts in order. This was just the pre-trial, I could do this no problem.

"I have to get going," I stood up and watched as he stood there.

"Yeah, I'll see you there," He cleared his throat nervously. "Horatio wants me to meet him."

"Sure," I nodded and put my hand on his shoulder. "Thanks Ryan."

"Right," His voice cracked. "No problem."

I chuckled slightly and left him standing in my office.

~*********~

The courthouse was a buzz with activity, and it seemed to enlighten my spirit and made my bones feel alive. The layout to the Biscayne court house wasn't quite as confusing as I would have thought. The airy space had a very bright feel just as the lab did, and I felt at home. There was definitely a different feel to this place than of anywhere in Washington. Even though the places in Miami were airier, the same seals for the state a statues of famous law men made me think of the nations capital. I made my way to the courtroom and waited outside for a moment composing myself before I walked in. The bailiffs held the giant door open for me and I walked into the courtroom with my head held high. There was another case that was still going on, so I had to wait. I took a seat near the back on the wooden benches and waited until it was my turn. My eyes scanned the courtroom and I saw Horatio and Ryan sitting together near the front, and I also spotted Calleigh sitting by herself as well.

His Honor George Collyer was a stately looking man. He was rather large and wore small glasses that sat on the tip of his nose. I noticed that as he talked his robust voice thundered through the courtroom. I tried to think if I had ever seen him before, but nothing about him rang a bell. His bronzed skin and dark hair made him stand out among the other white haired and pale men I went up against before. I could tell he was tough, but he also had a kind smile that gave me a little hope. He banged his gavel quickly ending the case that was up and the bailiff was quick to call the next case in.

"Docket number C-15497, The state of Florida vs. Nate Richardson," She called out and I rose from my seat.

I made my way to the table on the right just as Richardson was brought from his protective custody. He was dressed in the standard orange jumpsuit, and his hands were also cuffed. I notice that he has no lawyer present, and I furrow my brow. He boasted so much about it earlier, maybe he was lying?

"Miss Southwood," Judge Collyer began in his deep voice and my eyes snapped to him. "I see that you put in a motion for a speedy trial, is that correct?"

"Yes, you Honor," I said still perplexed as to why this man had no lawyer.

"Usually I would deny this bold request," He smiled slightly. "But I think I'm going to allow it."

"Thank you your Honor," I said, a grin spreading across my face.

"Now," He said putting his glasses back on. "We should begin…"

"Your Honor?" I questioned. "I'm sorry to interrupt, but this man has no lawyer. Is he going to be representing himself?"

The judge looked at the defendant. "That is a good question."

"If he is not going to take it seriously," I added. "Then why are we here?"

Just as the question left my mouth, a rustle started to make its way through the court room. I turned around and noticed a man striding up the aisle toward the defendant's table. I felt like the wind was knocked out of me as the dirty blonde, blue-eyed lawyer spoke.

"I'm terribly sorry your Honor," He when he reached the table. "I'm new to Miami and the traffic is worse than I thought." He flashed a million dollar smile. "I can assure you that we take this seriously," His eyes flicked to me, and my pulse jumped. "and we are ready to continue."

Coyller looked at him for a moment. "Don't let it happen again Counselor."

The defense lawyer patted Richardson on the shoulder and set his brief case down next to the table. "It won't your Honor, I can guarantee you that."

"I have granted the State their motion for a speedy trial," Coyller said. "Do you have and argument with that?"

"No your honor," He stated simply. "I would, however, like to put in a motion to suppress a piece of evidence."

My stomach sank. This was what Valera found earlier today, and it was just as I had seen it. This piece was critical to the case and now we weren't going to be able to use it.

The blonde man continued. "We know that some of the DNA evidence the state collected when this case first began has degraded since then. Therefore, the evidence cannot be tied to my client for sure. If we know that it is tainted, it shouldn't be used."

"Your Honor," I interjected. "This DNA still clearly shows that the defendant was in the house at the time, and we know for sure that it is his blood on the paper weight."

"Yes, but," His eyes flashed at me. "Mr. Pine brings up a valid point. If it is not for sure connected to his client then I'm going to have to agree. Motion granted."

Even though I was expecting this, I felt a sense of defeat. I held my head up and tried to stay a confident as I could.

"What does the prosecution set for bail?" Coyller asked.

"100,000 dollars your Honor," I glance over at the defense and saw that he was already out of his seat.

"Oh, come on!" He exclaimed. "That is ridiculous. My client is an upstanding man in his community, there is no reason he should even be held."

"Only the fact that he killed someone," I mumbled.

"But 100,000 dollars?" He asked incredulously. "Be reasonable!"

I glared at him with daggers in my eyes. "He fled before, we have reason to believe that he will again."

"Oh, please," He rolled his eyes.

"That is _enough_," The judge banged his gavel breaking us up. "Bail will be set at 50,000 dollars and that is the end of it."

I grinned happy with my slight win, and watched as the defendant talked with his lawyer for a moment. They put the cuffs back on Richardson and brought him out of the courtroom again. The next case was beginning, so I made my way out the doors and I saw Ryan, Horatio and Calleigh following after me.

"Nicely done Miss Southwood," Horatio complimented.

"Thanks," I replied. "This isn't going to be easy, and I'm glad that he agreed with me on bail."

"He agreed," Calleigh questioned, one eye raised slightly.

I nodded. "The first victory of many lets hope."

"About the DNA," Calleigh said looking at Ryan as if he was supposed to ask the question. He remained silent, standing with his arms crossed over his torso.

I held up my hands. "I was expecting that, we still have plenty of evidence to work with. That is just one piece we can't worry about now."

I heard the defense lawyer talking behind me and I looked over my shoulder to see him staring at me out of the corner of his eyes. Horatio took off with a phone call, and Calleigh and Ryan moved to a corner where she seemed to be talking to him fiercely. He caught me looking at him and his blue eyes lock with mine. He excused himself from the man he was talking to and made his way over to me.

I could feel Ryan's eyes on me as the defense attorney stopped in from of me. "Nice to see you Lauren." He smiled a winning smile and to my chagrin I blushed crimson.

"Quite a stunt you pulled in there," I said confidently.

He laughed musically. "Well, you know me."

I nodded. "Always the showman."

"How have you been Ren?" His eyes were soft and I flushed remembering the old nickname.

"It's been good," I replied not able to look away from his gaze.

"I'm glad to hear it," He grinned and took a slight step forward. "I missed you in D.C."

"Yeah…" I trailed off turning my head to the side.

"Yeah," He said softly.

I swallowed hard and looked away. "Why are you here?"

He chuckled. "I'm working."

"I know that," I looked at him again. "Defense though?"

"I left the firm after you left," He sounded sad. "I started my own and I had to branch out to stay afloat."

"So you defend murders now?" I crossed my arms.

"I just do my job, Ren," He retorted. "The same as you."

I snorted. "Not quite."

"Don't be like that," He said quietly.

"I just--" I faltered a moment. "I learned most everything I know from the time I worked with you and to hear that your working the other side now, that just, I don't understand it."

"Sometimes," He said thoughtfully. "When the one thing you had is gone, you have to try and move on."

I caught on to the undertone of what he said. "Did you move on?"

He locked eyes with me and my heart skipped a beat or two. "Some things you never really get over."

"James.." I looked away, it hurt my heart to say his name.

"It's ok Ren," He lifted my chin and it was as though he saw through my eyes to my soul. "I understand."

I looked at the man standing before me and realized that I hurt him more than I would ever know. Something about that made me think about Ryan. I knew he was watching all of this, putting the pieces together. I hoped he would understand, but there was no doubt his temper would take over again.

I sighed. "I can't believe I'm working with you again."

"Correction," He said his smile reaching his eyes. "Working against me. Like you said, I taught you everything. I know all of your tricks."

"I think I can handle it," I smiled.

"I _know_ you can," He corrected again. "But that doesn't mean I'm going to hesitate in kicking your ass."

I snorted. "Yeah right."

"You laugh now," He pointed.

I glanced at the clock on the wall and panicked. "I have to go. I have somewhere to be actually." I waved slightly and turned around for the exit.

"I'll see you in the courtroom Lauren," He called after me.

As I left, I locked eyes with Ryan and I knew that he was confused and frustrated. He looked down as soon as I passed him and I could feel James staring at me. In one foul swoop, I could feel two men that loved me looking after me hoping somehow to win my heart again.


	17. The Nearness of You

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," I said as I ran up my driveway to where my mother was standing in the threshold of my front door. She looked at me with pursed lips and remained as still as a statue. She was mad. She didn't say a word to me when I reached her, so I just grabbed her luggage and started hauling it to my car.

She followed closely behind me with her other bag and slid into the passengers seat. I slammed the trunk and hoped into the car, wiping some sweat off of my brow.

"You are never going to believe what happened today in court," I said as I buckled my seat belt.

"You are late," She countered.

I sighed and revved the engine and made my way to the freeway in record time. I glanced over at her and she crossed her arms, refusing to look at me. I needed her to talk to me, I needed to know what to do.

"Mom," I started. "I already said I was sorry."

"If I miss my flight because of this.." She threatened giving me a stern look.

I focused my attention back on the road, and tried not to think about Ryan….or James. Everything was happening so fast and it was completely out of my control. The drive to the airport didn't take as long as I have planned, mostly because I sped most of the way there. I pulled into a parking garage and shut off the engine. I tried to pull the keys out of the ignition, but my hands were shaking so badly I couldn't.

I was losing it.

Noticing my troubles, my mom looked at me with confusion churning in her eyes. "Lauren, are you ok? Honey?"

Panic rose in her voice and she grabbed my hands and held them in hers. In an instant she was comforting me and pulling me back into reality. I just sat there with the car keys in my hands trying to figure out what happened. Nothing was making any sense anymore.

"What happened?" She asked slowly. .

It all came tumbling out incoherently. "Well I had to start court today and then there was no defense attorney, so I told the judge we should just hold him anyway and then his attorney came waltzing up the aisle and it was James, and Ryan was there and I just--I just.."

"Whoa, slow down," She said. "Breathe."

"James is _here_ mom," I said my voice jumping a few registers higher than normal.

"Here, as in Miami?" She asked bewildered.

"Yes, as in Miami."

"Wow," She simply said.

"That's all you have to say?" I cried out. "That's all?"

"Well, what did you want me to say?" She retorted. "It shouldn't mean anything right? That's what you said."

I shook my head and closed my eyes, frozen. "What?"

"You told Ryan that you didn't feel anything for James," She said patiently. "So him being here, that shouldn't mean anything."

I was about to answer when she glanced at the clock in my dashboard. "I have to leave, my plane is boarding by now."

"Did you want me to come?" I said still slightly hazy.

"No, I'll be fine," She said. "I'll call you when I get home." She gave me a small hug and opened the door. "Everything will work out Lauren."

"Yeah," I replied in a small voice.

Even though she was gone, I sat in my car for a while. There was no doubt she was right. I said I was over it, but why did my heart jump around erratically when he looked into my eyes? If I was over it why did I want to reach out and comfort him when I could tell he was hurting?

But there was Ryan. He was always there for me. I loved him and I just wanted to be with him, and he couldn't see past whatever I may or may not feel for James. I hated to admit it, but maybe he was right. Maybe I never dealt with all the frustration and the feelings that I had for James. I leaned my head back on my car seat and tried to calm the spinning that was in my head.

Night was on the horizon, so I put my keys back in and started on my way home. I drove slowly and carefully. I just needed this time to think, nothing was better than driving while the twilight was coming in. I sighed and watched the sky turn a myriad of colors. I reached my house just as the stars were peaking through the haze that sometimes settled over the city. I pulled into my driveway and saw a car I didn't recognize sitting in my spot.

Right away I slowed and became slightly cautious. I turned off my engine just as the mystery person stepped out of their car. I could tell from the profile that it was a man, but that was about it. Curious, I opened my door and walked up to the man standing in front of my house.

"Hello?" I said the question evident in my voice.

A shadow was still coving his face from my view and I couldn't tell who it was yet. I didn't know if he was going to answer and just as I was about to speak again a car flew down my street and illuminated his face.

"Ryan?" I was taken aback by his appearance. "What are you doing here?" I took a few steps closer and tried to search his eyes for answers in the dark.

He crossed his arms. "I wanted to talk."

I nodded. "Me too. Won't you come in?"

I gestured to the door and he followed me to it, always staying a few steps behind me. Once inside I turned on the lights and offered him a seat on the couch. He sat silently and looked around curious about the mess that was in my living room.

"My mom left in a hurry," I explained. "Her flight was today and I made her slightly late." I laughed nervously and played with a strand of my hair. I sat down across from him in a small chair. "So what did you want to talk about then?"

He met my eyes. "I'm sorry Lauren."

His tender tone made my heart break, and I bit my lip trying not to cry. "I need you, Its been hell."

A soft smile grazed his lips and I so badly wanted him to hold me in that moment.

"I over-reacted about, well, everything," He said trying to explain what happened in the first place. "I just needed time to think about it. When I saw you at work though, it just made me realize how much I wanted to be with you, and that I didn't care about anything else."

"You never called," I accused still reeling from that.

He ran his hands through his hair. "I know, but, I didn't have anything to say."

"But I did."

"I… I didn't want to do anything I would regret," He sounded frustrated. "It was bad enough we were having a huge fight, so I didn't want to do something stupid like break up with you."

"I see," I said as I stood and walked over to where he sat. "So now?" I sat down and looked at my hands in my lap and waited until he found the words he was looking for.

He took his time and then said slowly. "I want to be with you." He took my hand and put it in his. Just his gentle touch sent shivers down my spine.

I smiled up at him because I knew I wanted the same thing. "And the trial?" He knew what I was alluding to, and even though I didn't want to bring it up I felt like I _needed _to.

His mouth went tight and I could tell the thought of James with me still made him uncomfortable. "None of that matters, you're with me now."

"So you're not going to pummel him in the middle of the court room?" I asked a smile coming to my lips.

He smirked. "I'll try not to ok?

"Ok," I agreed. "There's just one more thing."

He raised his eye brow. "What's that?"

I leaned in close to him, just inches in front of his face. He sighed softly and my breath mingled with his.

"Kiss me," I whispered.

He wrapped his arms around my neck and pulled me into him. Our lips collided and suddenly I was drowning in him. Everything about this kiss was perfect, and it had an urgency that made me weak in the knees. His mouth was warm and sent me exploring him trying to gain back everything I'd lost in the time we were apart. The nearness of him sent a ripple of pleasure through my body. It was like we were joined together by some unrelenting force and it wasn't going to release its hold, not that either of us was even thinking about letting go.

His hands were running through my hair and caressing my neck in the all the places he knew I loved best. I moaned into the kiss and he pulled me closer enjoying the moment of ecstasy. Before I knew what was happening, we were entwined together making our way up my stairs. I pushed him against the wall roughly and ran my hands over his body.

I removed his shirt hastily, wanting to be closer to the skin underneath. He grabbed at my waist and broke the kiss when he ripped my blouse off over my head. We left a trail of discarded clothes as we made out way to my bedroom. I fell back onto my bed gently and pulled him with me as I wrapped myself up in his warm body. I drew him close to me, a touch here, a moan there. I didn't know where he began and I ended. We made love, slowly and tenderly, relearning every part of each others body. I found myself just running my hands over him and taking in anything and everything I could have possibly forgotten. He held me close to him and whispered words of love into my ears making me yearn for him even more. Just to hold him ever so tight, and to feel him again made everything that much more desirable. He held me in his arms all night while the pale moon shown through my window, and that night, all my dreams came true.

~*********~

I woke feeling soft caresses on my arms and back. My eyes fluttered open and I looked up into the hazel eyes that I had missed so much. I didn't say anything, I just laid my head back down on his strong chest with a contented sigh. I was in heaven and nothing in the world could ruin this moment. He continued to run his fingertips up and down my skin, and I shivered at his touch.

"Cold?" He asked halting his hands.

I shook my head. "No, that feels like heaven actually."

He chuckled and began again, this time drawing small circles. I smiled at his touch and buried my head into his chest with a yawn.

"What time is it?" I asked him with my eyes closed.

"Just after three in the morning," He answered.

"Mmmmm," I answered my eyes heavy with sleep still.

"I missed this," Ryan said quietly.

"Me too."

"I never stopped loving you Lauren."

I smiled. "I know, you said that before."

"I remember," He replied. "I just wanted you to know."

"I love you too Ryan," I answered back.

"You don't have court tomorrow do you?" He asked suddenly.

"No, I have a little less than a month until the trial starts," I said. "So you can keep me up late till then."

He laughed and his chest buzzed making my head dance around with his movement.

"I fully intend to," He retorted still laughing slightly. "You should get some sleep though, and so should I for that matter."

"Yes sir," I looked up and did a small salute.

I draped my arm over his torso as I put my head back down. My eyes drifted shut as sleep set in again. I slept dreamlessly and floated through the night on a small cloud of happiness. Ryan was with me again so everything made sense, and I could make it through anything if he was by my side. Any storm could be weathered if he was with me. Just the nearness of him put my soul at ease.

The sound of water was overwhelming in my ears, and I awoke for the second time, only this time it was a little bit more violently. I looked around my bedroom dazed, and I caught sight of my window. Rain spattered on my window causing a haphazard pattern to form. The raindrops fell on my roof with a regularity that wasn't letting up. I sat up and leaned my back against my head board against my head board.

My small movements awakened Ryan from his slumber. He opened his eyes slowly and saw me sitting.

"What is it with you and me," He asked joining me. "And the rain?"

A grin spread across my face. "We're fire and rain the two of us."

He furrowed his brow. "What do you mean?"

"That's how I think of us," I said looking at him. "One minute were on fire, and the next is as calming and cool as the rain."

"I thought you hated the rain?" He asked.

"I'm learning to love it," I replied.

"That's a lot of pressure you know," He said looking at me with a grin.

"Huh?" I said not following what he was saying.

"I can't be on fire all the time."

I laughed. "I know, you're the rain anyway."

"Why am I the rain?" He pouted. "You don't like it very much."

"I just told you I was learning to love it," I replied rolling my eyes. "Besides, you're the one who made me love it anyway."

"Really?" He pulled me close to him.

"Yes, really," I looked up at him again and saw that he was smiling wide. "You remember the first time we kissed."

His smile grew. "I do."

"Well, there you go," I said. "That is one of the reasons you're rain."

"What's the other?"

"You make me calm and the rain can do that."

"I think I like that," He said and kissed the top of my head. "I can see you being fire. You can be very passionate."

I laughed. "And unpredictable."

"Sometimes," He looked at me sideways and glimpsed at the digital clock on my nightstand. "I should get going I don't have any clothes or anything here."

"And you have to find the ones in the hallway too," I reminded as he stood up.

"Oh yeah," He said and made his way out to collect the forgotten clothing.

I grabbed my robe and wrapped it around my body. I peaked my head out the door and saw him putting his pants back on. I came up behind him and snaked my hands around his torso. He turned and put his arm around my back and held me there for a moment.

He looked at me and I knew what he was saying. "I'll walk you out."

We walked down the stairs hand in hand, and I turned to meet him when we reached the front door. He held my hands to him and we looked at each other silently.

"I'll see you later today," He said.

I nodded.

He leaned in slowly and kissed me softly on the lips. My breath fell shallow as he drew away from me. He cupped my head him his hand and opened the door. I watched as he walked out my door and to his car, all the while trying to catch the breath that he seemed to have taken from me. He pulled away and sped down the street. I leaned against the door frame and closed my eyes waiting for the nearness of his presence to loosen its grip on my heart.

~*********~

Work flew by, and Ryan and I were nearly inseparable. He held my hand as we walked down the hallways of the lab and he even kissed me where other people could see. At first, this really surprised me because he was always so private before. But it was like he wanted everyone to know that, yes, I was back with him, so back off. The best thing was that I didn't even care much about what other people might me thinking. I was so blindly happy that nothing else mattered.

Calleigh and Delko were back "together" too, but only a select few of us even knew about their relationship anyway. It was nice to see that a little fight wouldn't split them apart. The four of us ate lunch together and I even went out to a scene with them. Everything seemed to be back to normal, and I put my mind at ease.

I had to separate myself from Ryan for a moment while he went to interview a suspect so I stole away to my office. I decided to put my files in order for the Richardson case. I started building my witness list and debating whether or not to add the arresting officer when my phone rang.

I nearly jumped out of my seat at the sound because I don't think I've even had one phone call since I started. I picked up the phone tentatively and wondered who it could be.

"Hello?" I asked in a small voice.

"Lauren, it's James."

I sighed. "Hi, what's up?"

"Well," He started. "I was wondering if you had your witness suspect list and the reports for your lab for me."

"Umm," I balanced the phone on my shoulder as I rifled through my files. "I have the labs, but I don't have the witness list yet."

"Oh," He said and I could hear noises of the city in the background. "Well I can come and grab them from you."

I furrowed my brow. "I'm not done yet."  
"I know," He chuckled. "You should be by the time I get there though."

"You're on your way now?" I exclaimed.

"Yeah," He replied. "Is that a problem?"

"Umm, I don't think so."

"Good, I'll see you soon then."

He hung up before I could respond, and I began to worry. I looked down at my barely started list and racked my brain trying to think of who I was going to put on it. I knew that I needed to have a few experts that was a given. Then something dawned on me, I still didn't know the motive that Horatio had. If this nailed him then I needed to have a few witnesses that could talk about it.

I shot out of my chair and made my way down to the heart of the lab and prayed that I would spot Horatio somewhere. I gazed around and caught sight of him by his office. I ran over to him and stopped him before he was about to leave.

"Horatio," I nearly yelled.

He turned around, surprised to see me. "Miss Southwood, what can I do for you?"

I quickly explained to him that I needed to put together the witness list for the defense and that I needed to know the motive so I could use it effectively for the case.

He nodded, understanding. "I have a few names that you can put on the list, and don't worry, they are all very credible."

"Thank you so much Horatio," I said as he scribbled down the name of a women that I could use for the case.

I headed back to my office, mentally putting together my list in my head. Once I got there I quickly wrote them all down before I forgot them. I was just adding the last name to the list when I heard a short knock on my door. I looked up to see James leaning on the doorframe.

"Hey," I said. "Just finished."

I held up my witness list and he grinned at me.

"So I gave you enough time then?"

I rolled my eyes. "Yes."

I held out my list for him and he grabbed it from me and gave it a quick read. As he did I ran through it myself.

It read:

_Witness list for Richardson case_

_Medical Examiner: Doctor Alexx Woods _

_Lt. Horatio Caine_

_Detective Frank Tripp _

_CSI Ryan Wolfe _

_Laboratory Technician Maxine Valera_

_DNA Analyst Natalia Boa Vista_

_Justine Hartman _

"Interesting," James said after he read through the list. "A lot of knowledge on here."

"Well," I countered. "It's a fact based case."

"True," He nodded. "Very true."

"So, do you have anything for me?" I asked.

"Oh," He produced a small file from his breast pocket and handed it to me. "It should all be there."

I thumbed through the file and glanced over his witnesses briefly, seeing that he was indeed putting Richardson on the stand. Along with that, he had some of his pieces of evidence he was going to be showing in court, very standard stuff.

I pushed a small group of papers on my desk his way. "That's the rest of it."

He nodded and grabbed them, putting them in the same spot he held the file he gave to me.

"Do you work with all of these people," He asked taking a seat in front of me.

"Most of them," I replied. "Why?"

"I was just wondering when I would be able to talk to them," He smiled. "That's all."

"Oh," I said nodding.

"You know, you're a lot more apprehensive than I remember."

I laughed. "Is that so?"

"Yes," He grinned back and leaned closer to my desk. "Why is that?"

I put my elbows on my desk and leaned in to him. "I don't know, any theories?"

He searched my eyes and I narrowed them at him. He continued to look at me and I was unable to look away.

He bent closer and was just inches away from me. "Just one."

The nearness should have sent me reeling backward, but for some reason I was frozen in place. I kept my eyes locked with his as he crept forward slowly. He was so close I could smell his aftershave, and it was so unbelievably familiar. I closed my eyes from a moment and was thrust back in time. My senses were on fire and I was hazy when I opened my eyes once again. His blue eyes were ablaze and he was so near it made me tremble. He was about to close the rapidly fading space between us when someone strolled through my door.

"Hey Lauren I was just wonder-ing," Ryan' voice faltered when he saw the unfortunate position James and I were in.

I quickly stood up and I felt lightheaded. I looked at Ryan's baffled expression and mentally kicked myself. He glimpsed at me, his hazel eyes filled with rage. I couldn't tell if it was directed at me or James.

Ryan cleared his throat. "Hi, I don't think we've met. I'm Ryan Wolfe, CSI."

"Oh," James said. "Hi I'm James Pine I'm the defense attorney for the Richardson case."

"Nice to meet you," Ryan mumbled.

"Ren and I go way back you know," James said with a smile on his face.

I inwardly groaned, this was no going to be good. Not at all.

"Yeah," Ryan said crossing his arms. "I know."

"You do?" He eyed me.

"_Lauren_," Ryan said emphasizing my name, I guess he didn't like the nickname the James had for me. "Told me."

"She did?" He said still looking at me.

Ryan knew that he was staring at me and he was growing angrier by the second. He glared daggers at James, and if looks could kill, he would have dropped dead that minute.

"What did you tell him?" James asked me a slight gleam in his blue eyes.

"She told me everything," Ryan answered for me.

James snapped his attention back to Ryan and he could tell that he was angry.

"Oh," James said keeping the same demeanor. "Maybe I should go."

"Yeah," Ryan retorted. "Maybe you should."

I looked at Ryan with wide eyes, and he caught my gaze. He sighed and looked to the side, and I gave him an apologetic look. He softened and I let out a huge breath.

"I'll walk you out," I said to James.

On my way out the door, I took Ryan's hand and gave it a small squeeze. He looked at me and smiled. I followed James to the elevators and neither of us said anything.

"I'm sorry about that," I said finally, after all, I did feel kind of bad about the whole situation.

He chuckled. "It's ok."

I sighed and wrung my hands together. "Thanks for the file and everything."

"No problem," He kept his easy going smile. "Thanks for yours."

That was the thing that made James such a great lawyer, he was always so calm in any tense situation. He could keep up with some of the best lawyers and judges in the country without breaking a sweat. The elevator dinged and opened before us.

"You know," I said remembering something. "You never told me your theory."

He paused and turned around. The elevator closed behind him and he walked closer to me. I stood still, wondering what exactly he was doing.

He inched closer to me, just as he did in my office. My eyes darted back and forth and my pulse raced faster.

"I think you know," He said inches away from my face.

"Do I?" I replied nervously. My skin was on fire and I could feel the heat rushing to my cheeks.

He closed the remaining space between us and caressed my cheek with his hand. "I _know _you do."

He leaned forward just slightly and pressed his lips to mine very softly. I was immobile. I couldn't think, or move, or talk. I trembled under his touch, and just a quickly as it happened, it was over. He pulled away and looked into my eyes for a moment and then walked to the now open elevator.

He was about to get in when he turned around and faced me.

"Hey Ren?" He said.

"Mmmmm?" I managed, still unable to speak.

"I don't think your boyfriend likes me very much," He said simply as the elevator doors closed leaving me standing there aghast and mystified.

~*********~

**Thanks to all the wonderful readers!! And a special thank you to my one **_**faithful **_**reviewer Luf100, you rock! I hope you guys are enjoying where the story is headed, and try not to hate James too much, I don't want this to become a Jacob/Edward situation. (yes, that was a Twilight reference, I'm re-reading **_**New Moon **_**right now) lol. **

**Leave me some feedback and thanks for reading!**

**Lulu**


	18. Betrayal

I paced back and forth in front of the elevator doors and tried to calm my racing thoughts. At the moment, I was completely and utterly confused. The blood that flushed my face just didn't want to leave and my knees continued to feel weak as I strode in front of the door. How could he know that Ryan and I were together? Did it really show that easily? And most importantly, why did he kiss me?

I pinched the bridge of my nose as I thought about the last question. Something had prompted him to do that, even though he knew I was with someone else.

But what?

According to him, I was apprehensive because of his presence. That was his one and only way to explain the way I was acting around him, and I still didn't know about that one. I didn't feel like my behavior was really that different than it usually was. I was still the same. Except now I _wasn't _with him. That seemed to be something that wouldn't deter him. I guess his feelings never changed and mine did.

Didn't they?

Of course that have. I loved Ryan and I wanted to be with _him_ not James. Nothing could change that, not him being here or the world ending today. I was just…confused. Every time I looked at James my past came flooding back uncontrollably and I was lost in him. My senses were on fire when I was with him and I knew that it shouldn't be like that, but something was keeping me drawn to him. Maybe it was the fact that he really was one of the people who knew me best, or maybe I just wanted to have a friend back.

I shook my head and sighed, nothing was making sense.

"There you are," I heard the only voice I wanted to hear said. "I thought maybe he pushed you down the elevator shaft."

I looked up to see Ryan's hazel eyes sparkling with laughter. He put his hand on my shoulder and pulled me into him.

I wrapped my arms instinctively around his waist. "Not quite."

He laughed again and rubbed his hands along my back. "Good, because I really didn't want to have to kick his ass today."

I froze.

Not only was he close to knowing what had happened moments before, but he said today. Which meant that he fully intended on beating James up sometime, if not today, then sometime. I sighed and tried to act as naturally as I possibly could. The last thing I needed was a witness beating up the defense attorney.

He noticed my behavior and lifted my chin up so he could see my eyes. "Is something wrong?"

"No," I said to quickly and he looked skeptical.

"Are you sure?" He raised his eye brow and tried to search my face for the answer.

I sighed. "Yes Ryan, everything is perfectly fine." I gave him a peck on the cheek and flashed a smile. "You really are too paranoid."

"Well I think I have reason to be," He muttered under his breath, but I heard him.

I pulled myself out of his arms. "What is _that_ supposed to mean?"

"Well," He started calmly. "You do have an ex-almost-fiancée here for starters."

I looked at him incredulously and opened my mouth to speak but no words came. I was flabbergasted and my mind ran a mile a minute. Why was he throwing this in my face now? As we stood there, I noticed a few people staring. We were also blocking the elevators, so when someone would need to pass they had to walk around us. A women in a hurry nearly knocked me over as she tried to make her way to the departing car.

"We shouldn't stand here," I simply said. I made my way to my office knowing that he was following after me waiting for an answer. I sat on the edge of my desk and he continued to stare at me expectantly.

"Well?" He asked crossing his arms.

"What do you want me to say Ryan?" I said throwing my arms in the air being a lot more dramatic than necessary. "I can't say we never dated; we have a history, you know that."

"Yes," He said his mouth in a straight line.

"I can't just erase it." I said softly.

"I know that," He replied. "But does he have to be so blatantly obvious about the fact that he is still in love with you?"

I recoiled at his words. He was more perceptive than I gave him credit for. I still wasn't sure if I wanted to tell him that James kissed me, and at that moment it seemed like that would be a huge mistake. I swallowed the lump in my throat and looked into his striking eyes. He seemed to know that I had something to say, and he crossed the room to meet me. He grabbed my hand and held it in his. I sighed and let the warm feeling of his hand on mine soothe my frazzled mind.

"I know you were with him," Ryan started. "and I know that there is a lot that I might not know."

I cringed at that, feeling a pang of guilt.

He continued. "But I wish that you would just tell him that…that." He trailed off unable to finish what he was saying.

"I'm with you," I finished for him.

"Yeah," He looked down at me and sighed. "I just don't like the feeling that I'm competing with him."

"There's no competition," I assured.

He chuckled. "I don't think that will really mattered to him."

"I matters to me," I said firmly. "I not looking to be with anyone else but you."

"Good," He said for the second time today. "Because I am not letting you go again."

I met his eyes and he leaned down to kiss my lips. I pulled myself into him and felt his fingers running through my hair. A shiver of pleasure ran down my spine and I crushed myself closer to him. The world always seems to fall away whenever I was with him, nothing was more important than the moment we were together. He broke the kiss and I could see the fire in his eyes.

He looked away. "Unless you want me to completely lose it, I'd better leave."

I laughed and we separated. "I actually have some work to do."

"Ok, then," He said and made his way to the door. "I'll see you tonight then?"

"Umm," I looked over at the mountain of paperwork on my desk. "What time were you thinking?"

"I'll call you and we can figure it out from there," He replied.

"Sure that would be fine," I said and he make his way to the hallway.

I sat at my desk and began to look over the paperwork for the case again. The more preparation I had the better. I decided to put everything into piles that would make it easier to look through whenever I needed it. The hardest part about this was that it kept only my hands busy. My mind wandered and I thought about Ryan and James again. The two of them seemed to plague my mind in both good and bad ways. I always had Ryan on my mind and I smiled when I pictured him. James was another story. I just wanted to get this trial over so that it would end the time together that we had. As much as it was nice to see James, I needed him to just try to see past whatever we used to have. He seemed to be living in the past, I guess he never really let go of what we had.

I finished and looked at the five piles sitting before me. I took the first into my hands and read over the contents. This file contained all of the witnesses that James gave me. Most of them were character witnesses. Nate Richardson's father and some co-workers that have known him for a long time. He only had one person on his list to rebut the motive that the team had. Other than that, it was a fairly small list. I figured he was hoping to get a lot of information out of the people that I called.

All of my police records sat in pile two, and then I had a few of the articles he was going to present in pile three. All of mine were in pile four, and I left a lot of the motive articles and evidence in the fifth. I yawned and began to make my way through each one. Slowly but surely I went over every piece of paper that was before me.

All the while my mind was somewhere else completely.

~*********~

I laid with Ryan on his bedroom floor wrapped up in the sheets we pulled off of his bed. He was pulling lightly at strands of my hair and I was tracing my hands over his strong chest. I shivered as he ran his hand down my neck and into the hollow that was between my collar bone.

"Sorry," He laughed softly at my movement. "I didn't know you were quite that ticklish."

"I'm not."

"Could have fooled me," He replied and I swatted at his hand as he continued to run his fingers up and down. "Should I distract you then?"

I looked up at him slightly. "If you feel the need."

"Ok," He sounded thoughtful and took a long pause. "How's the trial prep going? Am I allowed to ask?"

"It's going fine," I said answering both of the questions with the answer I gave.

He shaped his mouth into an O and was silent for another moment. "What do you have left to do?"

"Well I have to talk to all of the people on the defense witness list and…" I looked up to see that he was fast asleep, my talk of the impending trial boring him. I chuckled slightly and untangled myself from him.

I dressed in a pair of his shorts and a shirt that I was pretty sure I'd left here before. I made my way to the kitchen and made myself a bowl of cereal. I plopped down on the couch and channel surfed until I found something that held my interest. I was deeply engrossed in an episode of _Iron Chef: America _when my cell phone rang. I ran to find the source of the obnoxious ringing and found it buried in one of the many pockets of my purse.

"Hello?" I answered and I glanced at the clock wondering who would be calling at such a late hour.

"Lauren," The voice replied and I recognized it immediately.

"James, is there a reason that you are calling me at one o'clock in the morning?" I snapped at him, I was annoyed and I wanted him to know it.

"I honestly didn't think that you would answer," He said sounding surprised.

"Ok?" I said wondering where he was going with this.

"I just had a question about some of the stuff you gave me."

"Sure," I said relaxing just a bit.

"Ok," He started and I couldn't help but glance down the hall to when Ryan was slumbering. "Who is Justine Hartman, and where can I find her?"

"I gave you all the information I had about her, it should be there," My mind was still elsewhere.

"Oh," He said and I could hear him flipping through papers. "Ah, here it is." He laughed. "Guess I should have looked a little harder before I called you."

"Yeah," I sighed. "I guess." I focused my attention back to him. "Was there something else you wanted James?"

"About earlier," He stared and I groaned.

"I'm trying to forget about it," I cut him off.

"I see," He said thoughtfully and I couldn't help but feel bad. I didn't want to hurt him more than I already had. "This is about the boyfriend then?"

"Yes and no," I replied.

"I don't think I follow."

"It's about him because I love him and I don't understand why you would kiss me when you knew we were together." I paused letting that sink in. "and no because I don't want to go back to that with you. I left and I thought that we were past this whole thing, I guess not."

"But if you weren't with him?" He asked.

I sighed. "But I am."

"Hypothetically then, would you want to be with me?"

"I don't know, it's not that easy."

"I think it is," He replied. "A simple yes or no would do just fine."

"There are a lot more factors to consider than what you are thinking about." I retorted back to him. "Like I live here and you are there."

"Then come home," He said it like it was the simplest thing in the world.

"This _is_ my home."

He sighed and I knew the look that must be coming over his face right now. "You are just as stubborn as ever."

"If I remember correctly, I think that was something you loved about me."

He laughed. "Yes, it is."

I was slightly bothered about the fact that he used present tense instead of past, but I guess I wasn't going to win with him. "Can't you just meet someone else?"

"Yeah," He snorted. "It's that easy."

"You know what I mean," I said. "There has to be someone else out there."

"That's the problem though," He sighed. "I don't want to be with anyone else."

"I wish you would," I said breathlessly.

"I have never stopped loving you Lauren," He said firmly. "I was the one who wanted to spend the rest of my life with you."

"I remember," I held my tongue and tired not to say anything stupid.

"So tell me that you still feel the same way about me," He pleaded and the pain in his voice was almost unbearable. ""You can't look at me the way you do, you can't kiss me like that and not feel something."

"You kissed me," I pointed out.

"You didn't pull away," He retorted. "And from the way you shuddered…"

"Ok," I hissed wanting him to stop. "I get it."

"Then say it."

"There is nothing to say."

"You're a terrible liar Ren," He chuckled.

"Except for that fact that I'm _not_ lying."

"Alright," He conceded, apparently giving up for now. "Sorry I called so late."

"S'fine," I replied, glad that he was going to give up for tonight.

"I'll see you soon Lauren."

"Bye."

I hung up the phone and looked down into my now soggy cereal. I brought the bowl to the kitchen and dumped it into the sink. I leaned again the counter and shook my head. I wasn't going to let the conversation I just had get to me. I tried to focus on anything else and walked back to the T.V. which was still on. I watched the show playing on the screen before me and laid down on the pillow next to me.

My eyelids became heavy and I succumbed to sleep, glad to have some kind of escape.

~*********~

**Ryan's POV**

It's hard to lie to a person you love, but there is always something that you know you shouldn't say. This happened to be one of those cases.

I walked into my living room quietly not wanting to wake Lauren from where she was sleeping on my couch. I sighed to myself and thought about the conversation that I had just overheard. Even though I only knew her half, I knew that this James guy was not going to let up. He was completely infatuated with her and I was loosing my patience with him.

He kissed her, and she didn't tell me.

I think that was what bothered me the most. She knew that I would be angry, but was she was right not to have said anything? Suddenly, everything clicked. This was why she was acting so strange this afternoon. He must have kissed her when they were at the elevators.

"Stupid, hot shot lawyer," I muttered to myself.

How could I let him get away with this? He was trying to talk her into leaving and now I have to worry about him kissing her. The was something else that plagued me too. What if she really did still have feelings for him? What if she did want to be with him?

I shook my head and remembered what she said on the phone. She loved _me_, not him, but me. I was the only person that she wanted to be with, and hopefully that would be enough. I know that I can trust her, so there is nothing to worry about.

Nothing to worry about.

I was about to give up and go back to sleep when I heard the sound of a phone for the second time tonight. I looked over to the kitchen table and realized that the noise was erupting from the giant bag she called at purse. I lifted the bag with an audible thud and set in on the table.

"How does she find anything in here?' I garbled, slightly amused that I was talking to myself. "Ah ha!" I pulled the phone out and flipped it open wondering who it could possibly be.

"Umm," I said unsure. "Hello?"

"Lauren?" The voice on the other end questioned.

"No, she's asleep," My voice tightened, I knew who this was. "Sorry James."

He sighed, caught. "Well, I guess this is awkward huh?"

"Only for the person calling my girlfriend in the middle of the night…for the second time." I emphasized the latter half just so he would know I heard everything.

He laughed. "Guilty, I'll admit it."

"Sure," I glanced at Lauren's sleeping figure. "Anything I can do for you?"

"No, I guess I will just talk to her tomorrow," He sounded uncomfortable now, hearing the rigidity in my voice.

"Fine," I was about to hang up and then I stopped myself. "Wait a sec, James?"

"Yeah," He cleared his throat.

"Kiss her again and you will be in a world of hurt," I didn't let him get in another word, I just shut the phone and threw it back in her purse and stood there fuming.

The nerve of that guy.

Trying to make light of a situation like this, who does he think he is. My temper was raging now and I needed to think. I paced around the kitchen and my thoughts flew around my head uncontrollably. I wanted to kill him, but I had to deal with him for the next few days, or weeks, or months…however long this trial lasted.

That idea was out.

What could I do? Something that wouldn't upset Lauren too much, hopefully. I walked back over to the couch and sat down on the arm. I smiled as I looked down upon her sleeping so peacefully. She was so beautiful lying there without a care in her dream filled sleep. He hair was sprawled out like a fan around her and her soft features looked so supple in the pale light. I reached out and caressed her cheek softly and made my mind up. Tomorrow was going to be a hard day, I knew that I would have to do something that she would not like, but it was the only way I could think to end this whole tiresome situation.

I looked at her once more, grabbed my jacket and keys, and without a look back I stole out into the moonlight.

The drive was quite, and I just focused my energy on what was to come. This was one of the hardest things I was going to have to do, but it would help to keep the two of them apart. It would make everything right again. I drove slowly, knowing the destination I was heading by heart. Something in my gut told me that this was wrong, but I didn't really see any other choice.

Lauren hated unneeded attention, and she even told all of us that she didn't become a lawyer to be on television. So this was perfect. I pulled into the WFOR-TV studio and sighed trying to remember exactly why I was doing this.

I guess love really does make you do crazy things.

I stepped out of my car and made my way in the building granting several questioning looks from the people who passed me in the hallway. I glanced around, remembering the short time that I'd spent here. Hopefully this would work, and if I know this station like I used to… I knew it would. I turned down the hall and came upon the very door that I was searching for, and knocked.

Not to my surprise, it flew open with a great furry.

The blonde haired woman standing before me shot me the most incredulous look I'd ever seen and then put her hands on her hips. She gave a small smile that looked like a smirk and looked me up and down.

"Well, well," She started. "If it isn't the ever moral Ryan Wolfe."

A twinge of guilt shot through me. "I see you haven't changed."

She cocked her head. "What can I help you with anyway?"

This was it, I sighed. "Actually, I need a favor."

"A favor? You?"

"Yes, I know," I crossed my arms over my torso. "But this is important to me."

"Well," She gestured to the room behind her. "Sit down, and do tell."

"I have some information for you," I said crossing the threshold.

And just like I presumed, Erica Sykes looked up at me with the hungry ambition of a reporter searching for her next story.

"Hold on," She said a new enthusiasm radiating off of her now. "Let me grab a pen."

~*********~

**Lauren's POV**

I had one of the worst nights of sleep ever.

It may have been the fact that I fell asleep in the weirdest position on the couch, but I was so tangled anyway with everything going on in my life that it really didn't matter. Needless to say, I was in a horrible mood when I walked thorough the doors of MDPD. Ryan wasn't really doing anything to help either. He mostly just stood stoically next to me, and I tried several times to get him to say something. He was off in his own little world.

I kept thinking about the conversation I had with James yesterday. Every time I closed my eyes I would see his face. Mostly I would see him kissing me, and then I would try to block that image out. For some reason, I had a difficult time blocking out unpleasant images. Or images that I thought were unpleasant.

To fight that one off, I would just think about Ryan. His sparkling eyes and the way he would smile at me. That always seemed to do the trick. The only problem with this was that I couldn't seem to focus when I did this. I would feel like I was gasping for air, or that my balance was taken out from underneath me.

And just when I needed him most, he would be there to put me back together.

"Wanna go grab some coffee?" He smiled at me from where he poked his head in my office.

I stood and made my way toward him. "That sounds so good, you have no idea."

He smiled and took my hand in his. We walked down the hallway together and I felt a strange sense of bliss take me over. In his arms, I was fine. This was the best feeling that I could every ask for. I stole glances at him as we walked and keep myself still admiring the same features that I fell in love with the first time we met.

He caught my gaze and shifted his eyes self-consciously. "What?"

"You cute," I giggled keeping my eyes fixed on him.

"Don't," He said waving a finger at me laughing slightly.

"Well," I countered. "It's not my fault."

We walked through the doors of the break room and found that it was full of the rest of my co-workers. They all seemed to be huddled around the television that was mounted to the wall.

I furrowed my brow and looked at Calleigh. "What's going on?"

"Some big news story," She replied. "There saying it has to do with MDPD."

I felt Ryan tense next to me and I looked up at him and saw that his eyes were fixed just as everyone else's were.

" So why are we all worrying about some news story?" I said loudly and was shushed.

"It's starting," Delko said coming up to stand next to Calleigh.

A petite, yet tall blonde woman came into frame where stood in front of the court house. She looked at the camera silently and then spoke in a fierce voice:

"_A love story," She started. "Usually we don't see a lot of them starting out in the halls of justice, but for two lawyers that is just where everything began." _

I gasped.

_"It seems that two new lawyers to the Miami area have a pretty zealous past that they both share from the time they spent in Washington D.C. Lauren Southwood, the new prosecutor for the Miami Dade Crime Lab, was involved in a relationship with top defense attorney James Pike." _

I could feel all the eyes in the room turn to stare at me, and I glared at the stupid woman.

_"It has come to WFOR-TV's attention by way of an anonymous source that this pair worked together in D.C. for quite a few years. When Southwood moved to the sunshine state to join the team at MDPD it seems that she was running away from her past as well. Pike proposed just a few months before she packed her bags and left. Now the two are reunited once again. Instead of working in the courtroom together, however, they will be facing off against each other in what is sure to be one of the most fascinating cases to come in the halls of this courthouse. While most were going to be watching to see the fate of Nate Richardson, not it seems many will be watching for any turbulence or passion between the former lovers. I guess we will all have to tune in to see. This is Erica Sykes reporting." _

My jaw fell open so wide, and I couldn't speak. Who the hell did this woman think she was? What gave her the right to tell everyone in Miami about my past?

"This is….this is _insane_," I finally managed. "Who is this woman?"

Delko rolled his eyes. "A huge annoying bug that can't seem to be squashed."

"Anonymous source?" I asked aloud. "Who could that be?"

I looked at Ryan who still seemed to be frozen with anger or something else. I couldn't really tell.

"Hard to say," Calleigh said. "But she sure did everything she could to make it seem as dramatic as possible."

"I think she might have missed a few facts too," I snorted. "Like the fact that I have a boyfriend, right Ryan?"

He shook himself out of the trance he was in at the sound of his name. "What? I mean yeah, she did."

"Are you ok?" I asked rubbing his arm softly.

"Yeah," He replied. "I just don't believe this."

I chuckled. "Me either, guess I'm fair game now." I sighed again and ran my hands through my hair trying to think. "What should I do?"

"There going to be all over you at the trial," Calleigh said.

"Yeah," I agreed. "And James."

Then it hit me, _James_.

He had every reason to give up everything. He wanted the whole world to know how much he cared. He would do anything to try and get me back, so he did this? Part of it made sense, but the rest didn't. He knew how much I hated this kind of attention. But who else would it be?

"Lauren?" Ryan said snapping me out of my thoughts.

"James," I whispered. "This was him."

Ryan furrowed his brow. "Are you sure?"

I met his eyes. "No, but who else would it be? He knows that this would hurt me."

A flicker of pain flashed in Ryan's eyes. "Ok."

He kissed the top of my head and I pulled myself into his arms. "No one who truly loved me would put me through this kind of betrayal."

Even though half the staff was in the room, he lifted my chin and looked me straight in the eyes. "I love you, just remember that."

He didn't let me get in a word, he crushed his lips against mine and held me in his arms with a passion so fierce it shocked me to my very core.

~*********~

**Hey guys!**

**Sorry for my delayed absence, I have quite the bout with writers block. I'm all set to go now though yay! So I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I would also like to thank both of my awesome reviewers: Luf100 and Sammy Lynn234, you are both amazing! Its is always appreciated! To everyone else, leave some reviews…they make me happy. And a happy writer means the next chapter is out faster. **

**Leave me some comments!**

**Lulu**


	19. Unbroken

Suddenly, I understand how celebrities feel.

I feel like I'm trapped in a fishbowl and everyone is always staring at me, searching for some hidden answer. Nothing I did was private anymore. Even if I had to run to the grocery store, someone was there watching every move I made. Everyone was giving me some kind of critique that made me feel even more self-conscience than I ever had. In some ways this helped my focus because I basically became a shut in. I would close all of the blinds and drapes in my house and just sit by the soft glow of a lamp combing over every part of my prosecution.

I never felt more prepared.

Things at work were strange too. Everyone second guessed my work, and Ryan was quiet and distant. I think something about the whole news story really bothered him more than I would know. His eyes were so conflicted every time he looked at me. Even if my gaze was warm and loving, he still shied away. Of course, all of this made seeing him incredibly difficult. Someone was on constant watch by my door, and the last thing we needed was the media knowing about _our_ relationship and reporting on that.

The thought of the upcoming trial made me think about James more than I wanted. I never really hated anyone, but if I did, I was sure it would be James Pike. He was the scum of the Earth and he tried to use my one weakness against me. He knew me better than I really gave him credit for. The only thing that halted all these things I thought about him was the fact that he still professed his love to me whenever he could. So I didn't understand how his love came through in what he did. Maybe it was some sort of reverse psychology?

All I knew was that I was going to have to face him tomorrow in what was sure to be the most circus like trial in my career. I had no much apprehension surrounding this care and I really just didn't know how to face it all. I knew I just had to appear strong, unbroken.

I could do that. I could remain unbroken.

There was a soft knock at my door and I hesitated wondering if I should even get up to let whoever this person was in. All seemed quiet outside, so against my better judgment I made my way to the door. I looked through the peep hole and felt my jaw almost drop to the floor. With the chain still latched I opened the door and peered out through the small space at the man standing in my porch light.

"Are you crazy?!" I whispered sharply. "What are you doing here?"

"If I said I was crazy, would you let me in?" James grinned at me. "No one knows I'm here I swear."

I snorted. "How do you know that?"

"Ren," He pleaded. "Please?"

I closed the door and unlatched the chain. "Make this quick."

He waltzed into my living room so relaxed and at ease that it made me start to feel jumpy and unsure.

"So I know your wondering why I'm here," He said while tracing his fingers around a few pictures on my mantel. I was still to stunned to speak and he glanced up suddenly looking at me expectantly. "Aren't you?'

"Ummm," I searched for the words and felt tongue tied. "Yes?'

He laughed gracefully. "I thought for sure you were going to pounce on me with a hundred questions, and that was not the one I though you'd start with."

I furrowed my brow, confused with his behavior. 'I don't think I'm following you."

"Your mad at me, I already know that," He started. "But I just need you to know that I didn't do anything on purpose. You know that I never want to hurt you. Things….things just got out of hand and I lost it kind of."

I closed my eyes. "What?"

"Well, this whole thing wasn't really supposed to happen like this. I knew that I shouldn't have done it, but something inside of me just pushed me over the edge. So I listened to the little voice that I try to block out all the time, and this is where it got me." He laughed bitterly. "Can you forgive me?"

"I…I," I pinched the bridge of my nose, exasperated. "I would, except for the fact that I have no idea what your talking about."

His head snapped up. "You don't?"

I narrowed my gaze at him. "I don't?"

He sighed. "Stop that!"

"Stop what?"

"That!"

"What?"

His nostrils flared. "You keep answering my question with a question, it is incredibly frustrating, do you know that?"

"Do I?" He glared at me and I laughed. "Sorry, now what were you saying?"

"Well," He sighed as I reminded him why he was here. "I was trying to tell you what happened today, and then you started being really annoying."

I ignored the last part of his sentence. "What happened?"

"Something I really don't want to tell you about," He looked away from my eyes.

My mind flickered a million miles a minute. He could be talking about anything. Maybe he was talking about the news story? Was he going to tell me that he did it? Or tell me why he did it in the first place?

"Lauren?" He shook me from my thoughts. "You were spacing out on me there."

"I tend to do that a lot," I chuckled.

"Yeah," He sighed again. "I know."

"Ok," I said firmly. "Please tell me what is going on. I really can't stand the suspense."

"This isn't very suspenseful," He quipped.

"Ok, so tell me anyway."

"In fact," He said still skating around it. "It's most likely going to make you mad.

I froze. "Why's that?"

"Because it is one of your least favorite things in the world."

I took a few deep breaths and tried to regulate my breathing, but nothing seemed to be helping. I was becoming flushed and my heart was pounding. My palms were all sweaty and I had double vision. This could not be good whatever it was, this was not good.

I didn't like it one bit.

"James," I tried to sound as calm as possible. "Can you please tell me what on Earth you are talking about? I think I might have an aneurysm if you don't."

"Well," He cleared his throat. "I had to interview Ryan today for the stand, you know to practice what was going to happen and ask him a few questions in return."

I sucked in a breath waiting for him to continue.

"And, well," He faltered trying desperately not to meet my eyes.

"Things got out of hand?" I finished for him.

"Something like that," He said quietly, and I noticed him rubbing his right hand. It was at that moment when I notice the bruise that was laying perfectly between his knuckles and creeping onto his fingers.

"What did you do?" I asked sternly, unable to look away from the purplish bruise.

"Ren listen," He started and I cut him off.

"Don't you _Ren _me!" I said my voice full of venom.

He recoiled and nodded. "I just thought you should know ok?"

"Why would you hit him?" I asked feeling my anger rise up. "What did he do to you?"

"You don't understand," He tried.

'Oh," I cut him off. "I think I do, I understand _perfectly_. You just can't seem to handle the fact that I am with someone else. News flash James, I'm not leaving him. I am over us, and I have no intention of leaving Ryan and crawling back to you ok?!" I was boiling over the edge, and I once the lid was off it was hard for me to contain it. I was seething and I just needed to breath and calm myself.

"You don't know all of the story though, he…"

I cut him off again not wanting to hear another word out of his mouth. "Where is he?"

He looked at me and crossed his arms, shrugging.

"Where is he?" I said through my teeth.

"Some hospital, I guess he had a friend there or something, but I wish you would hear me out Lauren."

I tuned James out and grabbed my coat and purse, he was at Alexx's hospital. I wanted to get there as soon as I could. James stood in front of me almost blocking my exit, and I tried to move around him. He continued to block my path.

"Get out of my way," I said sharply. He sighed and moved out of my way slowly, still not wanting to let me go.

He followed me out the door and I locked it behind me as I made my way to my car. I was almost to my driver's side door when I heard him call out my name. I whipped my head around and saw him jogging toward me. I didn't wait for him to reach me, I climbed in my car and rolled the window down because I could tell he had something to say. I stared up at him awaiting whatever it was he had to give me.

"Look," He said with a sadness coating his voice. "I'm sorry."

I rolled my eyes. "I'll see you in court."

I drove away from him laughing at his pathetic apology, but little did I know he was apologizing for something that would cut me much deeper than the insignificant events that took place tonight.

~*********~

I walked through the doors of Miami Dade General with a lump gathering in my throat. I knew that I had to keep my composer, but I just wanted to scream. The only thing that could ease my mind was standing by Ryan's side. Sometimes, It felt like I didn't know who I was without him. All I knew is that I really should, and sometimes, I didn't.

The bright lights were blinding, and I hurried my way toward the reception desk and saw that they were very swamped. I stood in front of a nurse with a mound of paper work in front of her, and sighed wondering how long this was gong to take. Everyone seemed to rush by me, not even paying any attention to why I was there. I became restless and decided to just jump in and ask someone what was going on. I wasn't going to get anything just sitting there like a fool.

"Um, excuse me?" I said to a nurse who looked up with a smile. I felt hopeful. "I was wondering if you could tell me-"

Before I could finish my sentence the phone in front of her rang and she held up a finger and asked me to wait. I would have had no problem with this but the conversation was turning very heated in the short time I was standing there. I tried, unsuccessfully, to talk with one of the other nurses. Everyone of them was swamped with something that they could not be called away from. I wished that I could see one of the nurses who was here while I was last in the hospital, but I was more familiar with the day shift.

I sat in the waiting room feeling down on myself and trying to come up with at plan. I was striking out everywhere I tried. Then, like the saving grace I knew she was, Alexx turned the corner and smiled at me. I stood up and made my way toward her.

She didn't look at all surprised to see me. "What took you so long?"

I laughed and she pulled me into a small hug. "I just heard, is he ok?"

"He is going to be just fine, has a pretty nasty bruise though," She said. "I'm assuming you want to see him?"

I nodded and she chuckled.

I followed her along the brightly lit hallway to where Ryan was quietly and she decided to speak up.

"So the trial starts tomorrow doesn't it?"

I swallowed hard. "Yeah it does."

"How is it going?" She asked hopefully.

"You know I can't tell you that Alexx," I scolded. "You are a witness."

"I know," She said he face falling a little bit. "You can't blame me for trying can you?"

"I guess not," I laughed. "I can be vague though, and it is going fine."

"Good," She said sounding satisfied. "He's right around this corner."

I followed her to the room with beds and curtains surrounding them and saw quite a few doctors and nurses hanging around the people who were there. I spotted Ryan right away and made my way toward him.

Alexx followed behind me and spoke before I could. "Hey baby, look who I found."

Ryan looked up and I wasn't prepared for what I was about to see. Ryan's nose was crooked and a shocking color of bluish-grey. There was some dried blood on the collar of his shirt and when he smiled at me I could tell he was in quite a bit of pain. The whole sight churned my stomach and I wanted nothing more than to kick James' ass.

Ryan saw the expression that must have been playing out on my face. "It's really not as bad as it looks, tell her Alexx."

"Nothing is broken, just a nasty bruise," She confirmed.

"See," He said his eyes soft. "Completely unbroken."

I stood motionlessly for a moment and then sat down on the corner of the bed with him. I took his hand in mine and examined it as well. I caressed his thumb and tried to hold him close to me.

"Are you ok?" I asked quietly.

He snorted slightly, but it came out sounding like a squeal. "I've been better, but I think I'll survive."

"I hope so," I said. "I could just kill him you know? He had no right."

He shifted a little, uncomfortable with the situation. "Lets not worry about that right now ok?"

"Yeah, sure," I paused for a moment. "I just hate to see you like this because of me."

"Lauren," He said softly. "Don't blame yourself for any of this ok? This is both of our fault, but not yours."

"How can you say that?" I looked up at him with wide eyes. "I'm the one who is causing all of the problems. Maybe I just need to get away from this whole situation." I sighed and my shoulders sagged. "I don't know."

"I don't want you to worry about this," Ryan said softly. "The last thing I want is for you to be doubting yourself when you head into that courtroom tomorrow."

I laughed and looked up at him once more. "Well, at least now I have more of a reason to kick his ass. Metaphorically speaking."

"Exactly," Ryan smiled and it touched his eyes making them light up. He reached his hand to my face and stroked the small dark circles that were forming under my eyes. "You look exhausted."

"I am," I replied and closed my eyes enjoying his presence. "I feel like I haven't seen you at all this week."

"I know," He said sighing. "I guess we've both been really busy."

I nodded too tired to really say anything. I wrapped myself up in his arms and let his soft breathing calm my senses. I felt like I was home, everything was so right. Sometimes, I needed him more than I would have ever believed possible. At times like this, when we had been apart, I saw just how true it was. I could feel like the whole world was about to crash down upon me and then he would be there to pick up all the pieces. There was something about the love that we shared that was so different that anything I'd ever experienced. Plain and simple, I was whole when we were together.

My breathing slowed and I could feel sleep approaching like a speeding train, nothing was going to slow down what I needed. I have deprived myself of a good night's rest for too many weeks and my body was finally loosing the battle. I could hear Ryan's soft voice in the background, and I knew that he was worried about me. I wanted to speak up and say that I would be fine, this was natural. No sound would come from my body though. My mouth was dry and I was too tired to even begin to fight to say anything. I just let my body go and let him carry me in his arms wherever he wanted to take me.

I knew that I would always follow after him anyway.

The soft morning light was just breaking through the clouds when I awoke from the dreamless sleep I had been in. I opened my eyes slowly and tried to remember how I had even ended up in my room in the first place. I searched my brain, and whilst coming up with no answer, I was still uncharacteristically chipper. I looked over to my right and saw the sleeping figure of the man who most likely brought me here and whatever I was feeling fell away. I scooted closer to him and remembered what the date was today.

The day of the trial.

I glanced at the clock and it flashed out in bright green letters 4:49. In just a few hours I would be at the courthouse, and I would be going up against James. The press was already making this into some crazy spectacle, so I was determined to have everything stay as normal as possible. The justice should be what people focus on, not the person lives of the people defending it. I groaned inwardly and hoped for the best. If nothing else this sure would be a good learning experience. The press would hound me, that was inevitable, but I would soon learn to deal with them. I would keep my cool doing it too. Going up against James, I knew that I was going to have to think outside of the box. He knew all of my tricks so I needed new ones. He would be watching every move I made, in more ways that one.

Yes, today was going to be interesting.

~*********~

Even though I knew there were going to be a lot of reporters, there was no way I could have prepared myself for what was awaiting me on the steps to the courthouse. The moment I stepped out of my car was swamped with microphones in my face and there were so many questions being thrown my way I had no idea where to even start. I pushed through the throng of people and tried my best to ignore them. Every now and then someone would make eye contact we me or ask me about James, I just kept on walking and saying "no comment". To me, this was the worst thing about being a lawyer. I didn't need this kind of attention. Most people who loved this needed to feed their own ego, and that is the last thing I wanted.

Because of the high profile on this case, Judge Collyer was only allowing sketch artists in the court room. I was thankful for that. I really didn't want to have to look at a camera the whole time I was there. I made my way to the marble lobby surprisingly unscathed and saw Horatio and the team standing in a corner. I made my way toward them with a smile on my face.

Horatio greeted me first. "Miss Southwood, nice to see you."

I nodded. "You to Horatio." I looked at the rest of the group. "Hey guys."

A chorus of "hey" was thrown at me and I laughed. They all seemed just a nervous as I was. After all, it was their evidence and their work that was going to make or break this case. I had total confidence in them.

"Ok," I said trying to break the ice. "Try not to be so excited."

I worked, they all laughed and knew that I was right.

I smiled at them. "Today is just the opening arguments so you have nothing to worry about." I winked at Ryan as he stared at me with wondering eyes. "This one is all me. I do here what I always do best."

"Which is?" Delko asked.

"I win over the jury."

They all laughed, but they could still see that I was serious. The clock rang out five minutes till we started and people began to make their way in to the courtroom. The team filed in with the rest of the people and Ryan lingered back waiting for me.

"Good luck," He whispered in my ear and then kissed me on the neck. "I know you don't need it, but I just felt like saying it."

"I know," I replied, the hallway was empty now. "I have to get in there."

"Ok," He loosened his grip on my waist. "I'll be there too, somewhere in the back row most likely."

I nodded and looked around quickly. No one was looking so I quickly stole a kiss and made my way into the courtroom with my head held high.

Their was a thick buzz of conversation around the room as I pulled some folders from my brief case. James was standing patiently at the defense table waiting for the bailiff to bring in his client. He didn't look at me once. The jury box was empty still and I knew that we had selected some good people who could make this a very open and shut case for me.

Nate Richardson was brought into the courtroom wearing a very nice suit and looking as clean cut as ever. I swallowed a lump that was growing in my throat and waiting for the judge to come in. No more than two minutes later, I was standing along with the rest of the crowd while the honorable Judge John Collyer entered the room along with the 12 jurors.

Collyer looked at me and then James quickly and then spoke, his voice booming throughout the room.

"Good morning to all, and before we begin I would like to remind everyone that this is a court of law and I will not tolerate any dishonest behavior." He cleared his throat and then looked at James. "If you would please Mr. Pike."

James stood up and straightened his tie, something he always did before his opening argument. I think he believed it to be some kind of good luck ritual. He glanced at me quickly and then began.

"Good morning and thank you Your Honor. For most, this would seem a very easy case, but it is really more complicated when you take a fine tooth comb to it. Nate Richardson is a working man who happened to be in love with a beautiful young women. The pair were even getting married. While these two were very happy as many people will tell you later on, something in their relationship changed things. Jessica Turner was pregnant."

He looked the jury and let that fact sink in.

"Most people look at this day as one of the happiest in their life, it was for Mr. Richardson. For Jessica, however, it was not. She became very depressed and had thoughts about giving up her unborn child, or even getting an abortion. So in an effort to save the one thing he loved, Nate Richardson made a decision. He decided to take matters into his own hands. He found out that Jessica scheduled and abortion and went over to her house that night to talk he out of in. When he arrived the pair fought but exchanged nothing more than words. He left later that evening after finally talking some sense into her. The next morning, he father found he dead."

He paused again and paced back on forth in front of the jury. He looked at each and everyone of them trying to gauge their reactions.

"Nothing but a small piece of DNA can even link my client to this case, and even if it does, ask yourselves one question. Does this even prove that he murdered her? He was trying to do the right thing, he wanted to be with her and the child they were going to have together. Nate Richardson loved his fiancée, he was only trying to protect her. As the prosecution offers up their case ask yourself this, does this man sound like a cold-blooded murderer? I think if you search hard enough you will find the answer is no, and I intend to prove it."

He nodded at the 12 people and made his way silently to his seat. His opening argument was good, great even. He spoke with more passion than I had heard in years. I sat in my chair silently for a moment and put my thoughts in order. I flickered my eyes to James and saw that he was feeling victorious. He raised his eyebrow to me and I stood up slowing making my way to the front of the jury. I paced back in forth for a moment and then looked up.

"The defense sure does paint a lovely picture don't they?" I began. "But the relationship between Jessica Turner and Nate Richardson was far from that of a fairytale love story. While it is true that they were in love, the love they each had was different. Nate is a very possessive person and yes, he did work hard to get where he is. He may have loved Jessica but he treated her like a possession, she was something he wanted and what he wanted, he would get."

I looked down and saw that the jurors were engaged in the story I was telling, some were even taking notes on the pads they had in front of them.

"On the outside things were great, the pair seemed happy. Underneath that, however, there was something seedy growing. Nate beat Jessica. It wasn't bad at first, but it escalated. There are many hospital reports that show how badly he would beat her. A broken wrist here, fractured rib there. You will even hear from Jessica's psychiatrist, she will tell you that Jessica wanted to leave Nate, but she was too afraid. So when Jessica found out that she was pregnant it scared her more than anything. She didn't want to have this monsters child, and even if she did there was no way she could protect it from him. Yes, she scheduled an abortion and yes, Nate found out. Jessica never wanted to go through with it though, she canceled it the day after she made the appointment. When Nate came over that night she was planning on telling him she wanted to leave him. You know what happened next."

I sighed and saw the horrified faces of some of the women on the jury and disgust on the men. I continued on, hoping to tell them enough now so they would have it in the back of their mind throughout the trial.

"The DNA we have is not just small, it definitely links the defendant to Jessica's murder. He may be sitting over their in his nice suit, but he is much more capable than most would give him credit for. She wanted to leave him, and if he couldn't have her then no one could. She was not than just murdered that night, she was beaten to death. She wanted out, and he killed her and their unborn child to stop her. Thank you."

I made my way back to my seat with a slight smile on my face, I did what I set out to do. James was staring at me wide-eyed from the defense table, and I smirked right at him. There was nothing he could throw at me that would make me crack under pressure. I was calm and cool.

I was completely unbroken.


	20. Worth It

As soon as I stepped out of the courtroom I was mobbed by reporters. The flash bulbs went off in my face and I tried to ignore them all. The hallway was so jammed up that this was nearly impossible though. I sighed heavily and decided that I needed to accept my fate. I was going to have to give some kind of a statement, as much as I didn't want to. I had to, this was inevitable.

I turned my head and saw that James was already speaking with a throng of reporters surrounding him. I rolled my eyes, that was just so him. He was always the first one to take charge. I cleared my throat and tried to prepare myself for whatever questions were going to be thrown at me. I looked down at the microphones that were going to be surely shoved in my face and put on my best plastic smile.

"Alright," I said addressing them all. "There is no need to shove, I'll answer some of your questions."

A chorus of shouts resonated in the hall and I put my hands up trying to deflect the sound. I pointed to a very anxious man. "You there, go ahead."

His eyes lit up and he stuck out his arm and had a pen in his hand too. "Lauren, how are things going so far? What are you hoping to accomplish with this case?"

A mummer of acceptance from his fellow reporters was in the atmosphere and then came to a dull roar when I spoke. "Things are going well. It is only the first day though, there is still a lot more to be done." I smiled the plastic smile again feeling my face drop. "I am just hoping to bring this man to justice. You cannot commit a crime and get away with it."

I nodded and then the vultures descended upon me once again. Most of their questions were mundane and surprisingly they all related to the case. I was mostly expecting them to ask about my recent television appearance. I was glad to stay away from that though, so I just answered their questions and gave the shortest and best answer possible. I knew these people were mostly looking for sound bites, so that is what I gave them.

"Thank you for all the questions," I looked over the crowd. "But I really have to get going now." There were a few more shouts of people hoping that I would stay, but I turned to leave and saw that Ryan was waiting for me near the entrance. I picked up my pace just a little and smiled the most real smile I had in me at him.

Before I could reach him, however, a stray reported caught up with me. She spoke in a fierce and tight voice that I immediately recognized.

"Lauren," She said. "I was really hoping to ask you a few questions."

I turned to look at the blonde women I knew as Erika Sykes and glared at her through my brown eyes. "I really would rather not answer any of your questions."

She smirked at me. "And why is that?"

"Well, I was really hoping not to end on the evening news as some feature story that is none of your business." My temper flared slightly and I took a short breath to stop myself from going any farther.

"I think the newest District Attorney is the cities business," She looked so calm as she crossed her arms.

I just hated her.

"My _personal_ life is none of your business," I said through my teeth.

"Well, as a reporter for Miami," She smirked again and her blue eyes made me sick. "I think it is."

"You are a very sorry excuse for a reporter _Erika_," He name was like venom on my tongue.

"Some people don't think so," Her eyes flickered to where Ryan was standing quickly.

I looked over my shoulder at him and furrowed my brow, confused by the look that was shared between the two of them. "What is that supposed to mean?"

Before she could answer me, Ryan came up behind me and put his hands on my shoulders. "I think that is enough." His voice was rough and laced with a type of anger I was not used to.

"Ryan," I looked up at him with so many questions swirling in my eyes. "What is going on?"

He glared at Erika. "Absolutely nothing."

She raised her eye brows and backed away slowly. "Well, I'm sure I will see both of you again."

She left the two of us alone and I turned to search Ryan's face for answers. He was very hard to read and it seemed like he was trying to keep something hidden from me. I couldn't decipher any type of answer from him at the moment and I knew that he wouldn't tell me whatever was on his mind anyway.

"I guess there is really no point in me asking?" I spoke my thoughts aloud to him.

He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose which was still different shades of purple from the punch that he had received from James. I tried to ignore the stab of pain that hit me when I looked at him, but then I noticed something that caught my attention more than the slowing fading bruises. He pinched the bridge of his nose.

I couldn't help it, but I smiled. The grin spread across my face slowly and I saw confusion spread across his.

"Why on Earth are you smiling?" There was still an edge to his voice, but I still found it funny.

"It's just…I do that too," I looked up at him through my eyelashes.

He looked flustered for a moment and then blinked a few times. "What?"

I smiled wide. "I just found that when you spend a lot of time with someone you pick up their mannerisms." He crossed his arms, still not quite understanding. "Like I pinch the bridge of my nose all the time when I'm stressed, and you tend to cross your arms and furrow your brow a lot."

"Ok, so?" He shifted his weight trying to figure it out.

"So you just pinched the bridge of your nose, and I've noticed that I seem to be crossing my arms a lot more than usual," I looked at him sideways as the realization came across his face.

He smirked a little. "Sometimes you think about the strangest things."

"And sometimes, for a CSI, it takes you quite a long time to figure things out," I joked with him.

"Yeah, yeah," He rolled his eyes. "You are very good at distracting a person you know that?" He grabbed my waist and pulled me close to him, and I gladly leaned into him.

"About," I sighed not wanting to say the name. "_Erika_…"

"It's complicated," He cut me off quickly. "And I just don't like her to be sticking her nose where it doesn't belong, but I guess it's her job."

"Ryan," I said trying to stop him from rambling. "It's ok."

He looked like he was going to continue and then looked at me for a moment. "What?"

"There is no reason for me to let her get to me," I explained. "I can't do anything about it."

"Oh," He looked slightly shocked. "Well that's good. I just thought the way you disliked her would make this more difficult."

"I never said I had to like her."

He laughed loudly and wrapped his arms around me. "You amaze me, I hope you know that?"

"Good to hear," I said as I leaned my head into his chest.

"Can I ask you something," Ryan said quietly. "On a serious note."

"Mmhm," I said not lifting my head.

"Do you trust me?" He tucked a stray piece of my hair behind my ear and ran his hands through my hair.

"What is this about Ryan?" I looked at his hazel eyes, they were darker than usual.

"Lauren," He sighed and looked down. "I just need to know if you do."

I knitted my brow together. "Of course I do."

"That's all I needed to hear," He said firmly. "Just remember that ok?"

"I'm confused," I said tearing myself away from his body. "Why do you need to know?"

"Because I love you," His eyes filled with warmth and he brought his hand the nape of my neck.

I shivered at his touch. "I love you too."

He smiled and lifted my chin so that he could gaze into my eyes. The swirls of green and brown were penetrating right through me, and I felt my face flush crimson with heat. The spark between us was undeniable and every moment I was with him was better than the last. He leaned down slowly and gave me a soft kiss on my lips. I wrapped my arms around his neck in an effort to make every moment I spent with him last a lifetime.

~*********~

Ryan insisted that I took a slight break from working on the trial tonight, so we were currently sitting on his sofa after an evening of Chinese takeout and endless flirting. Even though I hated to admit it, he was right. The was exactly what I needed. Just talking with him distracted me to the point where I almost forgot that I was in the middle of one of the biggest trials of the year. I used to hate the fact that Ryan could distract me in all the ways that he could, but lately it seems to make me smile.

My only distraction.

Well, at least it's a great one.

I tucked myself under his arm and stifled a yawn. For some ungodly reason Ryan was addicted to the television show _Monk. _Mostly it put me to sleep, OCD detectives didn't really hold my interest the way they seemed to hold his. I was fighting with my heavy eye lids when I heard the familiar sounds of the evening news. I propped my head up and watched the series of pictures flash in front of my eyes, and then I saw one that held my picture.

The footage of me talking to the press almost nauseated me. It was bad enough that I had to talk with them in the first place, but seeing it play out in front of my eyes was worse. I averted my eyes when James' face was put in the place of mine, and I heard Ryan suck in a breath. I rubbed his arm unconsciously, trying to calm him. I was about to speak when the news anchor introduced Erika Sykes for a special on the trial.

Ryan and I shared a glance quickly and then watched in horror as video of the two of us kissing and embracing danced across the screen with a voice over from the vile blonde.

_"It seems as though District Attorney Lauren Southwood has forgotten all about her former flame and found solace in the arms of CSI Ryan Wolfe." _

The look on Ryan's face was indescribable, but the vein on his forehead looked like it was going to explode.

Now I truly felt sick.

_"The two seemed to be in a world of their own after today's opening statements, sharing a kiss and whispering to each other softly. Just moments before this, Southwood gave me a rather ambiguous statement about the trial and refused to answer any of my questions. While WFOR-TV has a solid relationship with the Miami Dade Crime Lab, we can't help but wonder if the pair has disclosed any details about their relationship to them. One thing is for sure, when Wolfe goes on the stand it will be something to see. With Pike questioning his former lovers current boyfriend who knows could happen? Erika Sykes reporting." _

She signed off and the footage stopped rolling. I was glad that I didn't have to watch it anymore and Ryan wasn't in any better of a state than he was before. He picked up the remote and quickly turned off the screen. He slammed the remote down with such a force that it shook the table and stood up quickly.

I sat on the couch silently as he paced back and forth, unsure if I should say anything. He ran his hands through his hair and made eye contact with me briefly. I raised my eyebrows and looked at his incredulously.

He just stared at me with his mouth open, searching for the words.

"What do we do?" I asked using my voice when I knew he couldn't.

"I just….I just don't know," He finally spoke after a long pause. "I can't believe she would do this."

I scoffed. "I can, this women obviously has something personal against me."

"But what?!" He threw up his hands in anger and I quickly rushed to his side.

I clasped his hands in mine. "Maybe she's jealous?"

He shook his head. "I don't think that's it."

"She still likes you Ryan," I informed him slowly.

"How could you possibly know that?"

"I am women," I said as though it were the most evident thing in world. "These things I know."

He let that sink in. "It's been…years."

"Sometimes old feelings are easily brought back when you see that person again."

He rolled his eyes, and then looked at me quickly. "I certainly hope not."

I knew he was refering to James, but I tried to ignore the comment. "Not for _everyone_, but I guess we will just have to wait and see how this plays out. We already know that the whole lab basically knows."

"IAB is going to have my ass," He sighed.

I smirked. "Well, you can tell them it's already mine."

He laughed dryly. "So hilarious Lauren."

"I try," I shrugged.

A sharp ringing shot out from a pocket of Ryan's jacket and he answered it swiftly. The side of his conversation was filled with short answers and grunts that really gave me no clue as to what was actually going on. I sat at the breakfast bar slightly disgruntled and waited patently untill he could fill me in. I swung my legs back and forth and let the blood rush from my legs down to my toes, giving me a tingling sensation in my feet. I hummed to myself a song I didn't know the lyrics to, and let my mind wander.

Mostly I thought about what my life had been like since I moved here. Sure, there had been a lot of things that made my job more difficult. The media attention of this trial and annoying reporters. Oh, and the whole almost dying thing too. Everything seemed to double in confusion in Miami. I was caught in the middle of a giant huricane and the winds kept pushing me back and forth to the point I where I couldn't get my footing.

I sighed and looked down at my feet.

Was all this worth it?

I heard Ryan speak my name with such elegance and love that it make me look up.

His face was brighter than before, and I felt a sense of relief wash over me. Even if I was caught in the worst storm of the century it didn't matter. I found something here that I never would have imagined in my life.

Love. I had fallen in love, and that right there calmed the storm that raged.

So was this all worth it?

I glanced at Ryan once again and felt my chest swell and my heatbeat accelerate.

Yes.

Yes it was.

~*********~

As it turns out, the mystery phone call was from Horatio Caine. He had a very unhappy Rick Stetler badgering him about our feature on the news. From now on, Ryan and I were to keep a low profile. It was useless to try and keep us apart. We all knew that wouldn't happen. So as I dressed in my favorite gray dress, my mind was occupied with thoughts of Ryan and how on Earth I was going to try and keep myself away from him for the remander of the trial.

I was drawing blanks.

The scene at the courthouse was not nearly as bad as it was the day before, but I was still bothered by reporters as I made my way up the steps. Today was my first day calling witnesses and first up was Alexx. Over all I knew that this would be a relatively easy day for me. The facts of the case were hard for James to refute.

It was a packed house today, and I quickly spotted Ryan and the rest of the team sitting near the front row. James caught my eye as I made my way down the aisle, but I turned and gave Ryan a smile instead of even giving James a glance. I laid my yellow legal pad on the table in front of me and watched as Nate Richardson was brought in from the side door. He looked just as proper as ever, dressed in a navy blue suit. I rolled my eyes slightly and stood as the baliff announced the arival of the judge and jury.

"Good morning," Collyer called out in his baritone voice. "Is the prosecution ready to present it's case?" He looked at me pointedly.

"Yes we are your Honor," I said firmly.

"Very well then," He said putting on his glasses. "You may call your first witness."

"The people call Medical Examiner: Doctor Alexx Woods," I said and the wooden doors swung open as Alexx made her way to the witness box. Alexx was sworn in and I flashed her a smile.

"Dr. Woods," I began. "Could you please list off how many trials you have testified for? Just to give us all an example of your expertise."

These were the kind of facts that always seemed to impress the judge and jury alike, and so Alexx listed off the countless trials she had been in, even impressing me with the information that I already knew.

"Thank you Dr. Woods, now could you please decribe the condition of Jessica Turner's injury to the court?"

"Well," She started. "Jessica had severe blunt force trauma to the skull, mostly the result of he fall down the stairs. She also had several bruses that were on given to her pre-mortem. Most of them were on her torso and face."

"And what does this tell us," I asked pacing in front of the witness box.

"This shows that Ms. Turner was beater prior to her death," She answered. "I also found that she had many injuries that were healed and then broken again, which is common among women who are beaten."

"Objection," James called out. "Speculation."

"Over-ruled," Coyller said simply.

I smiled and continued on with my questioning. "What can you tell us about the manner in which Jessica died?"

"She suffered many broken ribs but died from exanguation."

"Meaning?" I asked.

"She bled to death at the bottom of the stairs," Alexx said simply.

"And did you find anything unusual when doing her autopsy?" I turned to face her.

"Not at first," She said. "But upon a second look I found that Ms. Turner was about a month or two pregnant."

"Did you find anything else?" I raised my eyebrows.

"A few skin cells under her fingernails, they were all a match to the defendant," She explained. "The unborn fetus was also a match to the defendant."

"Thank you," I smiled and gave a glance to James. "You witness."

"I just have one question Dr. Woods," James began. "Can you prove that my client was the one who killed Jessica Turner?"

Alexx frowned. "Well, there was no one else in the house. This kind of damage is not done from just a fall down the stairs."

"So you can't undoubtedly prove that it was my client then?" James sounded smug and I knew that he was trying to shadow his uncertainty.

"I have no doubt in my mind that it was him," Alexx answered back fiercly.

"No further questions," James said retreating back to his seat.

Alexx stepped down from the witness box and I smiled widly at her. I knew that really couldn't have gone any better than it did. She was an old pro at testifying and stone cold facts were always a great thing to have in a trial like this.

Horatio was next up on my list, and he breezed through the witness box and all of the questions thrown at him very quickly. He was able to shed a light on the scene when he arrived and painted a nice picture for the jury to see. I knew that I didn't have to worry about any surprises when it came to Horatio. He was the most dependable person I knew, and he didn't let me down. The jury was impressed by him, and even James stumbled through what to ask him when it was time for his cross-examination.

The day was flying by extremely fast, and I really had no opposition from James when it came to any of my witnesses. The next three days seemed to pick up their pace. I was able to have the jury hear facts about DNA, as well as Valera telling them about all of the findings she had about the case too. Valera was quite impressive on the witness stand. She really knew her stuff, and all of the evidence she spoke about left the listener feeling as though they could really understand the inner workings of a small piece of DNA or a fingerprint that might have been lifted.

I was crossing witnesses off of my list faster than I could remember ever doing before. I looked down at the list I had made so long ago and was impressed by the speed at which this trial was going by.

Witness list for Richardson case

Medical Examiner: Doctor Alexx Woods [X]

Lt. Horatio Caine [X]

Detective Frank Tripp [X]

Laboratory Technician Maxine Valera [X]

DNA Analyst Natalia Boa Vista [X]

CSI Ryan Wolfe

Justine Hartman

On the third day, I was feeling quite drained. But as I looked over my lost I realized that tomorrow would see the end of the case for the prosecution. Judge Coyller called a recess at 4:00 P.M. and told us all that we would convene tomorrow at 8:00 A.M. sharp. He banged the gavel and I made my way out of the courtroom. I had been able to figure out the best ways of dodging the press, and so I exited through a back door and took the long way to the main hallway. I thought I had escaped everyone but I felt someone following close behind me. I turned sharply and found James looking at me with a smirk.

I sighed heavily and closed my eyes. "Don't _do_ that."

"Sorry," He said still keeping his distance. "Nice job in there, I was quite impressed actually."

"Thank you," I said narrowing my eyes wondering what he was up to.

"I just had to ask you something about your case and a witness," He explained, reading the look on my face.

"Ok," I said unevenly. "I'm listening."

"Well, I was hoping that I could have Ryan testify for the defense," He looked down not wanting to meet my eyes.

"James," I said annoyed. "You will be able to question him, he is on my witness list. You knew that."

"So that is a no?" He asked not bothering with what I told him.

"Well, there is not point to that," I explained. "Even if you want to question him seperatly it will be a waste of time and Coyller will see that."

"Well," He sighed. "It was a shot in the dark anyway."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "What are you planning?"

"Honestly," He looked up at me. "I'm not even really sure. I'll see you tomorrow." He walked away from me quickly and left me standing there searching for an answer that I just couldn't seem to find.

~*********~

**Hey wonderful readers! **

**Quick note, make sure to check my homepage out…I added an awesome updating schedule for you all to check and I will also be adding little notes for you all to read every now and then. I didn't want to bog you down with a lot of legal mumbo jumbo in this chapter so I added a lot of fluff *your welcome :-)* ****Stay tuned for the next one because it is going to be chopped full of amazing courtroom drama, and quite the plot twist *grins***

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**P.S. sorry about the weird X things next to the witness names, the uploader was being dumb and wouldn't let me strikeout the words *humph***


	21. Withered Petals

Have you ever had the feeling that something was about to go completely wrong? I didn't believe is fate or destiny or any of that crap, but for some reason as I was lying in bed tossing and turning I felt a horrible sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. My gut was telling me that something was wrong, but I just didn't know what. It was almost as if there was a ticking time bomb waiting to explode. It had me in it's grasp and in an instant everything would be over.

_Tick, tick, tick……_

I could hear the countdown in my head, and I was waiting for the repercussions. The darkness engulfed me and kept me held close with the blanket of night. It was just after three A.M. and there was not a sound throughout my small apartment. I was alone tonight, and I wished with all of me that I wasn't. Tonight of all night's I just needed someone else.

Ryan and I had been apart for what seemed like ages. This trial and all of the media coverage was really getting to me. Even though I could barely see him alone, we were always together in the presence of others. Relentlessly trying to seal a moment of solitude that never seemed to work out. I sighed to myself and pulled the covers up to my chin, shivering with just the simple thought of Ryan. He was always on my brain, like some kind of drug that sucked you in and refused to let go. He was always a good high that I needed to make me feel alive again.

The one thing that made me smile was that the trial was about to be over. After tomorrow, or technically today, all we had left were the closing statements and then the jury weighs in. My job was done. The prosecution rested just two days ago, and with that I gained many confused looks from my co-workers and the defense attorney himself. I still wasn't really sure of why I did it. Even now, thinking back on it I am still confused. The sinking feeling rose to the surface again, and I relived the memory. Maybe I could search for the answer as to why I had changed my whole game plan, and why I had done something I never planned on in the first place.

~*********~

_The crowd in the courtroom was restless today, and I could feel the buzz in my bones. I woke up today feeling good. I was ready to go through my final witnesses. hand over the evidence and let the jury decide. I just had to wait it out and let the defense try and make their case. Even though I didn't want to sound cocky, I knew they had no chance. I could feel that the jury already had sympathy for the victim, and no matter how many character witnesses they put on the stand for Nate Richardson that won't change. _

_The judge made his opening statements, and I barely listened. I was looking over my questioning for Jessica Turner's psychiatrist. This was the one witness that I knew could really seal this victory for me and the team, I didn't want to screw anything up. I glanced over at James and noticed that he had dark circles under his eyes and he looked like he'd forgotten to shave this morning. I knitted my brow together and tried to remember if I had ever seen him look so unpolished for court, and I was drawing blanks. I felt my mouth tug down into a frown and quickly averted my eyes. The last thing I wanted was for him to think I actually cared about him. _

_I mean, that couldn't be further from the truth…..Right? _

_Judge Collyer banged his gavel and brought me back to reality. I stood from my chair and threw a quick smile at the jury. _

_"The people call Justine Hartman to the stand," My voice rang throughout the now quiet room, and the doors in the back squeaked open. _

_I watched, along with the rest of the crowd, as the red-headed women made her way to the witness box. She was rather small for someone with all of the knowledge that she held. She stood just above five feet and had a small torso. He red hair was the most remarkable feature about her. It was a mess of curls and what she had tried to tame sat in a bun on the top of her head. The plain suit that she wore looked like it had been worn so many times that it was turning a strange shade of pale brown. She was sworn in and sat down in the chair. The glasses she had sitting on the tip of her nose looked as though they were about to fall off, and she quickly pushed them back with one small finger. She looked at me nervously, and I smiled at her in an attempt to calm her nerves. _

_I cleared my throat and began. "Ms. Hartman, can you please tell us your relationship with the victim Jessica Turner?" _

_"Of course," She replied in her voice that was just sweet enough, but still had a slight rasp to it. "She was one of my patients for about two years, I knew her quite well." _

_"And what was she seeing you for?" _

_"Well," She continued. "She had a lot of trouble sleeping, and she also saw me regularly for therapy." _

_"So," I said going along my line of questioning. "She was crazy then?" _

_"Oh no," She said adding a shock to her voice. "Anything but. She was such a sweet girl, and she really just needed someone to talk to. I was always there to help her out." _

_"Did she tell you the main reason she sought out your services?" I paced in front of the witness box. _

_"After a while, Jessica told me it had to do with her boyfriend," She cleared her throat. "She was terrified of him." _

_"And who was her boyfriend?" I already knew the answer, and so did everyone else. _

_"Nate Richardson." _

_"Is he present today?" I paused. "In this room?" _

_She nodded. "Yes, he's sitting right there." _

_"Will the record please show that Ms. Hartman identified the defendant Nate Richardson," I looked at the judge and he nodded. I smiled to myself. "Can you tell us why she was so afraid of him?" _

_"She would show up to my office all the time with bruises, and she was always crying about how he would never let her go out," She explained. "She wanted to leave, but she was so scared. I tried to help her many times too. She came to me once with a black eye and a broken wrist and when I brought her to the hospital she refused to tell anyone what happened. We all knew it was abuse." _

_I held up a piece of paper in my hands. "This is the hospital record of the injuries, exhibit E." I handed to paper to the bailiff and it was given to Judge Collyer. He read it over and nodded to me to continue. _

_"Ms. Hartman," I looked up at her. "Did Jessica tell you that she was pregnant?" _

_She sighed. "She did, and she was so upset by it. She told me that she refused to have his child. There were many times when she would burst into tears wondering how she could protect him from hitting a baby. She said she couldn't even take care of herself with him around, how could she help a child." _

_"And what did you know of the abortion?" _

_"She thought at first," She started. "It would be a good idea, but after a while she knew she couldn't go through with it. I begged her to run away and on our last session she said she had good news." _

_"Can you tell the court of this news?" I gestured broadly. _

_"She told me that she was going to tell Nate that night that she was leaving. She wanted him to know that she didn't want to be with him anymore, and she was done. She was so happy about starting her new life over, and I was happy for her too." _

_I smiled slightly. "When was your last session?" _

_There were tears beginning to form in her eyes. "It was the night she died. I didn't think anything would happen, and I wish I would have known. I wish I could have helped her more." _

_"It's ok," I tried to comfort her. "I have no further questions." _

_I made my way back to my seat and watched as Justine Hartman tried to pull herself together for the cross examination. James was sitting in his chair staring at her, and he just continued to stare. _

_Collyer cleared his throat. "Your witness Mr. Pine." _

_James nodded and looked like he was about to stand up. As he did, Ms. Hartman let out a small sob and dabbed her eyes with tissue. I saw him sigh and turn his head. He looked deflated. _

_He sat back down and put up his hands slightly. "No questions Your Honor." _

_Judge Collyer nodded and glanced at Ms. Hartman. "You may step down." _

_I smiled at the small victory. That had gone very well, and now all I had was one more witness. I looked down at the paper in my hands and looked at the name I had written. I already knew it backwards and forwards, but I stared anyways. _

_It shone out in beautiful letters and a smile continued to creep across my face. After all, it belonged to the one person I loved. How could I not know it so well? I was about to call Ryan to the stand when I happened to take a small look over at James. He was sitting in his chair looking very small, and for a moment I felt awful. He seemed so down today. Even yesterday he seemed to be losing all of the flare and passion he used to have. _

_I remembered the strange conversation we had yesterday and tried to think of why he asked the question he did. He said that _he_ didn't even know. I sighed and wrestled with myself for a moment. I knew that there was no going back after I did this. It would be final. _

_I glanced at James again. _

_Sometimes, you have to throw someone a bone. So, that is what I did. _

_The name before me was waiting to be called and I just looked at it. I picked up my pen and crossed a line through it. If he really wanted to call him, then he could. I stood up from my chair and looked right at the judge. The restless crowd grew hushed and I could feel every pair of eyes on me. _

_I stood there silently. _

_Collyer sighed. "Are you going to call your witness counselor?" _

_"No," I said calmly. "I am not." _

_"Would you care to explain this rationale?" He glanced down at me. _

_I didn't say anything for a moment and James stood up from his chair. _

_"You Honor," He said with a heavy tone. "I'm not sure what the point of this is." _

_"Neither am I Mr. Pine," Collyer looked at me. "Sidebar." _

_James and I exchanged a look and made our way up to the judges stand. We stood there and waited until Collyer had something to say. _

_"I will not let you waste time in my courtroom Miss. Southwood," He said looking at me. _

_"I do not intend to waste any time," I explained. "I simply have no more witnesses." _

_"I have one more on the sheet you have given," The judge said reading the papers in front of him. _

_"Yes," I replied. "But Mr. Pine has shown an interest in calling that particular witness, and as it is not essential to my case I have decided to grant him that." _

_Collyer raised his eyebrow and looked at James. "And you are ok with this?" _

_James glanced at me quickly. "Yes, I believe I am." _

_"Alright then," The judge dismissed us and I walked back to my table. On my way I caught the eye of a few of the team members and they all looked very confused as to what was going on. I shook my head at them and tried to assure them that all was well. I knew what I was doing. There was nothing to worry about. I faced the judge again and was ready to utter the words that would end this part of the case for me. _

_"You Honor," I said strongly. "The prosecution rests." _

~*********~

The answer was still unclear, even after everything. I still had no concise reason as to why I didn't call Ryan that day in court. I turned to my side and wrapped my body in a cocoon of blankets. James had been pretty straight forward with his case. Mostly he presented character witnesses and one expert to try and show that Jessica was just depressed. I was able to keep my cool with everything and none of his witnesses had proven to be difficult for me.

He only had one witness left and for some reason he saved him for last.

I was utterly confused as to why he would do this, but I guess there was really no reason for me to be. The only thing that was bad about this whole switching witnesses thing was that Ryan was pissed he had to keep waiting in the witness room. He wasn't allowed to see the trial when he was testifying. Every time I would see him for a moment he would try to pick up what was going on, but I couldn't tell him. There was nothing left that I could do but wait until he was on the stand.

I hated waiting.

I dreamt in and out for a few hours, mostly about the trial or about random things, and when my alarm clock rang I shot out of bed. I dressed slowly and did all of my morning routine slowly. My body was tired from the lack of sleep that I'd had and I knew that I had to try and be awake for today. It wasn't quite the circus I thought, but the courtroom was packed when I walked inside. It seemed like only seconds until we were ready to start for today and I was caught off guard by the sound of Collyer opening the proceedings. I looked around and saw the tired jury members. They were just as ready for this trial to be over as I was. As my mind wandered, James was preparing.

And when he finally spoke, the words pulled me out of the trance like state I was in. "I would like to call CSI Ryan Wolfe to the stand."

My heart accelerated and I felt my body jolt to life at the sound of his name being spoken. I watched as he made his way down the aisle wearing a charcoal jacket, pink shirt and pants. I smiled at him as he walked by and I felt like I was floating on air again. Ryan and I were locked in a gaze while he was sworn in and when he sat down. He didn't move his eyes from me once.

This was something that James was quick to notice. He walked right up to Ryan and blocked his view of me as he stared with his questions.

"Mr. Wolfe," He was doing his best not to sound condescending, but I knew better. "What can you tell us about the scene of this particular crime?"

"Well," Ryan answered back clearly annoyed with this question. "She was lying at the bottom of the steps, and it was clear that she had bled to death. There was also no sign of forced entry."

"Right," James nodded. "Lieutenant Caine already filled us in with those facts. Can you tell me about you opinion of the victim?"

"I knew she was murdered," Ryan simply said. "And once we found the print and DNA I was positive that your client was the one how had done it."

Things were not really going the way that James was hoping. Ryan was very seasoned at this and he knew exactly what he was doing. The questions weren't going to fluster him.

"Ok," James said still thinking. "And why didn't you believe that Nate Richardson was only trying to help the one thing that he loved? He was trying to save his unborn child."

"If that's the story he's going with ok," Ryan snorted. "I don't believe it."

James paced in front of the witness stand feeling frustrated. He kept looking up and wringing his hands together searching for an answer. And then with a great passion, he turned back to Ryan. I knew this look well, he had an idea and the pleasure was written all over his face.

"Mr. Wolfe," James started sounding a little too pleased with himself. "Have you ever done anything to protect someone you love?"

Ryan's eyes flickered to my face and his jaw tightened. "Yes."

"And did this person know?" James walked closer and Ryan's face fell slightly.

I needed to stop this. "Objection your Honor." I stood up and glared at James. "Relevance?"

"I'm getting to it," James rebutted. "Just give me a moment."

Judge Collyer sighed and looked down through the glasses perched on his nose. "I'll allow it."

James smiled and turned his attention back to Ryan's conflicted face. "Well?"

"No," Ryan said tightly. "She didn't know?"

"So," James pressed on. "You are saying that you did something very much like my client did, without that person's knowledge you tried to protect them?"

"There's a difference," Ryan stated coldly at the smirking defense attorney. "I didn't kill her."

A few people gasped and the rest were mostly quiet for the time. The tension in the room was unbearable and you could easily see that these two did not like each other. This was a very bad idea.

I pinched the bridge of my nose, feeling the stress beginning to mount. I needed a release.

This was not going well.

"Well, can you describe for us all your different situation then?" James said the light bouncing around his blue eyes.

"Objection," I'd had just about enough of this. "You Honor please this is pathetic, he is trying to make something out of nothing."

"Noted," The judge looked at me nodding. "But I want to see where this is going." He looked at Ryan. "Please answer the question."

Ryan looked flustered and I could tell that he didn't know what to say.

"Perhaps, you need a way to get started," James provided. "What exactly was this situation? What did you do?"

"Well," Ryan said sounding smaller than before. "I tried to keep this women away from someone."

"And how did you go about this?"

"I used a connection at an old job," Ryan said looking down. "She helped me." Ryan seemed to sense the next question that James was going to ask. "I used to work at a television station."

James moved out of the way so that I could see Ryan more clearly, and when he did he shot me a look that I didn't quite know what to make of. He raised his eyebrows and I looked up to meet Ryan in the eyes. It took me a moment, but I realized that this whole time they were talking about me. I was the person he kept something from. The sinking feeling in my stomach returned as I heard the small words from the conversation replay in my head.

_Television, love her, away from someone. _

"And what happened?" James just continued to look at me and Ryan.

"I told a reporter about her and they did a story," Ryan looked at me. "I just wanted some way to keep her away from what I knew wasn't good for her. I didn't really help I guess though."

I could feel the tears beginning to well up in my eyes. The pieces to the puzzle I had been trying to figure out were falling into place. Ryan was the one all along who went to Erika. He told her all of my deepest secrets and then let her share them with the whole world. He stood right by my side while I blamed James, and continued to tell me how much he loved me. All this time he betrayed me, he held my hand and it was all him. He knew how much I hated to be on T.V. and he tried to use it against me. So what? I would stay away from James? All the secret looks between him and Erika, it all started to add up. I few tears escaped down my cheek. He wanted me to trust him, and I told him I did.

_Tick, tick, tick……_

"So you lied to the women you love?"

"What choice did I have?" Ryan yelled. "She was so wrapped up in everything else and I just didn't want to loose her." He got really quiet and James backed down seeing the look on my face. "No more questions."

He went to go and sit back down by his client and I just stared at Ryan for a moment before standing up. I paced in front of him trying to collect myself for just another minute.

I looked him straight in the eye, I only had one question. "Was it worth it?" My voice broke slightly.

_Tick, tick…_

He looked down into his hands and kept trying to search my face for answers. He could see the hurt in my eyes, and I knew that he could see the tears as well. There was nothing I could do to hide it anymore, they were flowing freely.

"No," He said shaking his head. "Not at all."

_Boom._

~*********~

Do you remember when you were young how we used to pluck the petals from flowers to tell if someone loves you or not?

_He loves me, pluck. _

_He loves me not, pluck. _

There was always that time when you knew that you were going to end up with him not loving you, so you would cheat and try to change it around. Smiling to yourself, you would make sure that the boy would always love you too. The flower would bloom, and then the petals would fall to the ground. As wide eyed children we would play this game, and as we grew up we learned from our mistakes.

Just because you wanted him to love you didn't mean that he would. Even if the flowers said so, it wasn't always true. With time, you learned that the flowers were beautiful from afar, but up close they had thorns. Sharp, hurtful thorns that could cut through your heart with so much pain. The red petals would lie on the ground, discarded. Nothing they said could be true anymore. If they had foretold of this then maybe you would have listened.

But you jumped in head first, and fell head over heals.

And now, as I sat watching the withered petals from my own childhood fly away I wished that I had known better. You can love someone blindly, but still be cut by their lies. The jagged thorns cut me deep. Now all that was left was a once beautiful flower, withered and wasting away. My petals that spoke of eternal love were now forgotten and being swept away with the wind.

~*********~

I sat in a secluded corner of the courthouse trying to stop the sobs that were continually racking through my body. As soon as a recess was called, I bolted out of the room so quickly that I'm sure I left skid marks. Everything I had every thought was wrong. How could this man who loved me so much lie to me the way he had? I didn't know what to think anymore and I just needed time to sort it all through. My whole inside felt like it was put through a vengeful storm. I wasn't bleeding, but I was more hurt than I had ever been. My life had been thrown upside down in a matter of minutes. I cried harder and felt my head pound with all of the thoughts that were going through my brain.

I just wanted to leave and get away.

This was why I tried to numb myself from things like love. Just when you think you have everything all figured out it comes back and makes your life a living hell. That feeling in my gut was right. Everything was going all wrong. Just when I thought I had it all, it slipped through my fingers. It seems like every time I fall in love I become another causality to its games. No matter how badly I wanted to win, I always seemed to lose.

I heard foot steps behind me and I wanted to shout at whoever it was to go away, but I felt so weak. I didn't have an ounce of fight left in. He sat down silently and he didn't need to say anything because I already knew what he was thinking. So he just waited until I was ready.

I wiped my eyes with the sleeve of my shirt and looked up at him with red eyes. There was no expression on his face and I just stared at him for a moment. I bit my lip and tried to stop another round of tears, but it was no use. I tried to turn my head away, but he was too quick. He held out his arms and I wrapped myself up in his familiar smell and warmth. I cried into his chest for as long as the tears came and he was just _there_.

He would smooth my hair and when I needed him he would soothe me quietly by telling me that it was ok. There was nothing more in the world that I needed in that instant. Just the presence of someone was enough to make me feel like I was still alive. It was enough to make me see that my heart was still beating, and that blood still ran through my veins.

But I had so many questions, I couldn't stop my thoughts from thrashing around my head. After a while, I finally lifted my head. I _needed_ him to tell me. I took a few shallow breaths and attempted to control the flood of tears. I needed to be strong now.

My face turned up to his and caught his endless blue eyes in my honey brown ones. "H-how did you…?"

I trailed off as he brought his hand up to caress my cheek. "I tried to tell you."

As soon as he said this I thought back to the night he showed up at my door. The night he hit Ryan that had to have been when he found out. I gasped slightly and he lifted my chin so that I was looking at him again.

"You remember then?" He spoke so softly and lovingly. I felt as though my heart was going to split in two.

I nodded, unable to find any words.

He sighed ready to tell me the whole story. "I just," He ran his hand through my hair. "When I found out Ren, I couldn't believe it and I just lashed out at him. I hated him more in that moment than I ever hated anyone. The fact that he would hurt you like that just to serve some self-serving need to keep you away from me, I couldn't take it." He paused and tried to read the expression on my face, but I wasn't giving anything away. "I knew that you would be angry, so I thought maybe if _I _told you it would make a difference." He laughed bitterly at the thought and I remembered the night with him. "You were angry with _me_ because I hit him, and you wouldn't let me tell you the whole story. No matter how hard I tried you would just shut me down."

I blinked a few times, trying to take it all in. "I-I didn't know. I thought you were angry because I was with him, and you were trying to….." I rubbed my temples, I couldn't find the words. "Hell, I don't even know."

He stood up quickly and ran his hands over his hair. "I know what you thought, you were very quick to tell me." His mouth turned up at the corners into a small smile. "But I didn't do it because you were with him."

"You didn't?"

"Well," He was agitated for a moment. "I was jealous, and I really couldn't stand seeing you with him, but…."

He paused and I walked over to him slowly. "But?"

"I love you, and…and I just couldn't stand that he would intentionally hurt you."

I opened my eyes widely and struggled with words. "James…"

"I know!" He threw his hands up and walked away from me. "You don't feel the same, and you _are_ in love with this guy. There is nothing I can do about it, but I can't change how I feel now can I?"

"I'm not sure what to say," I looked down at my hands, unable to look him in the eyes.

He sighed and walked closer to me. "You never know what to say."

We stood there silently, just inches away from each other. I could feel the heat radiating off of his skin and it made me feel like I was on fire. My blood was boiling and my heart felt like it was going to leap out of my chest. I had never felt like this with James before. He was always so…comfortable, and now I wasn't sure how to act. I looked away from his penetrating gaze and tried to make the blush leave my cheeks.

"Lauren…" He pulled my chin up and I closed my eyes. I let myself go, and I just let him and I be. I could feel the space between us rapidly closing and even though I was unsure, I didn't stop him. Just as his lips were about to press down onto mine I heard a familiar voice call out my name.

I whipped my head around and saw Ryan standing behind me. He looked terrible, but when I saw him my heart fell out of my chest. I pulled myself out of James' arms, feeling unsure as to how they became wrapped around me in the first place. I walked slowly over to where Ryan was standing and looked at him.

There were so many times that I had memorized his face that I was sure it was permanently ingrained into my mind. There were so many things that I loved about him. The brightness that would light up his eyes, and the way they would ever so slightly change color; the different smiles that would creep across his face; the way the sun would shine off of his auburn hair.

There were so many things, but not just the physical attributes that I came to fall for first. His laughter was like bright wind chimes, and the way his voice sounded like honey whenever he spoke loving words. The touch of his hands, the smell of him; it all made me realize just how much I really did love him.

Not just those things, but everything. He was under my skin and there was no way to let go of him.

I met his eyes and saw just how conflicted he was. I felt a few tears fall down my cheek, and brought my hand up to slowly to meet his face. I touched him gently and he closed his eyes to the touch. Everything that I every wanted was standing right before me, and I knew that. I closed my eyes too and memorized _this_ moment. This one I would keep with me. I would carry it and bring it out when I felt like I couldn't move on anymore.

I released his face from my grasp and saw him slowly open his eyes. He stared at me in disbelief. For a split second I thought that maybe I was wrong, but I knew it had to be done.

I walked away from him without another glance back, and just like that, the flower that was our love faded and withered away. The love I always dreamt of as a child was watching me as I walked away, leaving it all behind.

~*********~

_I've plucked all of my petals, and they have all fallen away slowly. _

_Your lies, like thorns so sharp, cut me deeply. _

_Confused, I walk away from the pain you caused me. _

_Our love, so sweet like a rose, is now gone. _

_When all is said and done will we both be able to move on? _

_My heart, all our dreams and hopes, shattered. _

_When we were together that was all that mattered. _

_You've made your way to my soul, and you're under my skin. _

_I fell, and now I have to wait for the ache of missing you to begin. _

_You could make me shiver with just one touch. _

_And your eyes always made me yearn for you too much. _

_So here I sit, withered and still in love with you. _

_I pray for these scars to fade, and for my petals to once again bloom. _

~*********~

***Sighs***

**I know, I know….just take a moment and let it sink in. **

**I hope you can calm down enough to leave me your thoughts on this chapter, because I do love to hear them. Fear not though, this is not the end. I have a few more tricks up my sleeve. In case you all haven't noticed by this chapter….I am big on metaphors lol :)**

**I love you all and special thanks to my awesome reviews: Meatball42, Vanillastar, Luf100, Sammy Lynn234, and Lov3good. **

**I wish I could give you all a cookie! **

**Love ya! **

**Lulu**


	22. Wearing a Mask

There is always that time when you wish you could just give up and throw in the towel. Unfortunately, no matter how much I wanted to give up I still had a lot of unfinished matters to deal with. For one, the trial was not quite over yet. We still had to give our closing statements and I was dreading this with everything in me. Not only did I not want to step foot in that courtroom again, I didn't want to see anyone.

There were so many things written in the eyes of those who looked at me. Pity, which was the worst; regret, love, guilt, only one person held this sentiment; and then there was when James looked at me. He was always the one that I could never seem to figure out. Not that it mattered much anymore. There was really nothing that I was living for right now.

Just going through the motions was enough.

I knew that I looked like hell when I dressed for court in the morning, but there was really no point in pretending that I was just fine. If I put on that mask again then I would just feel worse for myself. I needed to breath and hold back everything that I was suppressing. There was nothing that was going to be a quick fix to mending what I had lost. A piece of who I am was missing and I had to give it time to heal over. Sometimes the hardest thing is admitting to yourself that you are not okay.

I drove to the courthouse silently, right now even music could ease my mind. I was always the girl with a plan and I still had no idea what I was going to say today. I had never done anything like this before. Usually, I planned out what I going to say the night before. At the moment, I was completely unsure.

There was really no way what I could have even began to try and come up with anything last night. My mind was so focused on the events that unfolded. I kept going over Ryan's testimony in my mind, and I still couldn't believe that he had done anything like this. Somewhere deep inside of me I knew it was because he had cared so much about me, but was that really enough? Was loving someone an excuse to hurt them like that? I sighed and found that I was parked in the front of the courthouse already. I wanted so badly to believe everything that he'd said, but I just couldn't reconcile with my mind. Everything inside of me was screaming that I loved him, and I knew this to be true. At the same time though, my mind was trying to figure out the logic behind the whole thing. It was telling me to keep my distance, and that I had already been hurt enough. Mind over matters of the heart. Sometimes your heart can lead you wrong, and you end up shattered.

And that's when it hit me, mind over your heart.

"That's it!" I nearly shouted looking up from the fixed gaze I had on my steering wheel. Suddenly I knew exactly what I would say today in court. Just one little thought had made this closing statement totally change from a challenge to something I was ready for. James had made most of his case based on love, and now I had to counter that. I knew that I had the perfect solution for it. No matter how much love and dreams of happily ever after he preached, nothing could change what was right and true. I began going through my statement in my mind, and was lost in my thoughts when there was a sharp knocking on my window.

I yelped, jumping in my seat and when I looked over I saw James grinning at me. "You almost gave me a heart attack," I said climbing out of my car and locking it behind me. "I know you want to win this case, but is that really necessary?"

He shook his head, still keeping his grin. "Wow, you're hilarious."

I scoffed. "I guess considering the situation, that's great."

"Ooo, sarcasm now?" He put his hand to his chest. "I should be so lucky."

I rolled my eyes and walked away from him. I could hear him following behind me as I climbed the steps, but he didn't say a word. Finally I was feed up enough with him that I just had to turn around.

"Is there something that you wanted?" I put my hands in my hips and faced him with a smirk.

"Oh," He wasn't expecting me to be so forward. "I, umm, just wanted to know howyouweredoing."

I knitted my brow together. The end of his sentence came out a jumbled mess, and I really had no idea what on Earth he was talking about. He noticed the expression on my face and sighed.

"How are you?" He asked making it clear this time.

"At the moment," I cleared my face of any emotion, slightly annoyed that he asked this question to begin with. "I am about to be late for court."

I walked away from him before he could get in another word, and I was sure he knew I was avoiding his question. In all honesty, I was. The last thing that I wanted to talk about was what was going on. If I bottled it up then the pain wouldn't catch me in its grasp quite so quickly. I didn't want to be caught off guard by anything. Emotionless and sarcastic answers were the best for any situation.

I strode down the aisle and just kept my face forward. I knew Ryan was here with the rest of the team. I ignored the room that was packed wall to wall with people and reporters. Everyone knew that today was going to be the last day of the trial, and the verdict was what everyone had on their mind. I could sense his hazel eyes on me the whole time I unpacked my brief case and set up my papers. My heart was crying out, but my mind was making sure that I didn't make a fatal mistake.

I knew that if I turned back to stare into those beautiful eyes that there would be not turning back around. Once I let myself go, that was it. Everything was game over from that point on. So I just needed to be strong and keep my focus. I had to become an actress and pretend that there was absolutely nothing wrong. James tried to catch my attention as he came down the aisle to sit at his defense table, but I ignored him as well. This was the moment that everything rested on. If I was to make this case work for sure then this had to work.

A hush came over the room and the judge made his way to the bench. He kept things relatively short this morning, and I knew it was because he was ready for this to be over as well. I looked at the jury briefly and scribbled on my note pad. This was as much about playing to them as it was presenting the facts. Collyer motioned to James and he stood up, buttoning his jacket as he did.

He made a quick glance at me, and then to someone sitting in the crowd. I was curious as to this extra look, but I was ready to hear what he had to say.

"Good morning," He began and flashed what should be an illegal smile. "We have learned a lot about this case in the past week or so. We have all heard from the States' 'expert' witnesses, and we have even heard from people who were so sure that Jessica Turner was beaten by and afraid of her fiancée. While I have presented many facts for you to search through that rebut these statements, there is one thing that this case really boils down to."

He paused and I held my breath, praying that he would utter the word I knew he was thinking. I looked up at him in anticipation, and found that he was staring straight at me.

"Love," He said, his eyes never leaving mine.

He kept me held in this trance for a moment until I broke it. I stared down at my hands and listened as he continued on.

"Nate Richardson was in love. Not only with the woman he was about to marry, but with the child that was theirs. The love that he felt when he knew he was going to be a father was undeniable. Something inside of him opened a flood gate of emotions and he loved that child more and more with each passing day. Was he angry when he found out what Jessica's plan was? Yes, but he would never do anything to hurt her. He would never want to harm her. Love is an unconditional thing, and it is very irrational. Love kept the two of them tied together though. You heard from him yourself that they fought, but when he left she was alive."

He was pacing now. I didn't even have to look up from when I had trained my gaze to know. Whenever he was passionate about something he had a tendency to pace and use a lot of hand gestures. I took a peak through my lashes and saw that he was doing just that.

"It is very reasonable that Mr. Richardson would have left any kind of DNA sample at the place where he spent most of his time. In fact, you could argue that he was more upset about this than anyone else. He lost two people he loved that day. So instead of consoling him, we are unjustly accusing him of murder. I hope that when you all go into that room to deliberate this man's future you think about what it was that he lost. He lost the only loves in his life."

I looked at the jury and saw that the women were looking particularly emotional. I should have guessed this, he always seemed to have this effect. He thanked them and made his way back to his seat. A women on the end dabbed her eyes quickly and I sighed to myself. This wasn't going to be as easy as I was hoping. He was always such a great speaker, and the first time I heard him deliver a closing argument I knew that that was his strong suit. I guess that some things never change. I stood up and decided that I just had to stick to my guns and go with what I had mapped out. After all, it was my only plan.

I stood in front of the jury with an wistful look and then I looked over my shoulder and preceded to give a round of applause. "Wow, that was just beautiful wasn't it?"

My voice was dripping with sarcasm and cynicism. Some of the jurors looked at me confused and even James leaned forward in an attempt to try and understand what I was playing at.

"I'm not sure about you, but I am awfully sick of all of this talk about love. It seems from the beginning of this trial that is all we have heard from the defense. We have constantly heard about how much Nate Richardson loved Jessica and the child that she was carrying. While it is nice to think about, we have to be real here. Mind over matters of the heart. When in situations like this, one must listen to their mind. I know this from personal experience, and I also know that this is _exactly_ what Nate Richardson did. You see, he was never truly broken up about this whole thing. He can get on the stand and bawl his eyes out, but that doesn't change the fact that he made every logical move possible when Jessica was murdered. He got a lawyer, he made sure to find an alibi, he resisted talking to the police, and he also didn't even tell the detectives and CSI's working on the case that his beloved fiancée was pregnant. If he loved her and this child so much, don't you think he would have mentioned that?"

I let that sink in for a moment and I caught my breath too. I saw that some of the people were writing down some of what I was saying, and most were just keeping their eyes locked with mine. James was about to fall out of his chair, or so it looked like. The expression on his face was unreadable, but he seemed to be taken completely by surprise.

"There is a quote that says 'The heart is forever making the head its fool' and I find this to be true. When in love," I smiled slightly to myself. "People are completely irrational. Even Mr. Pine said this. You are always in haze and you can't think straight, especially if you are with the person you love…or even thinking about them."

My pace quickened and my mind flashed to images to Ryan and I together. It felt like there was a thousand knives stabbing me all over. The pain was too real and it was all to much to bare. I looked down at the floor and closed my eyes for a moment. I took a deep breath and continued.

I had to go through the motions, this was the only way to continue on. I blinked the tears back and smiled at the jury.

"Think about the first time you were so utterly in love with someone that you couldn't think straight. Think about how every time you were with that person you felt so alive and whole."

I felt another stab of pain.

"Do you think you could have made the coherent decisions that Mr. Richardson did? I know that I wouldn't have been able to. When you are in love, you are blind to everything else that is around you. Love is irrational but it is the most important thing in the world."

I felt as though I was going to break into pieces, and for a moment I listened to my heart. My eyes crept to where I was sure Ryan was sitting and I found him staring at me with his remarkable eyes wide.

I could feel my heart splitting all over again. "You've heard all of the facts and you know all about the relationship of Nate and Jessica. For a moment though, just think about what you have heard him say and all that you know about true love. If you look deep enough I know that you will find the answer. If you truly love someone you can let them go, but Nate Richardson couldn't do this. He killed Jessica and their child, now you tell me….Does that sound like true, undying love?"

I stepped back and gave my thanks to the jury. My heart was so heavy as I sat down, but I knew that I had done the right thing. Judge Collyer excused the people who held the fate of Nate Richardson in their hands, and now all we had to do was wait until they came to a verdict.

~*********~

I felt like screaming.

I felt like crying.

I just couldn't seem to keep my feel solidly on the ground. No matter where I turned something seemed go wrong, and my head was so messed up. Just when I thought I would be able to handle the feelings and pain raging inside me, I collapsed. I made a fatal mistake and now I was paying for it. My insides felt like they were tearing at the seams. My whole body was shaking and I couldn't get a grip. All I kept seeing were those _eyes_. They haunted me no matter where I turned. The green and brown swirls that I loved so much were slowing killing me now. Every time I thought about him I would see that look on his face. He couldn't believe the things that I was saying, and neither could I. Wide eyes, so unsure of what was happening right in front of him. So-- uncertain of _me. _

I was hiding. Mostly because I was ashamed of myself, but I also didn't want anyone to see me in this state. Frail and meek was a personality trait that I liked to show. I was always the strong one, and right now I just wanted to curl up into a ball and cry. I wiped the tears sliding down my cheeks and stood up.

"Just be strong," I whispered to myself. I knew that my eyes were red and puffy, but there was nothing that I could do about it. No amount of make-up would take away what was hiding underneath it all. The pain, no matter how well hidden, can always be seen. I needed to put on my mask again, it was time to pretend.

I pushed open the door to the stall I was hiding in, and make my way to the sink. I braced myself against the sink and hesitated to look at my reflection. I turned on the faucet and let the old pipes come to life. I watched the water flow out and let it run over my hands for a moment. The heat felt so nice on my skin and I smiled slightly. It was just beckoning out to me, so I brought my face closer and slashed some warm water onto my red face. I sighed and let my pores open up. Just the steam alone made me feel as though things were not as bad. I felt a little more whole.

I dried my face quickly and made sure to avoid the mirror. I knew exactly what image it would hold, beaten, broken, and torn into pieces. I took a deep breath and made my way out into the lobby, into the belly of the beast. There would be reporters and people swarming everywhere. I was always so elusive, but not now.

"Show time," I whispered to myself quietly.

It seemed like as soon as I walked into the sunlight of the courthouse hallway a huge spotlight was shining right on me. I looked around self-consciously and tried to ignore all of the prying eyes. I pretended like I didn't see anyone. If I kept my head down then maybe that would all just forget about me too. I walked silently through the hall of people and kept to myself. Whenever I would pass someone, I would hear bits and pieces of their conversation. Most had to do with the case, and I wasn't surprised by that. I mean, this _is_ that case of the year and the verdict was just around the corner. As these tidbits flew in and out my ear I just kept walking by. I was like a ghost passing through the crowd until I heard a conversation that made me stop dead in my tracks.

"Did you _hear _her closing argument?" A voice I recognized but couldn't place exclaimed to a group of people huddled around him. "I know being passionate is part of the job, but is being that personal?"

"She's going through a lot," I heard Calleigh come to my defense. "You know that Jake."

"Yeah," Now I remembered, Mr. Jake Berkeley. Possibly the most annoying man I had every met continued. "But geesh, she looked like she was going to have a nervous breakdown."

His words shocked me. Did I really look that vulnerable in front of a packed courtroom? I felt like I was going to be sick. My stomach twisted into a knot and my palms became sweaty. My mask was lifted, and now my secret was out. Everyone knew that pain I was in, and there was no way to hide it anymore. I put it out there for everyone to see.

I just stood there, frozen.

"We can't judge," Calleigh replied, her voice laced with irritation. "She has a reason to act that way. If you ask me, she is doing extremely well for someone who had to go through what she did."

"Calleigh's right," Delko spoke up. "She's just doing what she knows how to do. She's doing her job."

"Just like she told us she would," I looked up and saw Calleigh nodding, and Delko slipped his arm around her waist as she did.

Just that simple, small affectionate touch made me blanch. My heart fell and it reminded me so much of the way Ryan and I used to be together. I couldn't stand it. I had to get away from this before anything else happened, before anyone noticed me. The last thing I needed was for the team to want to chat with me. I was in no mood or right mind to discuss anything with them. Most of all, I wanted to avoid any pity glances that might be shot my way.

The group got quiet for a moment, and I was about to make my move away when someone else spoke.

"Lauren always keeps her promises," It was the voice I knew by heart, the one that I could hear in my sleep. I was always there, holding onto me. Ryan walked up to the group of three slowly and I knew that he'd heard their conversation too. As hard as it was not too look, it was harder to hear his voice. "No matter what happened, she would always say that she was going to put this guy away." I could almost see the smile that crept across his face. "And I know she will, just have a little faith."

The collectively looked at Jake and he scoffed slightly. "Sure, easy for you to say. You're the reason she is like this in the first place."

Ryan gasped and so did I. "You have _NO_ right to say that Jake." I peaked through my face hidden in hair and saw that he was standing right in front of him. "You have no clue about any of that, so just don't even try."

He cocked his head. "Well, sure I do." He met his gaze fearlessly. "We all do Ryan, the whole damn city knows. You lied, and she had to find out when you were on the stand. So I think that it is safe to say you are behind her…depression or whatever it is that she is going through. I have no sympathy for either of you." For a moment I thought he knew that I was watching, and then he smirked at Ryan. I felt the bile rise in my throat. "You're a liar and she is still in love with someone else. What a perfect match, a liar and a cheater."

I couldn't take this anymore, Ryan was right. Jake had no right to say those things. I had to step in before someone was hurt. Ryan looked like he was on a war path, and I was afraid that there was going to be a scene other than the trial going on at the courthouse. The two continued to stare each other down and I watched as Ryan clenched and unclenched his fist. Jake smirked condescendingly and just shook his head at Ryan. He was giving him an open invitation, and I knew that if he gave him another reason Ryan would take it.

"I bet James is already fixing that broken heart you gave her," Jake whispered right in Ryan's face and I saw him wince. We all knew that was below the belt. I watched Ryan and took that as my cue to step in.

I pushed the hair out of my face and made my way toward where they were standing. "Alright, that is _enough_." I saw surprise wash over both of their faces, but I didn't give either of them a second glance. "Unless you want Ryan to break that face of yours, I'd get lost Jake." I glared at him, I was hidden by my mask once again. Not even his comments could shake me. I refused to let them. "Oh, and by the way…you're wrong."

He looked at me for a moment, I could tell he was thinking over what I had said. He put his head down and I took that as a sign of defeat. He gave me one last glance as he walked away, still confused as to what I was talking about. Either that, or he just didn't care anymore.

I sighed and felt my body shake as I did. I knew he was inches away from me, and that sent my bones on edge. I saw Calleigh and Delko standing there, expecting me to say something. Instead, I just looked at them wordlessly. There really was nothing that I could say anyway.

I heard him sigh from behind me and I was afraid to turn around. I tucked a piece of stray hair behind my ear and found myself staring at his shoes instead of his face. I clasped my hands together and kept my head down.

He ran his hands through his hair. "Thanks."

That was all he said. Just a simple thank you. I know that I should have returned with something just as polite, but something inside of me snapped. How can he possible think that that is all that I want to hear? Of all the things he says 'thanks'. It was like he didn't even know me at all. All this time I thought I was the one who made the mistake walking away, but maybe not. If he didn't know what I need to hear at a time like this then maybe he wasn't the person I thought I'd been looking for my whole life.

"I didn't do it for you," I lashed out angrily. "The last thing I wanted was a scene here today." He looked at me slightly confused, and I found myself looking away from his gaze. "Oh, and I guess your welcome since that was the phrase that you choose to use. Of all things Ryan, that's what you say? Let's try, '_by the way Lauren I was an idiot is there any way you can forgive me?' _I think that would be a good way to start out? I--I guess you don't since that's not what you said. The first thing out of your mouth should have been something that would actually make me _think_ that I still wanted to be with you. Something that would make me forgive you, because I want to." I took a breath and pinched the bridge of my nose. He stood there watching me, awestruck. "God, do I want to Ryan. I really do, but you just make it so hard. You always have to make me think through everything twice, my mind is never made up with you. I just-- hate it."

He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out for a moment. I stood there watching him. "What?" I shrugged my shoulders. "What is it?"

"I just--," He paused. "What do you want from me?"

I sighed and threw my hands in the air. "After all that you _still_ don't know? How is that possible?"

"I guess it just is!" Ryan replied sounding conflicted. "You always talk about saying what I feel--and you know what? I don't know how I feel, not anymore at least. You have me tied in so many knots I can't seem to break free. I can't sleep, and I don't feel like going to work. So when you ask me how I don't know that is my answer. I'm not sure what to do."

"Just do what you normally do," My head was throbbing and I so badly just wanted to run to him. Everything in was telling me what a mistake it would be, so I just stood there.

"You want me to pretend like nothing happened?" He asked stunned. "How am I supposed to do that? I can't just act like you never walked into my life. Everything is so different because of you being here. I'm not the same person I was then."

"Yeah, well neither am I Ryan!" I shouted, I could feel myself cracking. "But I--I have to move past that, and so do you."

"What are you saying Lauren?" He moved closer to me and I took a step back.

"I'm saying I need space, I need time," I looked up at him and his eyes went soft around the edges.

"How much time?" He asked and it was just me and him. Even though we were in a room full of people, we were the only two in the moment. No one else mattered at all.

"I--I," My brain was going a million miles a minute and I had no idea what to say. I looked up at him still unsure and tried to think of what to say. I wanted to fold and crumble right then and just have him hold me in his arms again, but I knew that that wouldn't do any good. So I just stared up at him, hoping for the words to come.

I was about to answer when the commotion around us broke me out of the moment we were sharing. Shuffling feet and camera crews with reporters were flying past me on their way to the courtroom. I looked around and saw the mass of people flocking to where we had come from just a half an hour before.

"Lauren!" I heard someone call out my name and I found myself staring right back at James.

I saw a look of bewilderment come across his features as he looked at me and Ryan standing together. His blue eyes drew together and he flashed them at each of our faces.

I took a step away from Ryan and crossed my arms over my torso. "What's going on?"

"The jury came back in," He said steadily. "They have the verdict already."

~*********~

**Sorry for the wait!! **

**I really hate to keep you all waiting for so long, but writer's block really is a bitch. I hope you enjoyed the cliff hanger….and leave me some love in the form of comments!**

**Love ya!**

**Lulu**


	23. Outside Looking In

Walking down the aisle toward the prosecution table was never something that I feared, but suddenly, I felt as though my heart was going to leap out of my chest. My pulse was irregular and I couldn't quite catch my breath. I wasn't sure if this all had to do purely with the fact that the jury was _already_ in, or if it had to do with the conversation I'd just had with Ryan. I knew that I was acting illogical, and I knew that I just needed to accept what he was trying to tell me. I couldn't swallow my pride though. I kept arguing with myself, and I was fighting all the my heart was telling me. It was stupid; yes, but if I kept up that wall it wouldn't crumble so easily next time.

James was pacing around the table next to me when I went to sit down. I could tell he was just as on edge as I was. For him this was more of a make it or break it case then it even was for me. He put all he had on this. I knew what he was going through, and a part of me wanted to offer something, anything to him. After all, he did leave a very nice job back in Washington for this very case. I shook my head as I watched him flutter around and smiled slightly to myself. He was a very interesting person to just watch. All of his movements were precise and he had a way of carrying himself that was very formal too.

The door to the side of the room opened with a whine and I, along with almost every other person in the room, turned to watch Nate Richardson make his way into his seat. He looked nervous as hell, and I really couldn't blame him. I wasn't overly confident, but if I was in his shoes, a jury coming in this quickly would worry me too. Sometimes all juries are different, however. I worked on several cases where a not guilty verdict came in fifteen minutes after we were dismissed. It is always hard to tell, and one never knows what is going to happen. Judge Collyer made his way up to the bench, and as he did the jury was brought in.

The twelve men and women were silent as they went to their respective seats, and I could see James looking at them from the corner of his eye. He was trying to read them, but no one was giving anything away. They all shared the same stoic face, and not one turned to look at Nate as they passed by. I furrowed my brow and shrugged. Even their behavior puzzled me, so I knew that James must have been squirming in his seat. I looked over at him quickly and saw that I was right. He was very anxious.

Judge Collyer picked up his gavel, and looked like he was going to bang it. His eyes flashed up as he noticed that the room was already silent. "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, have you reached a verdict?"

The foreman stood on the end of the first row. "We have your honor." He spoke in a very monotone voice. It was so devoid of emotion that I was worried for a brief second. Even the women who was crying earlier today looked as emotionless as he did.

"What say you?" Collyer asked.

I sucked in a breath and looked at the balding man. My pulse was still racing and now a cold sweat was breaking out on my forehead. Everything was resting on this one verdict. My new career would be solidified by this one case and the whole city of Miami was watching.

"We the people of the jury in the case of Nate Richardson V. The People of Florida," I wasn't breathing, I was still sitting, waiting, wishing for what I needed to hear. "Find the defendant--"

I looked over at the defense table and saw that James was just as out of his seat as I was. He knew how important this was too. I flashed my eyes to Nate and then back to the foreman.

He looked down at the piece of paper in his hands once again. " The defendant Nate Richardson, _Guilty_ of the murder of Jessica Turner."

I let out the breath I was holding in and felt my heart go light, but there was something wrong…This was not right, I wasn't right. There was no sigh of relief that I had done what I had set out to do. There was no joy in hearing the word I had so longed for, I was just sitting there…completely empty.

There was an outpour of noise all at once and my ears were ringing in an instant. I couldn't tell what exactly was going on. To my left there were people crying and trying to hug the man who was just pronounced guilty of murder, and to my right there were people celebrating this decision. The whole team was celebrating with the others and I briefly caught Ryan's eye. He smiled and I looked away quickly, feeling the pain engulf my chest once again. Collyer tried to gain control over his courtroom, but he was unsuccessful. They hauled Nate away and the jury was thanked for their service to the city. I knew that I had worked so hard for this very moment, but it was hard to feel so happy when I truly wasn't. I smiled and gave all of the right answers to anyone I would see, but deep inside I couldn't really relish this victory in the way I should have.

When the room cleared out some I strode down the aisle, ready for the media frenzy that I was going to have to face. This was one of the most publicized trials in a long time, and there was no way that I could avoid giving a statement. I weaved in and out of the people blocking the hall and soon found myself in the lobby. I saw all of the cameras and did my best to keep my composer. As soon as I was spotted they all rushed to where I was standing. Questions flew, but I only answered the important ones.

"We are all very pleased with this victory today," I said answering a women from a local television station. "It is always very rewarding when you get to speak for the victim and have their voice heard. Nate Richardson was guilty and I'm glad that the jury here could see that."

"And what about the defense?" I looked in the direction of where that question was thrown and smiled.

"Mr. Pike had a very nice argument, and he did a fine job. We just had more of the facts to convict than he did it appears." I answered politely.

"And what about the MDPD?" I knew the voice that asked this question, but I ignored looking at her vile face.

"We at the district attorneys office owe them a lot when it came to this particular case. Without their fine investigation there really would have been no way that the outcome would have been the same. I have to thank the crime lab especially, they did a lot of fine work that locked in this verdict today."

There were a slew of questions still being thrown at me, but I held up my hands. "That is all I have to say, thank you." I walked away quickly and tried to find a more secluded spot. I saw all of the reporters pounce on James as he made his way out of the courtroom too, and I just chuckled slightly.

"Lauren," I heard the sunshine voice of Calleigh call out from behind me. I greeted her warmly and saw the rest of the team was following close behind her. "Great job in there today."

I smiled. It was a fake smile, but it was all I could manage. "I owe a lot you your hard work on this case too. It wasn't all me, I'm just the spokeswoman."

She laughed. "Alright, that sounds good to me."

"Oh, Lauren," Delko chimed in from where he was standing behind the blonde. "We are going to celebrate later at the lab. Are you in?"

"At the lab?" I asked confused.

"Well, we still have to work…This way we don't have to wait until tonight." Delko replied.

I furrowed my brow. "Why don't we just wait?"

He sighed in frustration. "Are you going to be there or not?"  
"Yeah," I said giving in. "I'll be there."

"Good," I head Natalia say. "We miss you hanging around."

"You mean you miss me coming into your lab and annoying you?" I said remembering all the times I would bug her.

"Well," She paused for a moment. "Of course I do."

I smiled a half smile and nodded at her. "Well I will be sure to be there."

She nodded in acceptance and they broke off in small little side conversations. I could see Ryan standing at the back of the group, but I didn't make any eye contact with him. He didn't make a move to talk to me, and so I didn't move to go to him. If this was the way it had to be, then I guess that was what I was going to do.

I knew that I had just gotten myself in to a party that I didn't want to go to, but how could I say no? These were my co-workers and I had to interact with them. Being anti-social and avoiding them was not part of the job. Just because I didn't want to talk or see one of them didn't mean that I had to dodge all of them. After all, I did really like a lot of them. Calleigh and Natalia were the closest thing I'd had to friends since college. Everything would work out alright in the end.

I sighed and looked up, only to find myself looking straight at Ryan. Straight at the only person I wanted to avoid. I flicked my eyes away quickly and made my way toward the door.

This was going to be a long day.

~*********~

There was an atmosphere of celebration when I entered the heart of the crime lab. Everything was buoyant and light, and as soon as I stepped into the party I felt like I didn't belong. My whole attitude was not right for something like this. I was in too dark of a place at the moment. I sighed and tried to prepare myself for whatever was in store.

"I hate parties," I muttered under my breath as I walked around the area. Whoever decorated went all out for this particular occasion. There was everything from food to streamers, and that was just the front room. Even the elevator that I had come off of minutes before was decorated in the same fashion. "I hate parties." I said to myself again.

I could hear Natalia talking and knew I had only seconds before she spotted me. I tried to turn away, but she was too quick. "Oh Lauren," She said coming to where I was standing. "You made it."

"So did you…" I grumbled.

"What?" She asked.

"So I did," I said trying to sound chipper. I knew that I had to keep up some kind of a front. If everyone knew how I really felt about this, I was guessing that that wouldn't go over too well.

"So, doesn't the place look great?" Natalia said making conversation. "I decorated it myself."

Suddenly the overboard decorations made complete sense. "It looks great."

"I'm glad you like it," She said looking around at her handy work. "You don't think it's too much do you?"

"No," I lied. "It's perfect."

She smiled, and I could see that she was proud of herself. "Good."

I chuckled and spotted Calleigh making her way over. She waved and I waved back. There was no way to escape, now I had to accept my fate.

"Hey Lauren," Calleigh greeted.

I smiled back. "Hey, this is pretty amazing."

"I know," She said. "I can't believe we were able to get away with this. I keep thinking they are going to tell us we need to pack it up right away."

"I hope not," I said not really listening. "Considering all of the planning and whatnot that you all did."

Natalia smiled at my offhanded compliment and I nodded at her.

"I agree," Calleigh said. "I love parties, don't you?"

"Yeah," I lied again it was coming so easily now. I didn't even have to try. We chatted for as long as I could stand, and then both of them excused themselves to go mingle with some other people. I mostly just floated around trying to become invisible to everyone. Of course this did not work and whenever someone would spot me I would politely talk with them. None of the conversations lasted long, I think people were put off by my strange behavior. Honestly, I couldn't blame them. I wouldn't want to hang around me either. It was like there was a cloud of gloominess hovering over me at all times. I was so close to it that there was no way to escape from its shade. So I would just wallow within it, and if you stayed close for too long you could feel its pull too.

So I just wandered around alone. I need so desperately to leave but I didn't want to be ungracious. After all, I was invited. I would be rude to leave without telling someone one. The music droned on from some unforeseen place, and I would listen every now and then to the upbeat lyrics. I smiled to myself, feeling a slight irony. I should be able to agree with these songs, but for some reason they all seemed cheesy. They all seemed completely opposite of me.

"Miss Southwood," I heard Horatio's voice before I looked up to see the red-headed man. "I thought you would be enjoying the party."

I tried to smile. "Yeah well, I guess in not in a celebrating mood."

"Why not?" He asked cocking his head to the side. He always made me feel like he was a father, so concerned about one of his children. If one was upset or hurt he had to see what he could do to help.

"I'm not sure really," I answered, even though I knew that it had to do with the tango my heart was going through.

"I see," He said fiddling with the sunglasses in his hands. "The wouldn't have anything to do with Mr. Wolfe would it?"

I looked at him shocked. I was sure that my jaw was on the floor. I knew that most of the staff knew about the relationship Ryan and I had, but I had no clue that Horatio knew as well.

He smiled seeing my expression. "I am a lot more perceptive than people seem to think."

"I guess," I scoffed still stunned.

"So tell me," He started. "What happened?"

"It's a long story," I sighed. "One that I really don't feel like telling."

He nodded, understanding. "Can I just give you some advice then?"

I furrowed my brow. "I suppose."

"Whatever it was," He said looking me straight in the eye. "Forgive him, and try and let him explain."

"Forgive him?" I exclaimed. "I'm sorry sir, but I don't think you have all of the facts. He is the one who should be doing the apologizing. I shouldn't have to be the one to start it all off. He was the one who made this whole mess."

He looked down at me. "Was he really?"

I was taken aback. "What exactly are you referring to?"

He sighed. "Just think about what I said."

Before I could get in another word he walked away, leaving me speechless once again. He knew more than he was saying. I just couldn't quite figure out what he was alluding to. My head throbbed and I felt like I was on fire. I needed some air and I needed to get away from everything. I just needed some alone time to think about everything. I pushed open the doors and walked through the empty hallway until the noise of the festivities was only a faint rumble in the background. I wiped my brow and sat down on the cold stone steps. This feeling was amazing. It was just me alone with my thoughts and there was no one else there to confuse me any further.

Everything in my life seemed to be moving by so quickly, and it was like I was watching it from the outside. I was just a stranger looking in. For so long, I was so sure that I knew who I was. Now, I seemed to have lost all of that. I was jumbled and questioning myself at every move. It took me so long to gain all that I had, and it was all slipping away so quickly. Sure, I was still awkward and had that quirkiness, but there was no confident person on the inside. All the confidence had been lost, I was just an empty shell. Alone and confused, that was what I was.

I looked up through the glass doors and saw that the party was in full swing without me. Everyone was laughing and having a good time. There were food trays everywhere and endless supplies of friends. The thing that killed me most was seeing all of the couples so happy to be within each others company. Calleigh and Eric were in another world, they were talking and flirting endlessly. He would say something and a light would come into her eyes that made my heart melt. For I knew that feeling, I knew what it was like to be with the one person who made you feel completely at home. I knew what it was like to be with the person who could make you smile or laugh with just one looking in your direction.

I had lost that all now though. I was no longer a part of that kind of love and affection. It was ripped away so cruelly, and all to fast. Now I was looking in and remembering the times that I had. It was bitter sweet. I tried so hard not to let it get to me, and now I was relishing the moments that I'd had. My heart thudded painfully in my chest, prompting me to shut out those instants of pure joy.

I scoffed in slight agony, how my life had changed since I'd been here. I was a different person then I was before. It was amazing to me to think about. I had never been able to accept things like this and now I was. Granted I was shutting them away, I was dealing with it in my own way. My eyes found the glass, and I once again found myself peering in from the outside. I wasn't looking for anything in particular, but I caught my breath when I happened upon the frame of Ryan.

I would know him anywhere.

He was laughing and enjoying himself just as the rest of the guests were. I knew that I shouldn't be surprised, did I really expect him to be as miserable as I was?

_Yes, I did. _

Yet there he stood, looking like someone who didn't have a care in the world. The light in his eyes made his warm hazel eyes glow with delight, and my heart plunged into my chest again. His movements were very fluid, he was speaking with a few people I didn't recognize and he was using the hand gestures he always did when telling a story. He seemed to be just fine. There was nothing that made me feel that he was in the same place I was.

This was a clean break for him. He didn't need me anymore. What could be possible _want_ with me anymore?

He smiled widely and laughed. For a moment, I could almost hear the musical sound in my head. He turned around so that he was almost facing me, and I could see the light bounce around his eyes.

He was smiling and it pierced me straight in the heart.

~*********~

There are a few things that I have always given myself credit for; I am a great CSI and crime analyst but, beyond that, I am also a good actor. All of the years I have had to deal with OCD made me this way. I am always able to show the outside world that I am alright, even when I am not. At the moment, this skill is invaluable. After all of the drama that happened with the trial, and what happened with Lauren…I am able to put up a front. This isn't that difficult with my co-workers because that don't really know me that well to begin with, but it helps none the less.

Along with the rest of the crime lab, I am forced to attend this party that Natalia decided to throw. I could have put up a fight about going, but that might tip off the people closest to me that something was wrong. I didn't need them prying into my business. So, here I am…at this lame party.

Basically the last place in the world I wanted to be.

Everyone was here celebrating, from the lab techs to the higher up's. I floated around making sure to hit all of the rounds. The biggest part of this whole act was still being everyone's friend. I had to be the same Ryan that everyone was used to. So I wore a suit and gelled my hair, something that I knew Lauren hated. I did it anyway, this was the way I was before her.

_Before she walked into my life. _

That sounded so dramatic, but it was true. Before I met Lauren, my life was dark and empty. I lived day to day, not really hoping for anything to come along. The night was never-ending and I was just a part of it all. When she showed up, however, it was like the sun was shining so brightly that I couldn't quite see. The light engulfed me and I relished it. She made everything worth living, and I was truly alive. The darkness vanished and everything was sunny filled the air so beautifully.

This was all gone now though. I was the same as before, that's what she said she wanted. I could do this one thing for her. I owed it to her. So I returned to my old routine and that was the way that things would stay. I would just…be. I walked around the lab and chatted with a few people, most of the conversations were meaningless. Most people here were just trying to pass the time much like I was. The elevator rang out and I saw Lauren stepping off it slowly. She looked as though she wanted to be anywhere but here. I guess I couldn't blame her. She looked about the same as she had this afternoon, tired and drained. I could see it in her eyes.

She was empty.

I moved as far away from where she would be coming as I could. The last thing she wanted was to see me. I looked at my feet and pushed back the feelings that were cropping up. I took a deep breath and put the smile back on my face. The actor was back and I had to make the most of it. I watched from afar as Natalia caught Lauren in her grasp, and tried to stifle a laugh as I watched her try and not look horrified at the decorations. I turned my back and moved my way into another crowd.

The more space I gave her the better it would be for both of us.

"Hey Wolfe," Delko slapped me on the shoulder as I went to get some water.

I raised my brow at him. "Hey."

He laughed loudly. "Nice hair by the way." He pointed at my neatly quaffed hair and scoffed. "Looks like the gel won."

"Yeah," I rolled my eyes. "I guess."

"I thought you were over that whole thing?" He asked taking a sip of punch.

"Things change," I said simply.

He became serious. "I see. So the whole Lauren thing?"

"Is something I don't want to discuss," I said sharply. After all of this, I couldn't believe that people still thought I just wanted to talk about it out in the open like this. My personal life was my business.

"Alright," He said taking a step back. "Forget I said anything."

I nodded hoping that he would just drop it. I took a drink and looked up at him. I could see that he was still burning to ask me something. "What is it Delko?"

"Its just," He paused trying to think of the right words to say. "You seem to be taking this whole thing well."

"What do you want me to do?" I asked. "Walk around crying all day long?"

"Maybe!" He exclaimed. "That would be better than this." He gestured at my stance and attitude.

"There is no reason to wallow," I answered keeping cool.

"So you're going to act like nothing happened?" He said staring me down.

I shrugged. "That's what she seems to want."

He glanced in Lauren's direction and a perplexed look came across his face. "Really? Are you sure about that?"

"Well," I said sarcastically. "Since that's what she told me, yes."

"You," He said narrowing his gaze. "Are an idiot."

My jaw dropped slightly, not really registering the words he'd said. I was used to the ribbing that Delko would give me, but this was different. He seemed like he really, truly meant what he was saying. I ran my hand over my face in an attempt to figure out this sudden moment we were having.

Nothing was really coming to me.

He scoffed. "Come on Wolfe, you honestly don't know what I'm talking about?"

"Not really," I said honestly.

"She's _lying_," He said in a low voice. "It's so obvious."

I knew that the blank look was still on my face because of the way he continued to stare. I crossed my arms and listened to what he had to say.

"I mean look at her," He gestured wildly. "She's miserable, and she looks terrible."

That one caught my attention. I flashed a look full of daggers in his direction. He had no right to say those kind of things anyway. My gaze found her where she stood in a corner of the room, hoping to avoid everyone. I watched her and confirmed that she still looked beautiful.

"See, you still do care. You wouldn't have that look on your face if you didn't." Delko pointed out as I turned to meet him.

"She's the one who broke up with me," I said regaining my cool composer. "Remember?"

He rolled his eyes and ignored me. "This whole thing is ridiculous, the two of you clearly want to be together. I just don't understand why you both can't swallow whatever pride it is that you seem to have." He paused for a moment watching for my reaction. "You found the perfect women, Wolfe. She basically is you in women form."

"That's not true," I said quickly.

"Whatever," He replied waving it off.

I sighed, he undoubtedly wasn't going to let this go. I had to say something. "Look, I'm not blind. I see that she is unhappy and I know that It's because of what happened."

"Ok so why don't you---"

"She doesn't want that," I said cutting him off. "She made it very clear that she wants nothing to do with me. If she needs time then… . I am going to give it to her. That is the least that I can do." I paused for a moment. "And don't you for one second think that I am just floating through this without a care in the world. I loved her-- hell, I'm still _in_ love with her. I just don't need people like you wanting to talk about it all the time. Don't you think that hurts just as much? Didn't you stop to think that maybe, just maybe, I slip into this disguise to forget all of the pain I might be going through?"

Delko looked shocked at my sudden out burst. I took a few deep breaths in an attempt to calm the storm that was now raging inside of me.

"I'm sorry Ryan," He said after a few moments. "I guess I didn't think about that. If I would have known…" He trailed off looking down to the floor.

I smiled at him the best I could. "It's," I cleared my throat. "It's alright."

He returned the half-smile and walked away leaving me standing right in the eye of the storm. I was used to this, however. Learning to cope with things alone was something that I did often. I took a sip of my water and heard a few of the lab techs discussing the case. I looked up and made eye contact with Travers. He was new in the lab, but I really liked him. Anytime I went to him the work was impeccable.

He caught my gaze and smiled. "Hello Ryan."

I nodded back walking to the group. "How's it going?"

"Not too bad," He returned. "Just chatting."

"I see," I said looking around. Valera was standing next to Travers along with a few other new lab techs. They all looked to be having a good time, and deep inside it was something I envied. On the outside, I looked to be in the same spirits as them. Only I knew that inside I was hurting.

I joined in their light conversation and laughed along with them as they described the pranks that they would pull on each other. So I told them all about the awesome prank that Delko and I pulled on Tara Price, the former M.E. Soon I was laughing along with them as I remember how we pulled it off. For us, it really did top all other pranks that we had pulled. For the first time in awhile, the smile was real. It felt good to really smile.

While I was standing with the group, I could hear a few side conversations going on next to me. Most were mundane, but a select few were actually interesting. I found myself becoming more engrossed in them than I was supposed to. One women was talking about the case and I heard them mention Lauren's name. Part of me wanted to walk away, but something made me stay. I listened as they discussed how well she did with the trial and that made me smile too. I was just about to walk away when the women said something that made me stop dead in my tracks.

"So where is she anyway," She said in a small voice. "I know she hasn't really been doing that well."

I felt a lump grow in my throat that I couldn't swallow, but I listened on as the man answered.

"I saw her go out into the hallway a little earlier," He replied. "And guess who I saw her out there with?"

I held my breath as the women gasped awaiting the answer.

"That defense attorney from the trial," He said quietly.

They continued talking, but I was frozen. She was out there with James, and there was no doubt in my mind that he would try and take advantage of this situation. I stood there motionlessly, trying to think of what I should do.

"Are you alright mate?" Travers asked me, concerned at my sudden change in mood.

I smiled a fake smile. "Yes, I just remembered that there is somewhere I have to be."

I excused myself and began to make my way through the crowd toward the door. I kept the smile on my face the whole time. The less I showed the better and this was one of those times that I didn't need people asking me about.

I was smiling, but I was crying.

~*********~

**Sorry for my delayed absence!**

**I moved into college so I have been getting everything ready for the past week or so. I have slaved over this chapter and when I first wrote it…it came in at around 20 pages! Instead of killing your eyes, I edited a lot of it and decided to add it to chapter 24. Were getting close to the end now (can you feel the tension?!) I'm pretty excited and I hope you all liked this one. **

**Leave me some love!**

**Lulu**


	24. Sitting, Waiting, Wishing

Nothing surprised me more than seeing James step off the elevator and make his way toward me. My stunned expression made him laugh, and the noise resonated through out the empty space.

"You're really that startled at my appearance?" He said still smiling. "I come bearing gifts." He held up a bottle of champagne. "Well, technically, one gift."

I snorted. "You are so thoughtful."

"I really am though," He replied taking a seat next to me.

"And just how did you think we were going to drink that?" I said nodding toward the gleaming bottle in his hand.

"What, they don't have glasses at this snazzy party?" He said sarcastically.

"That would require me moving to go and get them though," I replied. "I guess you didn't really think this whole thing through did you?"

I laughed loudly. "I suppose not."

We sat in silence for a moment and I watched as he peeled away the foil on the top of his "gift".

"Congratulations by the way," He said after he removed the golden wrapper. "You were brilliant in there."

I met his eyes briefly. "Thank you."

"Cheers," I watched as he lifted the bottle to his lips and took a swig. He handed it to me and I followed his lead. The liquid bubbled as it went down my throat and I giggled at the feeling.

"So," I asked after we passed the drink back and forth. "What prompted this little visit?"

"Well," He began. "I wanted to tell you that you really impressed me during this trial for starters."

I smirked. "So you said."

"But I also wanted to offer you a job in D.C."

I nearly spit out the champagne I was drinking, and I coughed violently for a moment as it scorch my throat. I waited until the burn faded and then I answered. "What?"

"A partner job to be specific," He went on. "It's at the firm I'm going to be working at. They are very impressed with you and told me that they would love having you there."

"Wow," I simply said.

"I know it's a lot to take in," He turned to me quickly. "But it's and amazing opportunity for you. You are so talented, and I hate to see you waste it here."

I stood up. "I'm not wasting anything here. I am doing what no one else seems to be able to do. I'm getting real results James."

"I know," He sighed coming up behind me. "But think about it for a minute. That huge corner office you always wanted, job security, getting to pick your case load, and you won't have to work so hard 'Ren. You can finally settle down, have some kids…you know?"

I looked at him and narrowed my eyes. "Is that what this is all about, settling down?"

"Well," He smiled. "Eventually."

"I don't believe you sometimes," I walked away from him angrily.

"I didn't mean it like that," He said following after me. "I know how it sounded and I had no intention of saying that."

"So tell me then," I stopped and looked at him square in the eyes. "What did you mean?"

"I just--I meant that you could have a life beyond work."

"I have that now," I replied.

"Do you really?" He cocked his head to the side. "What do you do when your not working?"

"Well--I---" I stammered not able to find the answer.

He raised his eyebrows waiting for me, but I was still unable to find the words. I hated to admit it, but he was right. I really didn't do anything outside of work. When I did, all of my activities revolved around something I was working on or with at the moment. Other times, I was with Ryan. I pressed my lips together in defeat. I hated when he was right.

"That's kind of what I thought," He said with a slightly cocky tone. "So this would be good for you. It's been too long since you've had a real social life."

"I'm just fine at the moment," I said stubbornly.

He took a step forward. "Is that so?"

"Yes."

He was closing the space in between us rapidly, and I didn't know really what to do. I knew that there was really no reason to run, but part of me wanted to.

"You are such a bad liar Lauren," He chuckled. "Anyone with eyes and half a brain can see that you are far from _fine_."

"I seem to have forgotten that you were so smug," I muttered.

He just shook his head, laughing at my comments. "And I over estimated your pride."

This time I laughed. "That's not something that has changed and you know it."

"I do," He agreed. "You were never easily swayed, but this time it's much harder than before. You are not as drawn in anymore."

"I see. You just wanted me to crumble and fall back into your arms with just one look?"

"A guy can hope."

"And he might as well keep on hoping because it's not going to happen."

He looked me dead in the eyes and whispered softly. "I can fix you."

"Who says I'm broken?" I said meeting his gaze.

"You may not be, but your heart is," He replied. "I just want you to be whole again."

I looked away. Sometimes it was uncanny the way he seemed to know exactly what I was going through. I had known that there was a gaping hole inside of me and he was able to see that. He knew that somehow it needed to be filled.

"You can't--fix me," I barely whispered.

"I can though," He said cupping my face in his hand. "I love you."

"You don't understand," I yelled breaking away from his simple touch. "_You_ can't fix me."

"Oh, I get it," He put up his hands and I could see the anger in his eyes. "Only _he_ can make you whole again."

I sucked in a breath and looked at him. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. "James…"

"No," He cut me off. "I'm done with this. It's clear that there is no way for this to work out. You still want to be with him, and…I guess I can't compete with that. So just do us both a favor and chose who you want to be with already will you?"

"What do you mean?" I asked confused.

"Please Lauren, quit this whole charade," He said backing away from me. "You have been toying me since I got here, and I just can't take it anymore. In fact, your leading us both on. Just chose who you want to be with and be done with it. You can't have both of us."

"I never….never tried to," I stammered and he just rolled his eyes.

"Sure."

"Please James, just listen to me," I pleaded.

"He's right you know," I heard a voice say from behind me and I turned to see Ryan standing there with an indescribable look on his face. "I hate to say that he's right, but on this he is." He walked so that he was standing in front of me, and I noticed that he kept his distance from me and James.

"So this is what you both want," I asked confused and angry. "You want to pick someone right here and now?"

They both nodded and then glared at each other. I pinched the bridge of my nose under the pressure and found that I really didn't want to have to do this at the moment.

"I think you should have all of the facts though," James spoke up after a moment.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Ryan asked.

"Well," He started. "She is still in love with me, but she won't admit it."

I scoffed and Ryan narrowed his gaze. "And how do you propose you do that?"

He looked at me and smiled. "I'll just kiss her….again."

"Be careful or I will punch _you _in the face," Ryan replied to James' smart ass comment.

"I was quite serious though," James said still looking at me to gauge my reaction.

"No," I said. "Absolutely not."

"Then how will you know you are making the right decision?" James asked me softly.

I remained silent, unsure of how to answer. He took my silence as a sign of doubt.

"See," He smiled and Ryan crossed his arms scowling.

I made eye contact with Ryan, and wondered for a moment what he was doing out here to begin with. "I thought you didn't want to see me?"

He looked startled at my sudden question. "I wanted to talk to you actually, and then I heard you were with _him_."

"Ok, so talk then," I said crossing my arms too.

"I'm miserable," He sighed. "I can barely make it through a day, and I feel like I have to pretend just to get by. I have never been that great at expressing my feelings, but I feel like you need to know all of this. I am not just fine, and I haven't been for a while. Things have been complete hell. We are both being stubborn idiots, and I just have to get over it. I will be the first to speak up." He looked down and walked toward me. His eyes were so sad, and I didn't want to look into them… but I did. He took my hands into his and continued. "I-love-you." He emphasized each word. "And I want to give you the time that you need, but I just want to be with you. You have made everything so bright in my world, and I don't want to go back to living in the dark." He brought my hand to his lips and kissed it lightly. "I can't just forget about you."

I could feel the tears in my eyes, and his touch sent me over the edge. I was on pins and needles. For the first time in forever, I felt like I was truly alive and in the moment.

"I love you too Ryan, but I--I just can't do this right now." I whispered.

He dropped my hands. "What?"

"I can't."

"Why?" He asked angrily. "Why the hell not Lauren? This is what you wanted to hear wasn't it? When you yelled at me in the courthouse you told me that you needed a real apology. So here it is…and you can't accept it?"

I looked at him silently. I knew he was right, and I wanted to be with him more than anything. There was something plaguing the back of my mind that I just couldn't let go of. An idea planted that kept growing.

"How can you say you love me then?" He continued to question. "If you can't even forgive me for this one thing?"

"I _do_ love you," I said tenderly. "And I want to be with you too."

"So the problem then?" He said fishing for the answer.

I sighed and ran my hands through my hair. "Why would _you_ want to be with _me_?"

"You're really asking me that question?" He chuckled. "I already told you, you are so…beautiful and perfect."

"STOP!" I yelled backing away from him. The shock of my outburst registered on his face and I saw James take a step back too. "He _is_ right."

Ryan furrowed his brow. "Who?"

"James," I said looking in his direction. "He was right about what he said earlier. I think it might be a good idea. You know to gather the facts."

"You want him to kiss you?" Ryan asked incredulously.

"I just think it might be a good idea," I replied meekly.

He shook his head, not understanding what I was saying. I could tell that it was tearing him apart, but the idea just kept resounding in my brain. Maybe I could put this whole thing to rest if I just let him get his wish this once.

"Alright," He spoke suddenly pulling me out of my thoughts. "Fine then."

"Ok," I said not really sure what to do next.

Ryan held up his hand. "Just one thing first."

His lips crashed against mine with such a force that I had to grab onto him just to gain my balance. I was hesitant, but soon I was deeply engrossed in him. For so long I had denied myself happiness and now I felt like I was going home. Everything about this moment made me remember why it was that I loved him in the first place. I shivered as the kiss rippled throughout my body, and I wrapped myself into his warm arms. The hole that was inside of me no longer felt sharp with pain. It was fading away with every little touch, with every little kiss. I was finally getting what I needed and his light was guiding me home.

I was alive.

For the first time is forever, I was alive.

"Great," I heard James say from behind me. "She kisses him."

I broke away from Ryan and saw the warmth swirling around his eyes. "Wow, that was unexpected."

He gave me another peck on the lips. "You do need all of the facts after all."

I laughed and James grumbled something that I couldn't quite make out. Ryan rolled his eyes and I could tell that he wanted this to be over with too. I looked at him with questioning eyes, and he sighed again.

"Just go. I'll wait for you."

I kissed him deeply. "Just give me one second."

"Alright."

~*********~

I walked over to where James was standing looking dejected. I couldn't help but frown at the look on his face. He looked up when I approached him, but he didn't say anything.

"Look James," I started, but he held up his hands.

"I get it," He said. "You pick him. I happy for both of you."

I sighed. "I don't want you to think that I don't want to be with you, but I can't offer you anything more than friendship."

"You didn't even give me a chance," He pointed out and I had to admit that he was right.

"We had our chance," I reminded.

"You still love me and I know it."

"I love Ryan."

"So?" He exclaimed. "You loved me first, and what we had…you don't see that everyday."

"I'm sorry."

"See the thing about that is," He said. "You really aren't.

"You can't possibly know that," I answered back annoyed with him.

"You want to keep the denial that you have," He explained. "If you just block everything out then it isn't real. If you forget all that we shared, then--."

"Oh shut up will you?" I said rolling my eyes. "You are such a baby."

He recoiled at my comment. "Ok, then I guess you are more sensitive than I thought."

"You know that isn't true," I said. "You just keep at it though and I'm done with the whole thing. From the very start you have been after me, and I told you it wasn't going to happen. I'm with Ryan and I fully intend to be with him."

"You're making a mistake."

"Says the person who _is _in love with someone who doesn't return the feeling."

"And this all coming from the woman who can't admit her true feelings."

I rolled my eyes. I guess he is still going to try and use this whole excuse. Sometimes he really just couldn't get it through his thick skull that I didn't want to be with him too. He was always so strong-minded, and I knew that he hated to hear no. This was one time where I really just had to say it though. There was no point is making him suffer anymore. Leading him on was the wrong thing to do, and I wish that I would have noticed that I was doing it sooner.

"So I guess you really didn't like the whole idea of kissing me again?" He said smiling.

I couldn't help but laugh. "At the moment, it seemed like a good idea."

"Well," He said still grinning. "Just so you know, I am onboard with this whole idea."

"Yeah I bet."

"You can't tell me that you didn't enjoy our last kiss," He was reaching and we both knew it.

"It was--different."

That seemed like a good choice of words. I didn't know exactly how to put it because I wasn't used to him at all. Everything about Ryan was so right that I blocked everything else out. I forgot all about the relationship that James and I shared. For me, it seemed like forever ago.

"What are you thinking about?" He interjected.

I shook my head. "Just a few things, nothing really."

"Right," He said clearly not believing me. "I stand by saying that you are a terrible liar."

"Goodbye James," I started to walk away, ready to be done with him. It was time to leave it all.

"Wait," He called catching up with me quickly. "Just tell me one thing, do you love me?"

I sighed. "I did, yes."

"But," He prompted knowing there was more to what I was saying.

"But I love him."

"So you're saying that you don't have any feelings for me anymore?" He paced.

"I already told you," I replied. "I will always think of you as a friend."

"Nothing more?"

I nodded. "And nothing less."

"Well, I guess I should tell you goodbye too then," He said in a flattened tone.

"What do you mean," I said cocking my head to the side.

"I'm leaving tonight," He replied. "Washington calls."

"Wow," I was taken back. "I guess they really are in a hurry to get you back."

He smiled. "I was hoping to bring them a plus one, but it doesn't look as though that is going to work."

He threw a look in Ryan's direction and I tried to ignore it.

"Yeah, sorry about that."

"It's my fault," He said waving it off. "I over estimated myself."

I laughed at his attitude, and shoved my hands in the pockets I had. I was never that great at goodbyes. I knew that I should be happy or relieved that he was leaving, but James was one of my best friends. After all of these years, he was one person that I could always count on. Part of me was sad to see him go, and I wished that the circumstances could have been better. He and Ryan would have gotten along if I wasn't in the picture. The two of them were sharing some kind of glare, and I almost laughed.

_Guess not…._

"It was good to see you James," I was finally able to figure out some kind of farewell.

"It's always good to see you Lauren," He smiled and walked closer to me. "Don't be a stranger."

I furrowed my brow. "Ok?"

He snorted and pulled me into a tight hug. "My plane leaves from Miami International at 11:00 PM." He whisper right into my ear, and his warm breath sent shivers down my back. "Terminal B…if you want to see me off."

I nodded into his shoulder. I knew that he only wanted me to hear this information. I wasn't sure if I really wanted to use it, but it was nice to know.

"I'll miss you Ren," He said pulling away slightly. "This whole thing…and everything about being away from home, my job…it was all worth it. You have always been worth it."

I fought back the sadness that was weighing on my heart. "Thank you James."

He hugged me again quickly and I could tell that he was memorizing the moment. He was doing what I always did. I looked into his blue eyes and saw the melancholy take over the usually bright shine. He let go of me hesitantly and I smiled at him. He looked down, took a step forward and then boldly leaned in to my face. I stood frozen with my hands at my side as he planted a small kiss on my lips. I felt a shock go through me, but I ignored the feeling. He smiled as he pulled away and I watched as he walked away, waving at me.

The image became smaller and smaller as he continued down the hallway, and soon I couldn't see him at all.

I knew he was gone.

I brought my fingers to my numb lips and let the emotions that engulfed my heart wash over me like a tidal wave.

~*********~

Ryan and I talked for hours after skipping out of the party early, but we still had a lot to figure out. This break-up showed a lot of cracks in the relationship that we had. I knew that I wanted to patch these all up first just as Ryan did, so taking things slow was the best way to go. Even with all of this, I still felt as though I was living in some kind of dream. The haze I felt from earlier today still hung over me, and I couldn't seem to shake it. There were so many things that plagued me and I wanted to shove them all into the background and deal with them later, but just like an annoying insect they buzzed right in my ear, refusing to fly away. Part of me wondered if things would ever return to normal…or at least what I thought of as normal. For now, Ryan and I just stared at each other silently. It was as though each of us was trying to figure out how to broach the situation that was in front of us. I was looking for him to start, and he was doing the same with me.

So here we sat on the cold steps that led into my apartment. I looked over at his profile and sighed. This was going to be harder that I imagined.

"So," I said just trying to fill the awkward silence.

He turned to stare at me expectantly and I could see the apprehensiveness written all over his face. I rose my eyebrows and gave a half smile, still not really sure what to say.

"Alright," He sighed. "This is weird."

"Ok, so it's not just me then?"

"No," He said standing. "There is some---some-"

"Energy?" I finished for him.

"Y-yes," He threw his hands in the air and I could feel his frustration. When he was upset or agitated it radiated off of his skin, and it was seeping into mine. Some instinct of mine kicked in and I stood up quickly, and I stopped myself from rushing to where he was. So I just stood off to the side, one leg slightly jilted, and watched him. "I don't really know what to say, but I feel as though I need to talk about this whole thing with you. What do you think?"

"I feel," I stammered. "The same, we should talk."

"Ok, so--"

"I don't know how to start though," I cut him off. "It's taking me almost every fiber in my being to no just run over to you and try to forget that anything happened at all."

"I think I would be fine with that," He smiled slyly.

My eyes became wide as saucers as I stared at him incredulously. Who was this man standing before me? There were so many things that he was saying and I couldn't believe they were coming out of his mouth. Ryan noticed my longer than usual silence, and he found that I was waiting on him.

"Maybe that was out of line," He retracted. "But I feel like I have been sitting here and waiting for you."

"Wait a minute longer then," I replied.

"Are you serious Lauren?" He walked closer to me. "After this whole thing you are still going to tell me that you need more time?"

I nodded, feeling foolish. "I just need to sort of my life right now. I have to think about what is going to be best for me to get myself in order."

"Even after that kiss," He whispered closing the space between us. "You're going to run?"

"I'm not running."

"It sure looks like it."

"Well," I said defensively. "I'm not."

"And you still want to be with me?"

"Yes," I leaned close to him. "How many times do you need me to tell you that?"

"I need you to tell me every moment," He wrapped his hands around my waist. "I don't want to feel like I'm going to lose you again."

"I'm here now."

"But for how long?" He said with a penetrating gaze. "I won't always be here sitting, and waiting."

"I know that," I smiled at him. "There are just a few more things that I have to do."

"And then?"

"Then we will open our book back up and keep writing."

"So…our story is going to continue?"

"I was planning on it," I replied. "Why do you have a problem with that?"

He smiled. "Not at all. Can I just ask one thing of you though?"

"Hmm?"

"Can we erase James in the chapters to come?"

I laughed slightly and felt my stomach drop a little. "After tonight, I guess that's going to happen anyway."

"Tonight?"

"Remember the thing I told you I had to do?" I asked cautiously.

"Does it involve him," I could hear the anger lace his voice again.

"Calm down," I said putting my hands on his chest. " It's just something short and quick."

"Do you want me to be there with you? Just in case?" He asked and I knew the answer he was hoping for.

"This is something that I really have to do on my own Ryan."

"Ok," He said backing away. "I understand. Just promise me something?"

"Anything," I said meaning it with all my heart.

"Come back to me when you are done."

I closed my eyes and smiled. "I won't keep you sitting, waiting, wishing."

He kissed me full on the lips and I felt the surge between us grow again. "Promise?"

I nodded. "I promise."

~*********~

Even though it was almost 11 o'clock at night, the Miami International Airport seemed like it was crowded with people. My whole body was abuzz with energy as I stepped in through the doors. To be perfectly honest, I wasn't really sure what I was doing. I really had no intention to come here when James first told me that he was leaving tonight. I had enough closure. But there was that little voice again, nagging me to see him off. I was doing something that was completely irrational, and once again I felt alive. This was a different kind of alive though. I was on edge every second, and my heart was pounding when I thought about what was going to come next. I weaved my way through the crowd and craned my neck searching for my stop. Everything looked so similar and I really didn't know what to look for in the first place. The security guards eyed me with a wondering look, and then I realized that there was a _major_ flaw in this not well thought out plan. There was no way that I was going to be able to get past security to even find James.

I swore out loud as I saw my exit in sight, but there was no plan forming. I gripped my purse tightly as I watched the tired passengers. Most looked like they were coming home from vacation, but there were a lot of people in business suits as well. I racked my brain as I continued to keep and eye out for any sign of James. Then it hit me. I rummaged through my purse and smiled as I found exactly what I needed. I marched up to the front of security and silently prayed that this would work.

There were a few groans as I cut in front of the line, but I blocked them out. "Excuse me sir?" I looked at the bored security guard and smiled.

"I'm sorry Miss," He said in a monotone voice.

I cut him off. "I'm with the Miami Dade Crime Lab and I really need to get past this security check." I flashed my MDPD nametag and pass at the man as he gawked at me.

"We really aren't supposed to let you-"

I smiled as I stopped him again. "I know, but this is an extenuating circumstance. I can assure you that I don't do this everyday."

He looked me over from head to toe again and sighed. "Your free to go, but be quick about this."

I thanked him and broke out into a quick jog as I saw the terminal in sight. There were a lot more people on this side of the security point and everyone was in a cluster that was hard to see over. Everywhere I looked there were men in suits on cell phones, and It became increasingly hard to tell them apart. I knew that it would be a miracle to just _find _James. The boarding calls from all of the fights were being called out, and I tried to listen in, hoping that it would lead me in the direction I needed to go. I made my way to B and found that there was literally no one there. I looked at the flight directory and saw James' flight listed. I looked around, but saw no one.

Sighing in defeat I took a seat. It was a long shot anyway, but my legs were tired from all of the running. The black chair was so inviting, and I closed my eyes in an attempt to rest. A serene calm came over me, and I felt completely at ease. I heard someone calling out my name, but I figured that there were so many people with that name…it couldn't possibly be me.

I was wrong.

James stood at my side, interrupting my moment of peace with his presence. My eyes snapped open when I realized that it was him. The person I was looking for found me even when I wasn't trying. I felt a sense of _deja vous_ when it came to that phrase. I knew that I'd heard or even said it before. I shook that out of my brain and focused on the here and now.

"I was looking everywhere for you," My voice was lighter than usual, and I cleared my throat in an attempt to adjust the pitch.

"It looks like it," James said like the smart ass I knew he was.

I smacked him softly and continued. "No really, I'm glad I found you…or you found me."

"Me too," He said softly. "I was hoping that you would come."

"I wasn't even sure if I was going to," I said running my hands through my wavy hair. "But I just needed to."

He laughed. "Why's that?"

"Something was telling me that I needed to."

"Really?" He didn't believe me. I could tell.

"I being serious!" I really wanted him to hear me out on this. "That little irrational voice that I never listen to was bugging me and so I decided to listen to it for once. So here I am, being completely irrational."

"I see that," He nodded. "But maybe you were just finally hearing what your heart has been telling you to do this whole time?"

"Don't twist this James."

He held up his hands. "I'm just trying to give you alternative theories."

The flight number for the flight James was on resounded through out the terminal. His plane was boarding soon. So whatever it was I was here for…I needed to hurry up and figure it out.

"What now?" He asked as if hearing my thoughts.

I shrugged. "I'm going out on a limb here, so I have no clue."

"Can I give a suggestion?"

"If you really want to, sure."

He nodded and took a step forward and then it all happened so fast, like a freight train, there was no stopping it. He pulled me close to him and crushed his soft lips to mine. My heart accelerated with just his touch and I tried to pull away at first. There were so many flags and warning signs going off in my head, but just as soon as they started they were gone. This was a different kind of kiss than I was used to, everything was frenzied. My head was spinning, and soon my lips were moving with his. I let myself go again, and it felt amazing. I took everything in; his scent, the taste of his lips, the way he would try to pull me as close to him as he could, and it was all something that I knew I denied myself for too long. All of the fragments were starting to come together. Suddenly, everything made sense.

I pulled away and saw the joy flickering in his blue eyes. My mouth went dry and I backed away from him slowly. My heart was heavy and I felt my mind going a million miles a minute.

I'm sure James could see the unease on my face. "Lauren? What's wrong?"

I couldn't speak. There were so many words, and they were all getting caught in my throat. It was like my voice was gone. I just stood there shaking my head, and looking at him with wide eyes.

He grabbed my hands, feeling worried now. "Please tell me, Ren?"

"I-I don't believe this," I stammered.

"Believe what?"

"I-you- this can't, not sure…wow," I looked up at him and he was as confused as I'd ever seen him. "This isn't happening."

"Can you let me in on what isn't happening?"

"This whole time," I whispered to myself. "You were right."

"About what?!" He shouted and I saw several people look in our direction.

"I- I'm- I think I love you," I said with as much conviction as I possibly could, but I still had no idea what was going on. My head and my heart were torn in so many ways.

"You what?" I heard this come from two separate voices, the man standing in front of me and one coming from behind.

I whipped my head around and saw Ryan gasping for breath, and looking as though he had just run all the way from the front of the airport. The hurt that laced his voice and eyes was unbearable. The final boarding call for James was called, but he stood in front of me still.

I looked at him and he just shook his head. "I don't care.

"But you are going to miss your flight," I said confused.

"It doesn't matter," He was ecstatic. "You were finally able to see what I have been waiting for this whole time."

"Believe me," I replied still reeling. "It was not something I expected."

He wrapped his arms around me, and instead of shying at the touch I welcomed it. I swallowed the lump in my throat, and saw that Ryan was just standing there watching this scene unfold before him.

I worked my way out of James' arms and stood in front of Ryan. "Why?" He knew what I was asking. It was always like that with us.

"Whenever it comes to him," He said emotionlessly. "I have a bad feeling." He scoffed and looked at the ground. "I guess I was right."

"Ryan," I pleaded.

"No," He said shaking his head. "In a way, I knew this was coming."

"Just because I--," I struggled with the words. "Feel this way doesn't mean I have to leave you and Miami."

"Don't you see?" He said his voice rising. "Yes it does. You love him and I can't sit around with you while you are worrying about him and wanting him."

"I want you," I said softly.

"It doesn't really matter now does it?" He took a step back. "I hope you have a good life with him."

Pain flashed in my eyes and I could feel the tears coming. "Don't say that Ryan."

"I have to! I'm not going to sit around waiting for you anymore. As far as I'm concerned this whole messed up thing between us is over."

"Don't," The tears fell and I couldn't stop them.

"I loved you Lauren," He said earnestly. "But what can I do?"

I just shook my head and cried, unable to find any words. I was just wishing I could turn back time and make this whole thing go away.

"I'll miss you," He sighed. "Have a good life."

And with that he walked away leaving me standing in a pool of sadness that overwhelmed my heart. Everything was gone. All I thought I wanted and needed was gone. The tears slipped down my cheek as I turned around to see James still standing there waiting for me. He held out his warm, welcoming arms, and I settled myself in them. He kissed my tears away and told me that he would be there for me, and I believed him.

But all the while, I looked in the direction Ryan had left and hoped that he would turn around and come back to me. I just was crumpled in the arms of a man that I knew somewhere deep down I loved, but I was sitting, waiting, wishing for my destiny to return.

~*********~

***Huge sigh of relief* **

**That was the most difficult chapter to write. There were several times where I felt like I had to cry along with Lauren, and I know that it really does pull at the heart strings. Just take a moment and breath. This isn't the end (technically) chapter 25 is they epilogue for this story, and the sequel I have in mind has a lot going on. There are so many ideas bouncing around my head and I still have to pick one and go with it. So stay tuned for more to come, and please read my homepage! It has all the info about the stories you could possibly want. The updating schedule is amazing *wink wink* **

**P.S. I love all of my amazing reviewers!!! You are the reason that I love to do this so much, and getting the feedback from you really makes me smile! So thank you! **

**Lulu **


	25. We Never Change

It seems as though things never turn out the way that you plan. I had tried to turn a new leaf here in Miami, but I am just leaving it all behind and going back to the life I once knew. I guess we never change do we? For so long, my life was uncertain and the light was gone. I found it here, and now I had to leave it all behind. It was just as Ryan said, there is really no reason to stay. When I woke up this morning, just looking at the skyline of this beautiful orange place made me feel lightheaded. My apartment felt smaller, and I knew it was because I was so used to staying at Ryan's. I grasped my stomach. Sometimes just saying is name was enough to re-open the wound that I was trying to heal.

James was good with helping at this. For the past few days he has been at my side whenever I needed. It was nice to have someone caring for me, but I also hated to take his pity. I knew it wasn't pity, it was love. I just didn't want to think about that yet. I knew that I _did _love him, but accepting it was hard for me to do. _I _was the reason that this whole mess started in the first place. I scoffed thinking back on all of the mistakes that I have made. I led both of them on, and I knew in the end I would hurt one of them. That's what happened, except I hurt the one person I didn't want to. I hurt the last person in the world that I would ever try to hurt.

I didn't deserve either of them.

Not at all.

I wiped away the stray tear running down my cheek and dressed quickly. Today I had to pick up all of my things from Miami Dade crime lab. I was taking the easy way out. I am a coward, but I already knew that. It took me about a few hours to accept the job offer that James gave me when I realized the damage that I was going to leave here. I didn't want to get caught in the wake. Most of all, I didn't want to have to be a reminder to Ryan. Seeing me everyday would tear him apart much the way that it has already frayed me.

This would be easier. The pain will subside and we will become nothing more than a memory to each other. That's what I keep telling myself anyway…

The drive over was slow and monotonous. I had made this safe trip thousands of times, and yet now that I knew it was the last a sense of grief washed over me. This job was one of the best things that ever happened to me. Everything about it, even the bad things, made my day, my life, and now it was all over. I screwed up. Just like I did with everything else and now I had to leave it all. I hung my head at the next red light and tried to pull myself together. The last thing I wanted was for everyone to see this vulnerability. After all, I was the one leaving them high and dry.

I tried to time my arrival to be around lunch time. Ryan would go out somewhere and then I wouldn't have to worry about that factor. When I pulled into my old parking space, I saw that Ryan's hummer was no where to be found. I sighed in relief and relished this small victory. If I can get through the rest of this without having to see anyone I will be golden.

The glass doors that led into the heart of the lab reviled that my timing really was spot on. The place was dead sans a few people milling around here and there. I glanced at the on duty board just to check my odds and saw that both Ryan and Calleigh were in the field. Nothing to worry about there. They were really the only people that I would have to worry about. Most people seem to stay out of my business when it comes to this. The receptionist gave me a strange look as I meandered by, and I wondered if it had to do with my sudden appearance or if she was somehow upset by my leaving as well.

I shook it off and found my tiny office tucked in it's back corner. I smiled as I opened the door which still held my nameplate on the front of it. I guess it won't be too long before they have to change that. I pushed open the door and found that the inside was shrouded with darkness. I flicked on the light and was surprised that everything looked remotely the same. I laughed out loud and this random thought. I was only gone a week. How different could it possibly be?

I focused my gaze at the knick knacks that cluttered the room, and all of my other personal things. This was really it. I was packing it all up. My eyes swept the room one more time, giving myself time to make the final decision. I smiled softly knowing that it had to be done sometime.

I pushed up my sleeves and tied my hair into a bun on top of my head. "Time to get to work."

~*********~

I am a packrat.

I never knew this before, but today I have made this startling revelation. It took me two hours to clean my tiny office. Two hours to pack up all of the insane amount of paperwork and files that I didn't even know I had. The clutter was another thing. I didn't even realize that I owned that many things to begin with. The room was a disaster area, literally. After sorting through everything, I noticed that the paperwork look like it had exploded. So now I sit here, two hours later, putting things in to boxes and trying to decided what to keep. This decision is harder than you would think. For some reason, I find that I have an emotional attachment to most of the items in the throw away pile. Every time I pick one up to toss, I stop and examine it. Then, just like a bolt of lightning, some memory comes to me that makes me want to keep the item in question. After a while of going through this process, I decided that just not looking would be sufficient. I devised a clever system to trick my mind. If I didn't look at what I was throwing away then there would be no reason to want to keep it.

This plan seemed to work because the next time I looked up all the clutter was off the floor. There was a stack of neatly packed boxes for me to take home with me, and what was left would just have to be memories that I couldn't afford to keep. I stood up and surveyed the room, feeling proud of myself. Everything was falling in to place. I knew somehow this would work out. Everything happens for a reason right? There was only one thing left for me to do; the closet. I would often leave clothes in it for the weekend, or sometimes I would keep a spare shirt. There were also a few times before Ryan and I started staying together that I had to change from the night before. Keeping a spare outfit was handy in a time like that. I turned the handle and saw that there weren't too many things hanging. A gray skirt, a few shoes, one or two blouses, I shifted through these items and took them out to pack them away too. I grabbed on to the blouse in the back when something else caught my eye. Hanging almost out of sight was a green dress shirt, Ryan's green dress shirt.

I picked it up slowly, almost afraid to touch it, and held it in my hands. The fabric was cool and the color was just as bright as ever. This was always my favorite shirt of his. Something about the way he looked in it always made my heart skip a beat or two. Maybe it was because it brought out the color in his eyes, or maybe it was the simple color against his skin? I don't know, but just holding it in that moment made me want to crawl into the closet and never come out. I had no idea why it was even in here. My brain couldn't seem to process a time in which he wore it in my office, or even him hanging it here. I took a deep breath and the smell of his cologne filled my nostrils. I turned away, thinking that somehow he was here with me. It was all too much to bare. It slipped through my fingertips and fell to the ground, and I just backed away trying to get away from the taunting shirt lying on my office floor.

I turned around, hoping to control the emotions raging inside of me. Everything was hazy and I couldn't stand it. I wanted to get away so badly. I took in a ragged breath and tried to remind myself that this was the last step. I was free to go after this. Everything would be normal again. It would be just as if I never came to Miami in the first place.

"Doing a little spring cleaning?" A deep voice questioned.

I turned around and saw that Delko was leaning against my door frame. I raised my eyebrows at him, surprised. He was the last person I would have ever expected to track me down. For all I knew he hated me this whole time. He never did send out real positive vibes.

"I guess you could call it that," I replied walking over to my boxes. I stepped around the shirt and he noticed.

"Isn't that Ryan's?" He pointed and I didn't even have to look at it. I didn't really want to in the first place.

I nodded still keeping my eyes off of him. "He must have left it here."

"Yeah," He sounded skeptical. "That sounds a lot like him."

"I don't know how it got there."

"Whatever," He replied eyeing me and walking farther into the room. "So, I hear that you are leaving Miami."

I snapped my eyes up to his. "Where did you hear that?"

"Well, Calleigh and I _do_ talk," He was taunting me and I knew it. "Plus she see's Ryan almost everyday and he had a hunch."

"Did he now?" I was genuinely curious.

He nodded in return and sat down. "He knew that ass would try to get you as far away from here as possible."

"It was always my decision to leave."

"Yeah," He rolled his eyes. "And once he got you to see everything his way you had no other choice."

I just stared at him trying to take it all in.

"Don't you see Lauren?" He gestured wildly. "He played you. This whole time he has been trying to get to you and he couldn't. Ryan was always in his way and without him there was nothing stopping him."

"You're wrong."

"Am I?" He questioned and even I started to question it too. "Think back to the trial, hell, even _before_ the trial. He was all over you and he could have cared less what you really wanted. He manipulated you this whole time, and I could see it." He took a breath as though not sure if he should let me know. He frowned and then continued. "We all could see it…even Ryan, but he trusted you. He thought there was no way you would fall for it."

"I-I-I don't believe this," My eyes were wide and I could feel the sweat breaking out on my forehead.

"That's why he did what he did," He continued figuring he had to let me know now. "The whole press thing was not to get at you, but to get at him. He was trying to send a message to James, one which he blatantly ignored. The when Ryan confronted him…."

"He punched him," I cut him off putting the pieces of the puzzle together. This whole time James was lying to me and they were right…I didn't see it. I was so blind to thinking that he really did care for me. I was so sure that he would never do anything to hurt me. I was having a feeling of déjà vu because I knew that I'd had this feeling before. Except the last time James tried to convince me of what was true. He lied this whole time.

"You see now?" Delko pulled me out of my thoughts. "I'll give him one thing, he is a good con man."

"Yeah," I said breathlessly. "Too good."

"I had to tell you Lauren because don't you see what you're getting yourself into? He is trying to tear you away from this place, and using everything to his advantage. He will stop at nothing. Now that he has you in his grasp, he won't give up."

"This whole time," I said only half listening. "He was acting, only pretending to care about how I felt and what was going on in my life." I looked up at Delko with almost lifeless eyes. "I believed him and I never thought anything of it. When he was always there at the right place and right time I thought it was because he really cared. I-I thought wrong."

"I know it's hard to deal with, but you can't go with him Lauren." Delko walked closer to me trying to be a friend for the first time. "We need you here. Someone else needs you here too."

I closed my eyes. "I can't"

He grumbled. "Think about all he put you through, all the lies. He never cared, it was always about making Ryan look bad. He even manipulated you into letting him put Ryan on the stand."

I looked up at this one.

"That's right," He continued. "He planned the whole thing. From the dressing poorly to the defeated act, it was all part of the plan to get you away from Ryan. And when that didn't work, he convinced you that you love him. Do you really love him Lauren? Did you ever really love him?"

"I don't know anymore," My mind was weaved in so many different ways and I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to find my way out of this web.

"Well," He leveled with me and looked as serious as I'd ever seen him. "He called Ryan that night."

I gasped.

"James told him to meet at the airport, he even told him where to go and what to do. When his first plan failed, he knew he had to come up with a better one. It looks like he did didn't he? Everything fell into place just like he wanted. You and Ryan broke up and he wormed his way back in didn't he?"

I shook my head still trying to figure out this whole mess. "How did you know all of this Eric?"

He shrugged. "Besides the fact that I cleverly deduced it? Ryan told me what was going on."

"And why didn't he tell me?" I asked slight outraged.

"Would you have really believed him?"

I was silent. There was really nothing I could say to that. The answer was no, I wouldn't have believed him.

"So please," He sat down again. "Just think this all through before leaving."

"I have thought it through," I replied. "And I know what I'm going to do about it."

"Good, so you are going to talk to Ryan then?"

I sighed. "No."

"Why the hell not?!"

"Because right now, I really don't have anything to say," I tried to stay as calm as possible. "And this new…information won't change that."

"You are both idiots," He sighed and made his way to the threshold again. "I have never seen to people as in love as the two of you are throw it all away. You are so stubborn and you just don't want to admit the fact that you are head over heals for him. If you walk away now, you are making the biggest mistake of your life."

"Honestly Eric, I think there are worse things I could do."

He gave me one last glance. "Running away again, I guess some people never change."

~*********~

It was late and the lights were dimming. Almost everyone was home for the evening, except me. Sometimes I liked to stroll around the empty hallways and try to search for answers. Nothing was really coming to me as of late. All the things I used to be so sure about were questions. I haven't seen or heard from Lauren in weeks, and it looks as though she intends on keeping it that way. Over our relationship I have learned that she was stubborn and sometimes dense to the things right in front of her, but I though this time would be different.

But I lost.

It was never a game, but he played it like one. He beat me, and now I was left alone and unsure. I hated the fact that somehow she was with him. He was the one comforting her now. There was nothing I could do about it either. All of his lies and deceptions are lost on her. If I told her she would never believe me. She would think I was trying to be cruel. There was nothing I could do.

Because I lost.

Loneliness is like an empty drum. You think that maybe you can resonate with sound and feeling again, but when you try it just bounces off of the walls. Everything flows into that open, empty space, and you are powerless to stop it. This whole time I was alive with her, and I swore I wouldn't lose it again. But there is nothing to do. She made her choice, and I cannot keep chasing after her. If I do then it will just make this worse for her. Lauren always deserves the best and I know somehow she will find it. She is smart and she will see what she needs to.

For so long I was hoping that I would be able to find someone who made me whole. I was missing that other piece. She fit so perfectly. Maybe I was trying to angle it in ways that it couldn't bend? I scoff to myself and try to take my mind off of her, but I find myself walking in circles around her office. The shiny bronze nameplate still has her name gleaming on the door and I run my fingers over it hoping to grab some trace, some fragment of her. I open the door and it groans loudly. The light from the hallways pours in and I can see that she has cleared out all of her things. There is nothing left in this room that has any piece of her, yet, I can still smell her sweet perfume in the air. The desk sits lonely against the back wall and I see that there is something resting lightly on top of it.

I move closer, curious as to what was left behind. Laying neatly on top of the oak desk is Lauren's favorite green shirt. The shirt she used to always love me in. I would wear it just to see her smile when I would walk through the door. He face would be so luminous and that alone was worth it. I inched closer and realized that there was something else, a note. She left a note for me because some how she knew that I would be here. I smiled at how well she knew me.

"How right you were," I whispered out loud and I heard my voice echo around the empty room.

I took the note into my hands and recognized her neat handwriting spelling out my name so perfectly on the front.

I opened it and read:

_**Ryan,**_

_**Delko told me everything, and I realized something, Don't try to comprehend with your heart what your mind tells you. **_

_**Sometimes I think you were always meant to be my destiny.**_

_**I'm sorry.**_

_**Lauren**_

I read the note over and over again trying to figure out what it all meant and then I realized that it was an apology. Not just for everything that happened, but for something else too.

"She's running away," I was still holding the note in my hand and I glanced down at it one more time. Tears clouded my vision as I read and re-read it. She really was running away.

I guess some things never change.

~*********~

When I pulled into my driveway all of the lights were on and my apartment that I had learned to love was ablaze with activity. I noted James' car resting on the pavement outside and sighed. I knew I would have to do this sooner or later, but I didn't know if I was prepared for it right now. After my conversation with Delko, I had a lot of things to think through. There was so much that I needed to come to a decision about. He was right, and I knew that. Now was the time for a fresh start. If I could just take this all as it comes and count my blessings that I was able to figure it out everything should fall into place once again. I stepped out of my car and made my way to the front door slowly.

It was now or never, and this was something I couldn't run away from.

The brass knob was cold in my hand as I turned it slowly and I held my breath as I walked through the threshold. James was no where in sight and that instantly eased me. I threw down my purse and walked happily into the kitchen.

"Hey welcome home," I was greeted quickly by the sound of James' voice.

He stood up from the breakfast bar where he was eating and rushed over to me. I backed away as he tried to lean in for a kiss, and I couldn't help the look that came across my face. He was very quick to notice it too.

"What's wrong?" He moved closer to me again, obviously not getting my hints. "You can tell me."

"I don't think you want to know anyway," I replied sarcastically.

"Right," He eyed me and then quickly changed the subject. "So are you ready to leave tomorrow?"

"Yes."

He smiled. "I'm so glad you are coming back to D.C. It has been horrible without you."

I raised my eyebrows. I guess the only way to do this is to be blunt. "I'm not going to D.C."

He recoiled slightly and tried to regain his confidence. "You're not?"

"Nope."

"Ok," He was flustered. "So what are you doing?"

"I'm going back home."

"Yeah," He smirked. "To Washington D.C."

"No," I crossed my arms and tried to point it out to him. "Back to Michigan. Back home with my mom."

He was silent and I knew that this was a huge shell shock for him. The past week or so I was so sure I was going with him too. "And the job?"

"I will have to politely decline."

"You're messing with me…" He paced around trying to find an explanation for what was happening.

"Actually," I said dangerously low. "I think you are the only one who has been messing with anyone."

His eyes shot to mine. "What is _that_ supposed to mean?"

"It means I know James," I kept my cold eyes on him. "I know _everything_."

He was silent and I could tell he was trying to think of an excuse or some kind of lie to get his way out of this one.

I sneered. "What? Nothing to say? Or are you just shocked that I am finally standing up for myself and saying what I want?"

"You-you…" He trialed off. "How do you even know these so called things?"

"Someone was finally able to clue me in and I was able to put it together," He just stood there staring at me. "You said yourself that I was always too smart for my own good."

"In my defense," I rolled my eyes at his lawyer talk. "It worked."

"Yes, congratulations, you successfully manipulated you way into someone's life. Not to mention you made others around you miserable." I just opened up and let him have it.

"You chose me, and from the very beginning you _knew _you wanted to be with me still. I just helped that process out more."

I snorted. "Spare me your bull shit…and you know what? I realized something earlier today; I never really loved you in the first place. All of the things I thought I wanted and knew were just lies. You never wanted to be that one person for me, and you sure as hell were never there when I needed you. I just thought that it was something good because you and I were alike. We had the same job and same goals, but that doesn't mean that the relationship is going to work out."

He was frozen in place. My words were making him think for the first time, and I knew the bite that they were going to have. It was time for me to speak the truth. We needed get everything out in the open. Today was the day.

I continued. "When you proposed to me, you know what I thought?" He stared at me waiting for the answer. "Nothing. There was nothing going through my mind. No excitement, or doubt. I was just blank. It was as though it meant nothing at all to me, and I couldn't care either way. There was nothing inside of me telling me that it was the right decision. There was no spark or passion. It was just familiar and comfortable."

"Wow," He breathed.

"Yeah," I looked down at my shoes for a moment. "I don't love you in that way. In fact, I'm not even really sure what kind of love this is. Maybe it's just an over-developed friendship. In spite of all of that, I cannot forgive all that you put me through. I love it here, and now I have to leave because you screwed it all up."

"I was just trying to get you to see what you left behind," He tried to explain.

"Well, it almost worked," A ghost of a smile was on my face. "I was ready to walk out that door with you and return to the world I thought I wanted."

"And what changed all of that?"

"Learning what was really going on, and stopping for a moment to see it myself," I told the truth. "I need to go back and figure out what it is I want. This is my life."

He nodded. "I can respect that."

"Good, because I am done with you for good. Don't try to track me down or convince me otherwise," I caught his eyes just to make sure he is listening. "I am through."

He didn't say anything for a long time, and I knew that he didn't want to wait around anymore. There was nothing left for him here. I watched as he opened the door to leave and heard him speak softly as he walked away.

"We never change, do we?" We locked eyes for a moment and after long time he looked away and shook his head.

I stood pondering what he'd said and watched him walk out of my life for the last time.

~*********~

The cerulean water of Lake Michigan was spread out before me, and I felt as though I could stare at it forever. Watching the earth meet the sky gave me a sense of peace. Everything was so calm in the late spring. The waters were still icy, but I braved the nip of the wind just to come here and think. I couldn't believe how great it felt to be home once again. Just the clean air filling my lungs gave me the hope that I would be able to sort out my life again. For now, I was living comfortably with my mother and just enjoying the beauty nature had to offer.

I looked down at the sand and slipped off my shoes carefully. I needed to feel the smallest grains between my toes. I needed to become one with this whole scene. The beaches here were so different from the ones in Miami. There the white sand was exotic and the waters were turquoise. I remember the first time I went and I couldn't believe the sight that was in front of me. It was so strange and new, but I loved it. I looked down at my feet and sighed. Here the sand was just sand, and there was nothing more to it.

The sun was beginning to set and I could see the sky turning a shade of orange. I few boats were out on the water, and I knew that I was still very early in the season to be doing any recreational boating. The dark was going to fall, and I stood up. Wiping all traces of sand away, I made my way up the old wooden steps and through my old patio door. I welcomed the warmth of my mom's house and it was then I realized just how cold it was here.

I plopped down on the couch next to Jan where she was watching something on television.

"How was the sunset?" She asked taking her glasses off.

"It was nice," I answered looking at her through my eye lashes. "There were even some boats out on the water. Is it just me or is it cold?"

She eyed me conspicuously. "I think it's just you."

"Guess I'm still used to Miami weather."

"I suppose," She replied. "Speaking of Miami, you got some mail today."

"Really?" I said standing. I walked over to the counter and saw that sure enough there was a letter there postmarked to me. "There is no sender?"

"Yeah I noticed that too," She stood up and made her way to me. "Maybe they just want to me mysterious?"

"Why would anyone possibly think that is mysterious?" I said annoyed. "It's just stupid."

She laughed. "Just open it. Maybe it will say who it's from."

I slipped my finger underneath the white crease and ripped the small envelope open. Inside was a small letter and that was it. I exchanged a glance with my mother and she shrugged.

I opened the paper and read the lines that were handwritten written carefully:

**_To the one who holds my heart in her hands,_**

**_My mind and heart only tell me one thing, that I love you. I never doubted that for one minute._**

**_I will always be here waiting._**

**_Ryan_**

I must have stood there staring at the note for too long because Jan was pestering me on who sent it. I wiped away a tear that escaped from where I was trying to keep them hidden.

"It's from Ryan," I said clearing my throat.

"Interesting," She said grabbing for the letter and was able to get a hold of it before I could get away. She quickly read it and looked at me with questioning eyes. "Remind me again why you are running away from this guy?"

"I'm not running away," I was frustrated. Why did everyone always have to think that? "I just need to figure out what I am doing right now."

"You never change Lauren," She said simply.

"What does that mean?" I'd heard that phrase so many times now and I was getting sick of it.

"You always run away or hide from what you want. Either that or you rationalize something great and try to find a way out of it. You're doing it now."

"I am not."

"You don't even realize," She said softly. "But if you feel like you need time to sort things out then do it. I would rather see you get your life together first."

"Thanks mom," I smiled and she pulled me into a small hug.

"Plus, I like having you here again."

I laughed and we both made our way to the couch again. It was times like these when I knew I made the right decision. Right now I needed to be home. This was where I belonged. My place was right here with my family.

No matter how much I wanted to be in Miami with Ryan, I had to be here. No matter how much I wanted to hold him and spend every moment with him I just couldn't.

And it was then I realized that everyone was right. Some things never do change. Some things remain the same.

We never change.

~*********~

**I want to tell you all thank you so much for following this story! I have had so much fun writing it and I have loved to hear everything that you have had to say. It has really made this all the better. Please leave me your thoughts so I can see what you thought about it all finished and complete. **

**And don't forget about the sequel that should be coming out soon! **

**From the bottom of my heart, **

**Lulu**


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